Tegan's Point of View:

What day was it? It felt like years had passed here but I couldn't be certain. Life was good and I had a nice routine going - a quiet life with a man I loved wasn't something I had thought would ever be on the cards for me yet here we were. As usual, the sun was streaming in through a crack in the curtains and warming my skin nicely. Something equally as warm was pressed against my side, wound around my waist like a rope to hold me to him. A small smile pulled on my lips when I felt his lips brush my bare shoulder. Slowly, they travelled up my neck to my jaw, coming to rest at my temple with a light chuckle as I squirmed in his grip to turn and curl against him. John held me gently, his hand subconciously trailing up and down my spine in a soothing gesture. Sighing contentedly I blinked my eyes open, staring at the light blue wall before me and feeling no sense of urgency to get out of bed,
"Do you want to cook breakfast?" I asked with a lazy grin. John scoffed a bit,
"You work me too hard." he complained playfully but obediently began pulling away to do as I asked. Groaning, I caught him by the arm and pulled him back to me, "I thought you wanted breakfast?" he laughed.
"I do but not yet...I'm comfy like this." I protested with a yawn. John just shook his head bemusedly, settling back into bed with me and continuing his relaxing ministrations.

Teyla and Ronon were coming later (Rodney too if I remembered correctly) for the bonfire. We had a fire pit now on the decking that we'd bought the last time we were at the market and were planning on doing smores or something, just a little get together as a team to share a laugh or two, it was something we did often really to remind ourselves life wasn't so bad. Not that I needed reminding,
"Did you remember to get the chicken out to defrost last night?" John asked suddenly. Eyes rolling I pulled myself up to rest on his chest, staring down at him with a mocking glare,
"Yes I did, cheeky. I'm not that senile just yet." I reprimanded him firmly but my grin gave me a far less threatening look than I had intended. John smirked a bit and raised an eyebrow,
"Yet?" he questioned, rolling us over and pinning me beneath him. Grinning down at me he pecked my lips, "So does this mean I don't have to start pushing you around in a wheelchair just yet?" he wondered. Laughing up at him I trailed a finger down his jaw, tracing the strong bones that gave it such a defined look and marvelling in how it was all mine.
"John, being senile doesn't mean I'll be in a wheelchair." I giggled. Humming in agreement John kissed me again, his lips slowly and gently devouring mine, promising there was much much more to come.

When he pulled back for air however, I felt my whole body freeze and my eyes widen. John was gone...well, not gone but more...not the John I was used to. He was in his SGC uniform, standard black cargo pants and shirt instead of...well, naked. He wasn't hovering over me either - infact I wasn't even in our bedroom anymore. The walls were grey and the place had a strong clinical smell that burnt my nose when I inhaled, making me cough slightly. Suddenly everything hurt, everything hurt horribly and I whimpered. John's head snapped up, his face seeming haggard and tired like he hadn't slept properly for a while.
"Tegan?" he asked quietly, reaching for my hand and taking it gently. I was in a single bed with tubes and wires sticking out of my body as my eyes grew heavier, "Hey, hey you're alright now. It's okay, you're safe." he promised. His voice was that same smooth American tone I knew and loved. He was John alright...but this was not Spain. The heaviness in my eyes began to take over and they slid closed without my permission, John's voice fading into the blackness. It flet like I had blinked and woke up in another world. Bolting upright in bed I looked around, head twisting wildly to try and spot any discrepencies in the familiar environment. Everything looked the same though from the blue walls to the white walk in wardrobe, hell even the large window that gave me a beautiful view of the tall grasses swaying in the sand was in the same place as it always was.

Feeling my heart pounding hard against my ribs I clutched my chest and tried to breathe, feeling a deep ache in my body that wouldn't go away. Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed I hung my head, breathing deeply before pushing past the pain and standing up. Grabbing some fresh underwear, I threw on one of John's overly large T-shirt and padded down the hall. I felt my stomach grumble when I inhaled the warm aroma of fresh coffee and toast. John was standing over the stove, frying some eggs and sipping at his mug of coffee while he worked. Glancing up at me he frowned,
"You alright? You look a little pale." he remarked. Waving it off I headed towards the medicine cabinet, reaching in to grab some diazepam - it worked as not just a muscle relaxant (which would hopefully relieve some of the ache in my body) but would also calm me down and lift my mood some.
"Just a bad dream." I dismissed it casually but John saw right through me.
"You can stop dreaming now Tegan." he promised. My eyes rolled a bit,
"I'm awake aren't I?" I laughed. John's frown deepened,
"What?" he asked.
"You just said...you just said I could stop dreaming now." I said slowly, eyebrows furrowing.

