Heyah! Hope you have had a fabulous week! Mega sunny here am I am enjoy it very muchly! So a lot happened in the last chapter, it will be calmer this one but a lot of emotional conversations. We are coming to an end as well guys if you didn't figure already, but I am already testing a few things out for a few story that might follow this one.

But now,Enjoy!

Rose

I felt shame.

After my first day of being conscious Dimitri and I hadn't really spoke much. He just sat by my side as nurse and nurse was running different tests and rewrapping my wounds.

Chewing my bottom lip I felt the stress of the situation get to me, the shame being the worst part of it all.

That I had even had the audacity in my body to think that getting in a car in my state would be ok was even beyond myself. Once Olena had entered the room she had give me a not so gentle speech on responsibility before she had hugged and kissed me. I'm sure I would prefer her version of telling me off than my parents.

I hadn't even thought of my parents until Olena told me they were on their way home. She had kept them up to date with my progress and they would be here to pick me up as I got the clear to leave in the morning. They wanted to monitor me one more night. I hadn't had any swelling of the brain but my concussion had been bad. Some of the deeper cuts needed extra attending and the bruising on my lungs would go away soon.

Olena had even made sure the house was cleaned so my parents wouldn't see the mess that I've made. The kitchen had apparently been a right scene with broken glass and a very big empty bottle of gin.

I was thankful my parents didn't have to come home to that, I owed Olena a lot. I added it to my list of things to be ashamed for.

The worst was the sober look on Dimitri's face. He hadn't left my side like he had promised, he had kept a firm hold of my hand. He had sat silent through the whole conversation with Olena, he hadn't uttered a single word for hours.

Glancing over his way through the corner of my eye I could see him staring into nothing. I didn't even want to think of the thoughts that must have gone through his head as he got the news. The amount of guilt I had put on him, not that he should feel any. I had made my bed, I had reacted the way I did and I didn't feel any grudge towards him at all. I had ignored him and made the decisions I made. All I needed from him was for him to love me, that was all.

Licking my lips I swallowed hard as I felt like it was time for us to talk. I knew he had a lot on his mind and I needed to hear them. I wanted to hear everything he was thinking because I would only feel worse if I knew he would wallow in guilt. I knew him well enough to know he would find reasons to take the blame for this. But it wasn't his to take.

Opening my mouth, I wanted to say something, anything to him but there was a sudden knock on the door. Looking up Lissa appeared in the door. I don't know why I was surprised, I would have hoped she would have been here. But we haven't spoken for so long, so much had happened and I felt like I had so much to tell her. I didn't know where to start.

She came in with a small smile on her face, to my surprise she was looking to Dimitri, "Do you mind if I take over for a while?"

I instantly looked over to him and he nodded simply about to get up. His hand squeezed mine before he pulled away, "I'll be outside"

He kissed me gently on my temple before he headed for the door and left with nothing else to say. My eyes stayed on the door. I didn't like how he left, I felt cold all of a sudden.

Lissa cleared her throat as she sat down in his place, "Rose I-I don't really know where to start but, all I need you to know is that I am so happy you're ok and" she sighed licking her lips, "I love you Rose, so damn much"

I just kept my eyes on her, I wasn't ready to speak yet.

Shaking her head she continued, "I was so scared when I heard, I've never been that scared in my life. The first thing I want to say is that I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry for what happened, for how I acted and what I've said. There's no excuse for how I treated you and how I got the girls to treat you. But I need you to know that I am so terribly sorry"

Sighing I closed my eyes for a second. "I know you're sorry Liss, and I think I've already forgiven you. But I need you to understand why I did what I did and how you made me feel when you did what you did"

I know I can just forgive her and forget, we weren't normally the friends to argue. So now that we had, I wanted to make sure we spoke about it, to make sure nothing like this could ever happen again. But I also needed her to see my point of view.

"I know I lied to you, I did, and I felt horrible every single time it happened. But I only did it to give Dimitri and I the time we needed to make sure what we did was the right thing"

"I know, Dimitri said the same thing" She smiled wryly.

"Dimitri? When?" I asked feeling confused.

"We spoke a last night, or rather he forced some sense into me. I wasn't very forgiving at first, I was quite the bitch to be honest" she chuckled humourlessly, "But I understand what you did and I respect it. I'm just sorry I reacted the way I did and made you-" she cleared her throat as she looked away, "Made you do what you did"

Sighing I held back a smile, "You didn't make me crash Lissa, that was all me"

"But I must have forced you to drink and since you were drinking you made that decision so I am part of it either way"

"I think Dimitri's thinking the same thing" I said looking over to the door again. Shaking my head I needed to focus on the now, what I needed to tell her. "I have a few things to tell you to, as a friend. I know it will be harsh but I would want to hear this if I ever did something like this to you Liss"

Her face looked like I was just about to stab her in the back. I didn't want to be horrible to her, a good friend doesn't do that, but I needed her to know.

