Holy wow! I go away for a few days and I come back to the most amazing of reviews and so many new readers! Thank you guys SO SO much! Here is a nice long one for yall, if I am able, I will get on to post another one this weekend! Hope you enjoy and keep those reviews coming! They do make me SO SO happy to see! XOXO

It takes me a bit longer than I expected to strip the birds that I killed but I want to make Peeta a nice lunch and am willing to let him wait just a little while longer.

I can't believe how many times I have screwed up with him lately. And it's just my stupid paranoia getting to me. If I could just relax and let myself be loved, like he says, we would be just fine. He would probably have less flashbacks. I could probably muster up a yes to his marriage proposal (though to be fair, he hasn't actually proposed yet even though I know he has thought about it) and we could let ourselves be happy again.

Myself. I could let myself be happy. He has told me plenty of times how happy he is. How happy I make him. Now why can't I just believe that and move on?
Because his hijacked words still invade my mind. Whatever he said when he was in the Capitol, and whatever he says when he is in a flashback, those words pierce my heart and it's not so easy to just forget them. Aurelius tells me it's like Peeta is a different person when he is in a flashback. I can't let his words bother me.

But they still do. He is still the boy I fell in love with and he has a darkness to him. He will always have that darkness, because of me.

A noise brings me out of my thoughts and my eyes shoot up to the ceiling. Gripping my bow, I make my way upstairs, my eyes peeled and my footsteps light. I hear a creak on the top stair and I pull an arrow taut.

"Jesus Christ," I hear her scream and with a scowl, I lower my bow. Johanna stands at the top of the stairs, her hands in the air and her eyes wide.

"Johanna, what the hell are you doing?"

"What are you doing home? You're supposed to be out hunting!" I narrow my eyes at her. She's been talking to Peeta.

"I'm finished. What are you doing here?"

"Peeta sent me home…to get something." I stare at her, waiting. She swallows and lowers her hands.

"To get what?"

"He, uh…he spilled something on his pants! And sent me home to get a new pair for him."

"Why didn't he just call me?"

"When do you ever answer your phone, brainless?" I shrug. Point taken. I hate using that Capitol device. I just let it ring and it irritates the heck out of Peeta when he tries to call.

"Besides, he thought you were hunting and then coming to the bakery for lunch. So he asked me to come get a pair." I survey her and see that her hands are empty.

"Ok, and you didn't find any of his pants in the closet?"

"I was on my way up to the bedroom when someone scared the shit out of me with her fucking bow!"

"Alright, sorry. His clothes are on the left hand side. I can take them with me though, since I'm about to go have lunch with him. Unless he's too busy?"

"He'd never be too busy for you," she says mockingly, making a face. I grin and turn away. As tough as she is, I know Jo loves us both in her own way. Sort of like Haymitch. We Victors are family, whether we like it or not. I set the bow and arrow down on the table and go back upstairs to our room. Johanna is in the closet and I quickly unbraid my hair.

"I'm just going to hop in the shower. If you want to take those to him, you can tell him I'm not far behind you."

"Can do," she calls from the closet and I hurriedly jump in the shower and scrub off the blood.

A while later, Johanna is gone and I'm dressed in a pair of shorts and a flowy green tank top. I've packed us a nice lunch and wish I could have baked something but then I remind myself, that's Peeta's forte, not mine. I grab the basket, check my reflection one more time, and head out the door.

I have an extra spring to my step today. I'm actually really excited about what I'm going to do. I plan to take Peeta to my special spot today.

No one has ever seen the lake, save for dad and me. I mean Gale may have seen it when he went deep into the woods but I never showed him. It was mine and dad's spot. He took me there almost every day, teaching me about hunting and fishing and edible plants. He taught me about social class and how important it was to be a good and honest person. He taught me his songs and how to whistle. I notice tears streaking down my cheeks and I impatiently wipe them away.

This day is about Peeta and me. I won't let my emotions ruin it. Dad showed me the most perfect spot and I'm about to share it with the most important person in my life.

When I arrive at the bakery, Cora greets me from the cash register and I wave back. I glance into the window and see Peeta running around the kitchen, his hair and face streaked with flour. He looks up and our eyes meet through the window. He says something to Riley, then pushes the door open and lifts the barrier between the counter and the guests.

