Remember this author does not claim credit for the works of Hetalia. All characters are owned by someone else. Not me.
Some inspiration from that web comic where the countries look like marbles, or little worlds... Circles? You know the one. Credit to them as well.
Thank you readers!
I own nothing.
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"Save the Turtles!" Ecuador shouted as loudly as he could. Turtle memorabilia was scattered all around him as he paced back and forth between the doors of the meeting hall.
"What's up with him?" America asked, adjusting Texas to get a better glance at Ecuador and the T-Shirt he was sporting of a turtle being strangled by...
Wait a minute! Was that a cartoon character of her?
What the fuck was this nonsense?
"No idea," Spain muttered as he too noticed the not-so-accurate drawing of America on Ecuador's shirt.
"Hey!" America called out, clearly perturbed by the implication. "What the hell?"
Ecuador caught sight of her and paled. His lips trembled as he pressed them into a firm line. He would not be deterred. He knew what she had said to Tonga! Her western lies could not poison his conviction! He was going to save the turtles from her.
"I will not speak to the turtle murder!" He declared with a slight bite to his words.
"Turtle murder? What the actual fu-"
"Turtle eater!" He continued with a look of venom in his handsome features.
The female nation reeled back, a look of child-like annoyance was on her features.
"I don't eat turtles!" She snarled back. "Well, like... only in the bayou and that is legitimately food for my people." Her cheeks were bright with color, as she narrowed her blue eyes at him.
"That does not excuse-"
"Oh like you're a damn vegetarian."
"I do not kill for sport like you."
"Hunting is done in a very controlled manner and -"
"America you are sick! I know what you encouraged others to do!"
Several nations turned toward her with curious stares. Her own eyes widened. She hadn't done a freaking thing! What was wrong with everyone lately? Was there some new internet meme no one had told her about? Was it called 'Be a Dick to America!'?
"What?!" She demanded with narrowed eyes.
"I heard you!"
"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" America called out like a scandalized cat. Her shoulders drew inward as she huffed at Ecuador. "And why are you singling me out?" The Star-spangled nation demanded.
"Malaysia, China, and Singapore are is the ones that eat freaking turtle soup."
The plethora of turtle plushies, flags, hats, and shirts tumbled ot the ground as Ecuador started at her with open-mouthed terror. He glared at the said nations, and China told America to 'go die' when he was glared at by the sweet-hearted nation.
America had corrupted others! It was far worse than he had originally thought!
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If she had thought the thing with Ecuador was a head ache, she had no idea what was about to happen at the meeting.
Denmark got into brawl with the Netherlands. China kept glaring at America for tattling over the turtle soup. Russia was staring at her creepily. Switzerland and Egypt started arguing over nothing as far as America could tell.
Prussia was smirking and winking at her a lot. To America that translated as he wanted her to beat his ass for playing that trick on her, because he'd then recorded -and been forced to delete- evidence that America had called for Russia.
She had totally not asked for his damn help! These Bitches were trippin'!
Taiwan couldn't look at England without making a face that suggested he was about to hurl all over everyone. As a result, no nation wanted to sit anywhere near him. That was likely for the best.
Greece looked as if he were terrified of her and Turkey was... smiling at her?
Okay. What the hell? Had she entered the Twilight zone? Was that possible?
The Star spangled nation's eyes grew wide and she glanced around a bit, half afraid she had entered said zone. It was then that she noticed Southern Italy was blushing and watching her. Occasionally he would narrow his eyes, and get even more red in the face when she smiled at him.
Was no one sane around here?
Besides her... of course.
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"The United States of the Earth."
Kazakhstan paused, blinking and turning toward the source. Greece paled and shook as he grabbed the other male nation's arm. There was an expression on his face that said 'See? I told you!'
America was standing in front of her southern Neighbor with a look of utter seriousness on her face.
"That's not possible." Mexico retorted with his eyes conveying his shock and disbelief.
The female nation smile ruefully, and to Greece, it seemed sinister as he trembled just outside the doorway.
"Oh...," she said pausing for a moment, "It most certainly is."
Greece gave a startled squeak, which was not loud enough to be heard by anyone other than Kazakhstan, who felt his jaw drop at what was being said. Greece said that America was bullying Mexico and Spain...
But he hadn't believed it until now.
The nation was on the war path. He had seen how crazy the American troops could be. He did not doubt something was going to come of this. The pair of nations fled to find safety.
"No kidding?" Mexico asked in surprise.
"Nope," America said with a slight laugh and a blush of embarrassment, "Totally true."
"They really wanted to rename you 'The Untied States of The Earth'? Truly?"
"Well," the star spangled nation said with a shrug, "they did in 1893. There was this whole amendment thing. Either way, it was shot down."
"Thank the lord it didn't pass then, Amiga."
"You can say that again. Could you imagine what the other countries would have thought?"
America and Mexico laughed, unaware that Greece was sobbing in a closet down the hallway, with a startled Kazakhstan by his side, calling Russia in the hopes of securing protection for when the Star-Spangled nation began the blood bath to unite the Earth under her title!
