Head's up. Merle is Merle in this chapter. So...be forewarned. Also my spellcheck had a crap attack over Annie's essay, so enjoy the cause of its meltdown!
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Essay on My Home by Annie Louise Miller (Age 8)
This is my essay on my home. Im riting it because Antie Carol said I had to, but I dont like riting becuz its hard. I wanted to rite about my dog Boo, becuz she is a gud dog, but mama said that I have to lissen to Antie Carol and do my homewerk.
My home is big, it goes all the way from one wall to the other and theirs about a brillion grasses.
Theirs a church, its big. I dont like Jeezus looking down at me becuz hes got bloods on him and one time Olivea said that she saw him wink at us. I shud get daddy to throw Jeezus over the wall so that the monsters can eat him. I dont trust winking Jeezus. But dont tell mama that, she mite get mad.
Antie Carol gives hugs, mama gives me long talks about stuff. Daddy said its' becuz mama came from the brier pach. But dont tell her he said that, shell give him a long talk too.
Then my home has a lot of people who are nice. I like Glen the best, he sits and tells me stuff, but Olivea said that Glen is her boyfrend.
Olivia is stoopid.
And then theirs Rik, hes quiet now and he used to be fun. He has a litle gurl named Judith and Carl.
I live in the door ums with my mama and daddy, their not really my mama and daddy, but they are now. I cant member much about my old mama and daddy, Hershell said its gud becuz it mite hert me more to member them.
My mama is butifull. She has blue eyes and black hair with grey in it. I wish I looked like her insted of me becuz Im an ugly trol Olivea said so.
My daddy is big. He has big feet and ruff hands.
Unkel Darel is my faverut two. Hes grumpy but he always lets me hug him. I like hugs. He went out today with Unkel Meril and Glen to get things. Kash fell out of the truk. It was funny. Olivea and me laffed for owers.
Today is a specul day becuz Majer Ohaira is here and I like to look at the men with him becuz they were green and I think of daddy when I see them. When I grow up I want to be a man who weres green. Majer Ohaira said that I could be whatever I want to be when I grow up and so I told him I want to be a man in green. Majer Ohaira has pridy eyes and he smells like nite rain but Im not supposed to touch him. Mabe Ill make him my boyfrend and Olivea can be stoopid with Glen.
Oh, also today is a specul day becuz daddy and mama are gunna get marrid. So that daddy can call mama his wif and mama can call him her huzbin.
When I grow up tho Im gunna marry Rik becuz he needs hugs. Daddy said I cud hug anyone I want becuz I have my own jujmint and its' gud. I think hugs are nice.
Oh unkel Meril is my faverut two. He has a big hand and then a nife on the other arm. Sometimes he says bad werds but I cant rite them here. But one of them is fuk. He says that a lot.
Nadeer is my frend. But hes also stoopid. Daddy says cool yawns are danjerus. Cool yawn means stoopid in my daddys speak. And that's Nadeer and Olivea.
Theirs Kash and Lala and Mary Clar and Mary Agniz and Tyris and Sasha and Andrea and Mishon and I love them all.
My home also has an infermery and its were Saint James lives with Miltun and Missus Duglass. Sometimes Hershell lives there two. One time I saw a monster gunna eat the infermery but then Saint James and Miltun punshed it becuz their strawn. Mama said it never happined but it did and I saw it!
Unkel Meril could punsh things but then hed stab them insted becuz he has a nife arm. Its pridy cool.
My home also has a swing.
The End
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**Glenn**
They were walking in the goddawful damp heat for an hour, going door-to-door in the town searching for booze and other tidbits for a party.
Daryl took to the bar on his own to load the karaoke equipment, while Merle and Glenn wandered around for various things, Merle claiming that they had to find something for the Lieutenant.
At first Glenn thought Merle was threatening or fucking with him, but after a few places, it seemed the oldest Dixon was intent on actually finding something suitable.
"Ain't everyday a coonass actually marries the woman he pops," Merle growled when Glenn asked him about the hunt. "Gotta celebrate the breaking of backwater bayou tradition. Besides, I'll say one thing for the Cajuns, they have parties that live on in infamy. You can bet your tits we'll all get laid."
"By women, right?" Glenn teased.
Merle paused and turned to Glenn. "Jesus, let's hope."
Beaming at the companionable comfort zone he seemed to have reached with the man, Glenn pushed open a door carefully and stepped into the cooler climate of a home.
