So I've decided to start combining chapters- it makes them a little longer but at the rate I am writing, this story will be like a hundred chapters if I keep splitting them up. Let me know if you don't agree with this and I'll look at going back to POV chapters.

Thanks for all the reviews! They're amazing to read! I go back to work tomorrow so this will be it til the weekend unless I have some spare time (and I see lots of reviews asking for an update ;) lol

And just a warning: 2nd part of this chapter is SMUTTY. Be warned ;)

Have a great week everyone!

My mind notices two things immediately. That I am no longer in the bathroom floor and that Peeta has me enveloped in his arms. I glance up at him and see that he is sleeping peacefully. I reach up and stroke his curls and he lets out a moan, so I jerk my hand back, not wanting to disturb his peaceful slumber. He looks completely different when he sleeps. Untroubled. Free. I hope that he is having good dreams. I remember something he once told me on the train, a long time ago.

"My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm ok once I realize you're here."

I lean down and kiss him very softly on the lips. His eyes flutter open and I am met with brilliant oceans of blue. His face looks soft and calm.

"Hi," he says softly. I can't help but smile.

"Hi," I answer. As he starts to wake up, I can see worry and guilt start to cross his face.

"What have I done," he says softly as his hand reaches toward my face.

"It wasn't you, Peeta," I tell him firmly and he grimaces.

"How can you keep saying that? I'm like death to you, Katniss! I could kill you at any moment."

"No, you won't. I trust you. I'm not afraid of you."

"You should be," he groans, reaching a hand up to run through his unruly curls. I reach up and grasp his wrist, and bring his hand to my lips. He swallows and watches me closely. I'm actually very surprised that Haymitch didn't follow us over here. He probably knows better. He's probably just as exhausted as we are.

"We're really messed up, aren't we," he finally speaks. It isn't really a question. It's more of a statement. And I can't argue it. I nod and he sighs heavily.

"We are but we can help each other, Peeta. I don't think we'd be able to get through it without the other."

"I think you're right," he says though he doesn't look entirely convinced of that. I turn his wrist over, just to make sure.

"So you didn't try anything?"

"No," he assures me. "I wanted to. All I could think about was how much I had hurt you. How my hands felt as they wrapped around your throat in 13. How I don't deserve you. I wanted to do it but something stopped me. I had the knife in my hand, ready, and something stayed my hand. And then you burst in and I just felt myself drowning in your love. I wasn't prepared for it and sometimes I'm so happy that I can't even breathe. And then that happiness is run over by fear, which chokes me until I'm struggling for breath. But I know you'll protect me. You always have."

Peeta still manages to take my breath away with his words. Really and truly, he would have been a much better Mockingjay than me and I know Coin knew that. I wonder how things would be if our roles had been reversed. If I had been the one to be tortured and twisted. Would he have continued to fight for me?

Of course he would. I chide myself for even doubting it for a second. Peeta loves me unconditionally. He would never stop fighting for me. He has never stopped fighting for me. And how can he possibly say I have always protected him? Hadn't I let him out of my sight and lost him to the Capitol? Hadn't I abandoned him to their torture and abuse for weeks and weeks, and then even afterwards while he was trying to heal? I wasn't a protector. I destroyed him.

I feel his fingers between my eyes and I lean back.

"What are you doing?"

"Smoothing out that frown line you have. What's going through your head?"

I don't want to voice my thoughts so I just shrug.

"Just thinking about if you had been the Mockingjay." He frowns and leans back to look at me more clearly.

"What? Why?"

"Coin wanted to save you rather than me. She should have saved you."

"Katniss-"

"You would have been able to lead the Rebels to victory with such ease. You could inspire the districts with just your words. Maybe there would have been so much less death if it had been you leading."

"What have I told you about playing this game," he takes my face in his hands and I frown.

"What game?"

"The what-if game. It doesn't do us any good to wonder what could have been. Just try to put the past behind you as best you can."

"Ok," I give in. He's right and I know it. It's easier said than done but I need to try, if we are ever going to live a normal life together. He leans down and kisses me and his hands entwine with mine.

