Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I planned to but I went on vacation with no computer! I hope everyone had a great holiday season, and Happy New Year!

The next part of the physical training comes, knife throwing. I wake up in the morning and stretch the night out of my body. I have gotten into a pattern, go to sleep, often wake up in the middle of the night to Four yelling, go help him, go back to bed, wake up, eat, training, eat, hangout, and repeat the cycle over again. The only unpredictability is Four, during the day, he is strong and quite and most of all brave. Over the night he has a transformation though, he is back in Abnegation, as Tobias, with his father, he becomes small and weak.

Last night, I heard him in the middle of the night, I climbed out of my bed and lightly jumped to the floor and padded over to his bed. Unlike the first night where I went to see if he was alright, I go over and stay to calm him down, he hasn't grabbed me again like the first night, I think he is scared of his own strength. He thanked me last night for helping him get through this, I just shrugged it off and made sure he was alright and calmed down before I went back to bed

As I'm getting dressed for the day in Christina's outfit choice, I mull over last night and what people would think if they found out about the whole situation. I think it would be bad for both of us, how could Four, who is the strongest out of all of us be afraid of his father, and how could I explain that I can't become a full Dauntless when I am still responding to Abnegation urges and that I have Erudite urges as well without spilling my deadly secret?

I finish my internal conversation as I finish getting dressed with the conclusion that no one can find out about this, for either of us.

All of us head to breakfast, I've started eating toast for breakfast, the pancakes remind me how far from home I am, the plain toast connects me those miles that mean so much to me and my family.

The rest of the Dauntless are all talking and my friends are talking louder still. When I first arrived here, I felt like I could really become Dauntless, forget about my family and past life that I left behind, but as training goes on, I feel myself reverting back to my past self even more. I feel quiet and small compared to everyone around me, I feel weak even though I've been doing fine with training. I can't shake the feeling that people can see right through my Dauntless disguise and find out my worst secret, that I can never be a full Dauntless, I will always carry other factions with me. I can only hope that my secret doesn't get me killed.

"Tris, you alright?" Christina asks.

"Hmm, oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking." I give her a smile and pretend like I know what's going on. Al, Will, Four and Christina are talking about training and what they're going to do when it's over. Four and Christina both want to be trainers, Will wants to do something with the government and Al doesn't really know yet. They ask me what I want to do and I shrug. "Maybe something with other factions."

Everyone nods at my decision, "I think you would be good at that Tris" I look up to see that it was Four talking, but I already knew that, just from the sound of his voice.

I blush a little, still wary of compliments, "Um, thanks, you would be really good with the initiates too."

It was now Four's turn to become slightly pink; he just nods as an answer. Christina announces that it's time to go to training. We all get up and head to the familiar training room; it's starting to feel more like home now than even my dorm.

Amar stands in the center of the training area with a knife in his hand, oh joy. He waits for us to all come in then in one swift motion turns around and hurls the knife into the bulls eye, dead center. Most of us gasp in shock. "Today, you will be learning how to throw a knife. Get one and let's get started." He picks up another knife, inhales and thrown it with deadly accuracy on the exhale.

I go to get some knives, weighing them in my hands, I doubt I could throw one of the really big ones without killing myself or someone else, so I stick to the small ones.

I go to the targets and happily find Christina on one side of me and Four on the other, maybe he could give me some pointers, he always picks things up fast.

I start by practicing to throw the knife without one actually in my hand. I might look crazy, but at least I'm not dropping knives all over like other people are. I look around and see knives scattered all over, and non have been successful, the only one that as come close in Four. I see Peter and Eric, successfully failing and I smile.

"Hey, Stiff, remember what a knife is?" Ugg, I hate Peter and Eric. I pick up a knife and go through the motions again without throwing it, the next time I release. The knife spins through the air and hits the target. Though it doesn't stick, I'm the next closest to hitting the target besides Four, who has done the same thing I just did.

"Peter, Eric, remember what a target is?" I smile at their reactions. They look furious. Beside me, my friends laugh, trying to cover up their faces. While everyone is still looking at me, I pick up a knife and throw it, successfully getting it on the target. Peter and Eric's jaws drop. I smirk at them and turn to talk to Christina like nothing ever happened.

By the end of training, everyone has been able to hit the board, and I can hit the center every time, the only person better than myself is Four, who I'm happy to lose to any day, he deserves it. After training, the five of us head over to the Pit when Al announces he wants a tattoo. We all go in and to my surprise I see Tori, who tested me for my faction, leaning over a man getting a tattoo.

"Tori?" I ask, surprised.

"Beatrice? I didn't think I would see you again!"

"It's Tris now, I didn't know you worked here."

"Yep, congrats on first jumper! What can I do for you guys?" She eyes all of my friends who have lost interest in the conversation and have started looking around.

"Some of them wanted tattoos" I reply.

"Not you?"

"I'm not sure yet…." I reply drawing out my words as if I'm thinking right now, which I am.

"Hey, Tori, can I get a spider?" Al yells.

"Sure thing!" Tori goes and gets everything ready while I go to look around. Will and Christina are right by Al making sure he doesn't chicken out. I don't know where Four is…

"What're you looking at?" I jump out of my skin as Four comes up behind me, silent like a cat.

"Oh, I was just thinking over if I want a tattoo or not…" I reply, still surprised by his apperence.

"Hmm" he makes a sound like he's thinking. "I think I'm doing to get the Dauntless flames on my side."

I look at the ravens in front of me, they are in flight, I think of how I flew away from my home. "I'm going to get three of these ravens, one for each member of my family leading to my heart."

Four just nods. I look over and realize that by now, Will has also gotten a tattoo of the Dauntless motto. And Christina is waving me over from her chair where she is about ready to get a tattoo of door knob.

"A door knob?" I ask, in a super confused voice.

"Ya, to show that I've opened the door to a new life" Christina reply's as if it's super obvious. Tori's co-worker Bud does hers while Tori comes over and does mine. I wince a bit, but I'm convinced to not show the pain, the needle that pierces my skin. I look over to Christina and smile, she grins and grimaces at the same time, if that's possible.

Once we're done, Four gets his flames done by Bud and we all wait for him. We all end up walking out with fresh tattoos, and head to dinner. Once dinner is over, we go to the dorms where Amar is waiting with a board at his feet. As all the initiates crowd in he announces that these are the rankings for the first part of the physical training, tomorrow we have fighting, but up to now, this is where people stand.

Four

Tris

Eric

Peter

Will

Christina

Molly

Al

Drew

Eric and Peter exchange glances and then turn to look and Four and me. I can tell this isn't going to be good, I don't know what they have planned, but I'm going to be ready for anything.

Tell me if you want something to happen to only Four, only Tris or both, thanks!