John's Point of View:

Pierce was being less than co-operative. After spending the last day and a half with him all I'd managed to find out was that he was a sick, sadistic man who would do anything for the right price. His mind was all over the place, discussing the gruesome details of kills he'd made before kidnapping Tegan and then jumping to the great chicken dinner he'd cooked himself on the weekend. My frustration was beginning to mount and it was starting to show. Rodney looked like he had gotten about as much sleep as I had last night (which was maybe two hours at the most) but we didn't care if we were tired, we had a job to do. I was haunted by images of Tegan, broken, bloodied, bruised and battered, in a ditch somewhere with buzzards picking her clean. I didn't even know if there were buzzards in Afghanistan, and it was safe to assume that as smart as Murdale was he'd have left Afghanistan by now, but my imagination was a grizzly and unrelenting thing. When I was alone, I could swear I could hear her voice whispering to me. She never made any sense though, her words were always slurred and broken, like static, I couldn't make sense of them to figure out what she was saying and it tormented me. Combined with the images it was a bit too much, and I spent as much time as I could surrounded by people, doing something or listening to the noise to distract myself. Ronon stood as vigilant as ever beside the door, and Pierce Mathers sat infront of me once more, looking well fed, watered, everything Tegan probably wasn't. The thought made my blood boil.

Teyla had decided to leave Rodney to sleep and was writing down anything she heard outside, sitting against the wall underneath the monitor.
"Did you sleep well Colonel?" he asked mockingly. Keeping my face blank I leaned back in my chair, feeling my fingers twitch as I fought the strong urge to punch him.
"Peachy." I answered sarcastically. "But I'm bored of waiting, so you're going to talk about Gary Murdale today." Narrowing my eyes on him I watched the asshole grin at me,
"Am I now?" he mused. Bringing my leg up under the table I lashed out, hearing the satisfying thud of my combat boot hitting his shin. He cried out, not expecting the blow, and for the first time I saw a fleeting look of terror in his eyes, he knew I wasn't playing anymore. "I didn't think you were allowed to resort to violence Colonel." he spat.
"I'll resort to whatever I have to to get my friend back." I retorted sharply. Pierce just scoffed at me,
"You still insist on calling her your friend! Why don't you call her by her name? Does it hurt too much to know you lost her? Too know that she was depending on you and you let her down? Or does it just frustrate you that you don't have anything to go to bed with anymore?" he asked with a grin.

Without thinking, I lunged at him in a haze of red, my fist ploughing into his jaw. Strong arms wrapped around my chest and dragged me backwards, unfazed by my scrabbling and sloppy clawing to try and get at Pierce, who was shell shocked by my actions if his slack jaw was anything to go by.
"Sheppard!" Ronon barked down my ear, making me flinch slightly. He dragged me backwards out of the room and I was met with a concerned Teyla. He blocked the door, preventing me from going back in there and annihilating the bastard. Breathing hard I looked at the floor, feeling my blood boiling in my veins still. How dare he say that! He knew nothing about Tegan! He knew nothing about how we were! Hell we didn't even know what we were! "What the hell was that Sheppard?" Ronon asked, staring at me like I'd grown a second head. Teyla had her hand on my arm and I quickly shrugged it off, I didn't want her pity or her comfort, I wanted Tegan and I wanted her now.
"Nothing." I muttered, trying to brush it off but Teyla was too wise for that to work.
"John we are your friends, we will not judge you for your feelings." she spoke from the heart and I knew she was right, if I could trust anyone it was these guys but I hated discussing things like this, especially when there was nothing to discuss. Besides, what did Teyla know of my feelings or hers? Was it that obvious to everyone else? "John." Teyla pressed gently and feeling too tired to argue with her, I caved.

I told them about the kiss, I told them (in confused awkward and very disorganised words) how I felt and how tormented I currently was. Teyla's sympathetic expression was back and I did my best to ignore it, I didn't want sympathy, I wanted to know where she was because my gut feeling was telling me something bad was happening to her. Even Ronon looked troubled, brow furrowed and eyes narrowed on me in contemplation.
"She kissed you back?" He asked. Feeling a little offended I crossed my arms over my chest and huffed,
"Yes she kissed me back." I retorted defensively, making him smirk a bit. Teyla shot him a look before rubbing my arm in a motherly way,
"John, we will find Tegan, but she needs you to remain calm. She needs you to talk to this man, not turn him against you and make him unwilling to help." she said sagely. Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a few deep breaths to calm down. Pushing back any bad feelings I thought it over and came to a conclusion, Teyla was right, I had to talk to this man, and maybe I had to do it man to man. Nodding once, I head back towards the door, and Ronon stared me down with raised eyebrows,
"I'm just going to talk to him chewie, man to man, like Teyla said." I insisted. Ronon looked dubious but stepped aside and let me past. He went to follow me in but it was my turn to block the door, "I need to do this alone." I said,
"What, so you can beat the crap out of him?" Ronon shook his head disbelievingly but I refused to let him past.