"Hey you," he breathes as he pulls me into his arms. He smells like fresh bread and cinnamon and I cling to him, ignoring the stares we are getting. I'm usually not much for PDA but the feeling of his arms is too good to ignore.

"Hi," I finally pull back and give him a smile.

"You look nice." I shrug.

"It's just getting really warm. Are you able to take off for lunch? You look busy."

"We have a bunch of orders for this evening but I can take off for an hour or two."

"Good. Because there's somewhere special I want to take you." His brow raises and he watches me expectantly. I shift the picnic basket onto my other arm and lean in to give his cheek a kiss.

"Meet me outside?"

"Give me two minutes." I nod and watch him take off his apron before turning to go back to the kitchen. I smile at Cora and her two customers and go wait on the porch. My eyes automatically go to the sign hanging above the door and I smile. A second later, Peeta joins me and his arm goes around my waist. I lean into him, wanting more of his warmth and his smell. He takes the basket from me and kisses the top of my head.

"Lead the way." I grip his hand and we walk through town. He doesn't once ask me where we are going and that tells me he trusts me. When we arrive at the fence, however, his hand gets a little sweaty.

"Katniss-?" I turn to him and wrap my arms around his neck.

"I want to show you something very important to me. Do you trust me?"

"Always," he says softly. I lean up to kiss him quickly before leading him into the woods.

I'd forgotten just how loud he is until he is crunching the leaves and every damn twig his feet can find. I'm extremely glad I haven't brought him out here while I'm hunting. His hand grips mine tighter and I squeeze back reassuringly.

"Are we almost there?"

"Not really. We're going to a really deep part of the woods." I hear him gulp and I smile up at him.

"You're safe with me. I won't let anything happen to you." He squeezes my hand.

"I know." It suddenly occurs to me how much this might remind him of the Games and I feel terrible. Not everyone loves the woods like I do. And our first Games, we weren't together most of the time. He was off trying to fool the Careers and the rest of the time, he was dying from blood poisoning.

Really charming date, Katniss.

As always, Peeta can tell when something is bothering me and he stops me, his hands on my shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I-"

"Katniss." I look up into his eyes and see him patiently waiting for me to tell the truth.

"I just…feel awful for bringing you out here. I wasn't thinking, you're probably thinking of the Games and I just wanted to take you to my special spot and I just-" his lips press against mine and I fall silent. His hands move up from my shoulders to my neck and his kisses turn more and more urgent.

"You talk too much, you know that?" I scowl up at him and he chuckles.

"Come on. Take me to your special spot." His hand finds mine again and I pull him down the path that I know so well.

We have to stop twice for water and to allow him to catch his breath. I pat his back and tell him it's not much further.

Finally, I hear running water and my grip on his hand tightens.

"Close your eyes."

"Katniss-"

"Please," I add and he sighs before he obeys. I carefully pull him to a flat rock that I used to sit on with my father and I have him stand on it.

"Ok, open," I breathe in his ear. I lean back to watch him open his eyes and his face takes on an expression of wonder.

"Katniss…this is…it's beautiful." I smile and nod.

"My dad used to bring me here. He called it our secret place. I never brought…I've never brought anyone else here." He catches my meaning even if he doesn't comment on it. I'm telling him I didn't bring Gale here. It never crossed my mind, really. He turns to me and his face is soft and beautiful.

"You brought me to your secret place." It isn't a question really but I feel like I have to answer.

"This was my refuge, after he died. I used to run here and escape and just try to forget everything. Outside of the woods, I had to be the adult, raising Prim, making sure my mom ate, I had to take care of my family. Here I could be the little Katniss that came here with my dad. I didn't have to worry about anything and I just stayed here for hours, listening to the stream. It's just so peaceful."

"It is," he agrees before sweeping me into his arms and kissing me so hard that I would fall backwards if he didn't have a firm grip on my back.

"Thank you," he breathes against my lips and I feel my knees weaken.

