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Recovery Journal
Friday, July 25, 2014
Feeling? They want to know how I'm feeling. I'm struggling. I hate this fucking journal, but…struggling.
Sometimes I can't think of the right word for something. I know it's there, but it's gone or…blurred in my head.
I just want to be left alone.
Maybe I should leave?
You reading this Herschel? I'll just fucking pack up and go.
I know you assholes are reading this, analyzing it, going over every bit and…
I helped Milton set up tonight for the Lieutenant's stag party. We're holding a party. End of the world and we have nothing better to do than party.
I'm not going.
I'll put Judith down for the night and get some sleep.
I'm a useless bag of shit, but I'm still here.
Where the fuck is Shane? He got cocky, then he got sloppy and where the fuck is he now?
Ghosts. That's all they are now. Lori, Shane, Dale. Ghosts. Remnants. Echoes of what once was.
Judith is getting big, walking, or trying to. You think she looks like Shane, Hersch? Doesn't matter. I'm the one here.
Guess that would make me the remnant.
Fuck this. I hate this fucking thing.
Herschel, with all due respect, you can shove this journal up St. James' asshole. I know it was his new age, touchy feely brain that came up with it.
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**Carol**
"Are you sure he doesn't want to come down?" She asked, stepping back as the Lieutenant climbed up into the magnolia tree where both Kowalski's had made camp.
"Naw, I'm not having a party without you boys," the Lieutenant said, disappearing into the leaves.
Ryan, who was sitting on one of the stronger branches, quietly chewed on his handful of raisins. "Sonny don't wanna, I remain firm with my baby brother in solidarity."
The tree shook and trembled with three grown men in the branches and Carol stepped back, shielding her eyes from the dying sun. "You should give in," she suggested as Ryan hopped down to avoid being shook from his perch. "He already sent Carl and Tyreese to Delgado's to bring them here. Apparently this is going to be a bigger do than Grace wanted."
"Trust a Cajun to throw a party and invite the whole fucking Parrish," Ryan said with a grin. "Sorry, mind my mouth."
Carol smiled and jumped back a little as Kowalski the younger dropped from the tree, followed by the Lieutenant who was beaming widely.
Gripping Kowalski by the scruff, the Marine frog marched the angry man in the direction of church.
"And I appreciate you knowing that we call them Parrish's down the bayou," the Lieutenant tossed over his shoulder.
Downing the rest of his raisins, Ryan chuckled and nodded in the direction of the church. "Guess we're hanging in solidarity in there. You coming?"
Carol touched a hand to her stomach and shrugged. "I…I don't know."
"Is Grace having something?"
"Like what?" Grace broke in from where she stood right behind them. Seemed she was good at that. "Should I hunt down someone to remove their clothes for our entertainment? Unless you have someone in mind, Mr. Kowalski?"
The handsome Marine blinked his sky blue eyes at her, before smiling almost shyly. "I…I wouldn't know, ma'am." He shifted on his feet. "Unless…you're not…am I…what's going on here?" He asked Carol.
She smiled at the young man's nervous turn and batted her eyelashes. "My," she teased, "you've suddenly become skittish."
The twinkle in Grace's eye let her know the woman was in on the joke as the former nun took a step towards Ryan. "It's only…I would love to throw something for the women of the convent, but I'd need a man who would be willing to help out."
Ryan kept glancing at Carol, expecting the punchline.
Carol remained stone faced and interested.
"No offence, ma'am," Ryan said. "But I think you're barking up the wrong man."
"This is my first and – God willing – only wedding," Grace went on, becoming flustered. "Oh, dear, am I not doing this correctly?"
Biting her bottom lip to contain her laughter, Carol decided to move in for the kill. "It's okay, Grace, maybe next time."
"Sure," Grace said. "Plenty of weddings in one's lifetime."
"Hold on now," Ryan said. "You're fucking with me, pardon, you're screwing with me."
"Why no, Mr. Kowalski," Grace said tilting her head. "I wish I were, but the truth is, how does one go about finding a man who would be willing to entertain a woman on the night before her very first wedding?"
"He'd have to be a kind, good hearted man," Carol added.
Ryan backed up from the women. "You two are beautiful and deadly. Like she-wolves, you'd nurse me back to health, but you'd also gut me and eat my goddamned spleen like a steak. I like that and I respect that. I'll see what I can do for you two."
Carol and Grace exchanged shocked looks behind Ryan's back as he headed after his brother and the Lieutenant.
"I think we stumbled onto an opportunity," Carol said.
Grace smiled shyly. "I wasn't expecting that to end the way it did."
"Well, now…?"
"I guess, now we throw a small gathering for the ladies."
