Hope you all had a good weekend! Since there as no update over the weekend I thought i'd give you guys a double update today! Surprise :Here Enjoy!
Dimitri
A little over a month had gone by since Rose return from Europe. I found myself going to the gym almost everyday, trying to get rid of all the tension, frustration and anger she built up when she's getting under my skin. What takes me to no end is that her presence can sometimes drive me insane.
I wouldn't admit to anyone, not even Christian and Ivan, that I was jealous. She had been mine for so long, then ripped away, to return to only fuck with me. That's how it felt. I don't think she understands what is was like when she left. She just doesn't, she just keeps feeding me shitty excuses, nothing sounds like the truth. It frustrates me to no end, hence why I'm at the gym.
Then the whole silent treatment she tried after I had my little visit in her room, didn't work. I knew I could get a reaction out of her. Sometimes I knew that I should stop, that I should just fucking grow up, grow some balls and actually try to talk to her without trying to piss her off. But her wit and snappy responses fucked me over every time.
What drove me over the edge the other night was seeing her dance. I knew she had always been a good dancer, but now? Fuck.
My eyes kept being drawn in by her flawless body and seeing her grinding against that fuck head? Nah, I couldn't stand that. It drove me insane just thinking about every sleezy asshole touching her after me, but seeing it? I wanted to drag him outside and make sure he'd never fucking press his dick against another ass in his life time.
And then seeing her fucking grin as he was sucking on her neck? It was like she had it in for me, wanted me to see it and wanted me to get so fucked over to get back at me for everything that's happened over the last month. But I wasn't having it.
I found Camille and waited just into the right moment to get my revenge. As Camille's tongue mixed with mine, my eyes connected with Rose. Then that feeling came back.
That gut wrenching feeling when I knew what a complete asshole I was being. It's no secret, I know I'm being an absolute dick head towards her. But when you're too much of an asshole, done too much shit for her to ever forgive, then what the hell am I suppose to do? She would never ever get back with me if she knew the amount of pussy I went through trying to get over her! She'd probably cut my dick off to be able to get even.
It was like a one way street, I couldn't turn back to change it all up. So I continued and I made shit worse.
Starting light I made sure nobody wanted to sit next or even close to her in class. A few rumours can really work in your favour. Well at least most of the time. By just a few simple words, you could ruin somebody's reputation. Judging by how must this school loves to gossip my plan was in full working order.
I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to feel what it feels like when the ground beneath your feet is suddenly shaking and you have nobody to lean on. Rose was the only one I opened up to when I did. Growing up with sisters who constantly shared their opinions and their love life in intricate detail, I learned how to keep my stuff to myself. She knew this, but when ever I did open up or needed someone to talk to, she had always been my choice.
She would never judge me, she would only love me and always tell me the truth. If I'm being a dick head she would tell me. She was a softie back then though, if I raised my voice when we had an argument I knew there would be tears. She hated it when I shouted, I never meant to but she could drive me mad sometimes will all her mind games. I cursed romantic comedy's weekly back in the day. The woman loved them.
It stings thinking about her, I can be honest and say that. But only to myself.
So when she left, getting ridiculously drunk and getting who ever I could in my sheets was my way to forget. I treated Rose like the fucking Queen she is and what did I get? Fuck all.
So excuse my shitty ways, but it's the way I function these days.
I could see her walking down the hall as people were whispering, walking past her, just brushing a hand down that fine ass of hers and whispering something in her ear to throw her off. I wanted to fuck with her mind. If she was wearing a tight skirt that her glorious behind filled out to perfection I wasn't afraid to tell her. But i did it in a slightly nastier way than I would've if she was mine.
"If I could bend you over right here, Hathaway I would, that skirt" biting my lower lip, "You don't know what it does to me"
or "Maybe you should hold back on the ice cream girl, moment on the lips, forever on the hips"
It was a hit below the belt, yet she looked completely unfazed, she just walked away.
Silent treatment. Why does all girls think that's gonna work?
In class I'd be looking over at her, the rest of us were working in pairs, she was working alone. If she didn't have lunch with Lissa, Tasha and my sister she'd be sitting alone.
Today was one of those days.
