AN: I love you guys and hope you're doing well. It's past 5AM and I think I swallowed a bug while editing this.

Chapter XXIV

Peski-Poni Pesternomi

I woke up with my heart thudding a little too hard to be normal, a little too fast to be normal.

Had I been running a marathon in my sleep? I'd never sleep walked, as far as I know. I think. My feet weren't even tangled in the sheets. I'd barely moved an inch in bed. I think.

I wasn't even awake right now. Not fully. My mind was slow to pull back into consciousness, like un-sticking a slug from cement.

I'm not sure how or when I'd fallen back to sleep in the early morning, but I'd managed to. Perhaps it was my own pretending to be asleep that did it, or that combined with the fact that I was mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. That normally does the trick.

The sun was much higher and brighter when I opened my eyes again. I groaned, not remembering that I was unlikely to be alone, and draped an arm over my eyes. My instincts of lazing in bed until the last possible moment were alive and well, it seemed, and it wasn't until my "alarm clock" sounded that I moved. Said alarm clock being Dwalin, of course.

"I am not one for mornings, m'self," he said quietly, but it was enough to startle me.

I bolted up and glanced in his direction to find him standing on the other side of the room, putting on his knuckle dusters. I must have been in a sorry state for he looked away from me rather quickly. Making sure my blouse hadn't popped a button in the night or anything horrifying, I rubbed at my eyes and blinked wearily at him.

"What time is it?" I asked, my voice scratchy. I was thirsty.

Dwalin paused, glancing out the window briefly. "Nearly eight o'clock."

I noticed that Balin had already taken his things and vacated the room, and suddenly felt a panic. "Are we leaving now? D-did I oversleep?"

"Easy, lass," he said, before I could jump out of bed and sprint outside. "Company's just waking up. You have plenty of time to gather yourself."

I relaxed a fraction, sinking back to the mattress to collect myself. "Okay."

"May want to join the queue before coming down to eat," Dwalin suggested before leaving, but I wasn't entirely sure what he'd meant until I emerged from the room.

The majority of the company lined either side of the long hallway, all in line for the bathrooms. There was also a few Hobbits in the queue, probably the ones staying over from Frogmorton. They all wore various shades of disgruntled, outraged, and uncomfortable.

I stood in the middle, trying to decide which line I should get into, then I spotted Fili's blond hair. When he saw me, he waved and gave a tired smile, but our exchange was intercepted by his brother who waved back enthusiastically. Judging by the bed head Kili had going on, I assumed they'd recently woken up.

Did that mean Thorin just woke up too? I casually looked around, checking both lines to find that the Dwarf-king wasn't in either. Hm. It was a bit of a letdown really. I briefly wondered what he looked like, just waking up. If he had messy hair or yawned like a bear… I don't know why but it'd bother me not knowing… I'd plenty of chances to catch him whilst he, Gandalf and I were camping but I was always the last to wake up and he'd already done damage control. I guess now, it's a matter of time… I snickered, imagining him looking tired with his hair all ruffled like a rock star… If that mental image was even close to the real deal, I'd have to pinch myself to keep from laughing. He could definitely pull off eye liner. It'd make his eyes pop. They were such a crazy beautiful shade of blue… Like he could sell eye makeup hella fast with a close up of those eyes. It struck me, in the middle of imagining his mascara commercial, that I didn't remember if he had thick lashes or not. He probably did—he had like everything else going for him… I needed to find out though. Casually.

I was a zombie in line, mindlessly taking a step forward when someone vacated the bathroom. I was not a morning person at all. It didn't help that I was up super early either.

"We'll save you a seat at our table," Kili whispered, passing me in line. I gave him a weak smile and mumble in reply, and thank goodness, he didn't look offended by my lack of ardor.

When it was finally my turn, I had almost blanked out on my purpose of standing in line. And then I remembered the two Dwarves and four foot-tapping Hobbits who were in line behind me. Had to make this quick.

There was a polished silver mirror on the wall which let me know that my fringe was awful and my eyes were baggy. Nice. I looked hung over.

I splashed my face with cold water a few times, and dampened my hair slightly, trying to tame it. I also tried soaping up my armpits for the heck of it, not feeling awake enough to attempt to shave off the stubble with the knife Kili gave me. Then to complete the ensemble, I dug out my trusty roll-on perfume from my backpack and, hopefully, drove off any signs of body odor. It'll be a sad day when it finally runs out. After my quick prepping, I finished my business and scurried out and down the hall.

The Green Dragon was much more alive than it had been last night, now that sunlight filtered in through the windows and the open front door. I stood there a moment, taking in the warmth of the sun as I stared out into the courtyard, already alive with the marketplace. I was drawn closer, coming to stand in the archway, watching the merry people go about their daily routines. I could distinctly hear someone playing a fiddle outside, and wondered what the occasion was, if any. It was peaceful.

I shut my eyes on the scene, my lids casting red on my eyes from the sunlight. I drew in a steady, deep breath and held it. Five seconds, seven seconds, twelve, then slowly released it. I opened my eyes, and turned back to the room.

The company occupied most of the tables, only three were full of Hobbits, casting the Dwarves some curious looks and trying to share gossip. Kili's waving caught my attention from the farthest section of the Dragon and I ambled over to where he and his brother were seated.

"I saved you a seat," the brunet smiled proudly, as if I'd forget his promise just minutes ago. There were like four other empty chairs but I didn't point that out.

"Thanks," I replied, hanging my pack on the back of the chair and sitting down beside him.

"I-I've noticed that you smell," Kili suddenly said, like two seconds after my butt hit the chair. "Fragrant," he added quickly.

"Huh-what?"

I could see him floundering for words, "I mean to say that you smell pretty… I-is it a perfumed oil?"

He was making my face go red… Compliment or not, I didn't feel comfortable talking about how I smelled? If my own awkwardness had this effect on people, it's a wonder I have any friends! "I, uh, yeah, a perfume. Thanks, Kili," I said. "It's uh jasmine."

"O-oh."

"It's a flower."

"Is it rare?"

"No. I don't think so."

"It smells lovely, you do."

"T-thanks."

Fili cleared his throat, dispelling some of the awkward at the table. Bless him. Kili and I both looked relieved. "Good morning, doowd," he said pointedly, making me smile wider.

I was glad for his distraction and shot him a crooked grin, trying to look cool. "Hey, dude."

The confused look on Kili's face as he worriedly glanced between me and his brother was both priceless and a little pitiful. Had I not felt like the living dead, I'd have tried explaining what our exchange meant. I figured Fili would fill him in later on what 'dude' meant, if I didn't. It's gonna be fun teaching them more slang.

"Apparently, there's a complimentary meal with our lodgings," Fili informed me cheerfully.

"Isn't much of a choice for breakfast though," Kili added, leaning forward. "The inn keeper only asked if we wanted to eat and left, shaking his head."

"Kept muttering that we were too late for breakfast and too early for Second," Fili frowned. "Not sure what that means, really."

"Awesome," I drawled, going into a yawn. "I could so eat a cow."

"I… assumed it would be eggs," said Kili, apologetically.

"Do they normally eat beef in the morning where you come from?" asked Fili. "I thought bacon and sausage were commonplace?"

"I-, they are," I explained. "The—it's an expression, 'I could eat a cow' or a horse, sometimes. It just means you're really hungry, like you could eat the whole animal. Heh… yeah."

"Oh," was their double reply.

There was a second's pause. "I could eat a stag!" Kili declared.

"Well, I could eat the entire herd," countered Fili.