"Complete with stripper?" Carol demanded.
Grace opened her mouth, and then closed it. "Complete with…entertainment. Whatever that may be."
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"Do we have the supplies to spare for a party?" Andrea demanded.
Beside the woman, Sasha shrugged. "I don't care, I want to drink and do girl things for once. I'm sick of rough nails and man sweat."
"I'm going to enjoy being a girl again," Michonne murmured joining them from the outside, Mary Agnes, Mary Claire and Sister Joan with her.
"Are you really going to have one of those men who takes their clothes off, Mother Superior?" Mary Claire asked.
Grace flushed prettily. "I, uh…"
"It was my idea," Carol said. "For the secular women, but only if Ryan can fish us up someone."
"He won't be doing it himself?" Adele asked, joining them from the dining room with Layla and Mrs. Douglas.
"Shame," Sasha sighed. "That man is beautiful."
"Um-hm," Mary Agnes agreed. "I like the way they build them in the Marine Corps."
"Hallelujah," Sister Joan agreed. "Something in the water in Wyoming, I'll tell you."
"Sister!" Mary Claire exclaimed sweetly.
"Mary Claire," Joan began, "you're naïve and sweet, which is why I think you shouldn't come to this party."
"Mother Superior!" Mary Claire pleaded.
Grace smiled gently. "Everyone is welcome, Sister Joan. Though…perhaps it may be a bit…racy for some of you."
"What if Mr. Kowalski gets someone like Cash to strip?" Sasha asked, bumping Layla playfully.
"Ew!" Adele said, apologizing hastily to Layla. "Sorry. It's just…he's such a three day couyon."
"Can you even watch strippers, honey?" Mary Agnes asked the woman.
Layla tilted her head in confusion. "What is?"
"They take their clothes off," Michonne explained.
The woman's brown eyes grew wide, before she smiled sheepishly and hid her grin with the end of her hijab. "I think," she began carefully, "is okay."
Everyone laughed with the woman.
"What if he gets Merle?" Andrea pointed out with a grin.
"That man won't," Mary Agnes stated firmly, "if he wants to keep himself in one piece."
"Merle's too smart to fall for that," Carol said. "Ryan will probably trick his poor brother or one of the soldiers into it."
The Lieutenant burst into the packed kitchen, immediately going to the cupboards and looking through them.
"What on earth are you doing tearing up my kitchen like that?" Grace demanded.
"How many snacks feed a literal army of men?" The Cajun asked, he paused, noticing all the women present and turned to them with a grin. "Evening, ladies, what's on the menu for conversation tonight?"
"Strippers," Michonne pointed out.
"For my party?" He asked.
"For mine," Grace said.
The man grinned slyly. "Gracie girl…"
The former nun huffed and waved her hand at him. "The women deserve to have just as much fun as you."
Folding his arms, the Lieutenant rocked back on one foot and barked, "cabri! Get in here! We have us a situation!"
Carol beamed as Daryl stepped in from the night shyly, taking note of the crowd of women he was walking into.
"Seems the wimmenfolk," he drawled, mocking the Georgian accent, "are planning to have themselves a barn burner of their own, replete with nude male pulchritude."
Daryl scowled. "So?"
"So, volunteer to strip for them," the Cajun clapped him on the back hard. "Do the right thing, son."
Carol's man turned red as baboon's ass, before pulling away from the Lieutenant's hand. "Fuck no!"
"Come on, take it off for the ladies," the man called after Daryl as the younger Dixon beat earth out of the kitchen.
Holding up his hands, the Cajun beamed. "I tried, magpie."
Grace moved towards him, hands going to his back. "I know, honey. Get out of my kitchen, I'll dig up some snacks for your army and mine."
Digging his heels in, the Lieutenant turned and beamed. "You want me to strip, darling? I don't mind."
"Yes," Mary Claire breathed, blushing shyly when everyone turned to look at her.
Carol smiled gently and rubbed the woman's upper arm.
"Uh," the Lieutenant began, eyeing Grace wickedly, "mmm, mmm, mmm, ow, she's a brick-house…"
"Get out of my kitchen, you wolf and put our girls to bed." Grace shoved in vain as the Marine planted firmly and wriggled his hips.
"Mighty might just lettin' it all hang out. She's a brick-house. The lady's stacked and that's a fact, ain't holding nothing back." He reached for his jacket, undoing the buttons with one hand.
"That's not even an appropriate song for a man, honey," Grace protested. "Stop defiling my—"
"She's a brick-house. She's the one, the only one, who's built like a amazon," he thrust the jacket off and tossed it at Mrs. Douglas nearby, giving the old woman a wink as he did so.
