Thank you guys for never giving up on me! I'm home from vacation so here is a nice long one for yall! If I get the chance, I'll post another one tonight cause yall are just that awesome! Love and pixie dust! XOXO

I'm awoken to the sound of my wife (wife! God I still love that word) sobbing and I don't even question it as I pull her into my arms. She buries her face in my shirt and I soothe back her hair, kissing her forehead.

"Katniss, what is it?" She doesn't answer me and her crying continues. I assume she had a nightmare but I don't know if she has been asleep with me. I try again.

"Nightmare?" She still doesn't answer. Frustrated, I pull her back and make her look at me.

"Katniss, talk to me."

"Aurelius called back," she says thickly, her voice choked with tears. I frown.

"Ok? And what did he say?"

"He said you need to have your prosthetic refitted. And possibly start some physical therapy." So why is this upsetting her so much?

"Ok, what's so bad about that?" She takes forever in answering me and I squeeze her arms, possibly a little harder than I intended. She winces and I push her hair out of her eyes.

"Katniss?"

"You'll have to go the Capitol to have it done."

Oh. Now I understand. She's terrified for me. For both of us, really. The Capitol doesn't hold many pleasant memories. It's where I was tortured day and night, permanently changed, manipulated to hate the person I love most in the world. It's where she lost her sister, the person she swore to protect for all eternity.

It's where we were primped and prepared to go to our deaths.

No wonder she's crying hysterically. It will be a hard trip for us. But if we stay together…

I gasp, my eyes shooting open. I understand now. It's not the fact we have to go the Capitol that is upsetting her.

It's the fact that I have to go to the Capitol. And Katniss can't come with me.

I'll be alone. Without her. Surely I'll slip into a flashback and without her to bring me out of it, I'll become a violent shell of my former self.

Shit.

My arms tighten around her and I bring her into my lap.

"It's ok," I murmur, not really believing it myself. "It will be ok."

"How will it be ok," she gasps out. "I can't go with you. You're leaving me. Again."

"I'm not leaving you," I tell her firmly. "I don't need the therapy. I can…I can deal with it."

"No Peeta. You're in pain. And it's not going to go away. You have to get some help."

"I'm not leaving you behind." She sighs heavily.

"I don't know what other choice we have."

We decide to call Aurelius together. She immediately apologizes to him for hanging up on him (I stare at her in shock when I learn this) and he quickly dismisses it.

"I understand your frustration, Katniss. Unfortunately, I don't know what else to do."

"Ok, talk to me as my therapist," I say firmly. "You know our history. You know we don't do well apart. What other options do you think I can take to get the refitting and the therapy? Options that include Katniss?"

"Even if we could send you elsewhere, Katniss still wouldn't be able to join you," his voice is gentle. "You haven't had a flashback in awhile. You're married now, you need to be stronger for each other. Katniss can run the bakery for you while you are gone, to keep her mind off things. You won't be in the Capitol for long. A few days, maybe. A week at most."

"A week?" Katniss shrieks. "Why do you think we are any stronger now that we are married? How does a ring on my finger make things different?"

"Because you faced many obstacles and overcame many difficulties to get to where you are today," he says carefully. "You fought for each other and protected each other. Your vows should tell you something is different, Katniss. It means you are in this together, for life. That you won't give up when things get hard. That Peeta will always return to you, because he loves you." Katniss gives me a frustrated look.

"How is that any different than before? I knew he loved me before I married him! You're not making any sense!"

"You told me one day that you never thought you would deserve him. That you would never marry him because you were convinced he would eventually find someone else to make him happier than you could make him. Do you remember that day, Katniss?"

"Yes," she says through gritted teeth and she can't seem to look at me.

"Do you? Do you remember what you were doing, prior to my call?"

"Stop it-"

"You were packing your things," he says delicately and my jaw drops. Katniss swallows and turns away. "And you were preparing to run away. Because you thought he was better off without you. Do you remember what you told me?"