"Before we put it completely behind us, I have to know. When did you do this?" I don't need to ask him to explain himself. He is gripping my hands tightly and his eyes seem to be pleading. I sigh and lower my head.

"Not long before you returned. I wasn't eating and I hadn't moved from my chair. Sae came every morning to try to make me eat. Haymitch stopped coming. I think he was just as tired as I was. I hoped and hoped for you and told myself I had to keep waiting because I knew you would come back to me. But I had this…terrible nightmare and I woke up thrashing and I imagined you running in and holding me, like you always do. Except…I blinked and then you were gone," I fight to keep the tears out of my voice but of course I'm failing. He reaches up and pushes my hair behind my ear as he continues to hold onto my hand.

"Go on," he says softly.

"I went back to sleep and dreamed of everyone. Prim. Finnick. Rue. My father. Boggs. Cato. Madge. All of the Star Squad. All of the tributes. Everyone came out of their graves to taunt me. And I woke up and realized those ghosts would never leave me. And without you…life just wasn't worth living anymore. So I took my hunting knife and as soon as I had done it, I regretted it and came to my senses. I yelled at myself for giving up on you and I bandaged it the way my mom showed me a long time ago. I hid it from everyone because I was ashamed. I hoped you would never find out because even though I am covered in scars, this scar haunts me the most. Not the ones that I got the day my sister died but the one that reminds me of the moment that I lost every bit of hope." I sniffle and feel him tug me closer. His arms wrap around me and he rests his chin on my shoulder. His hand strokes my hair and I feel him shaking beneath me.

"You don't have to be ashamed of it," he tells me in a soft voice. "We all have our moments of weakness. And you saved yourself from it, so be proud that you were able to talk yourself down. There were so many times I would have tried in the Capitol, if I had anything. The doctors kept my room completely empty because they knew I would try it. I was convinced I had lost you. I had no reason to keep going." I blink back tears as I lean back to study him. But he keeps going.

"But then, Haymitch called me one day and told me you weren't doing well. That you needed me. I argued with him that you were better off without me and he yelled at me to wake up. 'You've always protected her, boy, now I need you to pull yourself together so you can keep on protecting her'," I grin at his Haymitch impersonation. "So I did. I told Aurelius I had to get better because I had someone waiting for me. I didn't know if you loved me, I didn't even know if I loved you like I once had, but I knew I had to get back to you. Ever since the Games, we've been stronger together. That's why I was so angry that they managed to separate us in the Quell. I should have refused because we are stronger together-"

"Peeta-" I try to pacify him but he just shakes his head.

"And I think that's why Snow went after me. Why he even came up with that plan with the hijacking. Because he knew together, we'd be a force to be reckoned with."

"He just wanted to destroy me," I say, choking back a sob. "He used you to destroy me. It wasn't even about programming you to kill me. It was about killing your love for me. Snow knew me. He knew how selfish I was. He knew how much it would hurt me to lose the one person who loved me above all else." I realize this isn't entirely true. There were two people who loved me above all else. But since he couldn't get to one of them, he took Peeta. And still, I lost both of them in the end.

As if he knows my thoughts, Peeta takes my hands and wraps my arms around his waist.

"I'm still here," he says firmly. "I'll always be right here."

"I know." He pulls me in for a kiss and I lay down, my head resting directly above his heart. At that moment I hear both our stomachs growl and a deep resounding laughter makes his body shake.

"I guess we should probably eat some dinner." In the chaos of all that has happened I'd completely forgotten the squirrels back at my place. I decide not to mention hunting, afraid I will set him off.

"Let's go see if we can find something to make." We walk down the stairs together, his arm around my waist and he's refusing to let go. We check the fridge and see we have stuff to make sandwiches. Peeta glances at me as he starts to slice the bread.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up while I make our dinner?" I glance down and bite my lip, realizing I am still wearing what had set him off in the first place. His head is lowered and his eyes are on the bread so I wonder how he slept beside me with no problems. I quickly run upstairs and jump in the shower, tossing the bloody clothes into a hamper so that I can do laundry before he sees. I scrub my body from head to toe and quickly run my fingers through my hair.