We shared a long look, and I all but pleaded with my eyes until he relented and backed down. Shutting the door firmly behind me, I sat across from Pierce, who didn't bother acknowledging my existence.
"Sorry." I said curtly, even though I didn't particularly want to apologise to him.
"I'm not." his response was almost immediate and he gave me a bloody smile. I hated this kind of mushy talk but if it was what it took to get Tegan back, I was willing to try anything. Clenching my fist under the table I said the words I least wanted to say to him, hoping that I'd get through to him,
"You were right. I...care about Tegan more than I should." I grimaced at how painful it was to say her name as more of those forbidden images flashed through my mind, "It hurts to know she's out there right now, alone. She needs us because this man, Gary Murdale...he's twisted Pierce. He's going to hurt her and he's going to hurt her really badly."
"That's not my problem, I had to deliver her, that was all." he cut me off and I grit my teeth, pushing down my frustration to continue,
"So you're okay with knowing that you've sent a young woman to her death? He's not going to be lenient with her Pierce, he's going to torture her. At least you've been fed, you get to sleep in a bed and you're warm, you're safe, wherever Tegan is she's not. Gary Murdale's pyscotic, there's no reason for him to want to hurt her like he is, it's all in his mind." verbalising my fears was making me anxious again and I did my best to hide it, but still I had to take a breath to calm myself down.

Pierce didn't look at all effected by my words, and that frustrated me even more. Climbing to my feet I leaned over the table, locking my gaze on his, "Don't you have anyone you love? Anyone you ever loved? You can't have been alone forever, now reverse-"
"Don't start with that." he scoffed. "Don't start with the whole put yourself in their shoes thing, it won't work. I like being alone, Colonel. I like not having to worry about anyone other than me." he sneered,
"But it was not always so." Teyla's calm voice interjected. She made us both jump, since neither of us had heard her come in. Teyla's brown eyes refused to leave Pierce's cold ones and I slowly backed up to give her some room. Maybe I'd riled him up enough for her to work her magic. Teyla sat in my chair, and I silently edged out of the room, leaning against the wall outside and exhaling heavily. It had taken a lot to admit all that and the sleepless night was taking it's toll on me. Ronon nudged my shoulder with his,
"Get some sleep, we can handle this." he promised me.
"No, I need to be here if he says anything." I refused.
"We'll tell you the minute he talks, but you can't find her if you can't stay on your feet." he countered, giving me a little shove that almost knocked me off balance. With a reluctant sigh, I gave in and headed to the room I'd been given. Flopping down on my bed I sighed heavily, already struggling to banish the unwanted images of the woman I wanted to find more than anything.

SGASGASGASGAGSGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGA

"John! John! Open up John!" bolting upright I swivelled my head frantically in every direction to look for signs of danger before I realised someone was banging on my door. Opening it I saw Rodney, looking frantic but excited as he thrust his laptop at me. Blinking groggily I wiped some of the cold sweat from my forehead and scanned the screen, my tired mind still not making sense of the figures and words on the screen.
"What is it Rodney?" I yawned, scratching my head and stretching my arms in an effort to wake up.
"It could be a lead." he insisted, making me perk up. I could feel the hope beginning to balloon inside me and I nodded slightly, urging him to continue, "I thoroughly researched Pierce and suprisingly it's not his real name but there's a hotel reservation booked out for Pierce Mathers in Afghanistan. He was supposed to check out last night and he never did." he recited it from memory and a smile crept across my face. Clapping his shoulder I checked the address again and nodded my head,
"Good, good this is good! We can root around through his stuff, see if he left anything useful behind to help us track Murdale." I thought aloud. Rodney nodded eagerly and I checked the time in the corner of the screen. Grimacing, I delivered the bad news, "But it's four o'clock in the morning and we need to rest up."

Rodney's face fell a bit and I felt the guilt swarm me once more. I wanted to find Tegan more than anything but if we were half dead when we found her we wouldn't be of much use. Swallowing thickly I gave him an apologetic look, "I'm sorry Rodney but I need to make sure we're at the top of our game if we're going to do this. We need to be firing on all cylinders, you know what I mean?" Rodney nodded,
"I know I know, you're looking out for us." he mumbled, running a hand over his face. "John what if we find her and-"
"Don't say it." I cut him off, feeling the bile rise in the back of my throat as those sickening images from my nightmares came flooding back in. "Don't think it either. We'll find her and she'll be okay." Rodney nodded again and I felt my stomach twist horribly. "Get some sleep,we'll meet up and take a trip out there tomorrow." I promised. He turned and walked away without a goodbye, his steps slow and heavy. This was killing Rodney more than any of us and I wished I knew how to help him. Shutting my door I flopped back on my bed in the darkness. Where the hell was she? How was she holding up? What if Rodney was right and Murdale had killed her? Flinching and banishing the thought away I rolled onto my side, swearing someone moved in the shadows. It was my imagination of course, because Tegan was everywhere I wanted her to be but nowehere I actually looked. "Hang in there Tegan. Hang in there until we find you." I murmered, trying to get a few more hours in before tomorrow's excursion.