"I said I'd rather him hate me forever, rather than living together, happily, and me seeing how I was wasting his life. His…his chance for a normal life."

"Do you still feel that way, Katniss?" I gulp. Maybe there's a reason we have our calls to Aurelius separately. I watch her, terrified of her answer.

"No," she finally says. "No, I don't. Because I believe Peeta when he says I am what he needs to be happy. I believe him when he tells me I am… all he needs."

"And that is true for the both of you. You just have to hold onto that belief while you are apart. The bond you two have can't be broken by a flashback and a few days apart. He will return to you. And Peeta, Katniss will be waiting for you. You'll both be fine in the end." I see Katniss leave the room and I sigh and thank him before hanging up. I find her sitting on the edge of our bed, curled up into a ball. I stand in the doorway, watching her.

"When did you…think of leaving?" My voice is hollow and I don't even recognize it. She doesn't look up.

"A few weeks before you proposed," she croaks. "I asked Johanna if she would help me get a train ticket to 7. From there, I'd planned to disappear into 5 or 6 and by the time someone would have come looking for me, I'd be gone. I can survive in the wilderness. I couldn't be arrested if I couldn't be found."

I can't believe what I am hearing right now. I can't even move.

"But Johanna yelled at me for being stupid. Again. She started to scream and asked me why I didn't just let you eat those berries, if I was just going to keep doing this to you over and over again."

Damn Johanna.

"And I started to cry. Because everyone asked me, over and over again, what my true intentions were when I pulled those berries out. And I still don't know. I just didn't want to leave the arena without you. I couldn't. Maybe it was love or maybe it was my stupid selfishness, but I couldn't do it. So I kept thinking…maybe I was still being selfish. Asking you to stay with me, knowing you could have a better life with someone else. You'd make someone a beautiful husband and a loving father. Then Johanna said…if I left you, and disappeared, I might as well shoot you with one of my arrows before I leave. Because you would never stop searching for me."

Well, I think that's true. Although I think if Katniss had made it clear that she did not want to be found, I would have given her space.

Who am I kidding? No I wouldn't. I would search every district and beg her to come home. I'm pathetic in the way I love her. The way I need her. I'm incomplete without her and I know that.

Trouble is, I don't know if it's the same with her.

I open my mouth to speak but she continues talking so I hold in my opinions.

"When you first came back to me…I had thoughts of killing us both," she says in that vacant voice. I start. This is news to me too. Why is she just now telling me all of this?

"I mean…I wouldn't have done it. I would never have been able to do that to you, even when you asked me to. But I just kept thinking…maybe our chance to be together isn't in this life but the next. In death, we could be at peace. Together. I couldn't do it though. All I had to do was look at you while you were sleeping and you looked so beautiful and pristine and…complete. Because you were with me. It was like, when you were in my arms, you were safe. And whole. Nothing bad ever happened to us, and we just fell in love as if it was destiny. I know I can't live in that mindset and I don't want to because then I would be forgetting about the sacrifices and the people we love but it helped me at that time." I finally find the strength to move. Her words have moved me, spurred me into action, and I cross to the bed and kneel in front of her. When she doesn't look at me, I reach out and cup her chin in my hand.

"And now," I ask gently. "Now what helps you when you have those thoughts?"

"You're my husband," she says softly, blinking up at me with teary eyes. "That's all I need. Whenever I think about why something happened or am I enough for you, I remember, you married me. After everything we have been through and everything I have put you through, you still think I am worth it. I could never leave you. And I could never give up on you. I'm not worth anything if I'm not with you. You keep me sane and happy and whole. I love you with every fiber of my being and can't bear to see you in pain. If you need to leave, Aurelius is right, I'll be waiting right here until you get back." I move up beside her and pull her into my lap. We rock gently back and forth, her head nestled on my shoulder and her arms wrapped around my neck.

"I love you Katniss," I say into her hair. "Do you believe me when I tell you that? Do you understand what it means, for me anyway?" I feel her nod slowly.