John slowly shook his head at me, moving the eggs off of the heat and onto the back of the stove,
"No, no I didn't say anything." he said. My frown deepened,
"Yes you did." I argued, "You said it, I heard it...I swear you said something!"
"No, Tegan, I didn't!" John insisted. We fell silent, his intense hazel eyes boring holes into my head when I refused to look at him, my hands gripping the tabletop tightly as I inhaled shakily. What was wrong with me? Was I going mad? "Hey look, Teyla's here to see you to, she won't believe me so you've got to open your eyes again and show her yourself." John chuckled. My head snapped up to look at him but he was still eyeing me like I was a beast in a cage threatening to break loose. He looked concerned and wary, maybe even a little frustrated by my lack of response. Without saying a word I headed down the hallway to the front door, my steps frantic and hurried as I yanked it open. There was no one there though, nothing but sand and the jeep we used to get in and out of the town for supplies. "Tegan! What the hell is going on with you?" John demanded, sounding almost afraid of the answer. Wheeling around to face him I gripped the handle tightly, feeling my heart pounding ferociously when I blinked and his jeans and shirt flickered to a black uniform and back. "Tegan!" John cried my name as I went down, falling to the floor and burying my head in my hands. "Tegan! Come on, come on let's get you back to bed so you can lie down yeah?" John suggested, picking me up with ease and taking me back to the bedroom.

Curling onto my side I stared at the wall, barely aware of John making the phone call behind me, barely aware of the bed dipping under his weight as he sat beside me,
"You said it, I know you said it." I whispered, confusion and fear shooting through me like a bullet. Palms sweating, I clutched the bedsheet and shivered - something was so desperately wrong with me. Blinking again made the scene dissolve and I involuntarily gasped. I was back in the infirmary place, uniform clad John watching me with a small smile and Teyla looking relieved beside him.
"Tegan, it is good to see you awake." Teyla sighed, her eyes moving upward as if she were saying a silent prayer.
"Hey you, feeling a little more alert?" John asked with a smile, his thumb running over my knuckles. I stared down at my hands, horrified to see they were bandaged up like a fat mummy would have been and that my arms were a mess of IV lines and sticky patches that hooked me up to monitors. "Easy, easy it's alright, you're safe." John promised. I blinked once more, whisked away from the scene to find John in jeans and shirt kneeling before me, panic in his hazel eyes.
"You! You were, but the uniform...the...the SGC..."I gasped, unable to understand what was going on. My mind was reeling and spinning so badly I felt dizzy. "I...open the window." I whispered, needing fresh air. Stumbling over after him I leaned against the wall, inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly in an effort to calm my racing heart as my spinning mind seemed to slow a bit.

John ran a hand through his hair and shook his head slightly, watching me like a hawk to make sure I didn't drop again,
"You fell asleep and woke up screaming." he informed me, "Tegan...what's the matter? What were you dreaming about?" he wondered, eyes begging for an answer I couldn't give him. Swallowing thickly I shook my head,
"I, I don't know." I admitted. "It's you but it's not you, and I'm back at the SGC and Teyla was there..."I trailed off, eyes automatically wondering around the room to try and find her. John frowned,
"Tegan we left years ago." he reminded me gently. My eyebrows furrowed,
"Why don't I remember that?" I asked, voice strained as I rubbed my forehead. I couldn't remember leaving the SGC, couldn't remember deciding to move to Spain...infact I couldn't remember anything about how John and I had got together either.
"It's quite common to regress to traumatic events every now and then when suffering from post-traumatic stress Miss James, especially in the form of nightmares." a silky voice assured me calmly. Turning my head, I felt my body stiffen like an electric current had been shunted through it and a deep frown drew my brows together. Him, it was him. I would recognise the platinum blonde hair anyday, the impassive red eyes. He may have a fancy blazer jacket and shirt but he wouldn't fool me for a moment.
"No." I gasped slightly, looking at John in a panic, "No, no what's he doing here!" John placed his hands on my arms gently,
"Tegan he's been your doctor for almost two years now." he said confusedly.