When I'm finished, I go to my drawer in Peeta's dresser and pull out a pair of silk pajamas before going back downstairs.

He looks up and smiles when I enter the room and he pushes a plate toward me.

"I'm going to clean up while you eat," he tells me. "I also want to put some medicine on that bruise."

"Haymitch took care of it earlier."

"I have some stronger stuff," he says firmly. I merely nod and he kisses me on the head before he hurries upstairs. I chew my sandwich in silence, dreading going into town again and having people ask me about my face. Not many people know about what happened in 13 and many just don't understand the hijacking. We haven't bothered to explain it either. As far as I'm concerned, it's over. Peeta overcame it better than anyone ever has. He will have flashbacks all his life but I will have nightmares for the rest of mine. We can be basket cases together. I sometimes wish Johanna lived near us, so she could join in the mental party of three messed up victors.

When he comes back in, I suck in a breath at the sight of him without a shirt on. He has taken to wearing only pajama pants to bed and I have no reason whatsoever to complain. His hair is still dripping from the shower and droplets of water drip down his chest toward the delicious V I always love to ogle. Peeta stops and smirks at me, shaking his head.

"What naughty thoughts are running through the Mockingjay's head right now?"

"What makes you think you know what I'm thinking about?"

"Oh Katniss, please. Your eyes are nearly dilated with lust." My jaw drops and he swoops down on me for a kiss before I can protest.

"I'd be happy to indulge every wicked thought in that brain of yours," he whispers against my lips, his hand finding its way into my hair. I gasp and jerk back, my eyes searching his face. He smirks again and sits across from me. Just like that, the smirk is gone and my gentle, caring Peeta is back.

"This might be a little cold." He opens a jar of cream and he scoops out a generous amount and very gently, his fingertips rake across my cheek. I grimace but don't say anything and his eyes flick downward.

"How does that feel?" The cooling sensations are wonderful and I feel the pain easing away.

"Much better." He nods and closes the lid before moving his hand back to my face and he evens the cream out with his thumb.

"What is this stuff?"

"They gave it to me for my burns. It really helped with the scars and they said to put it on any bruises or cuts I may have. I put it on my scars twice a day."

"I wish they'd given me something like this," I say softly as I inspect the jar. "The Capitol tried to re-make my skin but after Coin…well, I sort of ruined my new body and they didn't really know what to do about it." Peeta frowns and pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"I can put some on your scars, if you like?" The idea of him touching my scarred body, touching my scars directly, scares me at first. But then I shake myself and realize that he has touched every inch of my body with the utmost adoration and love. I nod and he stands up, holding a hand out to me. I take it and he leads me upstairs into the bedroom. He sets the jar of cream on the nightstand and turns to me. His eyes never leaving mine, his hands slide under the hem of my shirt and he pulls upward. I shiver from the cold air and he glances over at the open window, moving toward it but I stop him.

"I'm ok." He bites his lip but his hands go to my waist and he slowly pulls my pajama pants down. I'm standing in nothing but a pair of blue panties and he sucks in a breath.

"You're so beautiful it hurts." I blush and it spreads across my whole body. He grins and leans in to kiss my neck. "You're even more beautiful when you blush. So pink and perfect." His fingers hook onto my panties and he pulls them down, kneeling in front of me. He looks up at me and I down at him and our eyes meet. He leans forward to kiss my stomach and my skin flinches. He smiles up at me with that perfect crooked grin he has and he stands up again.

"Lie down on your stomach." He fluffs a pillow for me and I obey. I'm feeling rather exposed at the moment, especially since he is fully clothed but his lips travel across my back and make my fears disappear. I hear him open the jar and his hands are on my back, pressing down with his fingertips and sometimes his knuckles. It feels so unbelievably good that I let out a little moan. He chuckles and continues to massage the medicine into my skin. He follows the path of scars across my back and down my thighs. When he has covered every inch of my backside, I feel his lips at my neck.