She was sitting alone outside in the sunshine. I knew Lissa was in class because Christian was walking her to it. He's so whipped about that girl.
On days like this we always hung out in the back of the courtyard. I was walking with my lunch towards the boys when I noticed Rose sitting alone. She was pushing her food around and she had two chocolate puddings on her tray.
Any type of dessert was Rose's weakness. Ice cream, chocolate and any puddings. At least the Rose I knew. So this was great moment to get into her head. Walking over I could tell she was deep in thought because she barely noticed me coming her way.
As I picked up the two puddings off of her tray she suddenly woke out of her haze snapping, "Hey!"
I raised a brow at her as I put them on my plate. "You really think you should eat these?"
Her jaw dropped as the words left my lips. I knew I was being horrible, but it also meant I knew her still like I knew her back then. She hadn't changed a bit.
"Didn't think so" I said putting an apple down where her puddings once sat and started walking away sending her a wink wearing a smug grin on my face.
Setting my tray down next to Ivan's as he took one of the puddings off my tray. I hit him in the head with my spoon, "Hands off"
He was rubbing the spot, "Fuck man" he groaned, "You on your period or something?"
I just chuckled shaking my head taking my pudding back, opening one of them taking a big spoon. Looking up a few seconds too late an apple was coming my way, perfect throw hitting me just above my brow.
Jumping out of my seat, "What the-"
Suddenly Rose was all up in my face, "You're something fucking else Dimitri Belikov. Commenting on what I'm wearing, fine, spread shit rumours about me? What are we in kindergarten? But commenting on my fucking weight and taking food away from me is taking shit too far" she growled as she was leaning across the table snapping at me.
My brows rouse at her as she was rambling on. My eyes couldn't help but going towards the perfect view she was giving me down her camisole. Licking my lips I said, "You might want to lean back cause call I can think about is how i'd like to motorboat you bad right now"
Pushing my tray at me in anger, I moved last second so nothing fell on me. "You're disgusting" she snapped.
"You're fucking psychotic" I said pudding still in hand. "Plus" I said holding the pudding up, "Judging by the way those jeans are hugging you, you don't need this"
I could see who she was getting worked up as I continued, "But you really want this don't you? You've always had a big love for food" I said coming closer, "Sometimes I question did you love food more than you loved me?" I challenged.
She swallowed visibly as her lips turned into a thin line, fists clenched.
Stopping just in front of her, towering over her little from compared to mine, I held the pudding up, "If you want it that bad" I said with a evil tone "Eat it"
She was chewing her bottom lip, her eyes never broke eye contact.
"Eat it!" I urged as I pushed it against her. "if you want it so fucking back, eat the fucking thing Rose!"
"No" she said, her voice cracking slightly as she pushed it away gently. But I wasn't having it, with a bit too much force I pushed the pudding towards her accidentally hitting her chest and it went all over her.
Gasping she backed up looking down at the mess I had created. For a moment I was fighting with myself if to say sorry or not. But in that moment I also told myself that my plan was to be an ass.
Judging by the way I had turned Rose speechless. Which doesn't happen very often, I wasn't sure what to do next. Then the laughter broke out. It was filling the air from every corner of the courtyard.
When her eyes shifted towards me, I instantly recognised that look. She was about to cry. But before I could utter a word she was gone. Storming off towards the parking lot. Turning my gaze followed her, empty pudding pot still in hand.
What the fuck did I just do?
Have you ever done something but it doesn't feel as bad until one of your friends tells you you're being stupid? That was the conversation Christian decided to have with me while we were at the gym while I was carrying twenty fives in each hand doing my bicep curls.
"Dude, you're taking shit too far"
Frowning at him I put down my weights, "I've been working with these weights for weeks, how am I taking shit too far?"
Christian rolled his eyes, "Things with Rose, I've heard from Lissa the shit you said to her in the courtyard today. I know you're fucked up after what she did, but how does this help?"
Groaning I picked my weight back up and started my curls, "You don't get it Chris"
"What don't I get?" He asked spurring me on. "Talk to me, we're best friends!"
"Christian!" I swore and I dropped my weights, "It's not that I don't know that I'm being an a ass, I know to the extent that I can't sleep at night! What the fuck do you want me to say? That I'm gonna try talking to her? Cause I've tried and that ended with us going at each other throats again. So whatever miracle advice you have, hit me, cause I don't know shit" I growled.