The home was styled nicely, probably a household belonging to someone of importance in the small town, like mayor or maybe the local doctor or something. Glenn kept his eyes open for something nice to decorate the wolves den with. The other men might like their underpants airing on every available surface, but Glenn yearned for something a little nicer.
But not too nice, he didn't need Merle tormenting him about wanting a…whatever. Like a houseplant that somehow survived or something.
Not that he was expecting a houseplant to have survived, the ones he saw so far were pretty desiccated.
But maybe a nice fake one or something.
Merle was picking up a pair of decent looking boots from by the doorway and eyeballing them up for size for his feet. Glenn saw the perfect thing for Grace's wedding gift just beyond the burly man and made a mad dash for it.
Plucking the pretty Madonna off the sidetable in the front hall, he smiled a little and held it up to Merle who was scowling at him.
"Wedding gift for Grace," Glenn explained. "You think?"
Merle shrugged. "Doesn't matter what we get her, the woman will say she loves it."
Glenn smiled at the Virgin Mary statue and nodded. "But she'll like this one, though."
"Whatever," Merle moved off into the next room, stuffing his new boots into the pack at his side.
Following Merle, cradling his find, Glenn found the kitchen to be in disarray, obviously someone had already been here and it most likely could have been someone from their group.
But it wasn't the cupboards Merle was interested in, but the still locked cabinet above the peninsula.
"Liquor cabinet?" Glenn asked.
"Or something that needs locking up," Merle said. "Obviously didn't interest whoever ransacked this place."
"Probably liquor."
"Nah," Merle said. "They would have grabbed it for Herschel in the infirmary."
"Maybe this place was overlooked?"
"Unless an idiot like Cash was put in charge of it, then I doubt that." Merle busted the lock off with a nearby rolling pin. "Could be though."
Inside the cabinet was a few half empty bottles of wine and whiskey, enough for someone to get tanked, but not enough for a party.
Merle stuffed them into his pack as well, before they tread carefully into the next room.
"Can I ask you something?" Glenn asked as they searched the dining room.
Merle grunted.
Taking that as a go ahead, Glenn licked his bottom lip and said, "you think you'd ever get married? I mean, times being what they are and all."
"Shit no," Merle said. "Not the type."
"Not even if you…you know? Fell in love?"
Merle scowled darkly at him. "You were getting on my good side, but now, I dunno, you're a pussy again."
Glenn frowned. "It's not an insult, have you seen the size of babies, fucking hell, Merle!"
Merle laughed at the younger man. "Alright, pull your tampon out, it's up too far in there."
Still seething a bit, Glenn hugged his found treasure a little closer to his chest and shrugged. "It's just…you know. Look how excited we all are about this wedding. Like, something good is happening for once."
"So? The sun rises every goddamned morning, Short Round, it's a fucking miracle," Merle snapped.
"Never mind," Glenn snarled.
Merle laughed again and slung his blade arm around Glenn's shoulders. "Listen, it is good that the Cajun is making an honest woman of Grace and it's even nicer that I can get tanked off my ass and maybe punch a fucker in the mouth tonight, but we could do that any night if we wanted."
"Yeah, but we don't."
"Because we have shit to do."
"So, then it is nice to have a wedding, right?"
"Sure. But not for the ceremony, for the party. I could care less if God gets his rocks off by witnessing some words and shit. You know Grace and coonass would be together regardless, only it's what Grace wants."
They fell back into rummaging through the house.
"You really aren't going to punch someone tonight, are you?" Glenn asked.
"I'm a complex man, Short Round," Merle drawled with a grin. "Some nights the dragon takes me, some nights I take the dragon."
"Yeah," Glenn agreed, before the words registered. "Wait, what?" He demanded as they pushed into the master bedroom.
"I bet there's kinky shit here," Merle stated, kicking aside a heap of dried skin and bones. "Oh, I'm getting Grace something to satisfy her needs better than the coonass ever will."
Glenn looked down at the Madonna he clutched. "You're getting her a used sex toy?"
"Or porn," Merle said. "Women like that shit, right?"
"Merle, she used to be a nun."
"Wait, didn't I scrounge a bunch of dildos with that coonass from somewhere?" Merle murmured to himself, ignoring Glenn and sort of phasing out, his eyes focused on the middle distance. "Where'd we put them? Shit…"
"I'm pretty sure the Lieutenant doesn't like it when you call him coo…that word," Glenn said.
