The first thing that I see when I enter Katniss's house is Haymitch at the table, digging into the stew she's made. I roll my eyes and set down the loaves of bread before removing my jacket.
"Where is she?"
"She took off for the woods," he says, his mouth full of bread. "Something happen between you two?"
"I haven't been here for anything to happen," I exclaim, shocked and irritated. What's her problem now?!
"Can it have something to do with Johanna visiting?" I whirl around and grip the back of the chair.
"Johanna was here? When?"
"Few minutes ago. Katniss exploded from the house not long after she left and she looked pretty upset."
Shit. What did Johanna said to her? Did they talk about me? About us? Did Johanna give Katniss the same advice she'd given me? God I hope not. And I can't bear the thought of Johanna repeating my words to Katniss. Haymitch must notice something is wrong because he sets down his spoon and pokes my hand.
"You ok, kid?"
"I gotta find Katniss," I manage to get out before I take off out the door.
Poor Haymitch. Stuck with a couple of fucked-up kids.
I run toward the woods and duck under the fence. It's been turned off for the longest time, I don't understand why it's still here. As a reminder, maybe. I try to be quiet as I approach but I know this is probably a really bad idea. She's out here with her bow and arrow and for all I know, is angry with me. As I start to rethink finding her, and consider maybe I should wait for her to come home, I hear snuffling from nearby and I follow the sounds. I gasp when I find her sprawled in the dirt, her body trembling and her face hidden in her arms. Her bow lays a little ways off and her braid is dusty and dirty. All I can think of is finding her in that hole, close to death, as I run to her and scoop her into my arms. I feel her tense as soon as I touch her.
"What are you doing here?" My heart aches at the sound of her voice. It's sadness mixed with rage and confusion. I shake my head.
"Haymitch said you were upset and I want to know why. What did Johanna say to you?"
"What did she say to YOU?" I stare at her, my brow furrowed.
"We just…talked. Caught up. It wasn't anything in particular."
"So you guys didn't talk about me at all," she scoffs.
"Well…yeah, we did, but nothing bad!" I swallow but shake my head. "And I'm sure you both talked about me!"
"God, you're infuriating," she mutters. I nearly drop her.
"You're more infuriating."
"Then put me down and go home. Why did you come after me anyway?" I can feel my temper and blood pressure start to rise.
"Because I was worried about you! I didn't know what was wrong or when you'd be back."
"Why worry about me? What, you feel sorry for me? Feel sorry for the poor little mad girl, the mockingjay who's lost her mind?" She pushes against me and I'm forced to set her down. My fists are clenched tightly as I struggle to remain calm.
"Because I LOVE you, OK?" I yell it to the forest and not even the birds made a sound. She stops and stares at me and all I want to do is run and hold her and kiss her but I remain where I am, my arms limp at my side.
"Damn it, Katniss. I love you. I am hopelessly head over heels in love with you. I always have been. But it's killing me when you put up walls and shut me out. I want a life with you, I want a future with you, and I know we can have it but only if you want it too. So this is it. I'll ask you one time and if you want me to, I'll leave forever and not bother you anymore. I'll let you go because all I want is for you to be happy. Even if it's not with me." I think I see her shake her head but then I'm sure I've imagined it. I take a deep breath and move closer to her. She doesn't back away so I inch forward. I force myself to look at her and I capture her gaze. Her stormy eyes will be the death of me but I force myself to stand my ground.
"You love me. Real or not real?" I wait. I don't think I even breathe. I find myself wishing that I'd kept one of the nightlock pills from the rebellion. Ok, call me pathetic, I've already admitted to it, but I've also already admitted that I don't want to live if it's not with Katniss. She's my whole life, my reason for living. If she isn't in my life…well, I don't want to live. But I won't tell her that. I don't want her pity. I don't want her to stay with me to protect me. I feel like that's what she's done the entire time we have known each other. She doesn't like to hurt people and she takes the easy way out. Did she choose me, or was it just because she was banished here and Gale disappeared? Am I always going to be the second choice?
I need to know. I need her to say it. I'm so close to her that I can see the tears on the ends of her long lashes.
"Peeta-" she starts but my finger goes to her lips and I shake my head. She won't look at me so I cup her chin and force her to look up.
"You. Love. Me," I say very slowly. "Real…or not real?" I see tears streaming down her face and my heart sinks so low, I think it may fall out of my chest. I know I'm done for. Katniss doesn't cry. At least, she doesn't let anyone see her cry. I've seen it at night but in the daytime…that's rare. I don't remove my hand from her chin, though, as I wait for her answer. Finally, her eyes search mine and I can see so much swirling around those stormy depths. She opens her mouth and wets her lips. I swallow but force myself to gaze into her eyes. I don't notice her move until I feel her hands gripping mine. She squeezes my hands and looks up at me. I think I see the barest trace of a smile tugging at her lips. Surely I'm imagining that too.
"Real." She's breathed the word so softly, I think I've heard her wrong. I take a step back and she continues to hold onto my hands.
"Did you say-"
"Real, Peeta. Real. I love you. I have loved you for so long. I will never stop loving you. I love you, Peeta, I love you." I will never get tired of those words. My heart might have just burst from the happiness. I do the only thing I can think of: my hands go to the back of her neck and I pull her in for a rough kiss. Her arms slide around my shoulders and my hands press against the small of her back as I hold her pressed against my chest, kissing her as if our lives depended on it. And I guess they do. I'll die without Katniss. Her kisses are like fresh air. Her love is new life. She loves me.
She loves me.
