I wanted to update on Valentines Day but then decided this next chapter isn't exactly a super happy one! So here is the next installment! I'm off tomorrow so if I get some reviews tonight, I may post another tomorrow evening! As always, please review and let me know what you think! Writers need criticism, constructive or otherwise ;) and it's always wonderful to hear that someone enjoys your work!

:)

Peeta's hand shakes in mine and I try to steady him with all the love I can give. Haymitch decided to stay home, but he took me aside and told me if Peeta came back today without having a flashback, he would be shocked. I simply scowled and told him to have faith in our Peeta but he just raised his brow and sent us on our way. Peeta asked Thom to meet us at the bakery and he has been twitchy all morning. I even tried to cheer him up by sliding my hand into his boxer briefs when we first woke up but he gently pushed me away and shook his head. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt but I can't let my stupid feelings of rejection get in the way of today. I know why he's distracted and moody. I still have trouble going to the meadow. I literally try to walk around it when I go into the woods. Which is nearly impossible.

Victor's Village is fading behind us as we come into town. Many of the buildings are rebuilt but there are some empty spaces where a building once stood. Shops. Houses. Schools. Medical facilities. District 12 may be rebuilding but it still has a long way to go.

"Tell me about this part of town," I whisper to him as we walk slowly. He sucks in a breath and looks around.

"The Cartwrights lived right there. I used to go and play with Delly and we would create animals out of dough. Once, when we were thirteen, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. When I looked up at her, she leaned in to kiss me again and I jerked back. I said brothers and sisters didn't kiss and she just sighed and said 'Peeta, we're not really brother and sister. Maybe someday we will marry.' And I told her, no, I would marry Katniss Everdeen or nobody. She screamed that I was a horrible boy and ran back inside so I went home. Later that evening she came over to apologize. I told her all was forgiven and that I had been stupid. Katniss would never see me like that. She put her arm around me and said with a sweet smile, 'I think you underestimate yourself. If anyone can capture her heart, it'll be you.'"

"You're making that up."

"I swear it's the truth. Everyone could see how plainly in love I was with you."

"Including your mother?" A horrible thought hits me and I squeeze his hand. His brow goes up as he watches me in concern.

"Peeta…that's why…is that why your family refused to move to Victor's Village? Because of me?" Peeta sighs and kicks a rock with his toe. I feel my heart sink. Had he chosen me over his family? Will I EVER be good enough for this boy?

"Mom didn't hide the fact that she was disgusted with my choice. Even when I pleaded for them to realize that you had saved my life. Dad and my brothers all couldn't wait to meet you but my mom, she…she just didn't like anyone from the Seam. It wasn't just you. She treated all the Seam kids horribly when they came into the bakery and that's the only time I saw my father lose his temper with her. He was usually really sweet and kind but he didn't tolerate her hatred. When they came to see me, right after the Reaping, Dad tried to give me a bag of cookies. I told him to give them to you instead and my mom went nuts. Said that I was sure to die because I would die for that…that girl from the Seam," his voice lowered and I knew immediately those were not the words his mother had used. But I shrugged and let him continue, "and she said it would serve me right, not ever appreciating what I had and always wanting something else. She didn't realize that I wanted less, not more. I wanted to be a Seam kid. I wished every night that I would wake up with dark hair and grey eyes. I told my brother often that I was born in the wrong place. I loved baking but I wasn't great at it. At least that's what my mother told me often enough."

Peeta's words shake me to my core. What kind of woman could wish death on her youngest son? I cannot comprehend how someone as good and sweet and perfect as Peeta could have been raised by that witch.

"I wish I had invited you all to dinner one night," I say, slightly ashamed. "I would have loved to have a conversation with your father and your brothers."

"Katniss, things were so messed up when we came home, I didn't expect you to ever speak to me again let alone invite me to dinner. I feel horrible at the way I treated you."

There he goes again, being Saint Peeta. Ugh!