I snorted as they went on, turning the phrase into a contest of who could eat the most or the biggest animals. It was pure nonsense but fun to listen to. I folded my arms on the table and went face down in them, hoping to rest a little longer. I was always dead without a morning coffee. Even with my x months of caffeine sobriety since coming to Middle Earth.

"Wake me up when the food gets here," I mumbled to them.

"Are you going back to sleep?" laughed Kili.

"Resting my eyes," I answered.

I could feel the brother-look they shared. It was annoying a bit, but only because I wasn't a part of it. Jen and I did that all the time in school when we couldn't pass notes or sit close enough to whisper back and forth. I need to find my own psychic twin here…

Chairs gently scraping against the wood floor vibrated the table slightly. The princes had stopped naming how many Oliphaunts they could eat and a silence came over our near vicinity. Probably went to see what was up with the breakfast delay. Not sure if the inn could handle the max capacity of orders, but then again, Hobbits had hardy appetites too.

The weight of gravity seemed to increase on my body the more I sat hunched over, pretending that I could inconspicuously catch some z's in the time before our food arrived. I wouldn't let myself go under, even if I could; the thought of snoring and drawing everyone's attention was enough to mortify me awake. Hey. Maybe a really strong brew of tea could give me my caffeine fix.

It felt like those Mondays when I had to literally be dragged out of bed. Dad was a pushover and would only peek in to say "Are you up yet?" even though I had the blankets over my head and would foolishly believe my "Uh huh" replies. It was always Mom who would wake me up with her curtain opening or cheerful "Rise and shine, baby" or "Time to join the early birds!" and I'd groan and fight all I could until we'd get into a blanket tug-o-war. She'd normally win and I'd be more whiney than usual and hide my face and moan.

"God, a few more minutes, Mom, okay?"

Then she'd remind me how many times I'd hit the snooze button on my alarm, because somehow, no matter where she was in the house, she could hear my alarm going off. And would keep track. She'd told me once that if it passed three snoozes, I wasn't going to move. Which makes perfect mom-sense, I guess.

"Ah hem."

I froze.

"Er… Miss Emily?" I heard Kili say.

I lifted my head to find the table much more occupied than before. I blanched, seeing Balin and Thorin now seated—the latter right next to me. The chair sounds were them joining us, not the princes leaving—geez. I sat up quickly, noticing the strange looks they were giving me—well, stranger than normal. The princes actually looked like they were holding back laughter; though Kili looked a twinge uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked, worried that there was something on my face or a silly imprint from my sleeve or, well, there wasn't a puddle of drool on the table so I doubted I'd actually dozed off and done something stupid.

"Balin has written your contract with us," Thorin told me, ignoring my query. "Would you mind signing before we depart?"

"Oh, uh, sure."

Balin passed an inkpot, quill, and parchment to me and I eagerly leaned over to examine the contract. It was hardly a quarter the length of Bilbo's, with no little pop out pieces like the Marauder's Map. I wasn't sure if they expected me to read it over or not—I mean, sure, I trusted them to not pull any fast ones on me, but I'd probably look stupid if I didn't read it before signing it, right? It was just common sense. I figured giving it a skim though wouldn't be offensive, either way.

Conditions of Engagement

The title made me double take for a moment, telling my tired self to calm down and that 'engagement' had more than one meaning, you blushing schoolgirl! Was Bilbo getting married too? His contract said the same. Geez.

In role as Secondary Adviser of Magical and Unearthly Affairs [second to Gandalf the Grey] for Thorin and Company, or in any other role they see fit, at their sole discretion from time to time...

Agreed hereto, freely and under neither duress nor force nor coercion nor extortion nor threat to life and/or limb, and superceding any prior contract, agreement or undertaking…

"You have really nice handwriting," I commented absently.

Balin chuckled softly and thanked me.

I started to zone into the words, leaning on the table to give the contract my full attention. The legal lingo was so twisty, I felt like I was reading a textbook.

I, Emily Anne Parker, [resident of "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry", and current ward of Gandalf the Grey] the undersigned, agree to travel to the Lonely Mountain, oath to be determined by Thorin Oakenshield, who has a right to alter the course of the journey at his so choosing…

I found it amusing that Balin had thrown Hogwarts into quotation marks as if the name were still a bit dubious. But okay. I regret trying to decipher this. I probably looked like a tool with the faces I was making. From what I gathered skimming through, my eyes catching on important words, it was very basic but covered all bases.

I raised my hand halfway into the air, then over my head, waiting to get called on. Then I blinked, remembering that I wasn't in school and could just talk like normal. I dropped my hand.

"Question," I said, looking between Thorin and Balin. I pointed at a spot on the contract. Thorin studied the words above my finger than shifted his gaze to me when I started speaking. "This part right here, where it says I'm 'obligated to disclose any and all information pertaining to the business of Thorin and Co. in the event that foreseeable dangers would encroach upon the wellbeing and/or progress of the company'… Does that mean I'd have to tell you everything? Like even if it might make things more dangerous than the danger we'd already run into?"

My ramble settled in for a second before Balin nodded, confidently. "In short, yes," he answered.

I fidgeted with my skirt, which Thorin couldn't help but notice, sitting beside me. "Would there be a reason to withhold information?" he prompted, trying to get me to spill my thoughts. Bless.

"Well, yeah, hypothetically. I mean like what if, hypothetically, we came to a fork in the road and on one path we'd get stuck in the mud and lose the ponies but on the other path, we'd get mugged or something."

"Mugged?" questioned Kili.

I glanced at him. "Jumped?" I tried but the princes looked floored. "No, uh, like robbed, basically."

"Emily, it's unlikely that any could rob a band of Dwarves, even one alone," Fili told me seriously. "Who would attempt such a foolish thing?"

"I… well, I don't know." I gaped, trying to think of another scenario that wouldn't turn into a debate.

"None I could think of," shrugged Kili.

"Well, the situation isn't the point, guys," I tried to explain.

"Was that not the subject of your question? Circumstance?" asked Fili.

Thorin sighed. "Irakdashât," he drawled, giving the boys a tried look. "Let Miss Parker speak."

The princes complied, giving me their polite attention once again. Kili sat up straighter and cleared his throat. "Sorry, Miss Parker," he said, earning a brow raise from me. Since when am I "Miss Parker" to him? He turned sheepish and I noticed Fili smirk sidelong at him.

"What was I saying?" I said lamely, my train of thought totally derailed.

"We were at an impasse between two paths that offer misfortune," supplied Balin, a smile under his beard.

"Oh right! Thanks. So, what if we were going to take the muddy road but I know what'll happen so I mention it and so we go the other way instead and run into more trouble."

Thorin's furrowed his brow in contemplation. His eyes rose from the table to me. "And you would foresee the trouble on the second path?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Would it not be possible to warn us of both dangers?" he posed.

"Well, yeah," I drawled. "But. If I did that, how would you respond? To avoid both paths and find another way?"

"That stands to reason," Balin added.

"Right, but, it would put things up in the air, er, into the unknown," I said. "Like it might be better to pick the lesser of two dangers but not avoid them both because that could be even worse than the two paths. Like with the mud, yeah, it'd suck but at least we'd definitely be okay, you know?"

Thorin was pensive again, clearly not prepared for a hypothetical crisis at this time in the morning but he was taking it (and me) seriously. I felt a little silly for over thinking it so much, or for even mentioning it to them. Why was I asking permission to be sneaky? Oh my god.

"I need not know of every small misstep that we may encounter. Such events can be divulged at your own discretion. However, should anything arise that would severely jeopardize the well being of the company, including yourself, Miss Parker," Thorin said very pointedly so that I shrunk back slightly, caught off guard by his sudden mom mode. "You are obligated to tell me directly and immediately. Is that agreeable?"

