While Katniss sleeps in my arms, I'm wide awake. My heart is still hammering in my chest at our most recent bout of lovemaking. Her comfort and her love surround me and make me feel safe. I wish I could have had this sense of security back in the Capitol. Back then, I doubted her love for me even before the venom started its work. Before they started to pump lies and poison into me. All I had to think about was our kiss in the Quell and I would start to think she may have felt something for me after all.

I shake myself and blink heavily. Those times are over. I keep telling her to stay here in the present so I have to remind myself to do that too. But I need to get up and do something rather than just lie here and let these thoughts consume me. Very gently, I release Katniss and bring the blankets around her. She lets out a little sigh that causes a strand of hair to land on her cheek. I softly move it away and kiss her forehead before I gather my boxers and pants and quickly dress.

I'm consumed with the thoughts of my family as I bake. I look over and see my two brothers in the corner by the oven. Dad comes through the door with his apron on and smudges of flour all over his cheeks. Mom comes down the stairs, wearing a look of disapproval, her eyes scrunched up in that eternal scowl.

"Those Seam brats! Someone hand me a rolling pin. I'm going to make sure that girl doesn't come anywhere near this house again!"

"Sweetheart, these are difficult times. You know many of the miners lost their lives in the explosion-" Dad tries to pacify her but she shrugs him off, looking furious.

"Don't defend them. They're trash. All of them. You're much too soft. And that stupid son of ours is following in your footsteps." I glance up from the corner, hearing every word. My brother casts me a sympathetic look but I turn back to my work. I chance a look out the window and feel my heart stop. Katniss Everdeen is rifling through our trash and she looks closer to death than I have ever seen. Her rags are completely tattered and she looks like she will freeze to death any minute in that brutal rain that has refused to stop for three days at least. I glance at the oven and see two loaves of our raisin nut bread on the shelf. Moving quickly, I reach in and ignore the scorching heat that burns my hands. I knock the loaves down and they fall off the shelf and close to the fire.

"Oops," I say loudly and grab mitts to reach the burned loaves.

"You idiot," I hear her shriek. "What can we do with burned bread? You are a waste of space, Peeta Mellark! Take them out and feed them to the pigs. And no dinner for you!"

"Sweetheart, please-"

"He's useless, Bran! Useless! And I won't have uselessness in this shop, do you hear me Peeta?"

"I hear you, Mother," I mutter as I lay the burned loaves on the counter. I got lucky. Only the edges of burned and the rest of it looks perfect. I glance out the window again and see that she has settled underneath the tree. She has her knees pressed against her chest and she seems to be crying into her arms. How much I wish I could go wrap my arms around her and comfort her. If I could, I would take my coats and blankets out to her too. But I know it would get us both in trouble. So I carry the bread outside and stand on our porch. I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder and turn to face my mother, who is brandishing her rolling pin at me.

"I don't know why we ever kept you, Peeta. If it weren't for your father, you would be living in the streets. With them!" My eyes fill with tears. I know she says hurtful things to me sometimes and she hits me often but I've never heard her say something this mean.

"You don't mean that, Mom," I plead. Her rolling pin hits me in the cheek and I stumble backwards.

"Get upstairs when you're finished cleaning up. I don't even want to look at you." She waits for a moment so I tear off a burned piece of the bread and toss it into our pigsty. Satisfied, she goes back inside and I glance over at Katniss. Her head is raised and she is looking right at me. I turn back to see if Mom is gone, then back to Katniss. Our eyes meet and it kills me to see how cloudy her grey eyes have become. She looks thin and frail, weaker than I'd ever seen her. I bite my lip and look down at the loaves in my hands. Shooting one more glance over my shoulder, I toss the bread in her direction. Without waiting to see what she does, I hurry back inside and watch from the window. She doesn't move for a moment. Come on Katniss, hurry up before someone sees! She glances from side to side, then slowly rises to her feet. She looks up at the Bakery one more time before she gathers the bread in her arms and takes off running toward the Seam. I smile, knowing I may have just kept her alive for at least another day. I don't think Mom knows what I did but I still have to endure more of her rolling pin that night because we didn't have enough bread to keep up with the demand. She made me stay in the Bakery after everyone had gone up to bed, with no dinner, to bake ten loaves for the morning rush. As I stayed up all night, all I could think of was Katniss's haunted stare.

