When we wake up, I contemplate calling into the bakery as I really don't want to leave my bride. I think they would be more than understanding and as I set my feet on the cold floor, I hear a knock downstairs. Frowning, I glance at the clock. Who the hell is at our door at this hour? I glance at Katniss and fumble for my robe. As I'm leaving the room, I hear my name.
"Peeta?" I spin around and see her sitting up in bed. She rubs her eyes and frowns.
"Where are you going?"
"Um…someone's knocking."
"At our door? Who could it be?"
"I don't know but stay here, I'll be right back." I kiss her forehead before I hurry out of the room. But as I'm making my way down the stairs, I feel her small hand in mine and I have to roll my eyes.
"You really don't know how to listen, do you?" She just shrugs and leans into me as I open the door.
We both gasp at the sight of our visitor.
Gale looks official, straight-backed and proud and a little smug even. He doesn't smile as he nods to both of us.
"Good morning, Mr and Mrs. Mellark. I've come with a message from President Paylor," he hands Katniss a yellow envelope. "She says consider it a wedding present." His face betrays no emotion and I raise a brow, glancing at my wife as she opens the envelope. I consider inviting him inside but find I really don't want him in my house right now. Katniss gasps and her hand flies to her mouth. I forget about Gale and turn to her.
"Katniss, what is it?"
"It's…she's…" she can't complete a sentence and I reach for the letter she's holding. When she releases it, I open it and read it quickly.
Dear Katniss and Peeta,
Congratulations on your nuptials. I know I speak for Panem when I say we are very happy for you both and I am overjoyed that you are both doing so much better.
A petition was put in place to temporarily lift Katniss's exile to District 12. In light of recent events, the Committee has agreed that as Katniss's husband, Peeta would maintain responsibility and the safety of the Mockingjay. It is therefore decreed that Katniss Everdeen Mellark has been granted temporary access out of District 12. Five days shall be given as a honeymoon period and the Mellarks will return to District 12 at the end of the five days so Katniss may live out her sentence.
I do hope this is a comfort to you both and wish you a joyous honeymoon.
Please send word with Captain Hawthorne as to where and when you would like to honeymoon and he will prepare for your departure. Please understand you will have a chaperone to ensure both of your safety. Though I trust that you are both doing better, I was not able to convince the rest of the Committee as surely as I would have liked. Though temporary amnesty has been granted, many people still view the Mockingjay as a threat and feel safer if a government official is present. Though be assured, the chaperone will keep his distance to allow both of you privacy and romance.
My best to you both! Congratulations again!
President M. Paylor
Underneath her letter, an official pardon bearing her name and seal showed Katniss's amnesty. I look up, shocked. Gale hasn't moved.
"Um…can we have some time to discuss this, Gale? We can call if you if you like-"
"I'm going to visit with my family before I return to 2. I'll be back this evening for your answer. President Paylor would like to begin preparations immediately." I nod and turn back to Katniss, who has gone pale. Gale clears his throat.
"Until tonight then." He turns away but stops and clears his throat again.
"Oh and um…congratulations." It's not quite sarcasm but it's not well wishes either. I scowl and close the door behind him, before turning to my wife.
"Katniss, this is great news! We get to go on an actual honeymoon!"
"With a chaperone," she says quietly.
"So what? She says he'll keep his distance. Five whole days, wherever we want! Honey, aren't you excited?" She looks at me and tries to smile.
"Yeah. It'll be fun. I'm just worried. I don't want you taking responsibility for me."
"You're my wife, Katniss. I'll feel responsible for you, wherever we are." She scowls and I bite my lip, knowing that wasn't the right response. Sighing, I take her hands in mine.
"What I mean is, I have worried about you since we were children. That's not going to change now. It's my job to keep you safe and happy. If this is our only chance to leave District 12, I want us to make the most out of it." She nods, finally meeting my eyes.
"Getting away with you sounds perfect. Where would you like to visit?" I shrug.
"As long as I'm with you, I could care less where we are. Where do you want to go?"
"Four was my favorite on the Victory Tour. It was so beautiful and peaceful there." I nod in agreement. That was where she had actually loosened up and we had escaped from Haymitch and Effie and just held each other and talked. It was wonderful.
"I agree, four was wonderful. You want to go there?" She nods and I grin broadly.
"Ok. Let's honeymoon in four! Maybe Annie can tell us some nice places to visit." She nods silently and we make our way into the kitchen. I decide to make breakfast since we are already up and she sits at the table, chewing on her lip. I want to ask what is wrong but I think I already know the answer.