I nodded. A lot. "Okay," I squeaked, feeling a bit like Ron Weasley after coming back with the flying car.

"Are there any more points that need clarification?" he continued, and I could've sworn, he looked a tad amused.

"No… I-I'm… just gonna sign this," I said, dipping the quill and leaning over. Try to be legible, I told myself. I wish my signature was nice but even with effort, it looked like a third grader's cursive. Meh.

I wordlessly slid the contract to Thorin and offered the quill which he took. It was small in his hand. I watched him sign above my name, very delicately. I was surprised how his handwriting lent itself to flourishes and curled letters—I'd expected more blocky, bold writing. Handwriting analysis wasn't my forte but I'd have thought Thorin's personality would manifest in a slightly less elegant way.

I stared as Balin signed as the witness, my eyes still lingering on the words 'Thorin son of Thrain'.

But maybe that was it entirely. Was Thorin's fancy writing proof that deep down he was the sensitive softie Dís had painted? Or was it also that he was more of a king than a warrior? Sure, he was good at fighting, but did he like it? Was there a thrill of battle for him? Was there ever? I mean, he was born royal, but he was forced to be a warrior. Or was he also, in a way, forced to be a king as well? Did he actually want to be a king? Or was it another duty he felt the need to fulfill? Did the way his signature take up more than a reasonable amount of space reflect his subconscious urge to be free of his confines and social obligations?! Would he rather just be a normal bloke being a smithy or something crafty like a jewelry maker? How shit would that be, if he didn't think he had the right to choose that. Is my half-awake brain reading way too much into this?

Probably.

Movement snapped me from my inner monologue and I realized the food was here. I nervously glanced around the table, worried that they'd been staring at my glazed over expression. There was no evidence they had been.

The Hobbit servers quickly deposited the platters of toast, sunny eggs, crispy sausage, grilled mushrooms, chopped fruit, porridge, and a full pot of tea. They seemed a bit rushed what with the high volume of patrons but attempted to be gracious and wait for the "thank you's" before nearly sprinting off. Shortly after, Dwalin joined us, sitting between Thorin and his brother.

"Isn't it a wee early?" asked Balin, nodding at the tankard in Dwalin's hand.

"No such thing," he replied with a short chortle. "Besides, these Hobbit folk don't make ale like the Dwarrow."

His statement was met by a few nods, shrugs, and a snort from Kili. I smiled, not knowing how to respond since I'd literally had no real knowledge of alcohol. My parents would let me have a sip or two of wine or champagne around holidays like New Years or Christmas, but I didn't really have the taste for it, or the age requirement. I wonder how the princes would feel about having to be a legal age to drink—then again, they'd technically qualify, having been alive for like, what? Fifty years or so? Hot damn, sometimes I forget.

We tucked into breakfast with a tad more reserve than last night. Maybe the traveling had made everyone ravenous. I noticed the Dwarves had completely avoided the bowl of fruit which I took as my signal to try and down it all. I needed the calories to burn. I was always a light eater when it came to breakfasts, normally only having time for a coffee and a Pop-tart. My scanty appetite didn't go unnoticed (though I thought I was eating like a champ, pounding down those melon chunks and strawberries), for Thorin kept casually scooting the dishes closer to me in case I couldn't reach them, and only when I'd just about stopped eating because I was legit full (one bowl of fruit, an egg and a sausage, thanks very much), he turned to me and said quietly, "You'll need more energy for the journey."

"Oh, I'm good, thanks," I replied, shrinking away from the overtly skeptical look that he gave me. "Really…" I nibbled at another toast to sate him; he didn't look exactly contented but settled nonetheless. He knew when to pick his battles, and force feeding me wasn't one that seemed appealing, I imagine.

I tried to shake the nervousness from the small part of me that was awake and piloting as I finished my piece of toast. I side-eyed Thorin to make sure he wasn't locked onto me—he wasn't, thank god. Like hell, his ultra mom persona was kind of scary in a Mrs. Weasley type of way. I don't know how Fili and Kili survived without being totally Oaken-whipped—actually, maybe Kili was, now that I think of it. He kind of had a "notice me" air about him whenever his uncle was around and went even further out of his way than me to look competent. The poor guy.

I poured myself a third cup of tea—I was going to have to pee like a Roman fountain in a few hours but I didn't care. I was going to be awake dammit. I lifted the cup to my lips, and suddenly locked eyes with Dwalin from across the table. The familiarity of the scene was not lost as my cheeks went red in embarrassment, recalling my Goblet of Fire moment in Ered Luin. Then he winked and I totally lost it. I had to slam my cup down on its saucer before my snorting laughter could spill it. Oh my god. I hid my face, trying to hold back my ugly giggles.

"Have we missed something?" I heard Balin ask.

I looked through my fingers to see Dwalin, holding his hands up innocently. "I dun know what you are speaking of," he said, his shoulders shaking with contained laughter.

I managed to sit up, wiping at my eyes. The others were curiously looking at me for clarification, none more than the princes whose only connection with me and Dwalin was the arrow I hit him with, and that hardly called for humor.

I shook my head, not going to cave and relay my embarrassing story. "Really, it's nothing."

Dwalin made a "see?" gesture to his brother, who just sighed, feigning irritation. I smiled at them, glad the subject was dropped. That was really sweet of Dwalin… keeping my idiot moment a secret. Fili was waiting for me to look his way as my gaze immediately magnet-ed to his. He raised a brow and tilted his head in question, and I gave a subtle shake of my head. He nodded.

After I was sure the giggles were out and it was safe to attempt to finish my drink, I dared another sip of the lukewarm tea. I downed it, feeling nice and fat and was glad I wouldn't have to do much walking today. Thank Merlin for ponies! Well, Gandalf would be more appropriate. Actually… where was he…?

I glanced around but couldn't find him—even without his hat, he'd stick out, but he simply wasn't around. Maybe he was getting the ponies now? Or… doing Wizard things.

Hm. I really need to keep an eye on him. You never know when he's going to do something… Unexpected.

Balin cleared his throat, looking over my shoulder with interest. "Miss Emily, it seemed you have an admirer," he chuckled.

I frowned, realizing that someone had come up behind me. Before I could even turn around, I heard the chipper, little voice ring out. "Good morning!"

"Tula!" I gasped.

"You see? I'm a very good finder!" she beamed. "I found you yesterday too, don't you remember? But you're not very good at hiding, are you?"

"Oh, I, uh, guess not?"

Thorin gave me a curious look. "You know these children?"

"Uh, yeah, well, kind of," I said sheepishly. "I don't know them, know them, but—I mean I only met them yesterday, but yeah."

I turned more in my seat, resting an arm on the back as I regarded the kids, little Freesia peeking out from behind her big sister. Tula looked me up and down happily. "Your dress is very pretty!" she exclaimed. "Except for your hair, you almost look like a regular person, Ms. Emily!"

My smile chipped. "Thanks… I'm doing my best, kid," I deadpanned, then cleared my throat. "Well, uh, it was nice seeing you guys—"

"Oh, we aren't leaving yet," Tula informed me sweetly, as her sister slowly edged around her, feeling more comfortable. "Tim's got something important to say."

I blinked, suddenly realizing that their brother wasn't in sight. I did a quick glance around and still didn't see him. Was he still outside?

"Oh, you can just tell me," I said, feeling awkward that the rest of the table was watching our interaction.

Tula shook her head, pointing past me. "He can say it himself."