"I love you, Peeta," I say before he claims my lips again and I welcome his assault. His tongue meets mine forcefully and his hands drift lower into my shorts, where he can grip my bare ass. I gasp into our kiss and I feel him throb against my belly. He breaks the kiss and gives me a sly smirk.

"Let's go ahead and have lunch. Else I won't have much strength to do anything else." I can't help but giggle and pull out the blanket I brought, spreading it over a patch of green right by the lake. We both remove our shoes and lay down on the blanket.

"I can't bake as well as you but I think the sandwiches will be decent," I say, handing him one. He smiles.

"I knew you were a horrible cook when I fell in love with you, Katniss."

"Hey," I cry indignantly. "I cook just fine. Sorry that I don't have baker hands." He holds up his hands, while he waggles his eyebrows and I know the next comment that comes out of his mouth will turn me on.

"But I can do so much with these 'baker hands'. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Pipe down and eat your lunch," I snap and he chuckles again. We enjoy the lunch and the sunshine and take our time just being together. As I lay with my head in his lap, he occasionally feeds me grapes while his fingers run through my hair.

"I wish I had my sketch book with me," he says softly above me. "This moment is so perfect, I want to capture it on paper."

"Just commit it to memory," I tell him without opening my eyes. I'm so relaxed and so at peace out here that I feel as if nothing can ruin it. It reminds me of the rooftop at the training center, the night before the Quell. If only I had confessed to him how I felt then. Would things be different? Would the hijacking have failed because he knew how I felt about him?

"You are so gorgeous out here." I open my eyes and see him staring down at me and my brow furrows.

"What do you mean, out here?"

"You're always beautiful. But this is your element. You look so perfect, like a wood nymph. I just have to keep staring because I'm afraid the moment I look away, you'll disappear into the trees and leave me wondering if it was all a fantastical dream." I shake my head and lean up to kiss him, wrapping my arms around his neck and threading my fingers through his curls.

"How do you do that?" I lean down and kiss his neck and he tilts his head slightly.

"Mm, do what?"

"Paint such beautiful pictures with your words. "

"Your beauty just brings it out."

"Oh stop," I hit his arm gently and his body rumbles with laughter. I reach over to clean up the dishes and pack everything away. I'm sure he needs to be getting back soon. His hand rests on mine and I turn to gaze into those depths of blue.

"Thank you for lunch. It was delicious."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry I didn't bring any kind of dessert or anything. Guess you should have grabbed a pie or something." He wraps me in his arms and kisses me until I'm breathless with want.

"I can think of sweeter things I like much better than pie," he whispers huskily in my ear. It sends a sudden rush of wetness between my legs and I fight to keep control.

"Wh-what do you mean?" His hands hold my face as he devours my lips and I don't even register when his hand leaves my face and is fumbling with the button of my shorts. I feel his fingers glide over my wet folds and I moan into his mouth.

"Damn you are so wet for me, Katniss," he whispers as he leans down and sucks at my breast through my shirt. He yanks it up to my chin and pulls the cups of my bra down so he can palm my breast in his hand. His other hand is busy below, circling my clit but never giving me the relief I need. His lips lower to my chest and his tongue rakes across my sensitive nipple.

"Oh…god Peeta," I stammer and he moans against my skin in reply. He leans back and starts to tug at my shorts but I sit straight up.

"Peeta! We're…someone could…"

"Who's going to see us, Katniss? We're in the deepest part of the woods. You said yourself no one comes here. Live a little." Biting my lip, I lay back down and close my eyes. I allow the serenity of the woods to wash over me and I realize he's right. We're miles from town and no one ever comes out this way. He tugs my shorts down my legs and strokes me through my underwear. I blush at how wet I am but all embarrassment is gone when I feel him lick me through the cloth. I buck my hips upwards and his fingers grip my hips. He moves the cloth aside and takes a long lick, eliciting a throaty moan from deep within my throat. He plunges two fingers in and I'm gone. The air is filled with my moans and cries and it only fuels him on. His tongue is relentless on my clit and when he takes me completely in his mouth, I shatter. He kisses his way back up my body and my hands frantically work at his pants. He leans over me, our gazes locked, as I free him from his pants. He quickly shoves his clothes down a little ways and then he's inside me. God I could never get tired of the feeling of joining with him. It's unreal and I mentally hit myself every time for denying myself…denying us of this. We could have done this every night on the victory tour. Nights spent in his arms, with our hair damp and our bodies glistening from what we had done.

