Notes: Only one more chapter of this bullshit left after this. I promise.
Fam Jam
Chapter 3: Crash Course
Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.
…at 9 am the silence was broken by a yellow cartoon sponge flipping burgers on a grill, startling both Tracey and Misty awake from their cozy spots on the floor. The mint twins were partaking in their daily ritual of cereal and animated shenanigans played at the volume of a jet engine taking off. Sitting up they found that Ash missing from the couch they found a note in his place stating that he and Delaney were down at the beach, apparently Delaney had had agreed to let Ash battle him even though he only owned an Oddish.
After peeling themselves off the floor and finding Joplin in the kitchen making some tea, she let them know what the battle plan for the day was. Ideally the main goals involved cleaning the house, getting dinner ready and setting up the long table in the backyard all to host a bunch of family who were coming there to welcome the new baby that was scheduled to be born the next day.
If all ran smoothly, of course.
Despite the cartoons blaring in the living room the rest of the house was actually experiencing a rare moment of silence as most of the residents were either out of the house or still in the process of waking up. Osbourne was already busy at work wrapping up some projects before the big day and wouldn't be around until after lunch. Sisters Sadie and Edie had dragged Stacey out of bed to go shopping on the other side of the mountain to get some last things for dinner and pick up a cake. After making tea Joplin sat in her rocking chair reading an alternative-knitting book so she could learn how to make a Mohawk hat for the baby. Cal had not yet arrived as he was supposed to pick up his wife and kid from the seaport at around noon.
In the kitchen Tracey and Misty proceeded to stuff their faces before getting to the cleaning, since Tracey had skipped dinner the night before he was pretty much demolishing all the leftovers in addition to cereal and toast. Misty was feeding Togepi when she asked Tracey why Cal's wife didn't live with him.
Swallowing a mouthful of leftover potato soup Tracey responded, "well since their house burnt down and they can't rebuild it until the court throws the case out they've been living on the mainland while Cal holds down the fort. She makes her living as a singer, maybe you've heard of her?"
Misty shook her head. "Doubtful, I rarely have time to listen to the radio these days. Either my sisters are always hogging it or I'm off travelling with kids who destroy my property."
Just then the front door opened and two people came in talking excitedly, a moment later Ash and Delaney appeared in the kitchen doorway with Ash holding up his arms victoriously.
Snarling Misty muttered under her breath. "…speaking of which…"
Ash danced around the small table and drummed the countertops. "Your brother fought well, but I creamed him!"
Misty rolled her eyes and shot a glare at Delaney. "Did you let him win? Last thing he needs is an inflated ego."
Delaney shrugged and yawned. "Nope. Beat me and the blue onion fair and square. And now I'm going back to bed. Good night creatures of the light."
Once Delaney had disappeared upstairs Ash turned to Tracey, he just had to know. "Your brother is really cool and all, but is he Count Dracula?"
Tracey wavered a hand in the air. "I'd say there's a fifty percent chance? Not sure yet, still need to run some more tests."
After eating and doing the breakfast dishes, the trio of friends looked at the list of chores on the fridge to decide what to do first and how to divide the work until the other siblings got back (and for when Delaney decided to crawl out of his coffin again). Cleaning the deck off seemed like the most urgent task, so grabbing some gloves and garbage bags they got to work clearing off the dirt and discarded plants, cigarette butts and long forgotten paper coffee cups, Ash even found half an old sandwich and a bagpipe magazine in the process of clearing out under the built in seating.
They were just about done when suddenly Tracey heard the mint twins eerily calling his name in unison. The creepy little kids stuck their heads out the back door and blinked at their older cousin.
"Auntie Joplin needs your help." They both said in their rather monotone voices, he felt like their large blue eyes were starring past him and into eternity.
Tossing his gloves down Tracey rushed inside to find his mother still in her chair, her book sitting open on top of her belly. She put a gentle hand on his head as he approached and kneeled down next to her.