Confused, I turned around, expecting to see Timble out one of the windows or just coming into the Green Dragon. Instead, my gaze was drawn downward, where Timble was crouched under our table, peeking out blankly like that boy from The Grudge.

"Gah!"

I could've knocked my chair over had Thorin not been quick to catch it. The others were just as surprised, scooting back to check that there weren't any more people hiding under the table.

"Did you see him crawl under?" Fili asked his brother.

"No!"

"Stealthy little fellow," Balin commented. "Are all Hobbits that furtive?"

"H-how long have you been under there?" I sputtered as Timble stood and walked to his sisters without batting a lash.

"Tim," Tula egged him on, but he just shuffled his feet. "Oh, alright, Tim, if you're going to be shy. Timble wanted to say sorry for pushing you into the lake yesterday."

"What happened?" I heard Fili ask with interest. I felt a heat creeping up my neck.

Tula continued, of course, oblivious to my pleading prayers in her direction to not go into detail. "I suppose it wasn't all bad though! You got to wear that nice dress!"

"Yeah, yeah, I like the dress," I cut in, hoping to cut her off and end the topic was oh no. Not my luck.

"I almost thought it ruined everything because I thought for sure that Mr. Baggins would be cross and then I was worried because Hobbits aren't the best swimmers and I thought he might drown! But he landed on you so that was really good!" she said excitedly. "And I thought you might be cross but it all worked out well because me and the others saw you both got on well and went to the markets and Ollie saw that he bought dinner enough for two! You must have got on very well because you went back with him to his home and we followed and hid outside and waited until Marigo's mama started calling for her. So it really wasn't all bad, Ms. Emily, we hope you aren't cross with Tim because it really wasn't all bad. Right, Tim? You're sorry, Tim?"

Timble nodded frantically, picking at a button on his shirt. I couldn't tell if he was being bashful or uninterested.

There was a full ten seconds of ringing silence before Kili broke it with a thoughtful, "Well, that's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it?"

I tried ignoring their questioning stares, no doubt thinking it's too coincidental, though it kind of just… was. I mean I didn't have control over the kids, clearly.

"A…happy accident," I said, channeling my inner Bob Ross to calm myself. You're not dying. It was just an embarrassing story that you could've done without them hearing.

Breathe. You were doing fine. No one even cares.

"Uh, it's okay, kid," I told Timble who looked at me briefly and mumbled, "Alright."

I noticed Fressia had come up beside me and was now staring up at Thorin in awe, paying special attention to the plates of brigandine on his arms. He seemed unsure of how to react to a little girl marveling at his clothes and delicately patting his hair. It looked like he was attempting a polite smile but his unease was very apparent.

"Gorgeous," she whispered, looking to me for confirmation.

"Yeah, he—um. You know, I—I'm just gonna get them back to their mom," I said quickly, standing and scooping up the Fressia, before she could to latch onto Thorin to avoid being picked up. With her safely settled on my hip though still reaching out to the Dwarf-king, I shouldered my pack and tried urging the other two to vamoose with shooing motions. "I'll be back, won't take long!"

"We don't really need you to walk us," Tula said matter-of-factly as I tried ushering her along. "We know the way better than you."

"Nope. Can't risk it—let's go!"

I got them about four steps from the table before they halted and started causing a commotion.

"Up, up!" Timble started crying, doing grabby hands at me.

"Not fair, you were on her shoulders last time!" Tula whined, stomping her foot.

Freesia starting kicking her feet and squirming in my arms.

"Guys, can you not." We were starting to attract attention now that the kids were fussing.

"You have to take turns, Tim!"

"The cloud! The cloud! I didn't finish!"

"What's this about needing another set of shoulders?" Fili said coming over to us. I saw Kili hastily wiping his mouth and excusing himself from the table.

Tula suddenly went quiet, staring up at Fili, then tugged on my skirt and motioned for me to bend down.

"Is that- is that Prince Dean O'Gorman from your story?" she whispered urgently, her eyes straying back to him as she spoke.

She must've pieced together my vague description of "Dwarf prince" and "blond". Fili was kind of a given seeing as he was probably the only person she ever saw that fit that description.

"Yep." There wasn't really any harm letting them know he and his brother were my troll slaying compatriots. "And that's Prince Aidan Turner," I whispered back, but Tula wouldn't look away from Fili, totally starstruck.

I grabbed her under the armpits and hoisted her up. "You said you wanted to help?" I asked Fili who took Tula and sat her on his shoulder, keeping a gentle grip on her legs.

"Gladly," he said, then looked up at her. "You comfortable up there?"

She nodded frantically. This might've been the quietest I've ever seen her. Timble was scaling Kili like an expert rock climber, so I took that as my cue to reposition Freesia who'd been staring down Thorin from across the room.

"Say bye, Freesia," I told her, but she didn't respond. I feel ya, kid.

Some of the Dwarves eyed us as we passed their tables but no one really inquired why their princes were suddenly toting toddlers around. We went out into the market, squinting slightly at the sun. I scanned the rows of carts and stations, looking for Mrs. Tuckroot's but Tula spoke up.

"This way." She pointed ahead, eyes sparkling when Fili asked her to lead the way.

I'm glad to say that the three of us gained just as many weird looks than I did on my own the other day. Sure, we were three times as noticeable and the sudden presence of a band of Dwarves was sure to attract attention, but it boosted my confidence nonetheless.

It was actually pretty concerning now that we were about to enter unfriendly waters. How I stuck out, that is. Before my blue hair was a minor annoyance that made people think I was some supernatural creature but… it really painted me as a target, didn't it? There was really no mistaking "blue-haired girl" for anyone else. Literally.

To be absolutely honest, I knew this was the beginning of a shit-storm of horrific proportions. Regardless of my presence, orcs were going to coming after the company, super aggro, but with me… would I make it worse?

I will break you.

I pursed my lips tightly. Those were not the last words of someone who'd just give up at an inconvenience, like, say, the "you" in question suddenly disappearing. How high was I on the dark lord's list of priorities?

I can't take that question seriously for a number of reasons. One being that the phrase "dark lord" made me think of Voldemort. Which was fitting because … in my own rabbit-hearted way, I couldn't bring myself to mention his name. Not anymore. Not since reality had sunk in and the impending wait for the shit to hit the fan, and it would, in time, was becoming more and more imminent. Pardon my French, but le shit was in le air and le fan was turned on high.

My palms had gone sweaty.

I could joke all I wanted but ignoring this… ignoring him wouldn't lead to anything good. He wasn't going to go away. And the Fellowship of the Ring wasn't going to come about anytime soon to combat him. He was going to get stronger. He wasn't going to ignore me.

A loud pop sounded not too far away, making me jump. Then the sounds of the bustling market rushed back to my ears. Another bang followed by sizzles and shrieks rang out, and I was able to back out of my thoughts.

"That wasn't canon fire—ah!" Kili winced as Timble used his hair to repel down to the ground. Kili easily caved and knelt in time to let Timble run off with an excited cry. "Wait, you little!"

A third pop came and I could make out green sparks above the shops.

"Fireworks?" questioned Fili. "In the middle of the day? Is there a celebration, Miss?" he asked Tula who went red and shook her head, frantically.

"Actually, I think it's just Gandalf," I chimed in, watching another shower of light.

"Master Gandalf?" Kili repeated.

I nodded, half of my mouth lifting. Figures he'd have to show off.

"Erm… Oh, Mister Prince Sir, I-I have to go fetch him," Tula said, frowning after her brother. "Mama said I had to watch them both."