Doctor? Murdale wasn't a doctor he was a murderer! Breath coming in short, panicked gasps I shook my head, cringing furthur into the wall and squeezing my eyes closed whilst praying he wouldn't be there and I'd wake up from this nightmare when I opened my eyes again. I woke up to a room of beeping monitors and a concerned looking John...dressed in black. He was still gently rubbing his thumb over my knuckles, sitting close by as Rodney stood in the doorway speaking quietly to Ronon and Teyla. Tears pricked my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and wetting my face. John reached out to brush them away softly, shushing me and lightly brushing some hair from my face,
"N-no." I managed to whisper, my voice hoarse. John frowned a bit,
"No what? You're alright Tegan, you're at the SGC now. Murdale's dead, he can't get to you anymore." John promised. But even as he spoke a pair of red eyes stared at me over his shoulder. My head lolled to the side and I tried to block the image, the tears blurring my vision making it harder to see the eyes haunting me.
"No, no go away, go away." I whimpered, hands coming up to cover my eyes. John pried them away, calling my name frantically and I peeked up from under my lashes to find myself back in our room in Spain. Crying out in frustration, I tried to pull back from his grip as Murdale readied a needle full of clear liquid.
"Tegan he's trying to help you." John tried to reason with me but I pushed him away and darted from the room, sprinting for the kitchen and scrambling through the cupboards for a knife. "Tegan! Stop!" John called out, hurrying after me. I turned and delivered a neat round house, sending him crashing into the cupboards and crying out as his head struck the cupboard handle.
"Stay away from me!" I screamed. I no longer knew what was real or what was fake, who to trust. My farther always told me when you didn't know who to trust then the only person you could trust was yourself.

John rubbed his jaw where my foot had caught him, shaking the disorientated feeling away and pulling himself up. Murdale was coming at me from the side and trying to placate me,
"Miss James, Tegan, put down the knife and let me help you. I can make it go away, the hallucinations, the confusion, all of it." he promised me smoothly. I couldn't believe anything I was seeing, anything I was hearing.
"No!" I yelled, panic seeping through my body and making my hands tremble as both John and Murdale began hemming me into the corner. I needed to get out, I needed to get out of here now. Lunging forward I slid across the dining table, crashing to the floor in a heap and rolling onto my back, lashing out at John who had tried to lunge for me and pin me to the floor. My barrell kick hit him hard in the chest and he fell back with a groan winded from my attack no doubt. Murdale stepped over him easily as I scrambled for the hallway. My brain began clicking into gear then, beginning to work slowly as if it had been turned off for a while. None of this was real, Murdale wasn't here and neither was John. The real John was waiting for me at the SGC, sitting in his black uniform and holding my bandaged hands. I was going to be in a lot of pain when I woke up but I would feel that pain, I would feel and live and survive. Staying here (however plesant it may have been) was a mistake - this wasn't living. Murdale came crashing after me and I turned just in time to block the punch he was aiming between my shoulder blades. My other hand whipped up, catching his cheek and gashing it open with the knife so blood poured from his face, spattering over me and creating a slippery red puddle on the floor. I backed away from him, knife held aloft and poised to strike once more like a rattle snake as I reached beind me, frantically trying to feel for the door handle so I could make it to the jeep and escape.

Murdale kept advancing on me, a creepy smile on his face that made him look like a deranged puppet,
"You can't run from me Tegan." his silky voice hissed and I found myself shaking my head frantically, tears burning the back of my eyes again but I refused to let them spill. "You'll never be safe!" he snarled, lunging for me again. My hands shot out and the knife lodged itself deep into his abdomen. Murdale clutched onto my shoulders, dragging me to the floor with him as he fell so I landed with a thump on my back, the air rushing out of my lungs. Above my head was the front door. Adrenaline surging through me I rolled onto my front, aware now of the painful ache rippling through my body making my movements a bit more sluggish and slow, breathing hard and trembling from head to toe as I reached up and unlocked the door, pulling it open and squinting at the bright puddle of shimmering blue before me. Gasping slightly I tried to pull myself up, but a strong hand grasped my ankle and dragged me back to the floor. Glancing over my shoulder I saw Murdale, his bloody face glaring up at me as he stabbed the knife hard into the floorboards, pull himself up furthur to get a better grip on my legs, "You'll never escape me Tegan! Never!" he hollered. Grabbing the doorframe with a scream I pulled with all my might, trying to pull myself out of his grip as he tugged me back in a lethal tug of war. Wriggling and thrashing I cried out in terror, the tears leaking down my face and blurring my vision, but luck was on my side it seemed because one of my legs came free and I was able to plant my foot firmly into his face. My body shot forward as he lost his grip on me and I tumbled through the puddle, falling through it and tumbling down into a deep black abyss that swallowed me whole.