Sighing heavily he shook his head, "Just ease off, I know now she's just as much of a hot head as you are. But maybe laying off her a bit might help and then you try talking to her again?"
Pursing my lips I let his words sink in, "Maybe"
"Or you just fuck her brains out so she realises what a baller you are and the rest'll fix it self"
Christian and I were both looking over at Ivan as he was talking his regular bullshit. He was all dick, it's like that's all that man can think with. He's talking first and never thinking about what he actually just said. I do not understand how he ever gets anyone in bed, yet he continuously surprises me getting laid.
Getting back on subject, I guess I could lay off a bit. I knew I had been hard on her today. She had constantly been struggling with her weight when we were together. And I was constantly telling her that she was beautiful no matter what. It didn't matter to me what size she was. She was so fucking gorgeous, dangerously curvaceous and just cuddly and soft. I loved that about her. I mean she was young but she has an ass like a lady. I still jerked off thinking about her of christ sake!
Sighing I hit the shower. Tomorrow at school I might even tell her sorry for the shit I laid on her in the courtyard today. She wasn't fat at all, it was a button I sadly knew I could push.
Who knows, maybe Christian is right for once. Laying off might help.
Rose
As soon as I got into my car, I felt save enough to let the tears go. I was continuously looking around making sure nobody had followed me before I started my car and pulled out of the school.
I don't care I have three more classes, I don't care about letting anyone know where I was going. I need to get away, as far fucking away from Dimitri Belikov as possible.
Turning the Radio up, I tried not to cry too hard as I was manoeuvring to the nearest shop.
Rihanna was pumping through my speakers as I was chewing my bottom lip as the tears fell freely.
The scene that happened in the courtyard kept playing over and over in my head as I was gripping the wheel tighter. How the fuck dare he?
Letting a sob escape my chest was the end of me. I had to pull over cause I could barely see anything. Hitting the wheel I screamed out. Breathing heavily I leaned back into the car seat. Sniffling I felt slightly relieved, but I knew only one thing could fix this, and that's why I needed to go to the nearest food store.
Drying my eyes quickly I pulled back onto the road, I knew only a few minutes down this road was a big supermarket.
Walking down the isles I knew where I was heading. Opening the door to the freezer I reach a hand inside but stopped myself last second.
Biting my lip I closed my fist. Should I really do this? I have been working myself tirelessly to be able to loose all this weight. I was eating food quite normally, but I had banned desserts completely two years ago. So standing in front of a wall of Ben an Jerry's I felt like a massive failure. Two years of work, I was in better shape than I had ever dreamed of. I still had fat to shed to become one of those Instagram girls. I was far from a six pack and I don't think I ever will be. Thigh gap was out of question as well.
Mentally kicking myself I knew I shouldn't be thinking this. I am better than that!
Shaking my head, I reached out with determination and grabbed Three tubs of B&J's and headed toward the tills. Grabbing a bag of chunky chocolate cookies and family sized bag of Reese's I paid and walked into the car.
Comfort eating is one of the greatest battles I ever faced when I was younger. When I was sad I ate, it made me feel better. It helped.
Shutting the door to my room I threw the stuff onto my bed as I grabbed my computer and connected to my speakers. I had the perfect playlist for this moment and I wasn't going to hold back.
Ed Sheeran's comforting voice poured out of the speakers as I threw my clothes onto the floor going to my wardrobe. I picked up my usual t-shirt. Dimitri's old football shirt.
Holding it in my hands, I felt tears building up. Shaking my head I threw it across the room, it sailed to the floor as I grabbed a big knitted sweater and some sweat shorts before I grabbed the chocolate fudge brownie and a spoon.
Sitting with my legs crossed in bed I put a big spoon on ice cream in my mouth as I felt the sob build up in my throat. The tears were building in my eyes and I was shaking my head as I was pushed another mouthful of ice-cream into my mouth hoping, if I ate I didn't have to cry. I wouldn't shed any more tears over Dimitri Belikov.
But it didn't work. Turning up the volume I sobbed freely in the safety of my room.