Rodney woke me up again at 0800, already dressed and ready for action. Though I wished I could get some more sleep I knew I wouldn't and got dressed too, sharing a silent breakfast with him in the messhall of coffee and toast. Teyla and Ronon walked in fifteen minutes after we had, joining our solemn silence with varying expressions of concern and anxiety. Teyla cleared her throat,
"I was able to extract some information from Pierce Mathers." she declared. Eyebrows raising, I motioned of her to spill it and took another sip of my coffee, letting it warm me up. "After a few gentle words of persuasion-" she exchanged a glance with a smirking Ronon and I found myself suprised that she'd go that far, then again she could be quite vicious if given the right motive. "-he revealed that he had contact with Murdale through e-mails, right up until the day he set out to capture Tegan." she revealed. Me and Rodney exchanged a look and I leaned back in my chair,
"Right...Rodney found a hotel address we're going to look at, first and most important thing to look for is a laptop or a phone then. He say anything else?" I questioned. Ronon shook his head at me and I rolled my eyes slightly. "Of course he didn't." I muttered bitterly. Shaking off the frustration I pushed myself to my feet, "I'll go clear our daytrip with Caldwell." I announced, knowing it would be no easy task.

I was right about that at least. Caldwell wasn't at all pleased to see me after the last interaction we'd had with him and was less than pleased that he had to keep helping us out for reasons he wasn't allowed to know, by that I mean we called up General O'Neill and he ordered him to help us. Radioing my team to get dressed for the day I headed back to my room, throwing my glock into the waistband of my jeans with two spare magazines before I laced up my boots and headed out to meet them on the bridge. Ronon and Teyla looked pretty good in earth clothes if I was honest; Ronon had favoured jeans like I had and was getting on well with a button down white shirt he could roll up to his elbows and I felt a twinge of pride that maybe, just maybe I had been his fashion icon. Teyla was very keen on tanktops and shorts and more than one man had been on the receiving end of Ronon's glare for looking to long. Caldwell beamed us down right behind the hotel along with the briefcase of money we had requested and we headed around to the front, with limited knowledge of their language we struggled for five minutes to get someone who spoke about as much english as we did Pastho, one of two widely spoken languages here. It took me twenty frustrating minutes to get access to Pierce's room, and we not only had to pay his check out bill but also a bit extra, just as I had suspected. The young Afghan man that had lead us up to the room bowed his head a little out of respect before heading off again and leaving us alone. The room was pretty bare really, with barren plaster walls and shabby wooden furniture. The bed looked rickety and the red sheet covering it was thin and thread bare - he hadn't payed for comfort apparently.

We split up, taking a corner each of the tiny room and working our way methodically through the remaining things. The wardrobe was full of his clothes, the bedside locker holding nothing more than sleeping tablets and a 9mm. We thoroughly combed through the room, even stamping on floorboards to see if they were hollow but none of them were, there was nothing here that could be used to contact Murdale. No phone, no laptop, no sign of anything electrical at all. Frustation boiling over into anger, I slammed my palm into the wall.
"Sheppard." Ronon huffed, clapping my shoulder to show his support. It didn't help,
"There's nothing here! We're no closer to finding her than we were last night!" I snapped. Leaning against the wall I took a deep breath, feeling my stomach twisting nauseously and my chest constrict. Murdale was probably torturing her right now and we were still so far away from her. It made me sick. Who would want to hurt such a beautiful woman? I could almost imagine her stormy grey eyes, glaring up at me as she crossed her arms over her tiny body telling me to suck it up and get on with it, telling me stop moping and kick some ass.
"We'll give you a few minutes." Teyla decided, leading a distraught looking Rodney from the room and tugging Ronon out behind her. Even my team were struggling to know how to deal with my mood swings. I didn't understand, Pierce had been contacting him somehow, something had to be here.

Starting from behind the bed I combed through the place once more, feeling my hope diminishing everytime I found an empty space or plain old floorboard. Poking my head into the wardrobe I sighed, hanging my head and banging it gently of of the back board. The thump echoed. Frowning slightly, I pulled my head up and looked at the faded wood before me, an idea springing to mind. Clenching up my fist I began to bang on the panels, moving across the back until the echo became a dull sound that didn't resonate half as much. Curiousity piquing and heart thumping, I looked around for something to break the panel off. Groaning slightly at the lack of useable equipment in the room I called in Ronon, who was by my side in an instant, "Have you got a knife on you?" I asked. Lifting an eyebrow he reached into his dreadlocks and handed me one. Mumbling my thanks I wedged it between the two panels and began to wiggle it, prying up the suspicious panel until it clattered to the floor. My heart skipped a beat and a renewed sense of hope made me break out in a grin. Reaching in I yanked the duct tape off of the wall and pulled out the sleek, silver laptop stuck to the wall.
"Someone wanted to hide that well." Ronon remarked. Nodding my head I brushed off the laptop lid and opened it up, powering it up and waiting impatiently for the screen to flicker to life before it asked me for a password.
"We'll need to get Mckay to hack into it back home." I realised, shutting it down again and stuffing it under my arm. Rodney looked up at me miserably and I waved the latop in his face triumphantly, grinning a bit from my brief victory as he eyed the laptop like it was a goldmine. I prayed it was.