As I feel arms wrap around me, small palms press against my chest and a warm cheek settles against my back, I'm brought back to the present. My hands cover hers and I turn back to face her, noticing that she is wearing nothing but one of my button up shirts. It looks huge on her and hangs off her slender frame. I grin as I reach out to grip her shoulders.

"You look gorgeous in my clothes." She accepts my kiss and straightens up.

"Are you alright?"

"Do I not look alright?"

"I just mean…you seemed so…far away when I walked in. A flashback?"

"No, it was just…a memory I suppose. When I bake, I think of my family." Her face softens and her hands reach up to grasp my cheeks.

"I'm here if you need me," she whispers and I stroke her cheek with the back of my hand, moving her hair behind her ear.

"I always need you," I whisper back before pulling her to me and claiming her mouth. Katniss and I have kissed many times in the past but it's these kisses that remind me that she is really with me. That we're not just pretending for cameras. That her heart actually does beat for me, just as mine has always done for her. Once when Snow visited me in my cell, he offered me a trade. My life for Katniss's.

The man obviously didn't know me. And I think he figured that out pretty quickly. Still, I remember one of the nights after we had first been taken. Before the hijacking and the beatings, they were just starving us and trying to scare us. Annie and I shared a cell at that time and the guard yelled at us to wake up. When I'd lifted my head, I saw Snow smiling down at me. I refused to move. I wouldn't even stand for this bastard.

"I've come with a proposition for you, Mr. Mellark." I'd waited, not saying a word.

"You've been a thorn in my side what with your announcements about love and marriage and babies. You helped fuel the people and the revolution. But it's your precious Katniss that has done the most damage. If you tell me where she is, I will spare you and let you leave here, unharmed. In fact, you and Miss Cresta here may return to District 4 together. All I need is information about the rebels. What are they planning to do? What is Miss Everdeen doing with them?" I'd stared up at him for the longest time. Hatred surged through me and I'd closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"I vowed long ago that I would die for Katniss," I'd said in a surprisingly calm voice. "Nothing has changed. You do what you want with me. But Katniss will be safe from your clutches and when the time comes, she will watch you burn in the fires she has stoked within Panem." He stared down at me, his face unchanging. Then I felt pain in my ribs where his pointed Capitol shoe had lodged itself.

"You've just made a grave error, Mr. Mellark," he sneered. "I'll exterminate each and every one of you Victors and I'll let you live the longest, so that you can be there to watch me destroy Katniss Everdeen. You will watch while I take her apart, piece by piece, starting with that pretty little sister of hers. Only when she is on her knees, begging for mercy, will I extinguish the girl on fire. And you will be there to witness her demise." His words had left me in a sobbing mess and I'd heard his evil chuckle as he strode out.

"Peeta?" I blink, shaking my head as I try to clear my thoughts. I feel her hands clutch my face and I open my eyes to see her stormy ones filled with concern.

"Peeta, come back to me. I need you, stay with me."

"I'm here," comes my determined voice. "I'm not leaving you."

"Don't let him keep taking you from me," she says as tears fill her eyes. My hands automatically go to her cheeks and I hold her as she is holding me.

"He can't. Not anymore. You protect me."

"We protect each other," she corrects me. I nod.

"We protect each other. I'm sorry I was just…remembering." She shakes her head and wraps her arms around me. I hold her close to my chest and I feel her wet cheeks as she buries her face in my flesh.

"Katniss?"

"Mm?" I sigh and pull her away, as much as I just want to keep holding her. Something has been bothering me since this morning and despite the fact that she may get angry, I just need to ask.

Her eyes are wide and damp as they stare up at me.

"Why don't you want to get married?" She sucks in a breath and takes a step back. I immediately regret it and reach out to hold her again.