She shrieks when I snatch her off her feet and start for home. I remember her bow before we get too far and bend down so she can pick it up and she pulls it over her shoulder. Capturing her gaze, I grin down at her and feel her hands caress my face. I lean down for another kiss before I pull her closer to my chest and carry her all the way home.
Haymitch looks up, surprised, when we enter and seems even more surprised at our flushed faces and our giggling. I'm so giddy, I can't stop smiling and she has said she thinks it's adorable (which makes me smile even more). I finally set her down, though my hands remain on her waist and her hand grips my shirt. Neither of us wants to let go. Ever.
"Well. Surprised to see you both still alive."
"Don't sound so happy about it," Katniss mutters, giving him a heavy pat on the shoulder before helping herself to stew. Now that the world is a lot brighter, I notice the rumblings in my stomach and remember I haven't eaten all day save for a few pieces of bread. She must hear the sounds my stomach is making, because she fixes up a plate for me too and gestures for me to sit. While she busies herself at the counter, I lean in close to Haymitch, my broad grin never leaving my face.
"She loves me." He gives me a condescending look.
"No shit, kid. So you finally made it known, what we knew all along," he says over his shoulder to Katniss. I give her an apologetic look and shrug. I should know that Haymitch will give her shit about it. But she merely shrugs.
"Have to do things in my own time, Haymitch. You know that."
"Yeah, and I know you've been driving the kid to madness. A few more days and one of you would probably have been dead on the floor." Though this is true, I'm a bit irritated that Haymitch takes it that far. I reach for Katniss's hand and refuse to release it, holding it on my knee under the table. Haymitch belches loudly and rises to his feet.
"I'll leave you lovebirds alone then. Thanks for the stew, Katniss."
"If it's the only way to get you to eat, I'll happily do it." I grin sideways at her and see Haymitch's surprised expression.
"Well now that your cooking has improved, I don't mind it so much." And with that, he leaves. I roll my eyes and pull her closer.
"Don't listen to him, Katniss. He's secretly happy for us."
"He's right though. I nearly drove you to madness. I'm sorry it took me so long-"
"Stop. I don't care, Katniss. Well, I mean, I care but what I mean is…it's better late than never." Not being able to hold myself back, I lean forward and kiss her soft lips. My hands drift over her throat and I feel her shiver at my touch. Damn it. I'm going to need to find a way to keep myself calm, especially if I follow through with my plan and ask her to move in with me. I tear myself away from her lips and focus on my lunch, even though I'm hungry for something else. She, too, digs into her stew and she suddenly groans and runs her fingers through her hair, the way she does when she's thinking about something.
"What's the matter?"
"Johanna is coming to dinner tonight. What am I going to make?" I chuckle and reach for her hand again.
"You're worried about dinner," I say softly.
"Well, yeah! It'll be the first time the three of us are sitting at the same table since…" she trails off, biting her lip. I reach out to soothe that spot she's bitten and I shake my head.
"I'll make cheese buns and salad, you just worry about the meat. Sound good?" She smiles back and it makes me grin even more to see how genuine her smile is.
"We make a pretty good team, don't we?"
"I've been trying to tell you that since the Reaping," I reply with a grin.
"I already knew that. Well, besides the time I thought you had teamed up with the Careers to kill me."
"When in fact I teamed up with them so I could protect you," I say tensely, not knowing how to approach this subject. Both games are touchy subjects for us. But I don't notice her leaning forward until her lips touch mine.
"I know," she whispers against my skin, "you're always protecting me."
"We protect each other," I remind her.
"Because that's what you and I do," she finishes with a smile. I capture her face in my hands and conquer her mouth. Her hands cover mine and she moans against my lips, making me harden at the sound. I break away from her mouth and my lips meet her velvet skin, my tongue darting out to taste her sweet flesh. Droplets of salty sweat have settled on her neck and throat and I suck at her flesh, dying for more. She moans and tilts her head, giving me more access. I move her braid aside, my fingers traveling over the soft strands before moving to the back of her head where my fingertips press into her neck. Slowly, my hands work their way down to her chest; when I find a nipple straining against the material, I gently take it between my fingers and hear a sharp intake of breath. My tongue travels all over her neck and face before going back to her lips and ravaging her mouth. She moans again and presses against me, pushing her breast into my palm. My hands move underneath her shirt and I groan when I feel soft skin. I suddenly move to my feet and she looks up at me, surprised. I grasp the edge of her shirt and pull it over her head, before kneeling before her. Her eyes are wide, I can tell she's nervous and uncomfortable. Even though she still has her bra on, she attempts to shield herself. Her scars stand out proudly, making me love her even more, as I remember what they stand for. What she's endured, what she's sacrificed, for everyone else. My fingers entwine with hers and I pull her hands down from her chest, wrapping her arms around my shoulders so I can wrap my arms around her slender waist. I kiss her olive skin, from her shoulders to her collarbone and dip my tongue closer to the outline of her bra. Luckily for me, this bra is just a bit of flimsy material that doesn't hide much so I can basically see her nipples straining to get free. I glance up at her before I let my tongue flick over one and she gasps and sits straight up. Leaning closer, my mouth encloses over her covered breast while I bring a hand up to massage the other. She tosses her head back and whispers my name; I'll admit, I almost come right there. I reach back behind her and my fingers brush over the clasp. I'm about a second away from having her uncovered but a sharp knock at the door make both of us nearly scream. I struggle to my feet, with a little difficulty, while she hastily pulls her shirt back on and runs to the door. I'm not far behind but see her open the door and my eyes widen when I see who it is.
"Gale," I hear her faint whisper.
Plz leave a review and let me know what you think! I'll try my best to update again in the next couple of days but I go back to work tomorrow and Anna and Elsa are keeping me pretty busy, haha!