"No worries, we'll accompany you," Fili responded, catching onto her disappointment.

She grinned widely. "Thank you!"

In a small clearing on the outskirts of the market stood Gandalf with a gaggle of children surrounding him. His staff stood stark upright on it's on just a few paces from the group, his wide, grey hat resting on top. I came to rest next to it, looking on with the princes and our Hobbit wards.

Timble was easy to spot, stomping on the ground with a few of the children I recognized from the other day. Fili and I let the sisters down to join the others.

"It was fun playing with you guys," I told Tula and Freesia who was wondering towards the commotion. "Tell the others I said 'bye'?"

"Of course, Ms. Emily. You should keep wearing dressies like that," Tula told me nicely.

"Uh, yeah."

Tula held back a moment, putting on her cutest smile and attempting a curtsy. "It was nice meeting you, Mister Prince O'Gorman."

A hint of confusion flickered across Fili's face but replied with a bow, one hand over his chest. "The pleasure was mine, my lady."

Tula blushed then beamed at him, running away giggling. That probably made her day. Wait till she tells the other kids who she met.

"So that's why mother never lets you out," Kili snorted, eyeing his brother warily.

"Enough," Fili warned in a joking, I'm-older-so-stop-it tone.

We hung around a bit longer, watching the lightshow. The shared merriment was highly contagious as I found myself laughing softly as the kids whooped and cheered when Gandalf sent a stream of golden sparks into the sky.

Someone sighed beside me. "A little discretion would have been appreciated," Dwalin said quietly, a frown on his lips. He must've just joined us or I'd been severely entranced.

It'll never stop being surprising, standing next to one of the more, er, imposing Dwarves and still having a few inches on them. It was somehow more intimidating, not having the option of being shy and staring straight ahead at their chest instead of their eyes.

Cheers to a year of maintaining eye contact.

I hesitated but decided to reply—I had months of traveling with these guys to come, I had to learn how to talk to everyone some time. "I-if he'd tried to be discreet, it'd probably cause more attention."

Dwalin quirked a brow.

I shrugged. "Gandalf's known for being 'a disturber of the peace' around here. Fireworks are his thing."

"He comes here that often?" Fili asked.

I shrugged again. "Often enough. Mostly for parties, really…"

Dwalin snorted, shaking his head. I couldn't tell if he was bemused or irritated. "Time to pack it in, lads. Thorin says we're to depart within the hour." His eyes wandered to Gandalf again. "Miss Emily, would you mind…?"

I pieced together what he was asking. "Yeah, I'll get Gandalf."

"Many thanks."

"Sure," I said, looking at the princes, "See you in a bit."

As they left, I stayed in place, watching the Wizard entertain the children. It was such a carefree scene. All of them smiling, laughing… I started feeling like a stone in a rushing river. Fixed in place, stuck too deeply in the mud, among the wildly moving world. All I could hear was the roar of water around me.

Gandalf finally turned and saw me and my eyes blinked back into focus. I forced a smile, not knowing what my face must've looked like before.

A fizzling purple light umbrella-ed over us before shooting straight up into the sky and exploding in a show of multicolor flashes that shone impossibly well in the already bright sun.

"I'm afraid that's all I've brought, dears," Gandalf sighed, holding his palms up to show they were empty.

A chorus of groans followed as he excused himself, carefully keeping an eye on Timble and a little girl who were trying to pick the pockets of his robes. They were unsuccessful and took off when the Wizard glanced down at them. Gandalf only chuckled and came to meet me.

"You seem to be having a good morning," I commented, as he grabbed his staff.

Gandalf considered it a moment, then nodded. "Yes, I was, and am, or so I hope to continue to," he said, plopping his hat down over my eyes. "I will have to see what becomes of it by noon."

I smiled, adjusting the hat so that it wasn't engulfing my face.

"And what of you?" Gandalf asked as we made our way to the inn. "I trust you slept well?"

"Uh… once I got to sleep, yeah. I guess."

Silence lapsed for a moment before Gandalf stopped walking. He sighed heavily. "I bear no illusions that you are deeply troubled from what has passed, and by what is to come," he said sullenly, my heart leaping into my throat.

My face went red from the sudden topic.

Gandalf smiled slightly. "I had hoped that you would, in your own time, speak of how you fare… But you hold your thoughts away from even yourself."

I looked down, hiding in the shade of the Wizard's hat, which he removed from my head. "Emily," he said gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "While it is not advised to speak of much of the history to come… I encourage you to speak freely of how you feel about such matters. I cannot be blind to how it affects you."

I couldn't meet his bright blue eyes for long, my chest constricting as my worries flooded my mind. Him... Them.

"I'm just… scared about… everything. I don't know if I'm here for a reason but… I think so?" I said, fighting my tense voice. "I just don't know what to do, how I can make a difference… What if I mess up? What if I mess everything up…?"

"It is not our mistakes that define us, Emily, it is our will, and the endeavors we choose to take on," the Wizard said gently. "Each member of this company has undertaken a quest which is deemed by many, as impossible, but that does not make any one of them foolish. Whether or not their task succeeds does not determine their worth. It is the merit of their ventures and the nature of their character that is most important."

Gandalf moved his hand to the side of my face, his calloused palm calling attention to how clammy my skin had become. "I have no authority to determine the meaning of your presence here, be it of the Valar or not, but if you believe you have a purpose for your appearance, I would not be one to discourage or deny it."

I gave him a lopsided smile. "So… do my best, basically?"

His hand fell away as he put on his hat. "In lesser words, yes. Now we had best make haste before our company leader grows restless. I think it safe to assume he's anxious to set off on schedule."

With a nod, we made our return to the Green Dragon. The company was bustling, most off to the side of the inn where the ponies stood, being saddled and having packs tied to them.

"Am I riding with you?" I looked up at the Wizard who held out a hand to greet Ororo as she trotted over to him.

"If you wish," he said simply. "If not, we still have a pony to call a spare… for the time being." He gave me a mischievous wink.

Bilbo's pony. I debated for a moment, unsure if I'd ruin his moment of joining by taking his ride… Then again, with how miserable he sets off, I might lighten the mood.

"I'll take the pony for now, thanks."

Gandalf left me with a nod, off to speak with Thorin who I spotted at the far end of the group. Finding the spare pony was simple as the others were already matched up and securing their things. Myrtle was a pretty caramel colored mare with a long stripe of cream down her face.

"Hey there," I greeted, running a hand over her shaggy fur.

She nickered softly, nosing my hands and chest in search of food. She was a lot more touchy than Ororo.

"I don't really have anything right now," I told her, gently pushing her nose away from my coat. "No food right now. Didn't you guys just eat or something?"

"Look sharp, Emily!"

I'd barely no time to react as Gandalf chucked a huge bundle at me. "Omph!" I groaned, thankful that it was a soft something, my bedroll. When he chucked another thing at me, a long leather sack, I was ready. I looked at him, questioningly.

"After procuring the ponies, I thought it wise to gather a few extra supplies as this is your first time on such an expedition," he answered with a knowing look.

"Thanks," I said, feeling slightly unsettled at the reality of it. This was a lot of firsts for me.

Gandalf nodded, leading Ororo to the front.

I drew in a deep breath. Keep it together, Em. You can do this. Well, I'm not even doing anything yet… Just starting off. We've got plenty of time to sort out a proper plan of action.

Yep.

I shrugged off my backpack and tied it to the side of the saddle using one of the dangling leather straps. Looking around at how some of the others were packing their equipment, I secured the knapsack and bedroll on the back part of the saddle—none too elegantly, but my ugly knots would hold and would undoubtedly be a pain to untie. That was a worry for later, I thought, smiling at my handiwork.