"Turn over." I do as he says and stare up at him. He collects more medicine on his fingers and starts at my collarbone where the fire licked up neck. My eyes flutter shut as his hands work their magic and I tilt my head back just a bit. I feel his lips right beneath my chin and they slowly kiss down my throat. I'm at complete peace here with Peeta and I completely forget, for a moment, where these scars even came from.

I love seeing her so relaxed. I remember giving her massages before, on the Victory Tour, but this is something else. At first I was surprised that she had agreed to let me do this. I know she is still uncomfortable with her body. But at least mine matches hers. The fires that claimed her sister as well as many other lives marked us as the same.

While she stares up me, I see her eyes flit across my chest and I grin. I lean over to get more medicine on my fingers and I feel the cooling effects. This stuff has helped me so much with my scars and my prosthesis. I can see that it is helping her. Even so long after the incident, we can still feel pain in these scars. My hands trace across her body, following the lines of fire down her stomach and across her thighs. Her face and her breasts were practically untouched. Her legs and thighs suffered the most. Parts of her stomach still look raw and I make sure to rub an extra amount in. I'm not trying to make it sexual by any means. Of course it's impossible to ignore how hard I'm getting from touching her naked body but I won't tell Katniss that. I need to show a little self-control and she would probably agree with me. She tries to sit up and looks a little uneasy.

"I don't want to use it all up. Thank you for that. It feels so much better."

"I'm glad. And you won't use it all up. I have several jars of this. We can do this every night, if you want."

"Do you want me to do the same for you?"

Her hands on my skin right now may cause me to explode. But it sounds wonderful so I nod eagerly and we switch places. Mine aren't nearly as bad as hers. I was behind her, after all. I had run into the square, to protect her, when I saw the parachutes explode. She had run after Prim, screaming her name and I had run toward her. When I saw the fire attack Katniss, I ran into the flames without question. I had taken my jacket off and tried to beat the fire off but she still lay unconscious in front of me. So I carried her to the hospital, screaming for help. I can still feel the flames beating down on me and I shudder. It doesn't go unnoticed and she leans back a little.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine."

"You're thinking about that day too." I bite my lip as I turn onto my stomach.

"How could you not," she continues. "I replay that day over and over in my mind every night." I'm silent and I close my eyes when I feel her start to massage the cream into my shoulders and down my back. She's quicker about it and I flip onto my back when she tells me to. She's sitting beside me and she has tears in her eyes. I sit up and my hands go to the back of her head, pulling her in for a kiss. It's soft and sweet and brief. When she pulls back, she looks like she wants to say something.

"What?" I ask her before she even opens her mouth.

"It's just…that day. I didn't even see you…I thought you had gone back to Tigris's shop. I hoped you had anyway. But you had to have been in the Square with me."

"You think I could just walk away, knowing you were in danger? I followed you the whole way. I kept my eye on you and Gale and when all hell broke loose and I saw Gale captured, I ran after you, calling your name. But you didn't hear me. So I kept you in my sight and stayed behind you, ready to defend you when you needed it." She looks surprised at my confession and I gently stroke her cheek.

"You honestly think I could have just left you there?"

"I-I didn't know what you were feeling. When we said goodbye that morning…I didn't think I would ever see you again. And I had so many things I wanted to tell you, I just-"

"I know, Katniss," I say gently, stopping her speech. My hand rests on hers and she chokes back a sob.

"So you were there, burning with me." She leans back, her eyes wide and beautiful. "It was you," she says in realization. "You were the one who got me out." I bite my lip and glance down at the blankets.

"After the parachutes went off and everything was on fire, I found you unconscious. I-I went looking for Prim but…I couldn't find her. I could only get you to the hospital before I passed out too. I don't know who found us but I was screaming for you as soon as I woke up, demanding to know what had happened to you. We had been separated like…before… and I wasn't going to lose you again."

"Oh Peeta," she is sobbing and she throws herself into my arms. I hold her shaking body close, stroking her hair and her back, telling her over and over that I love her. She clings to me like I'm her lifeline. Like I am her last shot at life and for the first time, I realize the truth of this metaphor. She has told me time and time again that I have saved her life, in more ways than one. That she had given up hope when she thought she had lost me. Haymitch has told me how she was in 13, when I was still in the Capitol. That she hid in closets and cried in front of everyone. It's hard to believe the strong girl on fire that I entered the Games with is now so broken.