I reach down and rub my clit, feeling myself reach my peak quickly. Peeta's eyes darken and he moves my hand out of the way, his fingers replacing mine. His thumb rubs hard and I feel myself clench around him. He lets out a strangled cry and I feel him release deep inside me. He collapses on top of me, both of us heaving for breath.

"My…god," he pants in my ear. He quickly rolls off of me and pulls me into his arms. I prop myself up and lean in to kiss him, grinning at the sight of his disheveled curls and his flushed face.

"Maybe you should come home and shower before you return to the bakery. People will definitely know what we were up to out here."

"I can't just tell them we got lost in the woods?" I grin and kiss his chest.

"You smell like sex. They'd know." He drapes an arm over his eyes and I cock my head.

"Even though I like it, I don't think other people would be too comfortable with it." He lowers his arm and he looks stunned.

"You like what?"

"The smell of us together. What we've done. I love having you all over my body." His eyes widen at my words and even I'm a bit surprised at myself. Where did that come from? He pulls me on top of him and leans in for a kiss.

"Are you trying to kill me, woman?"

We make love once more, with me on top, before we hurriedly dress and repack the basket. I wish we'd had more time to explore the area so I could show him the lake properly but I won't complain about how we spent the day. He holds my hand as we make our way out of the woods and we decide to go home and shower before he goes back to work. I guess he's even more grateful about the fact that I took him to my lake, because he picks me up and takes me against the wall. I'm not sure how he will have strength to go back to work because I plan on taking a nice long nap when we get out of the shower. I watch him dress as I tangle myself in the covers and he looks at me, biting his lip.

"Aren't you going to get dressed?"

"Why bother? I'm just going to fall asleep. And then this is what you'll find when you come home later tonight." I sit up a little straighter, letting the sheets fall off my breasts. His fists clench and unclench and I can tell he is struggling to keep control.

"Fuck, Katniss!" He shakes his head and turns away and I can't help but giggle. He looks up at me and glares.

"You know exactly what you're doing, don't you?" I merely shrug innocently. He snorts.

"Yeah, don't act all innocent. Sometimes you don't know the effect you have but right now you definitely do."

"You're saying you don't want to find this waiting for you when you get home?" His eyes narrow.

"You're dangerous, you know that? You're deadlier than a bow and arrows."

"And aren't you just so charming," I retort, making him scoff. He leans down to give me a quick kiss before straightening up and checking his reflection.

"I'll probably be at the bakery late tonight, finishing orders. Why not ask Jo over for dinner? Keep you company?"

"I've been alone plenty of times before, Peeta, I think I'll manage a few hours without you." He looks at me nervously and I can see the worry in his eyes.

"Katniss-"

"Oh go to work, Peeta," I say, turning away. I can't help but feel a little defensive. Does he think I'm so weak that I need someone with me at all times? Is that what I have become to him? That I need to be watched because he thinks I'll hurt myself?

I feel his hand on my cheek and he gently turns me to look at him.

"Don't," he says quietly. "Don't think I worry that you will…try anything. I just worry about you is all. And I know you need some 'girl time' or whatever it is. You just have Haymitch and me around and I don't think Delly qualifies as the best girlfriend that you have."

"I didn't have 'girlfriends' growing up, Peeta," I remind him. He cups my chin and smiles sadly.

"I know. But now you have friends who love you. Just have a nice evening with Johanna before she leaves again. I just like to see you smile, that's all."

"I know," I nod. I know he didn't mean anything by it but it still hurt just the same.

"I love you," he whispers before giving me a quick kiss and hurriedly leaving the room. I sigh and lie in the sheets for a few moments before the smell of sex and passion reaches me. Time to wash these sheets again! Seems like we are doing ten loads of laundry a day since we started sleeping together. I get dressed and pull off the blankets and sheets, throwing them into the wash bin. Peeta bought one of those Capitol machines to wash and dry clothes but I still refuse to use it. As I do with most Capitol things.