"I'm sorry. Forget I even asked. It's none of my business."

"Would you quit being so damn good all the time," she snaps and this time, it's me that takes a step back in surprise.

"Peeta, you were my fiancé. Of course it's your business."

"That was all pretend. It was all to keep our families safe. I don't want to think about our time as Victors. I know you didn't want to marry me."

"I didn't not want to marry you," she says impatiently, "I just never wanted to get married in the first place! It wasn't personal." Suddenly, I'm angry. Not personal? HOW is that not personal? I told her that I didn't need to be married to her to be with her but I can't help but attach my name to hers and love how it sounds. I shake my head, trying to steady my breathing.

"You know what? Forget I ever said anything." I turn to leave, before I say or do something I'll regret, and I feel her small hand on my arm. I close my eyes.

"Let go, Katniss."

"No! Not until you stop and hear me out."

"I don't…I said forget it, Katniss. We don't need to do this."

"Damn it Peeta, LOOK at me!" My eyes snap open at her tone and I see that her eyes are filled with fire. She hasn't let go of my arm though. I breathe slowly and look her in the eyes. Her face softens and both of her hands clutch my wrists.

"It wasn't about you, I swear it wasn't. I never imagined myself married or even with someone. If I had to marry, I suppose I would have married Gale just because it made sense. I never saw him in that way. I never dated anyone or thought about doing those things that I heard girls whisper about. I just didn't have the capacity for those thoughts. All I cared about was taking care of my sister. Providing for my family. I swore when I was little that I would never marry because…marriage means children. And I would never bring children into this world. Before, it was because of the threat of the Games. Watching them be Reaped…I couldn't imagine. Now it's because of what the Games did. I could never see myself as a mother because of how messed up I am. I couldn't bring a child into this world and ask him or her to be ok with my…problems. When I suggested that we get married, to pacify Snow, Haymitch told me you didn't want it like that. That you wanted it to be real. I still couldn't understand because I couldn't possibly comprehend the level of love you had for me. And I was figuring out my feelings towards you, while still thinking of protecting my sister. I know I love you now but I'm still terrified of marriage. Which is why, when I saw Delly today, I was about to tell you to go to her and to let me go." My jaw drops at this confession and she can't even look me in the eye.

"She's…she's beautiful. And young. With no scars, not a blemish on her perfect Merchant body. She would be a wonderful mother…and all I saw, for a moment, was a bunch of blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids running around town, with you and her trailing after them. You deserve someone like her, Peeta. Not someone broken, like me."

I seriously cannot listen to any more. Any more words like this and I might have a flashback. I take her hands in my own and pull her close. When she still refuses to look at me, I cup her chin and tilt her face upwards.

"I don't want someone who is unmarked. I'm broken too, Katniss. We went through hell together, even before the rebellion. We understand each other. We comfort each other. We've always done everything together and I don't want that to change. But…tell me the truth. Did you choose me…just because Gale left you here? I mean, was I your second choice?"

"You were never my second choice," she says firmly and my heart leaps. "About a week after Haymitch and I had returned to 12, I received a letter from Gale, asking me to join him in District 2. He didn't even have the decency to ask me to my face. Because he knew I still blamed him. But even more than that, he knew I would turn him down. Because I had to be here when you returned. I had to tell you, once and for all, that I loved you."

"You didn't even know if I would be coming back." Her words are making my heart soar but I'm trying to keep my voice level. I don't want to her to know the effect she is having on me but then again, she never does.

"I knew," she says simply with a small shrug. "If anyone can come back from that hell, it's you. I knew that eventually you would return. I just had to wait for you to come back." I don't voice what I'm thinking. If she was waiting for me, why had she given up before I returned? Why was she so close to death when I showed up on her doorstep? Haymitch had said she had begged him and Sae to let her die. That doesn't sound like a girl who said she would wait for me.

