The physical injuries healed the fastest, leaving her in the infirmary for just under a month before she was released. It was a good job they finally let her out because she was going a little stir crazy. Earth wasn't where she needed to be though and maybe it wasn't his decision to make, but John had pulled strings, thrown about his weight a bit, pulled rank even, to get her back to Atlantis. She was nowhere near fit enough to return to duty and he understood that, but he needed to. Ronon for one was getting restless and needed to shoot something, and Teyla had missed Torren greatly over the month they had been on Earth. The changes in her were blatantly obvious. Tegan was much quieter these days around some of the marines, preferring to spend time with Rodney in his lab or meditating with Teyla to clear her mind - it didn't help as much as she hoped it would. They'd been back for three weeks but still she woke up screaming, every night. The nightmares were the worst part of her daily struggle and the daytime naps weren't helping her either. Keller refused to prescribe sleeping medication without seeing her go to the pyschiatrist on base first but Tegan stubbornly refused. Her team tried to help, tried to get her to talk to them but she wasn't all that willing to open up. Rodney had seen it all before and was aggravated by her downwards spiral but John knew it was something different though. Tegan didn't like psychiatrists, she didn't like spilling her life story to a stranger who was quick to understand how she worked and what made her tick. Besides, counselling hadn't done her any good after her parents murder.

It was another such night, and John found his tired eyes glancing at the clock - three fifty four. Sighing to himself he dragged his body out of bed and headed to the room next door, letting himself in and making his way to the bed where she thrashed and screamed before placing his palms against her shoulders and calling her name sharply. Tegan's eyes shot open, her breathing harsh and laboured as she scanned the room for any sign of danger. John sat beside her, his heart aching in his chest as he watched her calm down and sit up. She was much more receptive to him for some reason but John didn't mind it, he welcomed it in fact. It was hard though to watch somebody he loved suffer and know there was nothing he could do about it. Keller was close to her wits end with her and he knew that soon enough Tegan would be ordered to see Doctor Thwaitwhistle whether she wanted to or not. She shuffled closer to him and (as was their ritual) he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, letting his cheek rest ontop of her head as she dropped it on his shoulder. As usual, John waited for her to do the talking, giving her chance to calm her breathing and stop the tremors in her hands first,
"He's never going to leave me alone John. He was right, I'll never be free of him." she whispered, voice barely more audiable than a breath of air. John shook his head and sighed,
"Yes you will." he said, quiet conviction in his voice, "You'll be free one day Tea, you just have to keep fighting." Tegan frowned a bit, shifting her head in an effort to get comfortable, knowing what John was implying.
"You'll come with me? Please?" she asked. John's arm squeezed her tightly against him and he nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head,
"Always." he assured her. Tegan had confided in him about her alternate reality (the Spanish villa where her mind had taken her to be safe) and John was slightly shocked to hear it was him she had conjured up to keep her happy, but was more than willing to play the role now, however hard it was proving to be.

That was how Tegan ended up in Doctor Thwaitwhistle's office three days later, pacing and angry and her voice dripping with defensive sarcasm. Thwaitwhistle had nearly lost patience with her on more than one occasion but watched (with an amused expression) as John held her back and got her to tell him some minor bits of information. Thwaitwhistle would need a lot more though, and eventually he got it. Tegan was turning up every week for her counselling sessions with John loyally stood by her side, unaware that sometimes he came in on his own too just to get some weight off of his own shoulders - he'd looked after her and stayed strong but even he needed a break sometimes. Thwaitwhistle had observed their relationship, watched it grow and change as Tegan herelf slowly began to change to. She was getting better slowly but surely, and John didn't have to burst into her room in the early hours of the morning half as often as he used to, mostly because he slept with her now. She slept better and felt safer with John's arms around her. Most nights he could ward off the nightmares but there were sometimes he couldn't manage it, and would simply have to hold her until she fell asleep again. He was still leading his missions but the team wasn't the same without Tegan. It was around four months later that the team noticed the positive changes because she began to join them in the mess hall again for dinner, then lunch, then breakfast too. Six months later and she was watching Teyla spar with John and Ronon, timidly asking John if he would help her get a bit of her old fitness back. They weren't sparring, but he did do a gentle gym routine with her and short jogs in the mornings, it was Major Lorne that started slow sparring sessions with her at about the eight month mark.