How the fuck could he say that? He knew how insecure I am and have always been with my weight. I'm not some fit freak like Dimitri, best metabolism in the world, Belikov. Working hard for two years I have been running and lifting tirelessly. I admit that I have given up a few times.
Over my years in London I had slept with endless amount of men in the pursuit of filling that hole I ripped open that nobody but Dimitri Belikov could fill. Most of the time I didn't even know why I left.
I love my parents. My parents were my best friends.
Although lately I hadn't been that great to them. I took out my anger and frustration on them instead of Dimitri or at the gym.
Shaking my head I was more than half way through my tub of ice cream and my stomach was starting to protest the fuller it got. Drying my wet cheeks I reached for the cookies and broke a piece off popping it into my mouth. Pulling my legs tight against my chest I rested my chin on my knees. Sniffling, Sam Smith was preaching the truth as silent tears were slowly falling from my eyes.
I couldn't understand how we had gotten to this place. How a man that I knew as the greatest there was, could turn to the absolute opposite. A fucking gorgeously disgusting sex god I wanted to erase off of the face of the earth. Burying my face in my arms I didn't hold back.
I cried and cried until I heard my parents come home.
Putting my hair up quickly, I hurried to dry my tears as I grabbed the stuff and walked down into the kitchen to put it all away in the freezer.
Dad laughed along side mom as they walked into the kitchen but instantly stopped as they saw me. "Whoa" Dad said frowning, "What happened to you?"
I shrugged giving them a sad smile, "I don't feel too great, so I came home early"
Mom studied me as she came over opening her arms to me and I entered without fighting it. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Shaking my head no I breathed a chuckle, "It's not worth talking about"
"Do I need to beat someone up?" Dad said his eyes reading murder.
Mom rolled her eyes as I tried to give him a genuine laugh, "No, I can fight my own battles. Plus it's just a part of life right?"
Mom was giving me a sceptical look, "What exactly are we talking about?"
"Heartbreak" I said with a fake smile on my lips, "But worse shit happens around the world so I'm just going to live through it"
"Honey, thinking there are worse problems than your own is not good for you metal health" Mom said as she was giving me a stern look. "Just talk to us"
"Nope" I said forcing a smile on my face, "I'm gonna go to bed" I said turning towards my room stopping in the door way, "And I am calling in sick tomorrow, because I don't feel like dealing with the world"
"Honey-" Mom started but dad held up his hand, "You had Ben and Jerry's didn't you?"
Nodding without shame I said, "Yes, and there are two more tubs in the freezer that I will take care of tomorrow"
Dad sighed and nodded, "You do what you got to do honey, but you know that I can get anyone to disappear by just a few phone calls"
Mom slapped his shoulder hard before she met my gaze, "Sweet dreams honey and hope you feel better ok?"
Turning I sighed as I walked towards my room "I'l try"
Dimitri
Pulling into the school parking lot the next day, I pulled my helmet off and scanned for her car. Her Audi was hard to miss among all these mediocre second hand junk. But she was nowhere to be seen.
Running a hand through my hair I locked up my bike and went inside finding Ivan, Christian and Lissa by our lockers.
Lissa instantly shot me a look as I came close. I sighed rolling my eyes when she wasn't looking. I assumed the knew about yesterday.
"Morning" I said simple as I but my jacket in my locker.
"You alright?" Christian asked sending me a nod. I ran another hand through my hair turning to Lissa, "Where's you're other half?" I couldn't help but to be curious where she was. She usually was here when I arrived and it was odd for her to be late for anything. She was a freak like that.
Huffing slightly all she said was, "None of your concern"
Frowning I gave Ivan a look and he shrugged clueless. "And why is that?" I asked feeling curious.
Lissa turned towards me, she had a good height, but she wasn't as tall as me, but she could hold her own for being having such a dainty form. "Because I don't give information out to asshole who doesn't have any manners" she said with a fake smile on her lips.
Christian grabbed her elbow pulling her back slightly saying "Babe" with a warning tone in his voice. I held up a hand to him.
"Fair point Liss, is she coming in soon though?" I asked simply staying perfectly calm. Tasha then appeared next to Lissa shooting me a glare before she whispered something in Lissa's ear. Their eyes met for a moment and she turned to Christian telling him she had to go to class. They kissed before she pulled her phone out. I knew who she would be texting.
Stepping in Lissa's way I stopped her, "Liss, you didn't answer my question" I said with a firm tone but even I could tell there was concern lacing it.
Tasha got between us and snapped, "Why don't you go fuck yourself and find out on your own? Come on Liss"
My brows rose as the two disappeared down the hall. Turning to Ivan and Christian I gave them both a look, "Do you know what that was about?"
"Not a clue" Christian said looking confused.
"Girls" was all Ivan said as he shrugged. "Let's get to class"
Following him I couldn't help but think it was strange. I knew Tasha was pissed with me after I fucked her a couple of years back and then was a complete ass to her afterwards. But Lissa didn't really have a reason to be shitty with me. Which intrigued me even more.
The day passed and there was no sign of her. Not at lunch, not at English we usually had together. She was a ghost.
I what's apped Vika,
"Where's Rose today?"
Knowing my sister, she was glued to her phone, I got a reply within a few minutes.
"Why do you care?"
Sighing I typed,
"Just answer the question Vika"
"She's not coming in today"
She said simply. I frowned and typed
"Why? She sick?"
"Why don't you ask her yourself Dimitri?"
Growling I didn't bother replying. I skipped the last class and went around my Ma's house. I knew the only reason I was there was to try to get a peak at Rose through my window. But I didn't want to seem obvious so I hung out in the kitchen for a while. Had a tea with Ma and Karolina as Paul was running around.
I excused myself saying I needed to get a few stuff from the loft as I snuck off into my room. It was late afternoon and the sun was starting to set. Going into my old room I sighed. I could hear music again, just like the last time I was in there creeping on her. But it was different this time. It wasn't James Bay's soft voice singing love songs. It was Sam Smith belting out troubles and sorrows.
Frowning I walked over to the window and leaned close as my eyes instantly went to her window. My stomach instantly turned.
She was sitting in the middle of her bed, her hair sloppily on top of her head, almost drowning in a big knitted jumper with no make up on. She was digging deep into a big tub of what looked liked Ben and Jerry's from here. A spoon full filled her mouth as she put the spoon down before she was shaking her head.
Suddenly she was throwing the tub across the room. It landed on the other side next to something very familiar. It was my football jersey laying in a heap on the floor.
I frowned.
My eyes were automatically drawn back to her as she was getting out of her bed. Drying the cheeks with her sleeves she stopped in front of a floor length mirror opposite her bed.
At first I didn't get what she was doing. She was just standing there, staring at her reflection. She lifted her jumper showing her bare stomach. I frowned as she started twisting and turning on front of the mirror. Was she-?
Before I could finish my thoughts her face turned with disgust. She was touching her thighs, pulling her jumped down as far as she possibly could. Shaking her head she reached for a bag of something before stuffing her mouthful.
Walking back towards her bed I could see the tears falling from over here. She was judging herself in front of the mirror. Judging by the look of disgust on her face and the way she was forcefully filling her mouth with whatever it was as she cried.
Stepping back I looked away. Why is she doing that? Why would she stand in front of the mirror and fucking do that to herself?
I knew she use to have a thing that when she was sad she ate every now and then. She thought I didn't know but I was her best friend for so long before I was her boyfriend. Did she really think she could hide shit from me?
But What I just saw made me angry. It made my fists clench and anger run through my veins. She's fucking beautiful, she always has been! What is wrong in that girl's head?
I wanted to go over there and ask what the fuck is she doing? But then it all sunk in. There was a second tub of Ben and Jerry's on the floor. Was she comfort eating?
Was this because of what I said yesterday?
I instantly felt a bit sick as that thought hit me. I felt like punching something. Could she really be that insecure?
Running my hands through my hair I sighed. If I still was her boyfriend I would do something, if we were fighting. But the truth was, I'm not her boyfriend and I haven't been for six years.
Turning I grabbed my helmet and walked to my bike. I needed to get out of there. I was going to do what my initial plan was. I'm gonna lay off her and leave her be. That's all I can do right now.
This is a fairly heavy chapter but it'll get better! What did you think of Dimitri's reaction? Can anyone recognise what Rose was feeling?
Lot's of love xx