John's Point of View:
She'd been in and out of conciousness now for almost a day, struggling to shake of the sedatives they'd given her they said. She'd whimpered and twitched, she'd moaned and groaned but she wasn't fully awake. It was agonising to have to keep waiting; my patience was wearing thin and I wondered just what was keeping her asleep. Everytime she opened those grey eyes my hope flared and it was crushed when she closed them again. Rodney was sitting across from me, watching her just as closely as I was while Teyla and Ronon had gone to get some sleep and left us alone, as was our routine now. Woolsey had been in touch to ask us if we were even coming back - well we had been gone two weeks so it was justified but I hadn't been able to give him an answer. By now most of her stitches had come out and her bruises had faded to less angry yellow blotches, her split lip had scabbed over too but it was still rather hard to watch them force feed her to ensure there was something lining her stomach, despite most of her nutrients and fluids and coming from the IV line. Her heart rate began picking up as she whimpered again and I automatically reached for her hand. Her hands had been burnt badly by some kind of gas they thought, but they said the skin grafting would leave minimal scars and take a while to heal. The burn on her ankle at least was getting there and they thought it would be fully healed in another week or so.

Tegan whimpered again and Rodney swallowed thickly. He hated this and it was plain to see the anguish on his face when she was in pain or discomfort, and it killed me to know there was nothing I could do to ease his hurt. A small frown tugged her brows together as her leg twitched, bending slightly while she groaned.
"Easy, you're okay." I promised her quietly, the same promise I'd been spouting all day whenever she opened her eyes. The heart monitor began to beep faster and I glanced up at it with a frown, seeing the little peaks getting closer together as her heart raced, her head twisted and her whimpers grew louder until they erupted into screams. Her body twisted, fighting some sort of invisible foe as Rodney called for a nurse. I quickly moved to holde her arms, gently making sure she didn't lash out and hurt herself or yank out the IV lines, "Tegan! Tegan it's me, wake up!" I called sharply. One of the nurses came running but her eyes had popped open by then, her grey orbs swimming in panic and fear as she thrashed and sobbed at me to let her go and go away. "Tegan it's John! It's John, it's me, you're safe!" I insisted. Slowly, her wriggling died down and the nurse watched carefully to make sure she didn't lash out again. Tegan just sobbed at me in her hoarse voice, staring at the ceiling and making no effort to wipe away her tears. Rodney shook his head slightly,
"John I can't..."he trailed off. I nodded in understanding,
"It's okay, I've got it, go." I promised, seeing the tormented expression on his face.

Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I did have it...whatever it was. My hands were shaking slightly as my stomach twisted nauseously, my heart throbbing in my ears as I swallowed thickly,
"He won't go away." she rasped, "He won't leave me alone. He won't leave, he'll never leave." my heart ached a little at the despair in her voice and I sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hands gently,
"Who?" I asked her softly, though I was pretty sure I knew who. Tegan couldn't answer me through her tears and I gently wiped them away, silently signalling to the nurse that she could leave now and I'd look after her.
"I'll go speak to the doctor." she decided. Tegan's head turned away from the harsh light above her, her eyes staring unseeingly at the empty bed beside her while she sniffed and calmed down, the heart monitor finally returning to its monotonous and steady beeping. Running a hand through my hair I proceeded to tell her the one thing I hoped could comfort her,
"He isn't coming back Tegan, not anymore. I took care of him just like I promised. He's dead, he can't hurt you anymore." Gently touching her cheek I was relieved to find she didn't flinch away from my touch, a good sign for the future surely. Deciding to push my luck, I gently pressed my lips to her forehead, finding it clammy with sweat from her struggle against me. "Nobody will ever hurt you again." I promised quietly.