It didn't take a genius to see that Rodney and John were pissed at me. Rodney was pracitcally steaming at the ears but John's anger was far more scary. He was the quiet kind of angry, the menacing look in his brown eyes telling me to talk or he'd snap at any moment. Teyla at least looked concerned. Ronon's chesire cat grin told me all I needed to know as he threw himself backwards onto my cheap bed and folded his hands behind his head. Damn I was in trouble.
"Lieutenant." John greeted me curtly and I quickly composed myself, a tiny amount of hurt pricking my heart. I hadn't quite expected him to be this mad over it.
"Colonel." I kept my voice cool, "What are you all doing here?" I asked, discreetly slipping my USB stick of information into my pocket and folding my arms over my chest. Keeping my face blank felt like a mammoth task suddenly to me, I had been lieing to everyone for years but I didn't want to lie to these people anymore. But I didn't want them dead either. John mimicked my stance and I felt those stupid butterflies fluttering in my stomach again. His eyebrow rose,
"You ran away without a goodbye, we thought you might be in trouble. The General didn't disclose details but agreed you could use back up. We're your team." I heard more than was being said and it made the guilt consume me once more, gnaw at my insides mercilessly. He wasn't just saying they were my team, We're your friends Tegan. We're trustworthy. We won't let you do this alone, that's what he was saying really. Swallowing thickly I shook my head, stubbornly refusing to open the floodgate.
"I don't need you here, it's a menial task, you should go back home." I tried to say it dismissively but even to my ears it sounded weak.

John's expression turned dark, brown eyes hardening and glaring at me with such intensity I flinched back, realising the worst part was yet to come.
"Goddamit Tegan! We're not just your team, we're your friends, your family! Rodney's practically your goddamn brother! You're secretive, you don't trust easily, we get that and we put up with it. But you opened up to me, you trusted me enough to tell me about your parents and I know that was hard for you. I appreciate it Tegan but you can't do this alone and we won't let you!We're staying, and we're helping, because I will be converted to a wratih worshipper before I let you get yourself killed!" he was practically barking at me and every word he spoke made me step back until my back was pressed against the wall and I was cringing into it. Seeing my pale face and slightly shocked expression his own face softened some. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning to the others, "Give us a minute." his order was abrupt and he was regarded suspiciously by the others for a moment before they silently filed out of the room, Rodney glaring at me all the way. The door clicked shut and a tense silence filled the air. It dragged to, for five long minutes we did nothing but look at each other. "I'm sorry." he said finally. The frustration in his voice was still clear, "Tegan I...you have to trust us with this. It's him isn't it? The man that was trying to murder you before?" he looked agitated and was pacing the room already,my eyes widened,
"How d-do you know about that?" I managed to choke out. My breath caught in my throat, my heart begining to hammer in my chest. John stopped for a moment,
"You told me once when we were having a conversation." he reminded me. My lower lip quivered, my eyes stung and I bit down on the inside of the cheek. I would not cry infront of John Sheppard, I would not cry full stop.
"That was so long ago." my voice was thick with unshed emotion and I knew John heard the double meaning behind my words. He shrugged, stopping infront of me suddenly making me blink owlishly at him.
"I remember every conversation we've had." his voice was soft, and I could hear the hurt he wouldn't show.

This close, I could smell his apple scent again, and it was making me dizzy. I could remember the last time we were this close, the first time he'd comforted me. Every instinct in my body was screaming at me to not tell him anything but he wouldn't let me, his eyes wouldn't let me lie.
"John you could get hurt...I can't let that happen." my voice cracked and I saw his eyes soften furthur, they looked like pools of chocolate and I was drowning in them. My legs felt weak but John didn't let me fall. He held me close, lending me his strength and I tensed for a minute, both of us feeling awkward at the physcial contact. Under his shirt I could feel the muscles in his torso. Biting my lip I swallowed thickly,
"How many missions could you have said the same thing for?" he asked. Shaking my head I pulled back to look at him, studying his face. The determination I saw on his face made me want to cry. Why couldn't he see how dangerous this was?
"He's smarter than the wraith John! He's so much more dangerous. He's pyschotic! He wants to kill me and nobody will stand inbetween him and me in the end, I won't let you put yourself in that kind of danger for me!" I insisted. John shook his head and opened his mouth to protest but I cut him off, "He'll kill every single one of you and won't bat an eye lid. I won't lose anyone else I care about to him, everybody associated with me ends up dead. I won't cry over anymore bodies John, I can't, I don't have it in me!" I cried. John placed his hand on my arm and squeezed tightly,
"You won't. We're careful, we're smart, we're quick. You won't lose us. Please, Tegan, let us in, we don't want to be crying over you either you know." he watched me carefully and I looked away, unable to meet his gaze. Knowing they would do this for me was bad enough but the fact I was considering it made me feel sick to the stomach.