Then again, Katniss has been through just as much as me, if not more. And she didn't have months of therapy to help her through it. She was forced to return to District 12, to the ashes of our home and family and friends, where she had lived her life just trying to protect her sister. I miss my family everyday but Katniss and Prim seemed to be one entity sometimes. I can't imagine the pain she went through when she found out her best friend could have been involved in her sister's death. And who was there for her? Not her mother. Not her best friend. A drunken mentor who probably remained in his inebriated state so he wouldn't have to feel the pain that Katniss was facing.

So I think about her words. I'm not as offended as I was a few moments ago. She's explained herself to me and I truly believe that she loves me. So no, I don't need marriage to prove that. Am I hoping she will one day change her mind? Absolutely. But I won't press the matter. For now, I reach out and pull her into my arms, my hand making soothing patterns on her back.

"I'm sorry Peeta," I hear her sigh. "I'm sorry that I can't be everything that you deserve. I know I'm what you want…but I don't think I'm what you need." I pull her away, gripping her shoulders and capture her gaze again. I feel a flood of emotions coursing through me and I steady my breathing before I speak.

"For too many years, people told me what I needed. My mother, my father, my brothers, my teacher, my wrestling coach…they all thought they knew what was best for me. Being Reaped sort of gave me some independence in a way. It let me figure out for myself what it was that I needed. My wants and my needs weren't always the same but most of the time, they were. And they didn't match up to what everyone else was telling me. So I'm through with listening to other people when they say what they think I need. So you can stop presuming to know too, alright? I need you, Katniss. Like I need air. It's that simple. You can believe me or not but I know I would not last a day without you in my life." With a sob, she flings herself in my arms and cries into my chest. I can't handle all the crying. It's making me feel helpless, like I'll never be able to make her smile again. So I do the only thing I can think of. I cup her chin and mold my lips over hers. She gasps against my mouth but I refuse to move. I feel her start to respond and I inch my tongue across her lips. When she parts her lips even more, my tongue meets hers and I feel my whole face start to heat up. My hands drift down to the buttons on her (my) shirt and I rip them open, hearing some of them ping against the floor. Who cares, I can buy new shirts. My hand caresses her breast and she moans into my mouth, making my jeans tighten even more. I sweep her up into my arms and carry her up the stairs to my room. I gently toss her onto the bed and hover over her, her wide eyes boring into mine.

"You know what I need right now, Katniss?" She smiles and I swear it lights up the room.

"I think I can guess," she mutters as her fingers work at the button of my jeans. I fall over her and plan on spending the rest of the afternoon showing her exactly what I want AND need.

I'm sitting on the edge of the bed in my boxers, my prosthetic tucked under me and my sketchpad on my knee. She's still pink from our lovemaking and her dark hair is spread underneath her and I have to resist from running my fingers through it. Her chest moves up and down steadily as she snores lightly, one of her hands is tucked under her chin. She's a vision and I'm suddenly feeling inspired. My eyes drink her in completely, afraid that when I look up she'll be gone and I'll discover this has all been some horrible dream. She lets out a little moan and my charcoal freezes on the paper, afraid of waking her, but she shifts a little and goes right back to sleep. The sheets have pulled down low and I see one of her breasts peeking out tantalizingly. One of her legs sticks out from the sheets and I can clearly see the pattern of scars, making their way up toward her thighs. She'll never believe me but I think she's even more beautiful now. I tear my eyes away and return to my sketch. I can't possibly accurately depict the beauty before me but I can damn well try. As she moves again, her hand falls to her side and she breathes gently. Her arm is at an awkward angle and I know it will be sore if she keeps it that way. I gently take her wrist and reposition it on her stomach, so she won't be uncomfortable. But when I take her wrist in my hand I notice something strange. There is a scar there that I have never noticed before. One that doesn't belong with the others. My thumb softly traces across the thin line across her wrist and I feel my heart starting to race. My eyes fly to her face and I feel them searching the sleeping girl for some sort of explanation. Why had I never noticed this before? How could I not? I thought I had memorized every freckle and every scar. Why would I miss this one? She moans again and her hand twitches and I immediately withdraw my hand but my eyes are still drawn to that white line. I have the sudden need to hold her. To caress her so tightly that she will never want for anything, never feel a lack of love in her life, never doubt my need for her. I set the sketchpad aside and gather her in my arms, bringing her into my lap and rest her head on my chest. Drawn to the warmth, she nuzzles her cheek against my chest and I bring her wrist to my lips. I try to kiss that scar away. But of course it's still there. Glowing brightly, mocking me. Reminding me that I wasn't always there to protect her. I know I'll have to ask her about it eventually. I need to know when. When she had lost so much hope, she wouldn't think about how much it would affect the rest of us. How much it would destroy me to live without her.

