The wheelbarrow makes too much noise as I push it toward Victor's Village. District 12 is quiet, and I wonder if I am the only one awake at this time. Probably. My dad was the one to rise before everyone so he could get a start on fresh bread. I would wake up and help him while my mother and brothers slept. I'm used to baker's hours. And besides, I haven't slept in many nights. Maybe that explains the dark circles under my eyes.
As I approach her house, I start to tense up. There are so many emotions flooding through me and they all involve her. I'm not ready to see her, I don't think. I don't imagine she's ready to see me. The only person I have seen since I've returned is Haymitch and that's because Dr. Aurelius told him to pick me up from the station. I asked Haymitch on our way back to Victor's Village, how Katniss was doing. He merely grunted.
"As well as you'd expect."
Ok, that doesn't really help. But I keep thinking back to the last time I saw her, how I watched her struggle and bite the soldiers who were arresting her. It was right after she had killed Coin, and she had tried to take the night lock but I stopped her. Why did I stop her? Hadn't I wished she would die during the War? Wasn't she my enemy?
No. No matter how much poison flows through my veins, I cannot live if Katniss had died. I had to stop her. I can still feel her teeth sinking into my flesh and the little white scars on my hand prove that I wasn't dreaming it.
My head snaps up as I reach her house and I push the wheelbarrow to the side of the house. Picking up the shovel I had borrowed from town, I start digging up the ground underneath the windows. After a few minutes, I pause to wipe the sweat from my brow and I run my fingers through my hair before I continue to dig. I hear the door slam and I tense up as I see someone rounding the corner.
No way this skeleton could be the girl I once loved. Her grey eyes are clouded with sadness and they are sunken in, her face pale and sickly. Her clothes hang off of her emaciated form and there is dirt on her hands. Her hair is matted in clumps and she's staring at me like she doesn't know if I'm here or not. We just stare at each for the longest time and I wonder which of us will be the first to speak.
"You're back." Her voice is scratchy and makes my heart leap and hurt.
"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," I reply. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone." Damn. Why did I tell her that? Because I don't really know what else to say, I suppose. She frowns and reaches up to run her hand through her messy hair, as if she's trying to make it look presentable. I can tell she hasn't bathed in a long time. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to wrap her in my arms and hold her until the end of time. At the same time, my head is screaming at my heart. It's telling me I'm a fool for ever loving her, that she will try to hurt me again.
I shake myself. Stop it head. Stop it heart. Just. Stop.
"What are you doing?" Her voice is quiet. Weak. Everything that Katniss isn't.
"I, um…I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," I gesture toward the wheelbarrow. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house." She looks at the plants and her face reddens. I know what's going through her mind, what she's thinking of, and I grab one of the bushes and hold it out to her.
"Evening primrose," I say softly. I see her face soften and something flicker in her eyes as she stares at the plant in my hand. She'd thought I brought roses. I would never be so stupid or heartless. But these lovely flowers, with her sister's namesake, her deceased sister's namesake, make her expressions soft and lovely again. Her eyes drift back up to mine and are filled with tears. She gives me a brief nod, then without a word she runs back into her house and slams the door. With a sigh, I turn back to the flowers and start to plant them. She needs time. We both do. And I'll be here when she's ready.
I don't see Katniss again after that. I stay in my kitchen and bake and sometimes leave fresh bread on her porch. Sometimes I find fresh strawberries on my porch, and use them to bake cakes or pie. This little exchange of gifts is great but we don't see each other. I do notice Greasy Sae going to her place early in the mornings and one morning, she invited me along. I declined, saying it was too soon.
"Gotta start somewhere, boy," the old woman had told me.
Almost three weeks after I had returned to 12, Haymitch comes around and has an uneasy look on his face.
"What's wrong Haymitch?"
"You haven't seen sweetheart lately, have you?" Sweetheart? Oh. Katniss.
"No, why?" The uneasy look on his face deepens and I feel panic start to course through me.
"Is she not at home?"
"She told Sae she was going hunting yesterday. She, um…she hasn't been back to her house yet." I grip the counter tightly. As much as she loves those woods, I know they're dangerous. What if she's hurt? What if she's…
"Did anything happen to make her…" I don't know how to finish that sentence. Want to hurt herself, I suppose is what I'm trying to ask but I can't put it into words. Haymitch clears his throat.
"She found her sister's old cat." Oh, Katniss. I know what Buttercup meant to Prim and I'm sure just seeing him set her back. I start to worry even more.
"Haymitch we have to find her."
"It's getting dark now. I don't think we'll be able to get a search party out there tonight."
"Not even for the mockingjay?" I say heatedly. Haymitch bites his lip.
