Wow. A review in six minutes... that was sort of epic. Thank you!
As requested. Sealand and Scotland. I will need polandball explained to me though.
Thank you. I own nothing. Rated M for innuendo.
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America didn't understand why Denmark got into a fight with England over flowers, but she decided to keep out of it.
The Netherlands stared at her the whole meeting and China kept apologizing for his brothers.
She had no idea what the heck was wrong with these countries nowadays.
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"-I never mind the breeze," America said to England as Scotland walked by the living room.
"Well, you'd be the only one. Those silly skirts are all the rage these days."
Skirts? Scotland stilled. What were those two talking about?
"Yeah, but the plaid is so nice on some of them," America complemented, "it really shows off the legs."
Plaid? Skirt? Oh no. Scotland felt his menacing aura start to erupt in his nearly instant ire.
"Legs? You're worried about legs? Trust me, the Scottish don't care if you wear the skirt." England said flippantly.
Kilt. It was called a Kilt god damn it. And, yes, real men wore them. Scotland glared at England harshly.
"Yeah, but when the wind blew... well it was a good thing I held it down, or I would have showed more than was necessary."
Wait, what?
Was America talking about a panty flash? When was this? And where the hell had he been?
"Yes, well, that ought to teach you to wear pants instead of skirts."
Kilt. It was a fucking kilt you British wanker!
"Oh believe me, I know, I thought for sure he'd see."
He pondered it so extensively he missed England and America going into the next room.
"That poor policeman would have been scarred for life. But yeah, Scotland yard," she said jovially, "really neat, if not windy, place."
Britain merely sighed and poured more tea. He would never understand women's fashion.
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Norway had been walking down the hall, hoping to find his dear brother Iceland. He had to dodge out of the way as nearby door flew open.
"I always think about Crimea," Hungary said with a dreamy look in her eyes.
"Yeah," America agreed momentarily as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Crimea is alright."
There was a heartbeat of silence as he glared at the back of the female nations for nearly banging into him.
"Norway, though," America said with a pointed look to Hungary, "Fucking gorgeous."
"Really?" Hungary asked her as they passed by him as if he weren't there. They stopped in front of the elevator, America laughing happily.
Norway blinked, staring at her with dull blue eyes. Was America complimenting him?
"Oh yeah. Just gorgeous, breathtaking even." America replied with a wide smile.
The Nordic nation could only watch, mystified, as they got into the elevator.
He didn't know that America was suggesting a place for Hungary's vacation.
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"-could See land?" America's muffled voice could be heard as the micro nation tried to tail England so that he could come to the world meeting.
He was a nation too! Even America was talking about him. That proved he should be recognized.
"I don't think so." A deep voice replied. "It doesn't seem right."
"No, honestly," she argued heatedly. "I could..."
Sealand took a few steps closer, pressing his ear firmly to the door. He strained to hear what they were talking about. He couldn't even make out who the other nation was. Only that it was a male.
"-Break in half." The male nation asked.
"No way! We'd get there and 'boom'," America replied laughing, "blown apart... sky-high!"
Sealand paled.
America was going to declare war on him! With some other nation at her side. He would be slaughtered! He scampered down the way, screaming bloody murder for England to save him.
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"Do you want me to hang him?" America asked with a snarl in her voice.
Mexico shook her head emphatically.
Greece turned his head, unable to walk away after hearing such a statement.
"Because I want to hang him," America declared with her hands on her hips. She was glaring at Mexico, who was glaring back.
"Come on now, America," Spain pleaded. "Don't you think you're taking this a bit far?"
"No," the blonde retorted quickly. "Your call Mexico."
"S. T. O. P?"
America started laughing. "No. Now he dies!"
Greece whimpered and slowly back down the hall, the same way he'd come. He would have to tell Turkey that his ally had gone power mad. No, he had to find help. Mexico had been spelling for America to 'stop'. It must have been some sort of code. He hoped it wasn't another world war in the making.
All he knew was that America was bullying Mexico and Spain!
He did not see America draw with the chalk on the board.
"That's one more leg, arm, and two eyes. Ha!" She declared proudly. "I win,"
"Hang man is hard with you, America," Spain complained loudly. Allowing his head to thump on the table. They'd been at this for fifteen minutes, trying to best America.
"What was the word?" Mexico asked, curiously.
America blinked. "Java."
"We said no slang terms!" Spain objected hotly.
"It isn't. It is a script language. Technically, it counts." America said with a wide grin. Mexico laughed.
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America and Hungary were sitting in an office, their eyes glued to thin novel. America took a deep breath as she skimmed the page.