"I love you too. Do you believe me when I say it?"

"I do," I tell her honestly. I remember the first time she said those words to me and I could hardly breathe. They still knock me senseless. And I believe them with my whole heart. I feel her start to drift off and my hold around her tightens, shielding her from the horrors that dare to threaten to tear us apart.

New Years is a light event for us. We don't leave the house and we spend most of the day in bed. After I make her scream my name to the empty room, she watches me sketch and then we play cards for awhile. Haymitch comes to check on me briefly but returns to his bottle after wishing us a happy new year.

We watch the clock together and count down. At this point I can't really remember what I used to do to celebrate the new year. It was just another year that we had made it past the trials that life dealt us. But this year, I had something to look forward to. Many more years to look forward to.

At midnight, I pull my wife close for a kiss and we ring in the new year lost in each other.

Aurelius has arranged my trip to the Capitol. Katniss stands with me at the train station as I grip my ticket in my white fist. I had personally called Paylor to beg her to lift Katniss's restrictions but she apologized and said it was out of her control. Katniss offered to use her "honeymoon days" as she called them, to come with me but apparently the therapy will be longer than five days.

I hate the thought of leaving her for that long. I made Haymitch promise to watch over her and asked Rory to keep an eye on her as well. I've invited him to bring Posy over to see her, as she seems to really enjoy the little girl's company. I've also asked Katniss to keep an eye on the bakery and make sure everything is ok. I'm planning to call her every night for updates.

She looks up at me and I see she is fighting tears. I am too for that matter but I attempt to be strong.

"Come here," I whisper, pulling her into my arms. She buries her face in my shirt and I hear her inhaling.

"I'll be back before you know it," she nods and I run my fingers through her hair. "Just promise me you'll still be here waiting for me."

"I'm not going anywhere," she says as she pulls back to look at me. "I'll be right here. Just get better, ok?" I nod.

"Help at the bakery. Visit the orphanage. Go hunt with Rory. Just please don't be alone." I don't need to voice my fears. She understands quite well. When she is alone, she becomes trapped in her dark thoughts and sometimes not even I can reach her. I can't think of leaving if there is a possibility that will happen to her. She squeezes my hand.

"Aurelius is right. We're married now and we're strong. We'll be ok. And just think of all the sex we'll be having to make up for lost time," she adds slyly and my eyes are wider than dinner plates. I shake my head and cup her chin so I can lean down to kiss her. One of those kisses that leaves her breathless and leaning into me.

"Something to look forward to," I whisper against her lips. She smiles but it is a sad smile. I caress her cheek and kiss her nose.

"I love you, Katniss Mellark." She closes her eyes for a moment and opens them again, smiling.

"I love you, too. Don't you dare meet some pretty Capitol girl. My aim doesn't reach that far." I grin.

"You know no Capitol girl, or any girl for that matter, could ever compare to you." We hear the whistle of the train and she sighs.

"Go. Be safe. Call me every night."

"Of course." I kiss her one more time before she helps me with my suitcase and the attendant takes it and my ticket. I turn around once more but she is already retreating away from the station. Sighing heavily, I board the train and settle into the empty compartment. Out the window, I see her dark braid slapping against her back as she is running back towards our home. I didn't miss the tears streaming down her cheeks. I lean against the seat and close my eyes, fighting off my own tears.

She'll be fine. We'll be fine. I'll be back in a week.

I try to repeat these words to myself as the train pulls out of the station and takes me away from my home and my wife.

An Avox welcomes me to the Capitol and I grip the seat to stay grounded. I immediately think of Darius and Lavinia and my mind is filled with their garbled screams. They chained me to the wall and forced me to watch them mutilate and kill them, just because they knew us.

"Peeta," I hear a gentle voice and feel a slap on my cheek. I blink and look up into the kindly eyes of my therapist.

"Dr. Aurelius!"

"Easy now," he says soothingly. "Take it slowly. How are you feeling?"