"This used to be a sacred place," Grace stated, face flushed in embarrassment. "Please, just put the girls to bed?"
"We're together everybody knows, and here's how the story goes," the Lieutenant tugged off his shirt and got it halfway off before Daryl returned and yanked the man out the door.
Grace huffed and touched a hand to the base of her throat.
Sweeping in again, the Lieutenant scooped his nun up against him, kissed her breathless, pulled his shirt off, tossed it at Carol with a roguish sparkle in his eye, then left.
Spying a fray in the hem, Carol folded the shirt and planned to mend it in the morning, while Grace struggled to regain her composure in front of the other women.
"Are you really stripping for them, Mrs. Douglas?" Andrea asked suddenly.
The old woman laughed. "I guess I am."
"Mrs. Douglas!" Mary Claire exclaimed.
"Oh, hush! At my age I'm trying to cross things off my bucket list."
"Stripping is on your bucket list?" Mary Agnes asked.
The old woman shrugged. "It's just taking your clothes off. Freeing your inhibitions is healthy, you know?"
"What do you think, Carol," Adele teased. "Want to free your inhibitions?"
Carol laughed. "I think I'll leave my inhibitions in my bra where they belong."
"Who are you kidding, girl," Sasha asked. "I've seen you go free some days."
Blushing furiously, Carol ducked her head.
"I know Daryl's seen it too," Michonne added slyly.
"This from the Queen of No-Undies," Andrea pointed out.
Michonne smiled softly. "Saves laundry."
"This is all good information," Cash said from the dining room doorway.
All the women fell silent, Carol's eyes going to Adele to see her pale at the possibility that her bad omen was about to come true.
"Sorry," he said. "Layla, your boy is after you."
"It's bedtime," Layla explained, excusing herself.
Cash lingered in the doorway, eyeing Michonne with a small, cat-like grin.
"Keep eyeing me like that, little man, and I'll poke one of those wandering eyes out," Michonne said.
"That shouldn't turn me on as much as it just did," Cash stated, ducking as Andrea took a swat at him. Laughing, he left, following in Layla's shadow.
"God must like me," Adele murmured.
Carol laughed. But still, she wondered who Ryan would find for their entertainment. Surely someone would take the challenge up.
"I don't know how Daryl controls himself," Michonne went on. "Carol has fuckable hips."
"Michonne!" Andrea gasped.
"I'm just pointing out a few facts," Michonne shrugged.
"If I were a lesbian I could go for someone like Carol," Adele mused. "Or maybe you, Michonne, I have a thing for curvy asses and thighs."
Carol glanced over at Grace and the nuns to gauge their reaction to such talk and found the other women quietly listening, Mary Agnes wearing a small, knowing smirk.
"Not me," Andrea admitted. "I like willowy women."
"Sid, if this don't end in exploratory and experimental kissing I'm going to cut my balls off at the root."
All the women looked over at the back door to find Delgado and two of his men with him, Gwen, Dolly, Vivian and Eve pushing their way through the men to enter the kitchen.
"Go on," Pace urged the ladies with cheeky grin, pushing his cowboy hat up higher on his forehead.
Delgado hooked Pace around the neck with his arm. "Sorry, ladies, we didn't mean to interrupt the party, we were looking for—"
"In the church, I believe," Grace pointed out, welcoming the women from Delgado's group with a couple of mugs for freshly brewed coffee.
"Actually, you," Delgado said. "To congratulate you on your nuptials."
Grace smiled at the man. "Thank you. I'm glad you could come for this."
"Oh, we're staying for the wedding," Delgado said. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." He nodded at the other women, before tugging Pace off with him.
"Where's the stronger stuff?" Eve asked with a grin.
Sid lingered in the doorway after the other parted, hands in his pockets and sweet, gentle smile on his face, before he nodded to them and said, "you ladies have a good night." He turned and followed after the others, passing Glenn who moved to stand in the doorway, eyes wide and curious.
"Ryan said you all wanted to see me about some dirty work or something?" Glenn said nervously.
The women all burst out laughing at the poor boy.
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auntheddy - I kind of ship them too. Not going to lie.
Ciao Bella - Michonne does indeed have a serious thing for the geeky little rabbit. Because he's such a rabbit.
Yazzy x - I always like interesting couples, test the boundaries, see what comes of things.
vickih - I'm hoping to show Michonne as more of a rock. I want her to be steady and sure, someone who could make a good leader or elder of sorts.
Brazen Hussy - Merle will always be Merle as long as there's a breath of life left in this series.
Surplus Imagination - I almost had a stripping Daryl courtesy of the Lt. Dammit, so close!