My suspicions are confirmed a few minutes later, when I set some tea in front of her.
"Why was he so…cold," she wonders aloud. I sigh and shake my head.
"Maybe he just doesn't know how to act around you, Katniss. The last time you saw him you told him you were in love with me. Now we're married. And the girl he used to know didn't ever want to get married. Maybe you both have just changed… a lot."
"But I…I invited him to the wedding. I wanted him to be there with the rest of his family. And he didn't even send something saying he wouldn't be there. He's acting like there was nothing between us!" I clench my jaw, to keep from saying something hurtful. Why does she care so much? She hasn't spoken about him before this and now she's sad he didn't see us get married? I for one am not that disappointed but I have to remind myself, they were best friends. He did take care of her, when I was a prisoner in the Capitol.
I feel a sudden flash of pain between my eyes and I reach up to grip my curls. I can feel her watching me warily.
"Peeta?"
Do you want to know what she's doing? Right now? As you are getting tortured, she is with Gale. I'm sure you can imagine what they are doing.
"No!"
Yes, little baker boy. She doesn't care about you. She's not even thinking about you. All she needed you for was when you made her look good on television. Now that she has showed her true colors, she doesn't have to pretend that Hawthorne is her cousin. She doesn't have to pretend to be with you. She's laughing behind your back, with him. We've told her that we have you as our prisoner and she merely laughed and said it was no concern of hers anymore.
"Stop it," I gasp between gritted teeth.
"Peeta, what-?"
Come on, Peeta. Is it really that hard to hurt her? After all she has done to you? She's responsible for the bombing of District 12. Your family. Your family is gone because of her. And now she continues to laugh at you from afar and refuse to come help you, when you need her most. Aren't you angry? Don't you want to kill her and Hawthorne?
"Yes."
Then do it. When we return you to her, you kill her. You'll be doing the world a favor, ridding the world of the Mockingjay. No one needs her.
"I…I do."
"You do what? Peeta, what is going on?"
You can do it, Peeta. We have faith in you. Katniss Everdeen must be eliminated. The rebels have already destroyed her. She will try to kill you if you don't kill her first. She and Hawthorne will team up to kill you. They're more of a team than you ever were. You can destroy them both.
"Peeta! Please look at me!" I vaguely feel arms wrap around me and I shake my head and struggle.
"Let go of me!"
"Peeta, open your eyes and see me," comes her soothing voice. A part of me fights to get back to her. But the other part, the stronger part, wants to murder her right here and now. I fumble around until my hand closes around a knife.
"Open your eyes, love. Open your eyes and see me." She's holding me tightly and I try to move from her grasp. When I open my eyes, she's glaring down at me, her fangs dripping with poison. Her red eyes flash as she moves closer to me and I throw her aside. She falls to the floor and glares up at me.
"Get away from me!"
DO it! Kill her!
"No! Stop it! Leave me alone!"
KILL HER!
"Peeta!"
And then I slip into blackness, still crying out Katniss's name.
When I wake up, I'm lying on the couch with a thin blanket tossed over me. I lean up and rub my sore head and look around. I can hear voices, soft and low, in the next room. I'm still in my house but then…where is Katniss?
Oh god! I sit straight up and my wide eyes travel around the room. Where is she? What have I done?
I try to get off the couch but someone has removed my prosthetic and I stumble to the ground.
I look up to see Haymitch, Annie, and George running into the room.
"Peeta, you're awake!"
"Yeah I…where is Katniss?"
"How do you feel?"
"Fine. My head hurts a little and…where is my leg?"
"We removed it to make you more comfortable. You were having a seizure and we were trying to calm you down." I struggle back onto the couch and hide my face in my shaking hands. Haymitch has seen me at my worst but Annie and George are staring at me in shock and fear.
Whatever. Annie was in the cell next to me and has heard my screams. And Johanna may be even worse than I am and George has been with her for a year. So let them see me in my damaged state.
My hands drop to my lap and I look up at my mentor.
"Haymitch, where is Katniss?"
"She's upstairs."
"Did I…is she alright?"
"She's fine. Just a little shaken up. Johanna is up there with her now." He clears his throat. "Um, George, how about the tea we were making? Peeta could probably use some."
"Of course," he says gruffly as he hurries out of the kitchen. Annie mutters that she'll help and Haymitch lowers himself next to me.