"I…I'm better." He nods and offers me a glass of water. I watch him over the rim of my glass.

"What are you doing here? I thought you still stayed in 13."

"I do but Haymitch and I discussed it and we didn't like you being in the Capitol by yourself. He was going to come with you but decided Katniss may need him more. We know this will be difficult for you but you have always been the optimistic one. Katniss, however…well, we just want to make sure she doesn't give in to the darkness again." I nod, understanding. Katniss is strong but all of her trials have weakened her considerably. Still, I'm grateful that Aurelius is here with me.

Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought.

"Here, let me show you to your room."

I was terrified that they were taking me to the tribute center, where there are too many horrendous memories to name, but instead he takes me to a medical facility in the center of the Capitol. People are smiling and nodding to Aurelius as he leads me down the hall.

"Your bags should already be here," he says as he pushes the door open. It's a very nice suite with a huge window that I can look out of. Aurelius admires the view for a moment.

"Would you like to meet your doctor or settle in first?"

"I'll meet him," I say as I throw my coat over the bed. I don't want him to leave me in this room alone any time soon. Though I am anxious to call Katniss, I decide it's better to go ahead and start this process as soon as possible. He nods and I follow him to the elevator, which we take to the 3rd floor.

When we step off, we nearly run into a young man with warm brown eyes. He doesn't look to be much older than Finnick was and he has a kind smile. I relax immediately.

"Why Dr. Aurelius, what a pleasure seeing you!"

"Likewise Izzy," Dr. Aurelius says with a smile. "Izzy, this is Peeta Mellark."

"Of course," the young man says as he shakes my hand. "Peeta Mellark, what an honor! I'm a huge fan."

"Thank you…Izzy?"

"My parents," he laughs. "Called me Icharus. I've never forgiven them." I laugh but admit it's better than Capitol names like Glimmer or Cashmere or Gloss.

"It's great to meet you. Dr. Aurelius speaks highly of you." Izzy playfully shoves Dr. Aurelius.

"Don't listen to him. He doesn't know anything about medicine unless it comes to psychiatry."

"Well that makes me feel better," I mumble and both men laugh.

"Relax Peeta. Izzy Klein is one of the best doctors I know. He specializes in orthopedics, which is the musculoskeletal system. He's also from 3 and knows a lot about technology. He's come to the Capitol to learn more about combining the two."

"You'll be shocked, Peeta. The advances we have made since the Rebellion! Doctors and Healers from every district can swap and share their secrets now and we have made such advances in technological medicine. Come, let's find a room where we can be more comfortable." Aurelius and I follow Izzy down the hall, into an empty white room. At first I shiver at the sight of the white walls. Aurelius senses my panic and he sets a hand on my arm.

"Breathe, Peeta. Deep breaths." I obey and feel my heart slow down. Izzy watches me curiously.

"That hijacking still gets to him?"

"I expect he will live with these flashbacks for the rest of his life. He's come very far though and has done a remarkable job with controlling it. He essentially cured himself."

"It was all Katniss," I say through clenched teeth and I feel him start next to me.

"Welcome back. Just relax and keep taking deep breaths. Izzy, hand me a glass of water? He just had a flashback not too long ago when he first arrived. I knew being in the Capitol would do this to him." He pushes a cup of water into my hands and I eagerly drink. When I open my eyes, the two men are staring at me with wide eyes. I sigh.

"I'm ok."

"Fascinating," Izzy mutters. "The residual effects tracker-jacker venom has on a person, even after most of it has left his system. Peeta is the only known survivor of hijacking. I wish he would consent to a series of exams so we can understand more."

"Izzy," comes Aurelius's voice sharply, almost warningly. Izzy's face falls.

"No disrespect meant, Mr. Mellark. As I said, I am a huge fan of yours and was appalled to hear what happened with the Snow regime. I would never treat you like some kind of science project. But understanding it more may help us develop a cure for your flashbacks."