"What you did Liss" I paused shaking my head, "The way you made me feel and the way you acted, I know you're sorry but that was so fucking low even for you. I know you didn't like who he had become, but the fact that you would flat out ignore me for that long? For something I couldn't even control? I couldn't and still can't understand how you could do that. I know I lied and I defintiely take responsibility for that, but the way you made me feel" Looking away from her for a moment I was shaking my head, "I've never felt that horrible about myself ever in my life. You made me doubt myself and everything that we had, that I was the lowest piece of dirt and that everything was my fault"

Forcing myself I looked back at her, "I am grateful that you're taking respoinsibility for your behaviour, I am, but I would never ever do that to you Lissa. Ever"

She sniffled as I continued, "I felt like I was the one who needed to fix this, like I needed to go out fo my way to please you and that's not what friendship should be like and I hope that you know that. I know you didn't wish anything on me or for me to feel like this" tears were rolling down her face, "But you did Liss" I said as a tear escaped my eye.

Silence fell for a few moments and I wanted to feel awful for making her cry but she needed to hear how I felt. "I know it hurts to hear and I'd never want to intentionally hurt you but I needed to tell you. You need to know how I felt so we can both move past it. Ok?"

My eye were resting on my bestfriend as she dried her tears. "I know I deserve to hear it and all I can say is that I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry Rose"

I nodded as I brushed my tear away, "Thank you"

Silence fell again, but it was much more comfortable than before. Sighing I leaned back. Dimitri entered my mind again, as he always did. He always found a way to constnatly be in my mind. Whether I was dreaming or just sitting next to me as nurses assessed me.

My eyes were firm on the door as if he would feel that I was lonely or that I wanted him to come back.

I felt a hand land on top of mine, "So you love him?"

My head moved over to meet hers, "I always did"

"Yeah but, you know, you're both one hundred percent into this again? It feels good?"

Smiling to myself, "Everything feels right when I'm with him"

"That's all I need to know. I know he's an amazing guys, I'm sorry that it was so hard to forget about his playboy image but I only wanted to look out for you"

"I know" I said squeezing her hand back. I was starting to feel a bit drowsy as I was still on some fairly heavy pain meds, so I leaned back closing my eyes for a second.

"Rose I want you to know that if I ever were to treat you the way I did, I will never but if, you have my permission to slap some sense into me"

Looking over at her through hazy eyes I could tell she was trying to make me smile.

"I wouldn't forget a thing like that" I said letting her know that it would be a dangerous thing to promise.

She smiled, "I know, but I won't take it back"

Squeezing her hand on mine I smiled, "I love you Liss, but let's take it slow ok? I have forgiven you and you are still my best friend, but let's take it slow. It's all still very fresh, I need ...time"

I could tell by the look on her face that's not what she wanted to hear, but she nodded which made me feel relieved.

"I'll leave you be and I'll see you when you get home Rose"

I smiled in return but didn't manage to keep my my eyes open. I was too tired, but I was happy that we had to this chat, I thought it would be harder, but knowing Dimitri had already spoke to her and she seemed to actually understand our point of view it had all turned out for the better.

Now there was only one more discussion left. Or two including my parents…

But before Dimitri had returned I was in a deep sleep.

!

My eyes opened suddenly as I was forced out of my dream.

I felt my heart pound hard in my chest as I took a deep ragged breath, sitting up I stared into nothing as I was trying to decide if it had been real or not.

I dreamt we were tangled in sheets, it was so blissful and easy. He was kissing me all over, whispering how much he loved me as his strong arms were tightly wrapped around me, keeping me warm.

Being pulled out of that into a sterile hospital room feeling cold and sweaty at the same time wasn't at all what I wanted. I just wanted him to hold me like that.

I suddenly realise that I didn't know if he had come back, my eyes instantly went to the door that was staring back at me. It was shut.

A warm hand landed on mine and my head snapped over in the other direction. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, just where he'd been as Lissa had entered, his elbow resting on his knee as the other was on top of mine.

I don't know why my heart was pounding so hard in my chest, I don't even know why I was suddenly on the verge of tears. But I couldn't hold it back, I didn't have any control.

Worry was written all over his face as his hand squeezed mine, "Did you have a bad dream? Was it about the crash?"