With a contented sigh, I looked around the area then out to the hills of Hobbiton.

You know that one kid's book, Goodnight, Moon? That was basically all me this morning, giving tearful mental farewells to bits of civilization that the Shire offered.

Goodbye, indoor toilet.

Goodbye, comfy bed.

Goodbye, running water.

Goodbye, roof over my head.

But there was more to it than just the luxuries of houses. It was strange, the feeling that welled in my stomach. It was like leaving home. A bit ridiculous, I know, since I'd only been here a little over a day… But there it was.

I never got to say goodbye to my home.

"Emily." Fili's voice flung me from my mind.

"Huh?" I grunted, my vision slowly focusing on the blond upon his grey pony.

"We should be leaving within a minute's time," he told me. "Are you ready?"

I nodded before I even processed what he'd asked.

"Are you alright?" he asked. His gaze was concerned and wouldn't let me look away. Did—did I really look that out of it?

I blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I—I was just spacing out," I laughed. "I was… lost in my thoughts," I explained further. "But thanks."

Fili smiled, his suspicions aside. He nodded. "Be sure to ride close to me. We still have your training to discuss."

"Will do." I mock saluted him as he trotted off. Okay, so—

"Would you care to ride with me?" Kili's voice was directly over my shoulder. His face was incredibly nervous, as if he'd worked himself up to ask. It was kinda sweet.

"O-oh. Er, actually I was going to try it by myself," I said, thumbing at my pony. I hope he wasn't be dismayed. "Thanks anyway."

"You… know how to ride?" he asked, surprised.

"Uh. Well, I'm kind of in a trial period…"

He furrowed his brow for a moment then seemed to be struck by an idea. "Allow me to help you onto the pony!" he cried.

I thought I could handle it myself, having gotten on a full grown horse on my own… once. "Uh, okay," I said anyway.

Beside the pony, I braced my hand on Kili's shoulder and carefully placed a foot in his interlocked hands and the other into the stirrup.

"Count of three?" I asked to which he nodded. "Okay. One, two, th—!"

Of course, we had assumed differently… I had meant after three and he took it as on three. Of course, I couldn't start the Quest without making a total fool of myself. No, no. Not Emily Parker. Of course not.

So before I started to push off, Kili tried heaving me up, resulting in an absolute mess and a yelp of surprise, which drew everyone's attention. His lift and my misdirection sent me way over my intended target so instead of ending up sitting in the saddle, I was draped over it like an old rolled up carpet.

I gave an 'oomph!' as the hard leather of the saddle hit my stomach, and I was vaguely aware of Kili still holding onto my foot and saying something repeatedly. And then I realized I was face down. And that my rear end was up in the air and practically on display.

Instinctively I tried turning over to shield my bottom from view, but as I did so, I started slipping down from the saddle. I flailed to help prevent my fall, grabbing onto the saddle horn at the last moment, ending up hammock-ed between Kili and the pony. The mutual horror between the three of us was short-lived, as Myrtle decided that she'd had enough of our shenanigans and trotted forward, letting me fall onto my back in the dirt.

There were a few sympathetic noises, laughs, jeers at Kili, and a few, "Are you alright?"s.

"Miss Emily!" Kili cried, finally dropping my foot. He looked absolutely mortified. Almost like when he had to face Thorin in Silver Deep—like someone who just caused every kitten in the world to explode."I-I'm so sorry! Are you hurt? Let me help you up!"

I groaned, swatting him away. "M'fine." Actually, my butt hurt a little but I wasn't about to tell him.

"—only meant to help! I—Are you hurt?"

After the shock of my fall wore off, I took his hand which had been offered to me awhile ago. Kili pulled me to my feet, still muttering apologies but I shook my head. There was instantly a hand on my back.

"Are you alright, Emily?" asked Fili, looking at me concerned. "What happened?"

"I-it was an accident," Kili began, flustered and red in the face. "I only meant to help— Miss Emily, I really—"

"Whoa, guys, just stop. I'm fine," I said, brushing off my backside. "I'm not made of glass."

My tone seemed enough reassurance for Fili as he nodded to me. "That's good to hear," he said, smiling gently.

Hooves thudded the ground nearby. "Fili," came Thorin's baritone from behind me. His eyes were hard, directed at his younger nephew as he spoke. "Help Miss Parker onto her pony."

"It's…" I trailed off, my voice not even registering. I wanted to protest because not only was I capable of mounting a pony on my own, but more so, because Kili wasn't at fault here. It was a dumb accident that I'd probably laugh about later. But I didn't bother trying to convey any of this now. By Thorin's stern tone, he didn't seem willing to hear any explanations or excuses for our commotion.

"We've delayed long enough," Thorin said with finality, guiding his pony back to the front.

Fili and I gave Kili's elbow a supportive squeeze in passing which he nodded at halfheartedly. It was the sort of feeling one had when the teacher calls out your friend for talking in class, but you go unnoticed. It sucked, but hopefully would dispel once we got going.

"Right foot. Good," Fili instructed in case I didn't know. "I used to always get them confused as a child… Used to end up sitting backwards."

I smiled down at him once in the saddle. "I guess you're not so perfect after all," I teased.

Fili snorted. "I never claimed to be," he replied, walking back towards his own pony. He looked over his shoulder at me. "Although, I wouldn't argue the fact."

I grabbed Myrtle's reins and silently wondered how this was going to work. I hadn't been joking when I'd said this was a trial run. I'd only watched other people ride horses and such and could only guess on the techniques.

"Move out," I heard Thorin call, which gave way to a mild panic as the group began leaving.

Oh geeze. Do I tug the reins or kick a little?

Myrtle started moving on her own accord, following Nori's pony in front of her.

Oh. Okay. This is fine.

I sat back against my bedroll, letting the reins go lax in my hands. It seemed the ponies were subject to just keep together and move in a pack. Or herd. Whatever. It was a small amount of pressure off my back as I was content to just let Myrtle take the lead and pretend it was my doing.

The company made southeast, led by Gandalf who knew Hobbiton better than any of us, understandably, and made sure that we took the roads less traveled. Try as we might to keep a low profile in our departure, it seemed that after yesterday's gossip of "a troupe of Dwarves in the Shire" along with "have you seen that young lady's hair?" to "that Wizard fellow's back! I told you he was still alive!" it seemed impossible to not make an impact. Some of the residents lined up to watch us go by, many of them the children from before who had taken to following Gandalf.

We didn't pass Bag End. Looking back, I could still spot the high hill of Bagshot Row, hoping to see Bilbo sprinting out, but it was way too early for that. I wondered briefly if he was even awake by now but thought not. But soon, probably. Definitely soon.

Our pony brigade continued on at a steady pace and I found my neck was starting to go sore from craning my neck around, unwilling to look away from the retreating series of smials and familiar sights. It was only after I found Dori behind me, shooting me annoyed looks for staring in his direction for such a long time, that I finally turned my back on the Shire and allowed myself to face forward, and inadvertently accept that the Quest, once and for all, absolutely, unarguably, definitely, undeniably had begun.

The resignation settled over me like a thin shroud—no, no, be positive, Em, for god's sake—like a thin veil, barely weighted, but enough to let me know that it was present and settled in a way that wouldn't be thrown off by a gust of wind. It was here to stay. And I had to wear it and own it, or it was going to own me.

My eyes strayed over the company, watching some of them interact and yawn and snort in laughter. It was a content moment. I couldn't lift a hint of reluctance nor morose dread of what was to come from anyone here.