"Sweetie, would you mind getting your brother up? I think my water just broke."
"Oh! Yeah, sure. Hold on." Tracey shot up and bolted upstairs to his brother's room, he heard some muffled music playing and knocked sharply. No response. He knocked again, tried the door handle. Locked. He tried knocking as hard as he could and calling his brother's name but there was no response. In one last desperate effort to get his brother's attention Tracey stepped back a few meters, ran at the door and tried to break it open with his shoulder but the only thing he managed to succeed in was nearly getting a splinter from the wood floor.
Back downstairs he had to deliver the bad news to his mother who was on her phone texting his father. Probably telling him they were going to the hospital, if he was busy he probably wouldn't see the message until it was too late though.
Tracey leaned against the doorframe, tapping it with his knuckles. "Uh, mom? I think Delaney fell asleep listening to his music again. And his door is locked. What do I do?"
Joplin sighed heavily, forcing herself into a standing position with help from Misty and Ash. She looked Tracey directly in the eyes and said, "I guess you'll have to drive. If we don't get to the hospital asap I think this kid is going to cartwheel outta my vajazzle."
"But we only have dad's car, dad's EXPENSIVE collectors car! I can't drive that! He'll kill me!" Tracey whined thinking about how dead he was going to be if even a single scratch marred the bright blue paint job.
Joplin huffed and shook her head. "Tracey, this is important. I'm sure your father will forgive you."
"But I don't even have a license!" He pointed out. He was still half a year away from being allowed to take the drivers test.
His mother shot him an irritated look as she grabbed a set of keys off the hook in the hallway and tossed them at him. "Do you honestly think I don't know that your father takes you kids out on the back roads for illegal driving lessons? Now lets get going before this baby starts prairie dogging between my legs."
XXXXXX
The little blue convertible flew over the peak of the mountain and returned to the pavement so hard Joplin had to check and make sure no baby heads were popping out. "Careful, careful! You can slow down a bit if you want to, we have no surprise appearances yet! Just a whole lotta pain!"
Without even looking over his shoulder Tracey shouted back as he turned the wheel sharply around a curve in the road, whipping them all to the right. "Mom! No backseat drivers! Let me do this!
"Alright, Speed Racer! Just take the corners a little more gently before my belly crushes Misty, please!" Joplin pleaded from the back seat just as he took another corner that forced them all to the left side of the car.
In the passenger seat next to Tracey, Ash felt like he was ready to throw up his breakfast but he still managed to ask if it was a good idea to leave the mint twins at the house by themselves with nothing but a Venomoth to watch over them. He couldn't shake this nagging feeling that they were either going to burn down the house or steal some of his things to make a voodoo doll. Furthermore, why were he and Misty even there in the first place? Caught up in the moment. Definitely caught up in the moment.
Tracey really wanted to assure his friend that the twins were not possessed by demons, but he had the more important matter of getting everyone to the hospital alive and in one piece. Which was kinda hard since all the driving lessons his father had given him weren't exactly based on any safety techniques, but that's what happens when your oh-so-responsible father lets you rip donuts around an abandoned parking lot in his old beater from high school.
The car felt like lightning as it raced down the steep hill, zipping past people on the side of the road and avoiding slower drivers on their rapid descent. They made really good time making it to the main drag of the tourist district, but that's when Joplin suddenly noticed Tracey's posture had changed and his leg frantically pumping on the brake. His hands began shaking on the steering wheel, his knuckles turned pure white.
"Tracey, what's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?" Joplin demanded as they nearly hit a line of trashcans and sent some tourists fleeing.
"I-I…I-just!" Tracey stammered trying to keep his eyes on the road. "I just re-remembered why the car was in the garage!"
Tearing right through a red light they narrowly missed a guy on a motorcycle as they took the next corner.
A look of horror came over Joplin's face as she started to remember as well. "Oh no, your father didn't fix the brakes."