It was the most he'd spoken to me since he'd picked me up off of the floor when I had gone of my search for him. I knew he had a lot on his mind and maybe he wasn't ready to talk, but I needed some sort of confirmation that he still loved me. I was being completely pathetic for thinking that he wouldn't, but I just needed it. I needed him.

I kept staring at him, my fingers were itching for him, to feel him beneath my finger tips, to hear him tell me that he loves me. But I didn't want to force him. He had been very guarded over the last twenty four hours.

"Rose? Do you want to me get a nurse?"

Shaking my head slowly I couldn't look away from him, if I blinked the tears would spill over.

"Can you hold me?" My voice was shaky and weak. It was almost as if I was asking for permission for him to touch me. It sounds stupid, but I felt stupid after everything that had happened.

He frowned slightly as if he didn't understand what I was trying to say. I forced myself to sit up more, flinching as a stabbing pain shot through my side, he got out of his chair, "Please don't move, it's not good for-"

Looking up as he towered over me a tear escaped and trailed down my cheek. "Hold. me" I said more demanding now. My lower lip quivered as I spoke again, "Just, hold me" my voice cracked.

His eyes softened, it looked as if he was in pain hearing the desperation in my voice.

I could tell he was making an effort trying not to hurt me as I was still bandaged up in places but I didn't care. He moved his arms around my shoulders, I quickly moved my arms around his waist, I won't lie and say it didn't hurt but I didn't care.

Burying my face in his chest I felt more tears escape. I was trying to keep my breathing steady, I didn't want him to know I was crying, but I think he knew because he buried his face in my hair before planting a kiss there.

I wanted more, I wanted to feel his lips on mine. I craved it. Leaning my head back his gaze met mine and I could almost see his heart breaking all over again seeing me this shattered.

"Rose" he exhaled my name as pain was written all over his face. But I didn't want pain, I just wanted him. Reaching up I grabbed a hold of his tshirt forcing him down for his lips to meet mine.

More tears fell as I finally had his warm soft lips were pressed against mine. I felt home.

I want him to come closer, tugging him closer he groaned against my lips.

"Rose I don't want to hurt you-"

"You won't" I insited as I rested my forhead against his, "I just need you to hold me"

He sighed heavily as hands were holding my face. Meeting my gaze I think he couldn't resist my pleading eyes as he sat down next to me, pulling me towards him. He was careful to move my IV so it wasn't in the way as I straddled his lap.

Moving his arms around my waist, I rested my head agsinst his chest, holding onto his shirt. I held onto him as if my life depended on it. All I could hear was his heartbeat and his steady breathing. It was the most soothing sound.

I could sense him on the edge of speaking, he held me tighter, it was as if he was struggling with either where to start or wether to shout or cry about what had happened. So I spoke first, "I love you" it wasn't what I meant to say, but it was what came out. Leaning back so I could see his face, I reached up touching his face gently, "And I'm so, so sorry"

His face sobered up from the slight warmth that had been pushing through. His eyes were hard on mine for for a while before he looked away slowly shaking his head to himself.

Dropping my head I was bitiing my lower lip, tears were starting to well up again.

"I just don't understand" his voice was hoarse. "I don't understand how or even why you would do something so stupid?"

I didn't look up, the tears were too close to pouring over, I couldn't meet him right now. But I could feel his gaze hot on me.

"Why would you do that Rose?" His voice was dripping with disappointment and the tears were free falling. "How could you be so reckless?"

My lip quivered but I bit into it harder to make it stop.

"Did you think how any of this would implement any of us? Your parents? Me? I knew you cold be spontaneous sometimes and sometimes a bit reckless, but somethoing like this? How-"

"I only wanted to see you!" I couldn't hold it in. "I know it wasn't right, I already feel stupid, so so fucking stupid for what I did. I hate knowing what it could have done to you and everyone surrounding me. But I made a mistake. A horrible mistake that shouldn't happen but it was a mistake. I would never ever get behind the wheel like that Dimitri, but I was too far gone, too deep into my own little personal hell I created for no one but myself"

His eyes were hard on mine as he didn't say a word. Tension in his jaw told me he didn't like what I was saying or he was too worked up heearing it. But I also knew he wanted to take part of the blame, it was the way he'd always been, always my knight in shining armour. But in this he couldn't just take part of my guilt away. It was all mine.

"The only thing you need to know Dimitri is that this is nobody's fault but mine-"

"I should have-"

I was raising my voice slightly so he would truly listen to me. "There always a coulda woulda shoulda, but it doesn't matter now. I made the decision to drink a whole bottle of gin. I made the decision to shut you out, I made the decision to get behind the wheel in a stupid state like that. I did, not you"

"That doesn't change how I feel about you, about this situation, about all of this"

I frowned slightly at his tone of voice. He was holding back, I'm not really sure why, he had never been the one to hold back when it come to something I'd done wrong. Not always in a bad way, I know it was all because he cares for me.