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South Korea was looking for America. He hadn't seen her this morning for more than two minutes. His soulful brown eyes lingered over the different rooms that all looked the same.
If he were America... where would he be?
HIs internal question never had to be answered, because he heard her very distinctive voice float down the hallway.
Ah! That way!
He bounded happily after the sound, only to come to screeching halt when he heard another voice. Who was America talking to?
"Don't be upset," Canada said softly, trying to placate his neighbor.
"Don't be upset?!" America said after a moment, her eyes streaming with tears of mirth. Gasping for breath.
To South Korea, however, as he peeked his head around the corner, it looked as if America was sobbing. His eyes were riveted to her, and how devastated she must have been in order to cry. South Korea puffed his chest out, ready to come to her defense.
"Just because I own-"
"Stop!" America gasped, clutching at her sides and falling to her knees, "Just stop! You're killing me."
She was being tortured by Canada! Poor America! South Korea always knew that nation was too friendly and polite. Clearly it was all some scheme to take advantage of poor, sweet, innocent, and clearly needing to be rescued...
America!
But South Korea was much too smart to fall for Canada's deception!
South Korea could not bear to watch the saddening scene and moved off to speak with China about seeking aid to help America against Canada. That dastardly northern... fiend! Apparently, as his high intellect deduced, Canada owned something of America's.
Or, hopefully this was just a shot in the dark, America herself.
He missed the fact that America was nearly convulsing on the floor in laughter.
"It's not that funny," Canada said sourly.
"You own the Mall of America. It is pretty damn funny." She howled, as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Not me!" Canada said indignantly, though he was smirking slightly, "some of my people do."
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"Wait!" America gasped, letting out a moan. "Please. Wait! Ah!"
Finland paused, blinking in confusion at the closed door. To the women's... bathroom?
"Ah! Oh! Oh my God," America whimpered, and then there was a loud sound of thumping.
The Nordic nation's eyes widened and he stared at the door with horrified understanding dawning on him. Especially when the grunts of a decidedly male nation could be heard shortly thereafter.
"Just... hold... still. Hmm." There was more thumping. Why was that voice so familiar?
"Harder!" America demanded harshly, before a groan floated through the door.
Finland gaped in disbelief. America would never... do that... here! Really?
"Germany!"
The poor Nordic nation stumbled blindly away, trying not to imagine how he was going to look Germany in the face after this. When he had heard... well...
Forget about Germany, how was he supposed to be able to speak with America ever again?!
Meanwhile, inside the female restroom, a very kind-hearted European nation was busily attempting to get a Western nation unstuck from the dispenser on the wall. They had nearly succeeded in pulling the dispenser off the wall, but not at getting out America's appendage.
"I thought it gave out candy!" America wailed, as Germany continued to tug on her stuck hand.
"What? Why would you ever think that it gave-"
"Because the sticker was misleading!" The Star Spangled nation said, moving from being sad to angry. "I'll sue you for this."
"We are in Norway..."
"Oh."
"Damn you Norway!"
Germany groaned as he tried once more, to get her hand out. America refused to let go of her prize, even though it was not candy. He wasn't going to ask. He swore on Italy's life, he was not going to ask.
Not after last time.
"There, there, America," He attempted awkwardly, still blushing over the fact he was in the women's restroom. "It will all be over soon."
"No it won't," America sniffled out, then glared at the dispenser. "Who the hell made this thin anyway?"
Germany peered on the side and spared her a glance as he squatted down to see if he could loosen her from another angle.
"Finland."
"How could Finland do this to me?!" She wailed.
Hungary paused just outside the doorway, she had been about to use the facilities when she couldn't help but hear America's rather loud shout.
"It will be alright America." Germany placated. Hungary's eyes widened to the size of saucers.
"Alright? All-fucking-right?" She screeched, "How could he get me into this mess and not take responsibility?!"
Not take responsibility? The female nation's eyes narrowed and her thoughts flickered through plausible scenarios.
"If he gets a girl into trouble he should help her, dammit!"
...Gets her into... trouble?
OH!
Hungary nearly squealed in delight. America was pregnant! She did a twirl right there in the hallway with a wide smile. A sudden thought struck her.
Then her beaming smile turned to a frown, and she stalked off to find Finland. How dare that bastard abandon America now that she carried his child? It was inconceivable.
"America," Germany said tiredly, "I think you are being Melodramatic."
"Lies!"
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No one knew why Hungary proceeded to start beating Finland, nor why Finland kept screaming 'Anyone but America!' which only made Hungary more furious. Sweden tried to calm her, and the other nations just stared at the scene in wonder.
Others, were just plain horrified.
England paled when he heard the words, 'Pregnant' and 'child'.
No. It was not possible. His green eyes widened in horror and he glance over to Russia.
Russia was watching the whole thing with an eerie smile, but radiating fury. Why he would be upset, England could only surmise that he hadn't wanted anyone to know.
America! His America! That Slavic whore had knocked up his former colony!
Oh sweet Queen... There was going to be a little Russia running around!
England blanched. He needed a drink, and he needed it now.