"No," Hungary said, "You have to read it aloud."
The blonde sighed heavily. "Really? How did you even get me to do this?"
"I'm buying you lunch after this."
"Touché. Alright... let's see here."
America read further.
"Okay, this part."
They did not hear the approaching footsteps.
"His body on mine. Oh Russia. I want him so badly that my body aches for him."
Ukraine paused, her eyes wide and her mouth fell open of its own volition. No. She could not have heard what she thought she heard. Ukraine grabbed her chest as if she were having a heart attack, her eyes darting to America, who was speaking with Hungary?
"He took me to his bed," America continued, "where he chained me as I trembled. His room was like a pleasure dungeon. I was his prisoner. I never wanted to get free."
Hungary nodded. Ukraine could not believe her eyes and ears. America was having a torrid love affair with her brother? She was confessing and that prompted the meeker nation to startle. She should not intrude. She had no desire to hear any of this! Ukraine twitched as she tried to hurry past the room as if the hounds of hell were chasing after her.
Inside the room, America paused in her reading and looked at Hungary.
"What?" The other female nation demanded.
"Well, for one... it concerns me that you write doujinshi with Japan about Russia. Two, I am deeply disturbed by what you think he does to Latvia when no one is around. And three, why the hell did you want my opinion for this? It has fucking pictures in it. I can never unsee this."
America glowered at her.
Hungary shrugged. "Lots of Americans read this, and you are their nation."
America groaned. "I did not need to know that."
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Switzerland was searching for Lichtenstein, she had gone to listen to Austria play. He opened and closed a few doors, looking for her. He came to a room where America was talking with Egypt. He walked right past it.
"So handsome," America's voice came from behind him. "So rugged and deadly all at once."
Switzerland blinked and turned back toward the door, but hid off to the side His xenophobia did best him sometimes. He wanted to listen, but not to interact.
However, he was curious. Was she talking about him?
"There is just something about him." America continued with a dreamy sigh.
"You honestly think so?" Egypt sounded slightly off put.
"Oh yeah, nothing can compare to him. As in ever."
Switzerland stared at his shoes. His face beet red.
"I think he's rather irritating myself," Egypt answered readily.
His green eyes narrowed at the slight. He would practice his 'great shot' as America called it.
"What?! How can you say that? You take it back. You take it back right now!" America shouted, and Switzerland felt himself shake.
Who knew America could be so passionate about something so simple as s someone not liking him. He couldn't stay here. He was nearly undone and he needed to find Lichtenstein, She would calm him. Switzerland stumbled off away from the words he could not bring himself to listen to.
"Calm down America!" Egypt shouted back.
"Calm down! Calm down? No one insults John Wayne! He is an iconic fucking cowboy! Now, take it back!" Her eyes flashed a dangerous gleam and Egypt decided it was time to leave.
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France loved himself. He loved himself very much. So it whenever his name was mentioned, he was sure to be there. If only to bask in the adoration due to him.
"-France." Monaco said, and he nearly magically appeared outside the room where his micro nation was speaking with America.
Ah yes, he had a meeting with America in an hour. It surprised him that she was actually early. He would need to compliment-"
"Ugh, France always smells like bad feet." America snarled.
"Or good cheese." Monaco offered.
"Same difference." America retorted.
France felt his world shatter around him. Women thought he smelled like feet and cheese? That was so... Unromantic that he immediately fled to find a bath.
He would regain his former glory!
"The France cafe is famous for its cheese, America," Monaco pointed out sweetly. "We only have to go for a few minutes. However, it will leave a good impression on your meeting with France."
America pouted. "Fine, but you have to help me pick it."
"Deal," Monaco agreed graciously.
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"-then you smash it with a hammer," America's voice drifted through the window.
Ecuador paused. His eyes landing on the blonde nation. Her smile wide and bright.
"But... wouldn't that kill the turtle?" Tonga asked slightly confused.
Kill? Turtle? Ecuador was horrified. He loved animals! America was telling other nations to kill turtles?
"Yeah, that's the whole point." the female nation said with exasperation. "You want to kill as many as possible. Use fire, stomp on them, heck, just keep going!"
The gentle nation felt tears pour down his cheeks. For such a pretty nation, she was a monster! He fled, vowing to save every turtle he could from her cruel clutches.
Tonga looked at America.
"So use the 'x' button."
"Yeah," America said, "and jump on them. Mario gets more points if you do it that way. Watch out for the koopa troopa!"
Tonga ended up having a very nice time playing video games with America.