"Fine. I'll go alone." I search my drawers for a flashlight and flick it on to test it.
"I'll go into town and see if anyone has seen her yet. Sae said no one has seen her since yesterday morning." I ignore the pounding of my heart and grab my jacket. When I step outside, I shiver at how cold it's gotten. God Katniss, please be alright.
"I'll head to the woods and see if I can find her. Try to get some more people to look for her."
"Be careful kid."
I make my way out towards the woods and take a deep breath before entering. I'm not one for these woods, I've never had any reason to enter them. I'll leave the hunting to Katniss. I feel safe in my kitchen and have no need of leaving it. But Katniss could be hurt and I'll be damned if I lose her now. Not after everything we have been through, everything we have overcome. I may not love her as I once did but the girl still makes me feel things. Trying to ignore how much this feels like the Games, I shine my flashlight into the woods and take cautious steps. Katniss has always told me I have very heavy footsteps and in the silence of the woods tonight, I can say she is right. My prosthetic leg doesn't help much either.
I'm not too sure how far I've gone in but I look behind me and see I can still see the fence. Good. I don't need to get lost in here too. But I start to hear something that makes me freeze in my tracks. Birds singing. Mockingjays. As I listen to the birds singing, I immediately recognize the song. It's one that Katniss has sung before. I've seen videos of her singing it to Rue when the little girl was dying. I whirl around, searching in the darkness.
"Katniss!" I call out to the silent woods. "Katniss, where are you?" The mockingjay repeats my frantic words and I run toward the birds. I can still hear the singing, but it's very faint. It's coming from below me. I look down and frown when I see a gaping hole in the ground. Sinkholes. I had heard that since they've abandoned the mines, these sinkholes are popping up all over the place. If I had taken one more step, I would have fallen in. I drop to my knees and peer over the edge.
"Katniss?" I can hear her singing. Her voice is weak and shaky but she continues as if she can't hear me. Or maybe she's thinking I'm not really here. I shine the light down the hole and feel my heart race.
She's lying in a crumpled heap in a puddle of mud. Her legs are bent at a strange angle and I can barely make out her face.
"Katniss! Katniss!" I continue to scream into the hole. The singing stops and I see her move slightly.
"Go away."
"Katniss it's me. It's Peeta!"
"Just leave me here to die."
"Katniss! Stop this. I'm here, I'll get you out."
"No. You're not real," I hear her say softly. I'm starting to get frustrated.
"I'm real, Katniss! I'm right here. And I'm not leaving you. Just… hold on!" I look around and grow more panic-stricken. How am I supposed to get Haymitch? I can't possibly leave her. A mockingjay perches on a tree right by my head and I snap my fingers.
"Haymitch, come to the woods. Quick!" The mockingjay repeats my words and I shoo it away. I can only hope it will go towards town and not away from it. I look back down at Katniss and see that she hasn't moved.
"Katniss. Is anything broken?"
"I did something to my leg," she says softly. I can barely hear her. She sounds so frail, so…helpless.
"Katniss, you have to hold on! We'll get you out of there, but you have to hold on."
"It's so cold, Peeta." I yank off my jacket and drop it into the hole.
"Put that on. Try to sit up and get warm. I'm going to see if I can find a tree branch to get you out."
"Peeta. Just leave me here." I whirl back around at her words and shine my light into the hole again.
"You know I can't do that. Just hold on, Katniss. Fight it. For me. Please." She goes quiet again and I try to shake the feeling of uneasiness. I start to hear other voices and I shine my light their way.
"Kid, did you find her," Haymitch gasps as he runs toward me.
"She's fallen down this hole and can't really move. We need rope or something to pull her out."
"It's not very deep," Thom says as he peers in. "I'll tie a rope around my waist and pull her out."
"No," I stop him. "I'll do it." Thom doesn't object and I wrap the rope around my waist, handing them the end. I put an unsteady foot into the mud and suddenly feel very stupid. The fact that I only have one real leg makes this difficult. But I ignore my worries and focus on the girl below me. They lower me into the hole and I drop to my knees in the mud beside her. My hands go to her cheeks and I shiver-she's cold as ice. She blinks up at me with those stormy eyes and I lean in closer.
"I'm here," I whisper. "I'm here, you're safe now." I push her hair out of her eyes and help her sit up. She whimpers as she moves her legs and I notice how swollen her ankle is.
"Ok. Wrap your arms around my neck," I bend to pick her up and she does as she's told. I look up at the anxious faces above us.
"Pull us out." I hold her in my arms as we're lifted out of the hole. When we're free, I don't release her.
"She looks terrible," Haymitch said anxiously. "Let's get her home." I feel her shivering in my arms and I lean down and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead.