After I finish the laundry, I realize that I don't know where Johanna is staying. I make my way over to Haymitch's house and screw up my nose as the smelly geese bombard me, probably looking for food.

"Haymitch," I call when I get inside. "Your geese are hungry!"

"Just fed them," he mumbles, his head in his arms. An empty bottle stands next to him. I sigh and pick up the bottle.

"Then they're probably starved for attention. Why don't you get out of this house?"

"Is there a reason you are over here or did you just think I needed the pleasure of your company this evening," he snaps, finally looking up at me.

"Do you know where Johanna is staying? I want to invite her to dinner."

"Hotel down the road. Close to Merchant Circle. Don't expect me there. I've got a headache like you wouldn't believe." I snort and shake my head as I take care to slam the door as loudly as I can, behind me. I hear him groan and curse my name and I chuckle.

Johanna agrees to come to dinner and we actually enjoy ourselves as we attempt to fix something called lasagna. I don't know if it's a Capitol dish or where she heard of it but she said it would be fun to make and it's actually quite good. I shove some into a container for Peeta for later and put it in the fridge. Jo suggests we crack open a bottle of wine and after two glasses, I'm feeling really fuzzy. She props her feet up on the chair and leans back to survey me.

"So brainless! You thought anymore about what I said this morning?"

"Which part," I ask, dazed.

"You going to marry that boy or what?"

"If he asks me," I hiccup. "Then yes."

"Really? And if he asks you for kids?"

"Jo," I say warningly and she holds up her hands in the air.

"Hey, I'm just saying! You'd make a great mom, Katniss. I saw you with your sister. How protective you were. Hell you were even protective of me in 13!"

"It was my fault that you were taken to the Capitol in the first place," I tell her, sloshing my drink all over myself.

"No it isn't, brainless! Why do you keep thinking that?" I shrug.

"All I had to do was play the part of a perfect victor. Marry Peeta, agree with the Capitol's rules, do what was expected of me. There wouldn't have been a damn Quarter Quell or Rebellion if I had just-" I stop, realizing the liquid from my glass is now all over the floor. "Ah shit."

"Brainless, you are driving me fucking nuts," Johanna groans, rubbing her eyes. "You need to stop thinking that everything was perfect. Everything was NOT perfect. And contrary to popular belief, it was not just you that set it all in motion. Yes we needed a Mockingjay to lead the revolution but talks of rebellion started years before you were even born! Do you want to know what would have happened? If you had played the perfect victor, I mean?"

"Tell me." She leans close and I smell the alcohol on her breath. I start to move to clean up the mess on the floor but her hand shoots out and she grabs my shirt, pulling me close. I squirm a little but she leans even closer.

"You and Peeta would have been sold," she spats. "To every perverted, fucked-up Capitol citizen who wanted to pay for you. They would have auctioned off your wedding night, they'd broadcast it across the Capitol and Panem as Peeta fucked you for the very first time. And after that, they would auction off nights spent with one or both of you. Peeta tied to a chair while he watched some sick fuck take you right in front of him. Or better yet, you chained to the bed while Peeta serves the Capitolites, just to keep you from harm. And there's not a damn thing you could do to stop it. You could try to take your life but they would stop you and punish you, by killing the ones you love. And you would become this waste of a human being, who forgets who you even are! You lie awake at night, wondering how in the hell you can escape. And you realize you can't. Not until this Capitol is taken down and every one of these bastards are forced to pay for what they have done." She finally releases me and I can't breathe.

"That's what would have happened, if the revolution hadn't sparked, Katniss. You not only saved Peeta and yourself but you saved future victors, you saved kids from every district from dying in those games. You saved Panem. Be fucking proud of yourself!" She hiccups and leans back in her chair. She wipes at her face and I realize that she is crying. I also realize I have never seen her cry before.

"Johanna," I say quietly and reach out toward her but she rears back.

"No pity, Katniss. I don't want it."

"I don't pity you. But I can cry with you." And that's what we do. We hold each other and cry. For everything that we lost. For everything that we've endured. For everything that we hope for, everything that we long for in the future that we created. The two strong iron-willed women of Panem, holding each other and bawling like babies.