But then, I guess we are all broken. The Games does that. And the War did it. We lost our families, friends, neighbors. We lost ourselves for a time. I'm furious at the world for everything that I was robbed off. But at least I was not robbed of Katniss Everdeen. She is the one good thing in my life and I'll be damned if someone takes that goodness from me now.

"I'm sorry," she is saying as she wipes at her tears. My thumb wipes them from the corner of her eyes and I kiss her forehead, then lay back down.

"Nothing to be sorry for," I tell her gently. She nods and scoops up more cream from the jar. My back suffered the most but the scars make their way up around my shoulders and down my chest. I watch her fingers as they travel that path, her touches light and teasing. She tosses her hair to one side and bends down, and I feel her lips on my skin. Her kisses are better than the medicine, I decide. She kisses my throat and down my chest, her tongue darting out to wrap around my nipple and I let out a shiver. She kisses my bellybutton and I swear my cock jumps to attention in a millisecond. She goes back to massaging the medicine into my arms and I twitch uncomfortably. She has to know what she is doing to me. The smug grin she is trying to hide confirms it. I feel her fingers under the waistband of my pants and I sit straight up. She raises a brow and looks remarkably calm. Little minx.

"You want me to put some on your legs, don't you?"

"Um…y-yes. But you can just push them up a little-"

"I can't get to them that way. Lift your hips." Swallowing, I do as she says and she pulls my pants off, leaving me in my boxer briefs with absolutely no way to hide how turned on I am. She glances down and I see that smirk return. She clears her throat and my head hits the pillow as I close my eyes, doing everything I can to think of something else. But when I open my eyes, her face is just inches from my center and I release some kind of groan of longing. She ignores it and uses her knuckles to massage my inner thighs, so very close to where I want her hands to end up.

"Do you want me to take off your leg?" Her voice is softer and she looks sad. She's always blamed herself for my lost leg. When in fact she saved my life. I shake my head and lean up just a little.

"I'm fine. I'll take it off later." I don't tell her that I will need it if I intend to fuck her senseless and that's where I hope the evening will lead to. She nods and finishes up with my legs. My scars tingle pleasantly and I sigh, as she leans over and places the jar on the table. She's sitting between my legs, just staring at me and I swallow awkwardly.

"Anything else you need massaged?" Oh shit. I'm sure she can just see me twitching through my underwear.

"Um…n-no?" But she just shrugs and leans over to turn off the light.

"Ok. Night then. Thanks for the medicine." Wait. WHAT? Is she really doing this to me? I look over and see her lying down on her side and settling down to go to sleep. No. Fucking. Way.

I flip her onto her back and hover over her, my hands trapping hers over her head. Her eyes are wide and filled with desire and that annoyingly adorable smirk is back at her lips.

"Took you long enough," she mutters.

"Are you trying to kill me," I groan, kneeing her legs apart.

"I was trying to do other things but I'm not a good seductress." I lean down and take her lower lip into my mouth, biting gently.

"You just have no idea what you do to me." She lifts her knee and rubs against my arousal and my eyes slam shut.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," she whispers slyly. My eyes narrow and I reach between us, spreading her legs even wider. Two can play this game. She is already so wet that my fingers easily slip right in. She tosses her head back and moans my name, which I'll admit, just makes me harder. I decide I'm done with her teasing and it's time to return the favor. I slide my fingers up and down, slowly and can tell she is getting frustrated.

"Peeta."

"Hm?"

"Stop…teasing," she says through gritted teeth which makes me chuckle. I lean down and suck at her neck, relishing the taste of her. I start pumping my fingers in and out and feel her jerk her hips. But it's not enough. I know it's not. And I'm not ready for her to come yet, so I withdraw my fingers and ignore her frustrated cry.