Then again, I've always said Katniss has no idea of the effect she has on people. I feel like a broken record when I tell her that but it's true. I guess there are some things in our lives that we can never believe. I still have a hard time believing she's really here with me, of her own free will. Sometimes I expect to see cameras around Victor's Village whenever she kisses me. I know that's my hijacked brain talking but I was pretty insecure even before I was captured. It's what she does to me.

Her little moans bring me out of my thoughts and I glance down at her. She's shaking her head and a frown has formed between her brow. I bend down and kiss that spot, smoothing out the frown line and she bites her lip.

"Please…no," I hear her whisper.

"Katniss?"

"Don't! Don't touch him! Peeta!" I squeeze my eyes shut, my heart tearing at her pain. My hand goes to her cheek and I gently shake her.

"Katniss, wake up. Not real. You're just dreaming, it's not real."

"Peeta…don't leave me. Please…please stop hurting him!"

"Katniss!" She's started to writhe in my arms and I struggle to hang onto her.

"Stop it! Take me instead. Please, kill me instead!"

I can't take anymore. I'm drowning in her words and I have to save us both. I gently slap her cheek and her eyes fly open.

"Hey, it's ok," I say soothingly as soon as her eyes meet mine. "I've got you, you were just dreaming."

"Oh my god Peeta," she throws her arms around my neck and I hold her close.

"Not real, Katniss. Not real," I mutter. "You're safe in my arms. I'll never let you go."

"They were killing you," she sobs, "they were killing you in front of me and I…I couldn't…Peeta, I begged them to take me instead!"

"Shhh, Katniss, calm down. I promise, you've been here with me this whole time. It was a nightmare. You're safe. We're safe." She starts to relax against me and my arms tighten around her. I smooth back her hair and kiss her forehead.

"Don't ever say you'll trade places with me," I say softly. "I would die for you Katniss. You know that."

"No," she says sharply. "I don't want you to. If something happens…we go together."

"Katniss, nothing is going to happen," I'm suddenly reminded of the first Games, when she pulled out the berries and I shake my head. "We're safe. The Capitol is defeated. No one's coming after us."

"But-" I have to stop her from talking and I use her tactic; I lean forward and kiss her roughly, my lips conquering hers. It's then that I notice that she is still naked and I gently tug her lip with my teeth. She succumbs and I feel her fingers wrap around my curls as she kisses me back. She adjusts herself in my lap and wraps her legs around my waist, so that her bare breasts rub against my chest and I feel her grind against my growing erection. I break away to gasp her name.

"Katniss-" but she surges forward, claiming her rightful place at my lips again and I lose myself in her. My hand drifts down and cups her breast, pinching her dusty nipple and hearing her squeal into my mouth. I lean her back so I can lower my lips to her chest and I take one breast into my mouth. She tosses her head back with a sigh and grips my hair with both hands. As I kiss up and down her chest, I register her hand sneaking between us and pulling at the waistband of my boxer briefs. Without thinking, I slide them down my legs and pull Katniss closer. She's about to lower herself onto me when we hear a gruff voice downstairs.

"Where the hell is everyone?"

Katniss lets out a little scream and nearly falls off my lap. She moves to the bed, twisting the sheets around her while I try to pull my underwear up but just proceed to trip myself up and I go crashing to the floor.

"Peeta!" I look up at her, leaning over the bed, and I wince as I rub my bruised backside.

"I'm ok."

"Haymitch, don't you know how to knock," she screams out the door and I have to suppress a chuckle.