"What happened, kid?"
"I don't know. Gale came to see us. And then I was seeing things and hearing voices. Someone told me to kill her and I snapped but she had her arms around me and I was trying to get away and then I just blacked out."
"When we came in, you were thrashing around on the floor. Katniss was shaking you and screaming your name and Johanna picked her up and carried her off. She put up a fight but we kept her away while you calmed down. We've, uh…locked her in her room." Oh damn. She is not going to be happy when she comes out of there.
"I thought you said Johanna was with her."
"Well, on the other side of the door, trying to talk to her. We just needed you to calm down so you wouldn't hurt yourself." I hear footsteps on the stairs and Johanna skids into the room. Her eyes are wide when she sees I'm awake but then she turns to Haymitch.
"Brainless has escaped!"
"What do you mean, escaped?"
"I mean the room was silent so I opened the door to check on her. She's gone. Out the window." I try to stand but Haymitch puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Ok. We'll find her."
"Haymitch, give me my leg. I'm going after her."
"No you're not. You're not in any state to go traipsing around outside. We'll find her."
"Haymitch," I plead. "She's my wife! I can't just sit here!"
"Peeta, you're still really weak," Johanna says gentler than I would expect. "Annie will stay with you. We'll find your wife, don't worry."
"Where could she have gone," George asks. Haymitch shakes his head.
"God only knows."
"The woods," I say suddenly, hitting myself that I didn't think of it sooner. "It's her refuge. She went to the woods to think."
"Ok, George and I will go find her. Johanna, you keep an eye on Peeta and Annie, go back to Katniss's house and make sure she didn't go there. I don't imagine she would have gone to her mother but I never know with that girl." I watch miserably as they all hurry out of the house. Johanna sighs and collapses in the chair across from me. I shift from side to side, noticing that my bladder feels rather full.
"Jo, I really need to use the restroom. Please give me my leg."
"Peeta, I swear to god if you try to escape-"
"I'll be down the fucking hall," I snap, losing my patience. She rolls her eyes and grabs my prosthetic from against the wall. I pull it on and clasp it before I hurry down the hall toward the bathroom.
I splash my face with water and hold a towel pressed against my face, sighing deeply. I hear a sound behind me and my head snaps up, my eyes widening at what I see in the mirror.
Katniss is standing behind me, holding a knife out in front of her. Her face is red and tear-streaked, her hair is wild, her eyes are narrowed and she is staring at me as if waiting for something. I raise my arms, defensively but she shakes her head.
"Put your hands in front of you. On the mirror."
"Katniss-"
"Do it!" I squeeze my eyes shut and do as she says. She walks closer and our eyes meet in the mirror.
"What happened back there?"
"It was just a flashback-"
"It was not JUST a flashback! You were coming after me with a knife, Peeta. You haven't…it hasn't been that bad in ages. What triggered it? Was it me?"
"Of course not, I just-"
"Then what? What set you off so badly?"
"I don't know, Katniss," I say through clenched teeth. "Would you just put down the fucking knife? It's not really helping things right now." She flinches and lowers her hands and I start to turn toward her. I feel her tense up but I still reach out to her and draw her into my arms. The knife falls to the floor and she's sobbing into my chest. Finally I feel her arms wind around my neck and I lower her into the floor, rocking back and forth as I stroke her hair. I pull her into my lap and hold her as close as I can.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I keep saying over and over. She keeps shaking her head but her sobs have intensified and I can't understand her through her crying.
"I didn't mean…I could never hurt you, Katniss. You have to know that."
"You could, Peeta. You could if I can't bring you back. And I couldn't this time. You were just…gone. Your eyes were completely black and you had this look of rage and…murder." I grip her face in her hands and tenderly kiss her all over. 'I'm sorry' paints her skin with my lips between my kisses and she sniffles as she keeps her face turned toward me. I pull her back into my arms and I jump at the knock at the door.
"Everything ok, Peeta? Katniss is ok?"
"We're fine, Jo," I call back and Katniss sighs against my chest.
"I'm going to kill her with my bare hands," she says.
"Sweetheart they were just worried about you."
"They kept me away from you. Don't people know by now that is the worst thing they could do to us? Separate us?" I wince and shake my head.
"They are just thinking of what is best. They didn't know if I would hurt you. And you're too stubborn to stay away from me so they had to lock you up. How the hell did you get in here anyway?"
"The window," she mutters. I snort and shake my head.