I looked up as we entered a wide breadth of trees, sunlight streaming softly through the branches, filtered greens and yellows from the leaves. I shut my eyes briefly, letting the sun show red through my eyelids. There was no looming shadow over us. I reminded myself of that. Yes, there were many shadows and days of darkness to come, but it wasn't now.

"Not now, Em," I whispered, using my voice to make my thoughts concrete.

I opened my eyes, feeling more optimistic and energized than I had all morning. Breathing a sigh of relief, I looked at the company again, without a downhearted lens this time, and remembered that I was with them.

Almost instinctually, my gaze fell to Thorin, whom I couldn't see well, seeing as he was seven ponies ahead of me. I eyed up Bifur who was heading up the back with his family and I considered waving them over (I didn't know how to slow or turn Myrtle around…) but thought it'd be rude to break up their conversation. With my list of friendlies being pretty short, I looked for the princes—about four ponies ahead. I twisted my lips.

Kili still looked bummed out. Head hanging. Eyes downcast. It sucked that it was sort of my fault. Half my fault… Okay, a third my fault—the pony's the one who dropped me.

As I passed under a low hanging branch, I grabbed onto a twig, hoping to snap it off easily. But, it being a healthy twig, it put up a fight, bending with me as Myrtle relentlessly kept moving forward and I kept twisting and weakening it from the branch.

"Don't you dare think of letting that go, Miss," Dori warned me, guiding Ori and himself well out of the reach of the branch were it to slingshot back.

God, if anyone were to look back and see me wrestling with a tree, both hands hanging on for dear life to a branch bent five feet over itself…

"Are you stuck, Emily?" Bofur asked, stopping his pony beside me.

"No, I just wanted this stick," I strained, "But it won't break and I don't want to hit anyone—"

"Is that all?"

Without a second's hesitation, Bofur drew a small knife from his belt, and cut the twig off in a few short saws. The branch shot back to its place, leaving a shower of leaves and earning a surprised yelp from Bombur.

"Sorry, Bom!"

"Thanks," I said. "Thought my arms were going to fall off."

He shrugged. "More likely that you'd fall off your pony first. What'd you want with it anyway?"

"Oh." I looked back up to Kili who was now six ponies ahead of me then down at the short twig, its middle still green and wet. "Well, I was going to hit Kili with this."

Bofur raised his brows. "It's a tad early for starting feuds, don't you think?"

"No, not hit him hard, just to get his attention."

"Have you tried shouting?"

"I—well, I don't want everyone's attention."

"I see," Bofur said, "Well, don't let me stop you."

"I don't know if I can hit him from here…" I frowned, trying to judge the distance.

"Here," he said, holding out his hand suddenly and I handed over the twig. Bofur stood slightly in his stirrups to clear the others and expertly sent the twig whizzing right into the back of Kili's head.

"Good shot."

"I've had a lot of practice, isn't that right?" he grinned at Bombur who shook his head, jadedly.

I watched Kili grope the back of his hair for the offensive object and found it hanging near his shoulder. He looked questioning at Dori who held his hands up defensively then his eyes trailed back and back until—hello. I waved at him, smiling brightly to let him know it was my doing.

He smiled back, his mood visibly lifting, and tossed the twig back at me, getting me square in the chest.

Oh, it was on!

I picked up the twig with a wicked grin and threw it back at—it totally swerved off course, missing him by three ponies and falling to the ground.

Kili looked at it then me with a smirk. "Almost as bad as your archery," he snickered.

"There was a breeze," I defended, pretending to be upset.

He wet a finger and held it to the air, waiting. "It seems nonexistent to me," he replied.

I stuck my tongue out at him, to which he shook his head, chuckling, before noticing his older brother watching him with an amused expression. I looked away before Fili could make eye contact with me.

I was just being a goof to cheer Kili up. Nothing to discuss here.

"I said it. Didn't I say it?" I heard Dori complain. I tuned into what he was saying, now that his voice was raised, letting us know he was complaining to everyone and not just his brothers. "Coming here was a waste of time."

There were murmurs of agreement from the lineup. I saw the princes frowning, sharing an annoyed look.

"That's true enough," added Gloin.

Dori went on, encouraged by the grumbles. "Ridiculous notion. Use a Hobbit? A Halfling? Whose idea was it anyway?"

"Wait!" came a shouted voice from behind us. "Wait!"

One by one the line of ponies stopped and all turned to find Bilbo Baggins sprinting up to us. "I signed it!" he panted, halting beside Balin's pony and handing him his long, unfurled contract. He visibly heaved, trying to catch his breath as the wizened Dwarf inspected the parchment with an eye glass.

I tried catching his eye as he nervously glanced around at the others but Balin spoke again, earning his attention. "Everything appears to be in order," he announced, folding the contract into his coat. "Welcome Master Baggins to the company of Thorin Oakenshield."

There was some bit of chatter and chuckling throughout but I, for one, let out a small "whoop whoop!" of delight. Bilbo smiled tightly at the mostly positive affirmations but it was obvious that he was unsure of how to proceed.

"Get him a pony."

Thorin's voice cut through the company, signaling that we'd dilly dallied long enough, and the pony conga line moved on.

Bilbo blanched. "Er, no, no, no! Th-that won't be necessary. Thank you," he stammered, trying to get out of it. "I sure I can keep up on foot!"

"I have room, Bilbo!" I offered as I passed, turning around to face him to hear his answer.

He was shaking his head repeatedly. "That's quite all right," he declined immediately, oblivious to the princes dropping back and riding up behind him. "I-I-I've done my fair share o-of walking holidays, you know?"

They shared a look between them and a mischievous smirk, and before Bilbo knew what was happening, they'd hoisted him up by his pack. I grinned as they hurried Bilbo over, who looked as affronted as one could be, dangling between two ponies like a prized capture. I scooted back in the saddle to make room, and they deposited the flailing Hobbit as gracefully as someone attempting to give a cat a bath could. I got kneed in the head.

"—So sorry! I hadn't the—You see, I didn't know where to—" Bilbo rambled, looking absolutely mortified despite the incident having taken place moments ago and I'd already told him like a hundred times that I was okay.

"Seriously. I'm. fine," I said sternly, because laughing about it hadn't gotten the message through. "Besides, a kick to the head's nothing when Kili flat out tossed me over a pony then threw me to the ground, so…"

"I-I had apologized for that!" Kili said, suddenly dropping back to defend himself.

I grinned at him and he sighed, realizing I was just teasing. Accident or no, he probably still felt guilty.

Bilbo relaxed slightly, Kili's transgression seeming worse than his own. "I do hope you're alright though."

"I am, unless I'm bleeding from the ear and no one's told me."

"You're not," Bilbo frowned at me. "I'm certain of that, at least…"

"Great. Then I'm just peaches and cream," I said.

"Pay up, Nori!"

Bilbo stopped fidgeting in his seat for a moment to watch the other's groan and laugh and toss money pouches to and fro. His brows met, sensing something was afoot. "What's all that about?"

"Oh, they took wagers on whether or not you'd turn up," Gandalf said matter of factly. "Most of them bet that you wouldn't."

"Ian!" I greeted the Wizard who took my teasing flawlessly.

Bilbo paused. "And what did you think?"

"Well…" the Wizard drawled, eyeing Gloin who tossed a pouch to him. He chuckled. "My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second."

Bilbo looked back at me. "And you?"

I shrugged. "I'm broke."

He nodded, turning back around quickly to rub his nose. I saw his shoulders tense, trying to fight off a—

"Ah-achoo!"

— sneeze.