"I was the one who ran away from you! I thought you hated me, I was trying to sort out my feelings toward you and I wanted to stay away from you until I had. It wasn't fair to keep leading you on even more than I already had. I was so terrible to you, Peeta, and I hope one day you forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," he says firmly, stopping us and taking my hands in his. "We both acted like immature children. And don't forget, Katniss, we were. We were scared little kids when we went into that Arena and we were scared little kids when we came back home. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes you made then. We all made them. The fact is, I would take it all again…I mean, the Reaping, the Games, the Victory Tour, the Rebellion, the hijacking and the torture, the months spent in the Capitol, relearning everything, remembering why I loved you…I'd take it all again, Katniss, because it meant that we've wound up here. Together, like I always hoped. And it's for us, not for anyone else. It's all real and that's a dream come true for me." I want to capture his lips with mine and hold him close. I want to run my fingers through his hair and disappear in his arms forever. But what he just said makes me feel even worse. It's like he just proclaimed that if he hadn't gone through all of that, I wouldn't be here with him. Did I fall in love with him because I lost him?

No. I'd fallen in love long before that, hadn't I? If truth be told, something happened between us even before the Games. It's like, when he saved my life that night he took a piece of my heart and I never really got it back. I could deny it all I wanted but only one person had ever held my heart. This perfect boy…now a man, standing before me. But is that what he really thought? That I had only confessed my love because he had been through hell? The thought kills me.

I lean up on my tiptoes and take his face in both my hands, bringing him down to me for a fierce kiss. I kiss him until I can't breathe. When I draw back, his eyes are wide and searching and he looks bemused.

"You listen to me," I say, keeping a firm hold on his flushed cheeks. "I'm with you because I fell in love with you, a long time ago. Before everything happened. Don't you ever think that the only reason we are here together is because of everything that happened to you. I can't tell you exactly at which moment I discovered I loved you…maybe deep down, I always knew. But we didn't need all the hell we went through…we would have found a way to each other without it."

"Katniss-" but I shake my head and press forward again, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. I'm aware people are starting to stare and whisper and I could care less. I hold him close to me and I hear him groan against my lips. When we pull away, his eyes are still closed.

"Shit," he says weakly. I reach down and take his hand and his eyes open again. He swallows deeply and looks down at our joined hands.

"I-I didn't mean it that way, Katniss. I'm sorry if I upset you. I just meant…well, I was a huge coward. I don't know if I ever would have gotten up the courage to talk to you. The Reaping gave me that chance and although I would have preferred we didn't go through that either, it gave me the chance to really get to know you. And fall in love with you even more. I was ready to die for you even before I really knew you. Then when we went back to the Quell…I knew that I didn't want to come back this time. Because I thought you'd be happier without me, so why should you try to save me when you were the one who had a life back here? Even in the Capitol, when Snow was questioning me…he offered me deals, trading my life for yours. The idiot didn't know me or he would never have made me an offer like that. I'm shocked he even tried, knowing how closely he paid attention to our Games. But everything I did during my imprisonment, it was because he said it would keep you safe. So I didn't even question it. I said what they wanted me to say, even though it made me a traitor. When I found out they were planning to attack 13, I warned you even though I knew they would probably kill me. You were and are worth my very life."

I squeeze my eyes shut at his words, blinking back tears. I remember that morning. Watching Peeta's propo and his warning, then seeing his blood stain the tile floor and hearing his cries of pain. Hearing him say that Snow offered him a trade, that's new and doesn't make me feel any less of a monster. This beautiful man who has loved me his whole life and I can't even say I will marry him? What kind of bitch am I? Well, Johanna would answer that one in a heartbeat. The biggest bitch she's ever known. And I have to agree with her.

I feel his hands on my cheeks and he's watching me apprehensively.

"You ok?" I nod.

"Yeah. Um…we should keep moving." His eyes search mine for a moment before he nods and slips his hand into mine as we start walking again.

As we walk, he goes back to talking about the town. I learn who his best friends were, where his wrestling coach lived, where he liked to go read when things got bad at the bakery. When we reach it, we fall silent. Haymitch was right, there isn't much left. There's one wall left standing and a charred oven in the corner. Peeta releases my hand and walks through the remains of his home. Papers are scattered on the floor, there's charred pots and pans all over the place, and scorch marks stain the floor. Peeta is pale and I watch him warily as he looks around.

"This is where my father first taught me how to make frosting," he says very quietly and I step closer to hear him better. "And over here, I brought home my first A on a book report. Mom was even smiling then! This is the spot that Ryean told us he got a girl pregnant. That was the first time I had ever seen Mom hit him with her rolling pin. He had a black eye for a week. He told everyone he was carrying a tray of pastries and had fallen down the stairs." He has tears streaming down his face and I reach out for him but pull back, not sure if stopping him now is the best thing. He keeps turning on the spot or running over to a corner of the room. I try to follow him but I mostly just watch him.