"Payback's a bitch, isn't it," I say before I claim her lips as my own. I release her hands and feel her leaning me back until my head hits the pillow again. She breaks our kiss and moves down to suck on my nipples, while her hand rests directly over my underwear. I thrust into her hands and she smiles against my skin. Her hair tickles as she goes lower and lower, until her fingers pull at the band of my underwear and I help her slide them down my legs. She gives me an appreciative look before she lowers her head and I feel her tongue just graze my tip. My hands fist in her hair as she starts to take me completely in her mouth and I struggle to hold on for as long as I can. Her eyes meet mine and I'm gone. I barely have time to utter her name before I'm exploding in her mouth. At first I'm afraid that she'll be upset but she smacks her lips and gives my cock a good long lick before she comes back up to me.

"Fuck Katniss," I manage to gasp out.

"There's an idea. Why don't you fuck me, nice and slow?" My jaw drops at her brazenness and my head sinks into the pillow.

"Give me a second, love, I need to catch my breath."

"Catch it fast." She straddles me and my hands fly to her hips, as I feel her wetness on my chest. Oh this could be fun. I pull her up and start to slide down underneath her. She casts me a confused look but my face is already at her center and my tongue darts out to taste her. She screams and her hands shoot out to clutch the bed frame. My hands move up her stomach, slowly, and cup her breasts as my tongue slides up and down her slit. Her knees are clamping down on my ears but I feel like I could stay here, in this moment, for the rest of my life. The noises that are coming from my girl are inhuman. Small, lustful squeaks as she grinds against my mouth. She bends backwards and I feel her hands on my stomach, drifting lower as she bends even more. The sounds she is making make me come alive again and her hand caressing me is only fueling the fire. I grip her hips tightly, bringing her closer so I can thrust my tongue completely inside her. I guess she's not expecting that because she lets out a stream of curse words with my name between them. She leans forward and places her hands on the wall, steadying herself so I can hold onto her more firmly. I eagerly lap her up, paying attention to her moans and cries. When I feel her start to jerk over me, I turn my attention to her clit and tug it into my mouth.

"Fuck! Peeta! FUCK!" My mouth latches onto her and I devour her essence. She collapses forward, bracing herself with her hands against the wall. I wrap my arms around her waist and lean up to kiss her. I always think it's so hot when she kisses me like this, tasting herself on my lips. Her fingers wind around my curls and tug and she scoots lower, grinding against me. I hastily reach into the drawer and pull out a condom and she takes it from me. When she has it unwrapped, she rolls it over me and grips me as she slides down over me. We both let out deep moans as we are joined again and she starts to ride me furiously, her small breasts bouncing up and down as she takes me inside her. It's the most glorious sight I have ever beheld. My fingers grip her hips tightly as I thrust up into her and I know I won't last long. She feels too damn good, surrounding me. Her wet walls flutter and I feel her clench around me. Damn that didn't take long. She leans down to kiss me and tugs my lip with her teeth.

"Come inside me, Peeta." With a strangled cry, I jerk my hips and feel myself explode. I can pretend that it's inside her and not in the condom and I pull out of her and toss the condom in the trash. We're both heaving and she collapses on my chest, her hair damp and tangled.

"I must look a mess," she gasps. She's the most beautiful mess I have ever seen. Skin flushed pink, chest heaving with her breasts moving up and down, her hair a crown of tangles, and a wide smile, all because of me and what we just did. I tenderly stroke her back as we lay together, drifting off to sleep.

"Katniss?" I'm afraid that she's already fallen asleep and I regret opening my mouth.

"Hm?" She sounds like she's already halfway to dreamland.

"What, er, happened…after I left the Bakery? Did you meet with Thom?"

"I told him we would call him when you were ready," she says as she attempts to hide a yawn. "I thought you could call him tomorrow and let him know what you'd like to do, so you don't have to be there at the site just yet. He gave me plans to bring home to you, so we can look over them." I glance sideways at her and feel my heart full to the brim for love for this girl. If I had thought I loved her when I was 5, I was fooling myself. I think I'm finally understanding the difference between loving someone and being in love.

And I am definitely, unequivocally in love with Katniss Everdeen.