After what seems like hours of sobbing, we both lean back and wipe our faces. I push away the alcohol and shake my head.

"And now I know why I never drink."

"But it's fun," she hiccups and I laugh.

"I'm going to go freshen up. Be right back." She nods as she pours herself another glass. I shake my head in wonder as I head up to our bathroom.

When I feel satisfied that I don't look like a total wreck, I come out of the bathroom and my eyes fall on the gold locket that Peeta gave me. I pull it over my neck and open it up. The smiling faces of Prim, my mom, and Peeta warm my heart. I close it and look back at the table by our bed. Peeta has framed a picture of the two of us from the opening of the bakery where someone must have snapped it without us noticing. We are standing underneath the sign and we are looking at each other. His arm is around my waist and I am turned into him, my hand on his chest. We both have smiles that rival the sparkle in our eyes. It sometimes amazes me how happy we look.

How happy we are.

My eyes tear away from the picture and fall on the blue ribbon that I had bought for Prim. My eyes fill with tears as they move around the table. As I notice something is missing, I feel my heart start to pound in my chest. I hurry forward and drop to my hands and knees, searching the floor.

"Please no." I tear the bed apart, searching, and am scrambling around on the floor when I hear footsteps.

"What the hell are you doing, brainless?"

"It's gone, Jo!" I look up at her and know I look like a mess. She frowns.

"What's gone?"

"My pearl! My pearl from Peeta! It's gone! I can't find it anywhere!"

"Ok calm down. I'm sure it just…fell on the floor. I'll help you look." She gets down with me and we check every nook and cranny in the floorboards. I pull my knees to my chest and start rocking back and forth. Johanna gives me a worried look.

"Katniss, calm down. It's a pearl, it's not Peeta. You didn't lose him-"

"I kept that pearl with me every second," I choke out. "I used to imagine it as his heart. If I had it, no harm would come to him. I can't believe…I can't believe I've lost it."

"Ok, it's ok. We'll find it." She pulls me into her arms and I can't stop shaking. My sobs only increase and I suddenly have images of Peeta in the Capitol, tortured and crying for help. Crying for me to save him.

I start coughing and shaking even harder.

"Katniss, stay with me. Peeta's ok. He's at the bakery. Do you want me to call him and tell him to come home?" I don't answer. I'm lost in a world where I watch, over and over, as they inject Peeta with long needles filled with poison. I'm frozen, huddled in the floor.

"Katniss," she says loudly. "Katniss, I'm going to call Peeta. Stay here, ok?" I register her getting up to leave and I don't have the will to call her back. But I can't be alone. I can't.

I make my way into the hall and try to call for her but something has happened to my voice.

Peeta. Crying out for me. Peacekeepers beating him with metal pipes and whips.

Peeta. Screaming that I'm a mutt. That he needs to kill me.

I reach out and clutch the wall. But I miss a stair. I tumble down the stairs, until I land at the bottom and feel like all my breath has been taken away. I can't move, whether from the fear or from the pain, I don't know. Maybe both.

Johanna runs in and cries out.

"Katniss!" She drops to her knees beside me and I feel her hands run over my face.

"Oh god, what did you do? I told you to stay upstairs!"

"I…I couldn't."

"Peeta's coming, Katniss. He's on his way."

To kill me.

Because I'm a mutt. He's coming to kill me.

I scream and she jumps.

"Tell him I love him! Tell him I don't want to hurt him!"

"Katniss!"

"Tell Peeta I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what they've done!"

"Katniss, stop! What're you-"

"Johanna, what the hell is going on?"

"It's Katniss! I don't…she's having some kind of episode! I called Peeta, he's on his way."

"Katniss! Katniss, look at me girl! Shit, she's going into shock."

"Katniss! Katniss, look at us. Stay with us. Peeta is safe. He's coming home to you. He loves you. Stay with us, Katniss."

"Katniss? What happened? What the hell is wrong with her?"

"She fell down the stairs…she was having some sort of episode and I couldn't calm her down."

"Katniss? Look at me, sweetheart. Can you hear me? It's Peeta. It's me, Katniss, I'm right here. Right beside you."

He's crying. I always make him cry. He's sobbing for me to come back to him, to save him.

I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry.