A/N: A short one but one that I think is entirely necessary.

A longing for Emmerdale: Jasmine

DJ

September was here. And that meant the end of the summer. That also meant that dad and Uncle Ashley and everyone else expected me to be bouncing up and down with excitement about finally being able to go back to boarding school.

Sorry to disappoint you all.

Laurel kindly offered to help me pack even though I really didn't need it.

I really hated packing. I was very good at it what with all the moving I'd done with mum and dad prior to coming here. But just because it was practically second-nature to me didn't make it any more enjoyable or therapeutic. Packing meant leaving. Moving on and leaving behind everything I'd known to discover something new. Most people found that exciting. I hated it. It always either meant leaving the relative stability of boarding school for whatever insane adventure dad had planned or just the opposite, leaving a new place forever to return to the hell of boarding school.

But coming here had been different. Spending an entire summer here in Emmerdale had changed me. I'd experienced a taste of freedom. I'd actually made friends. Real friends for the first time in my life. And I had a family, so to speak.

I didn't want to leave it all behind forever. Not this time.

"I'd be dead excited if was you." Laurel told me. She was curled up on the bed I'd started to consider my own, flipping through a magazine Debbie had lent me. I was standing in my wardrobe, folding a shirt. My cd player filled the room with music Debbie had given me. "Always wanted to go to boarding school." Laurel continued. "I was a big fan of the Four Marys, you know, from the Bunti comic?" I didn't respond. I was still folding the same shirt in my hands. I couldn't seem to let go of it.

"Probably before your time…" Laurel said. "Anyway, it always looked brilliant."

I whirled around. "I don't want to go!"

The statement burst from me before I could hold it back. But in that moment it had all just become too much. Here I was in my room with a woman I'd started to consider a guardian, listening to music a friend had given me for no reason other than that we both liked it. It was too normal, too perfect. Too good to give up.

"What?" Laurel sounded surprised.

The tears started then, choking me and making my eyes hurt. Why couldn't I have kept quiet? It would clearly never work. This was a stupid plan. Ashley would never go for it and dad would never allow it.

But, I realized, if there was anyone who would listen to me about this and have the power to change it, it would be Laurel.

I fiddled with the shirt in my hands. "I was gonna keep quiet but…" I looked up at her, trying to swallow my tears. "Sometimes you just can't can you?" I'd never cried in front of Laurel. I usually made a great effort not to. I hadn't wanted her sympathy and compassion, not until now.

Laurel closed the magazine. "No, I know that feeling well enough…come here." She patted the bed in front of her. "Come and sit down."

I obliged, still holding that stupid shirt in my hand.

"How long have you been feeling like this?" Laurel asked gently as I sat down, unable to look at her.

I sniffed loudly. Why did she have to be so nice? We'd grown quite close, Laurel and me over the past few weeks. I liked her, she was kind and gentle and had this air about her like someone who really did care about helping people simply because it was the right thing to do. Not for recognition or posterity like my dad did.

"Umm…just since all the other kids started going back to Hotten Comp." I told her, my voice thick. I still couldn't look at her, I didn't want to see the look in her eyes, I knew it would make me break down completely. I searched the shirt in my hands, hoping to find a loose thread or something I could talk to to avoid her gaze. None presented itself.

Instead, to save face, I looked out the window. "I mean, it's not just the school its…I don't know maybe I shouldn't say…" Once I did, there would be no way I'd be able to stand going back. Once I voiced the thoughts in my head, they'd become too real to deny.

"Oh go on." Laurel urged me gently.

I looked down at the shirt again, struggling for a moment to find the right words. "Ummm…well… this is the first place I've ever really…settled."

I risked a glance at her. Her eyes widened in understanding and concern.

"I mean normally it was off to school then off on travels with mum and dad then back to school and…" I paused to stop myself from rambling. "I like it here." I finally admitted.

She smiled. "Really?" It wasn't indignant or testing. I was a statement of genuine pleasure that I felt that way.

I nodded, pursing my lips to keep a sob from escaping. "I've got friends." I continued once my voice cleared a bit. "You know, I like Daz and Debbie whatever anyone says about them. And I've got a room. And privacy, you don't get any privacy at a boarding school." I stopped to take a few breaths before I finally said the last part. "And I've got you two lookin' after me." Like proper parents. Like a proper family. Something I had never realized I'd never had.

A tiny smile crossed Laurel's face as I said that.

I looked down again, picking at an imaginary loose thread. "So…" I sniffed loudly again. "I was wonderin'…" I looked up. "Maybe I could stay."

The change in her face was subtle but I noticed it. She was going to say no. I panicked.

"I mean, I know we've had our moments" I said quickly. "but…I mean, I'm not that much trouble…" I paused as the terrible thought crossed my mind. "Am I?" I asked. Sure I'd been nasty to her at first but we hadn't really known each other and I'd been desperate to be alone. I had thought she was only pretending to be the utterly kind and caring person she was. I knew better now. I liked her.

Laurel didn't answer my question, she just pulled me into a tight hug. And for the first time, I held her back and I cried into her shoulder.