"This is where, on the morning of the Reaping, Dad gave me his favorite dress shirt from when he was younger. I think they threw it away after my prep team took me when we first arrived at the Capitol." He reaches out and touches something that isn't there.

"When we came back from the Victory Tour, I told my family, at this counter, that I had asked you to marry me. That you would be a part of the family. My mother slapped me across the face and screamed at me that she wished I had died in the Arena. Dad grabbed her hand and yelled at her to get out. My brothers both hugged me and told me they were proud of me. Dad held me and said he was happy that I was happy. The four of us just…held each other in this spot. Until Mom came back in and told me, with the most solemn look, that she expected me to bring you to dinner that weekend so she could meet you." My jaw drops. He had never invited me to dinner. Then again, he probably knew I wouldn't have gone. I hesitantly approach him and wrap my arms around his waist. I feel his body shake with sobs and he bends over, still holding the imaginary counter. I move around him and gently lower him to the floor, bringing him closer and holding him tightly. His sobs shake the both of us and my hands run through his neatly-combed hair.

"They're gone, Katniss," he gasps. "They're gone and I'll never see them again. My family is dead." What can I say to that? Nothing. My little sister is gone too. The most family I ever had. But for some reason, we're still here. Peeta's family died and he survived. My sister died and I survived. He told me it's not up to us to decide who survives and who doesn't and I know that's true but it's still not fair. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Prim's name hadn't come out of that bowl. Would I have watched Peeta fight for his life, cheering him on, secretly pleading for him to return to me? Would he have died at the hands of a Career? Would he have come home a Victor, completely changed and scarred for life, with no one to hold him and chase away the nightmares? Or what would have happened if Peeta had not been Reaped with me? Would I still have survived? He saved me in there, I know it. But if I had returned a Victor, would he have finally spoken to me? Probably not. If he thought I was intimidating before Victor status, I know he wouldn't have even looked at me as a Victor. How different our lives could be.

But then, I realize, he's right. It's no good thinking about how things could be different. Things happened that lead us on our path to where we are today. There are many things that could be called a catalyst to these paths but the fact is, we're standing here together and I wouldn't change that for the world. So I sort of understand what he was saying, about how he would take it all again. I'm not sure if I think the sacrifices were worth it. I did everything I could, include go to the Arena, to protect Prim and yet the Games are over and she is gone. And Peeta, who was the most wonderful person in Panem, was forever changed by the terror of the Capitol. No we can't think about 'what-if' but I can think about how to make the most out of our second chance.

I urge him to lean on me and his head rests below my chin. He clutches my shirt tightly and continues to cry hysterically.

"They're still with you, Peeta," I whisper. "They're always with you."

"They were killed because of me."

"No! No that's not true, Peeta. Not real. It's the Capitol's fault. No one else's." I feel him tremble and he is fighting to remove himself from my embrace. When he pulls back, his face is hard and his eyes are dark. I swallow.

"No Peeta, don't let this happen. Please. Stay with me." He blinks and shakes his head.

"I have to go, Katniss. I'm sorry." He struggles to his feet and runs down the road, not looking back. I sigh heavily and hang my head, determined not to become a ball of tears out here in the open. But when I look down, I let out a little scream.

A skull is staring up at me with vacant eyes.

My hand claps over my mouth as I try not to retch. Thank God Peeta did not see.

I hear footsteps and I whirl around, hoping against hope he hadn't come back. Not yet.

"Peeta?"

"No, I'm sorry Miss Katniss, I didn't mean to spook ya." Thom holds his hands up and he looks wary.

"It's ok Thom, I'm sorry I got jumpy. Thanks for meeting me."

"Of course. Um…where's Mr. Mellark?"

"He…um…it was a bit too much for him. He'll be fine," I add and he nods.

"Well I brought the plans with me, so you can take them home and have him look over them?"

"I don't feel right making any decisions without him. But I know he wants to tear it down and start all over. I think it would be really nice if we could have this oven restored so he can have something of his family's."

"I know a guy in 3 who runs an appliance factory and who can fix up old appliances. I can give him a call and see if it's possible to save this one."

"And Thom…can we…um, we need to…" I wave toward the skull and his face pales.

"I'll get the clean up crew out here as soon as possible." I nod, swallowing. Should I tell Peeta? Will he want to bury them properly instead of just tossing them into a large pit? More importantly, can he handle that?

"Thank you, Thom," my voice sounds far away. "We will try to call you tomorrow to start on plans."

"My pleasure, Miss Katniss. Tell Peeta we're all rooting for him. We know he's a good guy and it would be great to see a bakery with Mellark's goods again."

"I'll tell him. Thanks again Thom." I wave the young man off and start back toward Victor's Village. I kind of want to go straight to the woods but I don't know if Peeta will need me or not so I make my way back home.

I find him painting. I stop in the doorway and he looks up, his eyes once again blue and beautiful.

"Sorry," he croaks and I shake my head.

"Nothing to be sorry about. We knew it would be difficult. What are you painting?" He doesn't answer and I move around him to look. My eyes widen in horror and I feel my heart ache.

"Oh Peeta," I reach out to touch him and he jerks away. His eyes don't leave the painting. He had started to paint his family. Maybe it was a happy memory, one that made him smile, until the terror set in. Now the picture is full of flames and smoke and screams. The bakery is on fire and I can feel the flames licking my face as I lean closer. The looks on his family's melting faces makes me shudder.

"Peeta, why did you paint this?"

"Why not? I told you I paint what I see. I see them in my mind every day. I wasn't here to help them." I try to hug him again but he tenses and stands up.

"Don't…just don't. I-I just need some time, Katniss. To be alone? Please?" I look into his eyes and tears cloud mine. He starts forward but I'm running from his room immediately. I hear him call my name once but I'm out the door before he can even make it to the stairs. I don't expect him to come after me. He's drained, as I knew he would be. I collapse on the porch and hide my face in my hands.

"That bad, huh?" I look up and see Haymitch watching me worriedly. I sniffle and wipe my face with the back of my hand.

"Come on. Let's have a drink at my place."

"I don't drink."

"You'll have tea then. Let's go." I take his outstretched hand and follow him across the way to his place. I sit on his porch while he bustles around inside and then he slides down beside me, handing me a mug of tea. I glance at his flask.

"You could have some too."

"I'll stick with my stronger stuff," he says quietly. We're both staring at Peeta's house and the thought of him alone up there makes me sick.

"How bad was it?"

"I think I would have preferred if he started yelling and throwing things," I say quietly. "He just…looked around. Talked about his family. He started to cry and then he just left. When I found him at home, he was painting the bakery on fire. With his family inside. It was the most terrible thing I have ever seen him paint. And I've seen him paint me as a mutt. I can't imagine the pain he is feeling and he won't let me help him. He told me he wanted to be alone."

"Don't take offence to that, sweetheart. You go off into the woods when you want to be alone and no one dares follow you. Peeta's refuge is his painting studio and we should respect his privacy while he's in there."

"But Haymitch…I lost my sister. We've all lost someone. Why should he experience that alone?"

"Because Peeta is used to being on his own. That bitch of a mother made him feel worthless and unworthy of love. His brothers, I gather, didn't stand up for him too much. And when you came into the picture, you weren't really there either." I snap my head around and he gives me an apologetic look.

"Sorry but it's true. He would come around my place a lot but he was pretty lonely. He's just used to doing it on his own. Yes it would be easier to let someone in and help him through this but it's new to him. You loving him is new to him too. He may know, in his heart that your love is real but when he gets like this, his hijacked brain will do anything it can to put you in a bad light. Fucking Capitol," he adds before he takes another swig.

"After he left…I found…a skull." I glance at him and see he freezes. "I mean I know it's one of his family's but I don't know who. And I don't know if I should…say something to him…we could give them a proper burial."

"If the kid couldn't handle seeing a melted oven, how do you think he's going to react to seeing his family's charred bones?" I wince and blink back tears.

"We could…we could ask Thom to gather all the remains and you could dig a separate grave in the meadow," he says slowly.

"I think Peeta would like that."

I sigh and set my tea cup down.

"I guess I'll make myself useful and go get some meat for tonight. If he comes out of there will you tell him where I've gone?"

"Sure sweetheart. But please be careful."

"I know how to hunt, Haymitch."

"Ok can we just not find you in a deep hole, close to death again?" I fall silent and he raises a brow.

"See if you can get squirrel. The kid loves squirrel."