"Hold on, Katniss. Just hold on."
When we get out of the woods, I see more people gathered around the fence. Hazelle Hawthorne breaks away from the crowd and comes to inspect Katniss.
"Where is she hurt?"
"She says it's something with her leg."
"Let's get her to her room and we can take care of her." I nod and lead the way to Victor's Village. Haymitch, Sae, and Hazelle follow me.
Instead of going to her house, I take her to mine and gently set her on my bed. She's still shivering violently and Sae hurries off to make a pot of tea.
"Peeta, draw a warm bath for her. She's half frozen." I hurry into my bathroom and test the water before filling it up quickly. When it's full, I run back to my room and stop when I see that Hazelle is removing Katniss's clothes. I turn back around, my face going red.
"Peeta, carry her into the bathroom for us. She's not going to be able to walk." I swallow and turn back but find that Hazelle has wrapped her in a sheet to give her some privacy. I quickly pick her up, wincing at how light she feels in my arms, and carry her into the bathroom. She's slipped out of consciousness and I bite my lip nervously.
"Hazelle, she's unconscious," I call to the woman. "I don't want to leave her in the bathtub alone."
"Then stay with her," she calls back. I huff. Unfortunately since we are supposed to be "star-crossed lovers" and all of Panem had believed my lies about marrying her and getting her pregnant, I couldn't be shy about this. I wanted to respect her privacy but the fact is, Hazelle and Sae would both just say that I'm the only person who should be taking care of her right now. So ignoring my pounding heart, I pull the sheet away from her and lower her into the bathtub. She lets out a little moan when she hits the water and I pray that she doesn't wake up yet. If she saw me in here with her, while she's naked, she would never forgive me. Keeping my eyes focused on her face, I gently set her up against the bathtub and I notice the water changing color.
Red. That's all I see. I feel panic and anger and terror. I jump to my feet, shaking my head and I grab my hair. Stay here. Stay with her. Don't let the Capitol win.
I have to get out of here. I have to get away from this mutt before she hurts me! I run out of the bathroom and nearly knock Sae over.
"Peeta what's happened?" I don't answer. Gritting my teeth, I run out onto my porch and collapse on my hands and knees. There isn't anything to throw but I grip the wooden planks of my porch tightly. So tightly there are now several splinters in my hands but I don't care. I don't know how long I stay like that to be honest. I vaguely register that Haymitch is sitting beside me. I don't know how I have resisted the urge to strangle him. When I feel myself getting back to normal, I glance at Haymitch, who is watching me with wide eyes.
"Haymitch-"
"Don't kid. I'm glad you got out of there before you did something you'll regret. Hazelle and Sae are taking care of her." Sitting up, I rub at my face. I wince at a pain in my jaw and I look at him again.
"What happened?"
"You attacked yourself. I tried to hold you down but I got hit in the process so decided to let you beat yourself up a bit." His lip is bleeding so I guess I believe him. I struggle to my feet and turn towards my front door.
"I'm going to check on her." Haymitch nods and doesn't say anything as I enter my house.
Sae and Hazelle have cleaned and dressed Katniss and have gotten her back into the bed. She's lying on the comforter, her eyes closed and her face still very pale. Her legs are bandaged in front of her and I notice some bandages on her ribs.
What happened to the impossibly strong girl I teamed up with in the Games? What happened to the mockingjay, who took on the Capitol with flames in her eyes? This being here can't be the same girl. She looks so weak and defeated. I hear her release a little whimper and I sit on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in mine.
"Katniss," I whisper in her ear. "Katniss, I'm right here. I'm right beside you. I won't leave you."
"Peeta," she says in a trembling voice. I don't know what she's seeing in her dreams. I don't know if she's dreaming of me like I used to be before the Capitol took me, or if she's seeing me in District 13, when I tried to kill her. I just don't know. Despite the fact that I can't believe this is really Katniss, I feel drawn to her. So I lean down and gently kiss her forehead. She shivers underneath me so I pull the blankets around her and tuck her in. Pulling a chair beside the bed, I prop my feet up on the bed and lean back in the chair. I'm not leaving her side tonight. But I suddenly feel so tired that I can barely keep my eyes open. As I'm drifting off, I hear her whisper my name again. I scoot closer and kiss her hand.
"Peeta," she says softly. "Stay with me."
Real or not real…she's said that to me before. I'm pretty sure it's real. As is my reply.
"Always."
Kind of a long first chapter but oh well! Will be switching POV between K and P, I'm really enjoying writing this and delving into both of their minds! Please leave reviews if you enjoyed! Will probably post another one tomorrow :)