"This horse hair," Bilbo moaned. "Having a reaction." He started checking his pockets, becoming more frantic as his search turned up nothing. "No, wait, wait. Stop! Stop! We have to turn around."

"What on earth is the matter?" Gandalf frowned at his distress.

Bilbo sighed. "I can't find my handkerchief," he announced, patting down his pockets once more.

"Oh, here!" called Bofur, ripping a piece of his tunic off and throwing it to Bilbo. He gave the Hobbit a grin which Bilbo didn't catch as he was too busy eyeing the fabric at arm's length. I returned Bofur's smile for him.

"Move on!" Thorin commanded and the pony brigade started moving again.

"That was nice of him," I said, snapping Bilbo from his scrutinizing.

"Ah. Yes…very," he frowned, sniffing the cloth before quickly wiping his nose like it was a leap of faith. I smirked. Baby steps.

"You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs, and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before we reach our journey's end. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you…" Gandalf rode a ways forward, calling back to Bilbo. "The world is ahead!"

"I… I suppose it is," Bilbo said quietly to himself. "Ack-choo!"

"Gesundheit."

After blowing his nose, Bilbo turned to me. "What?" He sounded congested.

"It's just something you say when someone sneezes," I explained. "It basically means, uh, good health and such. Like I hope you don't get sick."

He nodded slowly. "Thank you but it's just allergies."

"Still."

Bilbo started fidgeting again, bringing his knees up to try and get comfortable then giving up. The way we sat, I had my feet in the stirrups and Bilbo's dangled in front. I'm not sure if his feet would've fit in them to be honest. Even with the full use of the saddle, we were squeezed pretty close together.

"If you want, I can switch to Gandalf's horse when we stop next," I offered.

Bilbo looked affronted. "No. I'm sorry I've taken your pony," he frowned. "I hadn't expected it'd be on mounts the whole way!"

We won't be.

"Actually…" I grimaced. "I sort of took your pony." He looked properly confused so I went on. "Gandalf got the ponies for the company—fourteen for fourteen. But I'm not technically part of the company, so it's really your pony."

I watched Bilbo process my ramble and he gave a short laugh at the end. "Oh. Well, in that case, you're welcome to share my pony as long as you'd like."

"Yeah?"

"Of course," he said, as if it were the most obvious thing.

"Thanks! Are you sure you're not too uncomf—"

It happened almost all at once, like most please-don't moments. Thorin's pony from way in the front let out a high whinny, then Myrtle's ears perked and she nickered back. And then she surged forward, Bilbo and I flailing to keep from falling off! I was vaguely aware of the others staring and crying out in surprise as they cleared out of the path of our crazed pony.

Bilbo pulled the reigns in a death grip and I unconsciously wrapped an arm around his neck to brace myself. Myrtle was oblivious, of course, to her two panicked riders as she broke into a full gallop to charge up the company, stopping only when she reached the front to affectionately slam sideways into Thorin's pony, jolting the pair of us from the saddle. I collided with Thorin's frame, my face smacking into his shoulder, which, despite being covered in fur, was unforgivably solid.

I fucking saw stars, guys. Like legit Looney Tunes style accompanied with the cold pain of, you know, being hit square in the nose with something akin to a full-speed soccer ball.

I don't think I fully blacked out, at least not for more than a few seconds, but when I came to, I'd slipped slightly from the saddle and was being held in place against Thorin's side solely by his arm. His other hand, I noticed, after my teary eyes cleared slightly, was gripping Bilbo's coat, the Hobbit having been thrown just as badly as I had from the saddle, though he'd been blessed with a much softer landing in Thorin's lap.

The Dwarf-king snapped out of his stupor first, filing through his emotions before settling on the most at the ready: irritation. "What in Durin's name is going on here?" he growled, directing his question more at Bilbo than me.

"I-I-I, well—" Bilbo floundered, trying to compose himself, but that was damn near impossible, what with him being draped across Thorin's legs in such an undignified manner.

Gandalf quickly came to his rescue, leaning over and pulling Bilbo back into Myrtle's saddle. "Easy now."

My leg was still trapped between ponies who were now delightfully nudging each other. I pulled myself up, refusing to slide any farther down Thorin's chest. There was still a ring of stars over my head, making my brain wonky. Thorin still hadn't released my waist, probably worried that I'd find a way to injure myself further.

"Are you hurt?" he asked me, trying to look me over from his inclined angle.

"Just my face," I mumbled, attempting to detach myself from his hip.

Thorin looked like he was going to say something more but stopped to assist me getting fully back behind Bilbo. I groaned, gingerly touching my nose. Miraculously, it wasn't bleeding.

"Would someone care to explain the meaning of this?"

Bilbo was still red in the face from the whole ordeal and thoroughly flustered. "Y-you see, the thing is, I-I'm not very familiar with—"

I cut Bilbo off before he could dig his own grave.

"What Bilbo means is our pony just went haywire," I told Thorin, sheepishly. As Thorin looked from the shaking Hobbit to me, his brooding aura decreased a little. "I don't know what happened really. We couldn't stop her." Not that we knew how to stop the pony anyway but…

"Actually, I may be able to shed a little light on the matter," Gandalf interjected. "As I recall when purchasing the ponies, the farmer mentioned that those two, if I am not mistaken, were old barn mates from other farm. It seems as if they dislike being separated," he chuckled.

"Wait. Really?" I asked aloud. I didn't remember that. Or Myrtle being clingy. Was that canon? I admit, I hadn't read the book in years but that didn't really—

"Yes, Emily," drawled Gandalf, looking at me with a wary look as if he could tell I was thinking about my "otherworldly knowledge". Or maybe I just took it that way.

Thorin pursed his lips. "You'll do well to control your pony. See to it that this doesn't happen again, Master Burglar," he said tersely.

"I—yes. Right," Bilbo squeaked.

Thorin steered his pony away from us, calling back to the confused company. "Shafata!"

Everyone fell back into motion, only a few lingering conversations about what had just transpired still taking place, mostly from those who'd been too far back to hear everything. From my position, I could see Bilbo's pointed ears were still red from embarrassment.

I touched his shoulder, causing him to turn. "Hey, it… wasn't your fault, you know?" I said quietly. "I'm sure Thorin knows that, he's just… Um."

Bilbo waved away my unfinished sentence. "It's alright. It was quite clear where he stood with my coming from the beginning… They all sort of did, remember?"

"Yeah but, I got the same reception, didn't I…? And I'm here too."

"Well," he sighed. "At least you know some of these... fellows. Not everyone is against you."

"Oi, more than one person bet on you coming, didn't they?" I replied, trying to bring him around.

Bilbo was silent, thinking it over before letting out a thoughtful, "Hm."

I smiled at the back of his head, the ache in my nose beginning to dull finally. He was so unsure of himself, which was more than understandable. His task as burglar was enormous to fulfill, not to mention his part in the War of the Ring… but he succeeds in both. Even unsure of his abilities, he makes it.

I'm no Bilbo Baggins but… maybe I could too. Even unsure of myself, maybe I could too.

Footnotes:

1) The title, if you didn't recognize it, is inspired by the Harry Potter spell "Peskipiksi Pesternomi" that Lockhart ineffectively uses against the pixie swarm.

2) Most of the clauses from Emily's contract were taken from Bilbo's, but slightly altered to fit her situation. I figured that making an on-the-spot contract would be too time consuming and unnecessary as the terms would be mostly the same for both non-Dwarves.

3) "Irakdashât" translates (kind of) to "nephews". I had to attempt to pluralize it myself so it's probably wrong. "Shafata" means "move".