"I love you, Katniss."
"I love you too," she mumbles as her arms tighten around my neck. I slowly start to stand, picking her up with me and stand behind her as she washes her face. I nervously pick up the knife from the floor and her eyes dart to it. I swallow and wordlessly hand it to her. She takes it and sighs deeply.
"It was Gale, wasn't it? You're never going to stop thinking…" she trails off and I bite my lip.
"I trust you. I do. But I can't always get rid of the things they showed me. And I know they were fake. But those images are always stuck in my mind. I see you with him, even as my heart screams that you would never do that to me. I can't help it and I'm sorry." She lowers her head and drops her eyes to the floor. I reach behind us and open the door. I take her hand in mine and squeeze before I lead her back to the living room.
Johanna, Haymitch, and George are all waiting for us, Johanna looking pissed and Haymitch looking slightly amused.
"The window, sweetheart? Really?" Katniss shrugs beside me.
"I'll always find a way to him." My heart swells and I try not to grin.
"We were trying to protect you, brainless," Johanna explodes.
"I don't need protecting! I needed to get to my husband and you were keeping me from him! When are you people ever going to learn not to separate us?"
"When are you going to learn that Peeta can't always control his flashbacks," Haymitch snaps. "The venom is still inside him! It still makes him see things. And he's stronger than you. If we know he's still capable of hurting you, we are going to try to protect you both!"
"Hello, I'm right here," I raise my hand, feeling irritated that they are talking about me as if I'm still in a flashback. Johanna's eyes flash.
"I watched him struggle with himself in 13, Katniss. I watched him flick back and forth between wanting to kill you and wanting to be with you. And I saw you, even weeks after he attacked you, and the bruises around your neck were still fresh! Forgive me if I don't want that happening again!"
"Jo," George barks, grabbing her hand. Katniss and I are both shaking. I hear her taking deep breaths to calm herself but I know she is pissed and close to launching herself on top of Johanna. I, on the other hand, can't believe Johanna would go that far. I know she loves us both and she wants to keep Katniss safe but she just said that in front of me! Does she even realize how that makes me feel?
"I'm…I'm going to the bakery," I mumble, turning away to go get dressed and get out of here. I hear voices of protest and it doesn't surprise me that Katniss is right behind me when I enter the bedroom.
"Go back downstairs, Katniss," I tell her without looking at her.
"Look at me, Peeta." When I don't, she gets angry. She shuffles in front of me and takes my face in her hands.
"LOOK at me. Stop avoiding me."
"You heard her. You heard what she said. I CAN hurt you. I did hurt you. You almost died. And everyone saw it. Everyone knows what I've done."
"It wasn't you," she says firmly. "Damn it Peeta, how many times do I have to tell you, it wasn't you! You would never hurt me. I know you love me."
"But there's a piece of me, deep inside, that could still win. That could still carry out their orders. They programmed me to kill you. What if I succeed one day?"
"You won't." I shake my head in frustration at the woman's stubbornness.
"Damn it, Katniss."
"Stop it, Peeta! Prim believed in you. I believe in you too." I stop and feel my face soften. Her hands still grip my cheeks but she's caressing me in a loving way.
"You can fight it. I watch you fight it all the time. You are the bravest person I know. You remind me of my father and Prim. Your bravery and courage and your compassion make you an even more wonderful person. They didn't destroy that, Peeta. They tried and you didn't let them. So don't let them keep coming between us. I've told you, you're mine, and he can't have you." Sighing, I pull her into my arms and kiss her hair. I don't have the strength to argue. I know there are things I am going to have to figure out but for now, I'm content just holding on to my wife.
We dress quickly and head back downstairs. Johanna and Haymitch are talking quietly in the kitchen.
"We're going to the bakery," I announce. "You all are welcome to join us for lunch. I decided I'm taking a half day so Katniss and I will be making dinner tonight and everyone is invited." George comes out of the bathroom and joins Johanna.
"Dinner sounds great," she says in a strained voice. Katniss clings to my hand and I nod.
"Great. We will see everyone about 6 then. If you want to stop by the bakery, there will be free pastries and coffee to anyone who wants them."
"I won't say no to that," George says with a smile.
"I need to go check on Annie and Finn," Johanna mumbles. Haymitch nods.
"I'm sure Effie will love to come see the bakery. We will be there later, kids." They follow us out and we wave goodbye as we set off toward town. Katniss has never once let go of my hand.