"I did knock! No one answered," came his reply.

"That should tell you something!" she screams back. There's silence and I can just imagine the look on our old mentor's face.

"Oh shit…ew…I'll come back later!" Katniss and I meet eyes and we both start to laugh. I shake my head and pull myself to my feet.

"We'll be right down, Haymitch," I call to him as I reach for my jeans. She untangles herself from the sheets and slinks toward me. My eyes cannot leave her breasts, her nipples hardening from the cold air.

"Let him wait a while longer," she says in a husky voice that makes me start having trouble getting my jeans on. Her arms dart out and pull me to her and we both go crashing to the bed, her legs wrapped around my waist and making it quite impossible to get off of her. But then, I really don't want to.

Katniss and I are holding hands when we enter the kitchen and see Haymitch bent over, peering in the refrigerator. I clear my throat loudly and he jumps and looks up. His eyes fly to our joined hands and then up to our faces.

"What are you doing, Haymitch?" Katniss asks with a scowl.

"I'm hungry. Don't have food at my place."

"Thought you were content with a liquid diet," she sneers. Haymitch gives her a cold glare.

"What happened to you hunting every morning sweetheart?"

"Hey, knock it off," I interrupt their squabble as I make my way to the cabinets. "I have some lamb stew I can put on to cook. Katniss didn't go hunting because she went into town with me. I asked her to stay with me."

"Fine. Tell me how your visit with the Mayor went."

"Nice of you to tell me that Brent is our new Mayor," Katniss says testily as she fills up glasses of water for us.

"What does that matter? First time I saw him, he started asking me about you and Gale. I never liked that triangle and I'm staying away from it still." I tense only slightly.

"Piss off, Haymitch. There was never a triangle."

"Could have fooled me."

"Gale and I were hunting partners and friends. That is it. I never felt anything like that for him. Brent only wants to know about Gale because Hazelle asks about him. He doesn't think anything like that…you're just trying to make trouble."

"Me? Trouble? Never." I scoff and shake my head as I toss the can into the trash. I feel Katniss's hand on my shoulder and I relax under her touch.

"Don't listen to him," she whispers in my ear. "You're the only one."

"I know," I tell her honestly as I lean in for a kiss. Haymitch gags.

"If you two are going to do that I'll go back to my geese."

"No one exactly invited you over here," she snaps and I squeeze her hand.

"Haymitch do you have to get her so riled up?"

"It's fun for me," he says with a grin. I roll my eyes and turn back to the stove.

"Anyway, tell me the new good news. Are we getting a new bakery?" I glance at Katniss before I turn and nod.

"We are. My dad left me all of the land plus a little extra, so that we can expand. We signed the official papers and are ready to start plans."

"That's great news kid," he comes over to me and claps me on the shoulder and he looks genuinely happy about it. "I'm really glad to hear that."

"We just need to decide…" I glance at Katniss nervously and she gives me a smile. I swallow and continue. "We just need to decide if we are going to try to rebuild the original bakery…or tear it down and build a new one?"

"Have you even been to the bakery?" My throat is dry as I shake my head no. Katniss's arms are entwined with mine and I hold her close. Haymitch sighs heavily.

"Well kid I won't lie to you. There's not a whole lot left. I think starting over new is a good idea. You could make it your own. You could make it Mellark's and Sweetheart's." Katniss rolls her eyes but I grin. I love the idea of Katniss helping me do this. Even when we open, I want her there with me. Maybe not baking but I'm sure I can help her with the register or even teach her some things to help with in the kitchen.

"It will be ours," I say softly and she looks at me in surprise. I smile at her and bring her hand to my lips, kissing her fingers softly. "What's mine is yours."

"Well then I think we should go find Thom tomorrow and start making plans for our bakery," she says with a smile. I swear I'm about to lift off the floor, I'm feeling so light. My heart is soaring and all I want to do is kiss her until she's breathless. But I squeeze her hand and lean into her.

"Ours," I repeat softly and the smile she gives me makes me see fireworks behind my eyes.