"Jesus, I can't even remember where we stashed them," Merle shook his head. "Maybe I'll just add my name to whatever pansy assed shit Carol finds for her and Daryl to give the old girl. Now, something for the coonass." Merle got to his knees and dug under the bed.
Glenn dropped the Madonna as Merle gave a shout and fought with something under the bed. Dropping to his knees to help the man in a wild panic, Glenn pulled his gun and aimed it under the bed.
Merle sat up with a grin, holding both arms up. "Shit yourself?"
"I fucking hate you," Glenn huffed.
"You broke your gift," Merle pointed out, helping himself to one of the bottles of whiskey.
"You dick." Glenn snarled.
Merle offered Glenn the bottle with a smirk. "Come on, Short Round, let's dig into the firewater early and say 'fuck it' to worrying about gifts."
"That's incredibly racist," Glenn muttered taking a swig of whiskey and trying hard not to react to how bad it burned going down.
"Do you even know me?" Merle demanded taking the bottle back.
They sat there for a while polishing off the bottle, before Merle picked up the head of the Virgin Mary and set it on a nearby bedside table to look down at them as they got a little pre-buzzed for the party.
Glenn tried to hide the grin at the action, but failed.
"Fuck it," Merle stated. "It was ugly as shit anyways. One less religious creep to stare at me when I'm trying to squeeze some nun ass."
Smiling at the Dixon, Glenn kicked Mary's body away to make space for his legs as he stretched them out before him.
"So you and Sister Joan?" Glenn asked.
"None of your fucking business," Merle snapped. "No."
"Mary Claire?"
"Agnes."
This shocked Glenn, Mary Agnes didn't seem the type Merle would go for. He always thought Merle would be the shallow type and go for younger and prettier. Hell, if Sister Elizabeth had lived, he would have gone to her first.
"Think Daryl would ever—"
"No."
"But Carol—"
"Nah, them two don't need the fucking validation of a marriage."
"But maybe—"
"Nope." Merle pushed Mary's head enough to get it wobbling back and forth precariously. "You? Ever going to let some woman tie you down?"
Glenn shrugged. "Probably not."
"Come on," Merle said. "You hooked up with that girl of yours for what? Like a month or two?"
"All winter."
"Still. You weren't clipped like a gelding, were you?"
"I…don't…know." Glenn replied, not sure what that even meant.
"So, you find yourself another and move on."
He shrugged. "I loved her though."
"I love whiskey, but I'm not going to pass up the chance to take a swig of beer," Merle rasped, taking a swallow of the amber liquid. "Trust me, Short Round, you'll find yourself another one. Women are a dime a dozen these days and guess what? You're one of the last men left alive, so…you have that goin' for you, which is nice."
"Is that how you landed one?" Glenn asked with a cheeky grin.
"The woman ain't blind," Merle stated. "She took a look and had her pick."
"Oh, so you're the prize hog."
"Listen here you little shit," Merle began.
For a moment Glenn thought the man was going to take a swing.
Instead, Merle took another swig of whiskey and tucked the bottle away. "Better save this for later," he explained, pushing to his feet.
"I'm the one you're going to punch in the mouth later, aren't I?" Glenn asked meekly.
"Naw, I'm saving that for Cash."
"If he's still alive after you road rolled him."
"If he isn't, then I'm going to punch his corpse, walking around or not."
Glenn beamed.
"This is going to be a party to end all parties," Merle reassured him as they headed out of the room.
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DarylDixon'sLover - Um...indeed?
Claire Randall Fraser - For you? A chapter on giving the D to C? Got it! Whatever you wish, my friend!
vickih - Who doesn't love their Caryl moments? And you know the Lt is gonna be happy as a clam over Mrs. Douglas stripping.
auntheddy - Cash is like a cockroach, you can't really kill him...
Brazen Hussy - Everything? Nothing? Sit here and eat cheetos in my underpants? Ponder the existence of rubber bands and if they feel pain when snapped against someone?
Yazzy x - I could only imagine Daryl's initial panic over the Lt holding a penis shaped purple monstrosity up at him.
Ciao Bella - I accept your mental image of the Lt and Clyde fighting for scratchies and see you a mental image of the Lt curled up at the bottom of Daryl and Carol's bed, his leg twitching as he dreamed of chasing rabbits.
Surplus Imagination - Oh, I know exactly what you were getting at. You weren't exactly subtle. ^_^