"Why are you holding back?" I wasn't asking for a fight, but just like with Lissa, we both needed to say our piece to be able to move past this. I couldn't have him act different all because of a stupid decision of mine. "Why aren't you shouting at me? Why aren't you telling me how incredibly stupid I was and how you are out of your mind angry with me? Why are you holding it all in?"

His face was still sober, "How will that make it better?"

"Because you need to get it out, you can't just hold things like that in Dimitri. It's not healthy. If you're angry with me then be it, but don't hide away from me, it will only make it worse"

"You want me to shout at you? Tell you how disappointed I am in you? Of the decision that you made? That I thought you were smarter than that?"

It hurt. Every word that left his mouth hurt, but I had asked for them. Becuase I couldn't stand the thought of him holding it in and a few months down the line explode in anger because of this. At least he was honest.

He exhaled in frustration, I had truly gotten him going now, he was tense all over. "Do you know the police is charging you for this? Drinking and driving, I mean what the hell were you thinking Rose? You could serve time for somehting like that-"

"I wasn't sober, I know it's a shit excuse but I wasn't thinking clearly"

"No you weren't, you haven't been for quite some time" anger was lingering in his voice.

"No I haven't" I snapped back, "I haven't made the best decision lately but I was going through a rough time I-"

"I wanted to be there for you but you wouldn't let me!" He snapped. "Do you even know what that feels like? To be pushed away and to be denied access to the one and only thing closest to your heart?"

Tears were still constantly running down my cheeks.

"Do you know what it feels like when my sister tells me that you've been in a car crash? Seeing all those missed phone calls to when you needed me and knowing that I wasn't there for you? I wanted to throw up Rose, I didn't know what to do with myself, I felt sick of the mere thought of you lying all by yourself in the dark, helpless as the light is slowly fading from your eyes"

Running his hand through his hair in frustration, "I could have fucking lost you!"

I swear I saw a watery sheen to his eyes. "I was running for my fucking life from the car hoping I wouldn't hear the worst as I came in. It was the most horrible and disgusting feeling I have ever felt and I never want to feel it again"

It was as if he was shaking with the anger that was finally being released.

"I'm angry becuase I could have lost you. I could have lost you after finally having you back again and this time it would have been permanent"

Slowly reaching over I gently placed my hand onto his. He jumped slightly as I did, not prepared for my touch. "But you didn't" I said gently.

My other hand reached for his jaw as I turned his head to meet mine, "I know I made the wrong deicisons and I'm so so sorry for that. But I am here, with you. I can't change what happened and you can't keep thinking about the what if's, it'll only make things worse"

Swallowing he slowly started shaking his head, "But what if-"

Shaking my head slowly I silenced him. "All we should think about is the now" Moving closer I moved my arms around him again.

"I love you" I murmured as I burried my face in his chest.

He held me tighter. "I love you too Rose, so fucking much" he paused for a second, "We're not done talking about this"

I nodded as I held him close to me. Then we just sat there, holding one another, in compelete silence. It was pure bliss.

"What were you dreaming earlier?"

The images came flashing back. My throat was still thick from tears. "We were in your bed" I said licking my lips, "All tangled up in your sheets, you were kissing me" It felt hard to swallow. "Tell me how much you love me"

These damn tears weren't stopping today. Pulling back I ran a hand through my hair I was trying to hide them.

I could almost hear him frown, "That sounds like a good dream, you looked as if you were in pain when you woke up"

A sniffle escaped, "It was only becuase I woke up, I didn't want to" I tilted my head back, meeting his gaze again. "I wish that it could be like that, just us in our own bubble and nobody around. Why can't it be like that? Why did I have to do this? We could be doing so much better things then spending time in a stupid hospital"

A small smile tugged at his lips, I bet I looked like an idiot. "I can be like that, it will be like that but you need to get better"

"But you make it better" I sniffled. God I felt so soppy and I felt a bit childish putting it like that. But I was the truth.

I knew our conversation wasn't done, but at least it had started, at least we were speaking our minds. One thing I wasn't looking forward to was the wrath of my mother... I could only pray I'd survive her so I could see Dimitri after.

So what do we think? Did Lissa get off to easy or do you think she was mature in forgiving her but taking her time for them to build up the trust again after what have happened? What did you think of what happened between Rose and Dimitri?

Lot's of Love xx