"I-I guess in my panic…I forgot!" Tracey narrowly missed an old lady and her meowth crossing the road, other car horns blasted angrily at them. "Sorry!"
Even though she had a baby on the way out and was in a speeding car with broken brakes being driven by an anxious non-licensed teenager Joplin couldn't hesitate, she had to talk him through this. "Tracey, remember all those impossible danger scenarios you and your father used to cook up so you could figure out clever ways to get out of them? This is a real one, what are you going to do?"
"…u-use my b-big brain?"
"That's right, now what do you do in this situation?"
"I-I would…uh, I uh…" Tracey felt like he was blanking out and for a second and he was pretty sure his brain had melted and was gushing out his ears in the form of a warm pink ooze. All he could think about was the four wheels on the road suddenly losing control.
Four wheels.
Quad skates had fours wheels and this speeding blue bullet had four wheels.
When he couldn't figure out how to stop on skates he'd reach out for something with his arms. A lamp post, a tree, a bench, his mother.
Tracey shook his head and tried to calm his breathing as the big blue 'H' sign on the hospital came into view. "Ash…think you can help?"
Ash had himself pinned down into the passenger seat, one arm holding onto Pikachu and the other covering his eyes. "YES! IF IT WILL SAVE US, YES!"
"Then please tell me you have Bulbasaur!"
Ash nodded nervously and gulped.
"Okay, at the hospital there's these large lamp posts. When we get there I'm going to take the keys out, sharply turn the wheel and when I say go I want you to use vine whip to grab onto one, hopefully it'll keep up from spinning into anything. Got it?"
"I think so!"
"Okay, good. Because this might hurt if we fail."
As the hospital got closer Ash fumbled to find Bulbasaur's ball on his belt, he dropped it on the floor accidentally but luckily Pikachu managed to get it into his hands. Ash released the leafy green beast and got it ready to grab onto the lamp post. Making sure he was secure he wrapped his arms around Bulbasaur as tight as he could without hurting the creature, they were only seconds away from the front entrance of the driveway to the hospital.
Narrowly missing a mini van that was attempting to drive into the parking lot, the tires screech loudly and smoked as they practically bounced in. Almost immediately Tracey ripped the keys out of the ignition and once more used all his strength to turn the wheel and hold it in place as the car started spinning like a top.
"GO! GO! GO! DAMMIT" He hollered at Ash trying desperately to keep the tires from moving.
In the backseat Joplin and Misty were holding on for dear life, but Misty managed to get one eye opened just as the car jerked a bit and a body popped out of the front passenger seat. Less than a second later they made a hard impact with some bushes and dirt, the front of the car rammed into a stone wall and crunched like paper. Misty and Joplin both managed to take the brunt of the impact with their shoulders but Tracey wasn't quite so lucky, he'd gotten a face full of steering wheel.
Tangled around the lamp post Bulbasaur had tried to use to slow the car down, Ash slowly opened his eyes so see what had become of his friends. He spotted the car about 30 feet away in the hospital garden smooshed up against the wall, but there was movement. Misty was hugging Togepi tightly and Joplin had her arms up going "WHAHOOO! That was awesome!" Tracey however appeared to be passed out in the drivers seat, his face slammed in the middle of the wheel causing the horn to cry out.
Hospital staff and guests started pouring out the front door, a few people began snapping pictures and taking video as some nurses helped carry Joplin out of the car and into a wheel chair. Some EMTs who had been nearby on a lunch break were trying to assess if Tracey was still breathing and assuring Misty it was safe to get out. Ash just hung there wrapped to the pole with Pikachu and Bulbasaur waiting for someone to notice him.
A few minutes later when Misty hobbled over (her legs felt like jelly), Ash called down to her. "Is he alright?"
Misty glanced back, she really couldn't tell from where she was standing. "Uh, I certainly hope so."
"Whelp, I'd say that was pretty wild. Quite a…smashing entrance, right? Ha ha!"
Misty glared up at him. "I'm gonna go see if I can get a ladder, you just hang in there."