But maybe he was right, I knew there was a slim chance I'd come out of this alive if I did this on my own. The door burst open and suddenly, in burst a red faced Rodney,
"Somebody's trying to kill you!" he exploded. Rolling my eyes I pushed him backwards out of habit.
"Don't get in my face Rodney." I warned him. He glared heatedly at me,
"Why didn't you tell me someones trying to kill you?" he snapped, completely ignoring my warning.
"Because I didn't quite know how to put it into a conversation Rodney. Oh by the way, the nutjob that murdered my parents is coming after me next, fancy heading to the mess hall I hear they're doing your favourite jello." I replied, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"It doesn't matter." John cut in firmly, "What matters is how we're going to help her get him first." he gave me a look that told me there was no arguing and I sighed, already feeling defeat creep up on me. "You take the lead then Lieutenant." he invited, sitting on the bed and making it clear he wasn't moving until I started to talk through the plan. The others followed his lead and I groaned before moving to place my USB in my laptop and loading it up.
"I don't have a plan yet." I admitted. Rodney scoffed.
"Wonderful." he quipped mockingly. Glaring him into silence I clicked on the only video on the stick.
"Because I have no information to go on. He left this, whatever this gives me I follow. I follow the trail he leaves until I reach the end...and then he's mine." my tone was cold and heartless but I didn't care. I wanted him gone, I wanted him out of my life. Teyla frowned,
"Who is that man?" she asked, looking uncomfortable and shifting slightly when his the piercing red eyes staring back at her. Sighing slightly, I quickly explained who Gary Murdale (A.K.A The Ghost) was and saw their expressions take a disgusted twist. My stomach knotted as I clicked play, my mind reeling before I calmed it enough to listen to his next clue.

"Congratulations, I'm glad you were able to find this clue, it makes the game much more fun doesn't it? But alas your sad story isn't over yet is it? No, to find me you're going to have to delve deeper into your own tragic past. How about a riddle for your next clue? Rock-a-bye pilot, up in the sky, should the plane crash that pilot will die, when missles fire the plane will fall, and down comes the pilot, cargo and all. See you there Tegan."

His voice was the same spine chillingly cold tone. His sickening smirk made me feel queasy. Shuddering I thought back to the only plane crash I had ever been affected by. My chest tightened and I struggled to breath for a moment, shakily lowering myself onto the desk by my laptop and carefully closing the lid.
"Rodney, open the window." I whispered. He moved to do as I asked and I took in deep lungfuls of the fresh air, in through my nose, slowly exhaling through my mouth, until I felt calm enough to open my eyes and look at the concerned and penetrating glances of my team. I was leading them to their deaths. Shaking the thought from my head I stood back up on shaky legs.
"Your friend Alex?" John guessed with a frown. Looking at him in suprise I nodded once, trying to ignore the hollow feeling I felt creeping into my heart.
"You really listened huh?" I mumbled, running my hand over my face.
"Why would he want you to go back there?" Rodney asked, looking confused.
"Because this is what he does. He learns your worst fears, memorises the things that cause you the most pain and orchestrates them. It's his own method of torture. I don't reccomend unpacking your bags. If you want to help me, we're leaving on the earliest flight tomorrow for Afghanistan. We're heading to my old military camp. They packed up and left a year after Alex died so the place should be abandoned." I informed them.

The other three quickly departed with a reassurance that I'd see them tomorrow. John was the only one that stayed for a moment.
"I thought you said she managed to fly them back to base." he said eventually. Nodding at him I sighed and lay backwards on my bed,
"She did, but the landing was...rough. The nose of the plane was buried and left a crater the size of a stargate. She was in bad shape." I revealed quietly. There was a pregnant pause for a moment.
"You're not going to be okay reliving all these memories, are you?" he asked quietly. Hesitating for a minute to think about it I shrugged,
"Who the hell knows anymore? I bury things John, it's what I do." It wasn't a total lie. I did bury things, but it didn't always work. Judging on the stare I was recieving he knew it too.
"Buried things have a habit of resurfacing." his wise words made me heave another tired sigh and I shook my head.
"Look, I'm mentally exhausted, today's been long just...if you really are so stubborn that you'll come with me can you book the flight for tomorrow please?" I watched him nod and bit my lip as he walked towards the door, I had blurted his name before I could stop myself. Feeling vulnerable as I sat up and grabbed my pyjamas, "I...would you...I mean it's stupid but..."
"Spit it out Lieutenant." he smiled slightly and I cleared my thoart cheeks flushing bright red.
"I er...I'm scared to face Rodney, just...could you tell him please that I'm sorry?" I mumbled. Chuckling, John nodded and said another goodnight before leaving. Even though it was four in the afternoon. However, I didn't particularly want jet lag. Changing into my pyjamas I lay in bed for a long time but struggled to really find enough peace in my mind to sleep. My friends were in danger now, because of me. I didn't like it one bit but it seemed pointless arguing, wherever I went they would follow. It was flattering, that they had such a strong sense of loyalty to me they would be willing to do this. I just prayed it wouldn't kill us all.