After the wraith fiasco with alternate reality messages and a rather treacherous journey through space to land in San Francisco bay they had worried that maybe it was a step backwards, because Tegan had locked herself in her room and panicked quite a bit until she'd finally let Thwaitwhistle in to talk to her and calm her down. When John had come back he'd stayed with her for the rest of the evening, the rest of the team joining them for dinner before they left them alone. Tegan didn't want to handle a gun ever again (having developed a bit of a fear of them) and although she still sparred with Lorne (and then John and eventually she worked her way back up to Teyla almost a year after her capture) she didn't want to be out there fighting again. So she'd spoken to Keller about medical training. She found the infirmary calming during her physiotherapy sessions and had continued to visit her and help out where she could for something to do when she got bored. Two months after landing on earth and the IOA were still unclear on what they wanted to do about Atlantis, but they still let people live in the city - John was grateful for that because he knew Atlantis was really the only home Tegan had left. John was adamant that getting her out and about in San Francisco might be good for her however, a change of scene and all, and so he was taking her to dinner that night.

Tegan didn't believe in dressing up, but for him she'd made the effort. It wasn't that she was nervous (since John had pretty much been by her side for the past two years she'd known him and had seen her at her most vulnerable moments so she had nothing left to be embarrassed about), but she felt that she owed him a huge debt since he'd done so much for her. So it was only fair that she took his breath away when he came to pick her up (dressed in smart-casual clothes) in her blue dress. It was a simple thing really, halter neck with no embellishments or frills or ruffles, hanging to her knees and complimented by a black cardigan to keep the chill off of her. They took the jumper to the mainland, then grabbed a car to head into the city before they got out and he took her hand to lead her through the streets, noticing the way that she cringed back slightly from large crowds and making sure to try and keep her close by. To her credit, she stuck it out and let him show her the city, her eyes marvelling in the lights and sounds but not so much at the people. John had made sure to pick a little restaurant that was out of the way, not too busy but still serving great food. Tegan let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding,
"Thank you." she said sincerely. John's eyebrows furrowed a bit,
"No problem, I guess." he replied, sounding slightly confused. Tegan rolled her eyes a bit,
"Really John, thank you...you've done so much for me over the past year and...and I know I was a pain in the backside." she smiled weakly and John's frown deepened,
"I'd do it all again." he promised her, his voice soft and his hazel eyes locking on her own haunted grey ones.

Tegan bit her lip slightly, wishing she could tell him just really how she felt at that moment, how grateful she truly was and how much she loved him for it. John seemed to understand though, if she was reading him right that is (and she usually always did). Leaning forward he took her hand gently in his, tracing the criss cross of scars on her hands to show he didn't care if she thought she was damaged goods,
"Careful John, your soft sides showing." she warned him, a lump rising in her throat as she fought down a torrent of emotions threatening to flatten her. John just chuckled,
"I don't mind you seeing it." he confessed openly, giving her hand a squeeze before pulling back so the waiter could set down their orders. Inhaling the aroma of her spaghetti and meatballs she felt her stomach growl, trying to ignore that heat that flushed her skin when she felt John's eyes watching her. John picked out a breadstick, crunching his way through it for a moment before striking up a casual converastion about plans and the IOA's tendency to take things far too slow.
"Jennifer's training me up to be a nurse, you know so I'm still doing something productive but I'm not out there doing the heavy stuff. I'm hoping General O'Neill gives me the all clear to stay on at Atlantis though, I'd just be in the infirmary but...it's where I want to be." she informed him, and he could see the renewed determination he hadn't seen in so long twinkling in her eyes.

The conversation flowed easily, the food was sublime and the wine even better. John found himself laughing more than usual as her dry sense of humour made him spot certain things in the few people sitting around them that he just couldn't believe he'd not noticed himself,
"She'll divorce him for that." John chuckled, shaking his head amusedly. Tegan just smiled at him and John noticed that for the first time in a long time she appeared almost serene, her smile genuine and relaxed.
"Most likely. Though he'll probably remarry with the blonde he's been eyeing up all evening." she replied. Sighing contentedly she took another sip of wine and glanced out of the window at the city lights, "I could stay like this forever." she confessed quietly, risking a glance up at him. John felt a soft smile tug his lips up, feeling his heart stutter slightly when the words escaped him before he really had chance to think about them,
"Then do it. You want it to be like this forever then we can do that, we can make it work. Marry me." he blinked a bit in shock and saw Tegan still. Both of them sat frozen in time for a moment, not quite sure how to reply. Why did he think he could make it work with Tegan if he couldn't make it work with Nancy? Well, there was no need for secrecy for one, and technically since her honourable discharge from the military a few months back the fraternization rules no longer applied. John realised that it could work, moreover he realised that he wanted it to work. Tegan swallowed slightly, her mind reeling for an excuse as to why she had to say no, before it finally realised that she didn't want to and she had every reason to say yes,
"Alright then." she agreed with a slight smile, "Sounds like a good plan."

That was how Tegan James became Tegan Sheppard, and was finally able to move on from the horrors of her past to a better and brighter future.