"I do not think we are here to discuss Peeta's seizures," Aurelius says bitterly. "His leg is what is in question here." I see Izzy swallow and nod.

"Of course. Forgive me, Peeta. Now then, may I have a look at your leg?" I bend down and lift my pant leg up. Izzy gestures for me to set it up on the table I am sitting on and he leans down to inspect it.

"Excellent craftsmanship. From the Capitol, no less. But your leg has grown since this has been fitted and this prosthesis is no longer acceptable. Marco tells me that you are experiencing nerve pain?" I can only shrug.

"I feel…pain where the leg used to be. I know it doesn't make sense but-"

"It makes lots of sense," Izzy says delicately. "At least 80 % of patients with some sort of amputation has experienced phantom pain at some point in their lives. It has to do with your nervous system. Since you were a teenager when your accident happened, it would make sense that your prosthesis has to be refitted. You are now 18, correct?" I nod and he looks satisfied. "So you are probably finished growing, or your limbs are at least. You should not have to be refitted for another prosthesis again for quite some time. Indeed, this may be acceptable for the rest of your life. We just have to see how your body responds to it. As for the pain, we have some methods of physical therapy we can try to alleviate the sensations. Would you mind taking off your trousers and your leg for me?" I flush and bite my lip nervously. He grins and claps my shoulder.

"All of Panem has seen more than that, remember?" I gulp. Of course he's referring to the Games, when Katniss found me on the muddy bank. Even though I was sick and dizzy with fever, I remember her stripping me down to my boxers and bathing me. I had taken my boxers off and she had averted her eyes. I still have to smile at how much she blushed. Hard to believe that now whenever I walk into the room naked, she pounces on me and pushes me down to the bed.

Izzy notices my grin and he chuckles.

"Just keep thinking of whatever you're thinking of and we will get through this quickly. I'll be right back."

"Do you want me to wait outside," Aurelius asks. I shrug.

"As Izzy said, it's nothing people haven't seen before."

"I'll ask him to keep the Games references to a minimum," he says with a sigh. "He really is a wonderful doctor but he is a tad enthusiastic and he was a very big supporter of you and Katniss."

"I like him. He sort of reminds me of Finnick." Aurelius looks considering and says nothing as I strip down to my underwear and I sit on the table to take my leg off. Izzy returns and has a clipboard with lots of papers.

"Alright Peeta, here is a list of the therapies we are going to do while you are here. I've brought you a wheel chair and a walker, whichever you prefer."

"I don't need either of them."

"Well, you're going to be without your prosthesis for a few days while we work on making you a new one. I can see where the skin is swollen and red. We need to keep it off so it doesn't get any worse. Can you get around by yourself without one of these to help you?" I look at both contraptions and huff. I once told Katniss I feel like an invalid, stuck having people take care of me. Now I wish she was here because she is the only one I'd be ok with pushing me around in a chair.

"I'll try the walker," I say in a quiet voice.

"Ok. Why don't you go on up to your room and relax? Watch some TV, order some dinner. We'll get started on your therapy first thing in the morning." He claps my shoulder, shakes Aurelius's hand, and pushes the wheelchair out of the room. Aurelius rises and gives me a warm smile.

"Why don't you go call Katniss? You'll feel better after hearing her voice."

"You know me well, Doc." I stand up and cling to the walker. It's difficult but I've been through worse than this. I make it to the elevator and up to my room and I collapse on my bed.

After ordering some food and turning off the holo, I glance at the clock and bite my lip. It'll be late in 12 but I need to hear her voice.

"Peeta?" I smile at her sleepy voice and close my eyes as the calm washes over me.

"Hey beautiful. I miss you already."

"I miss you too. How is the Capitol? Did Aurelius meet you there?"

"You knew he would be here?"

"Haymitch told me after you left that they discussed one of them being there with you, since I couldn't. Tell Aurelius thank you for me."

"I will. And yes, he greeted me right after I had a flashback."

"Oh Peeta."

"I'm ok, really. It was a little one and I recovered quickly. It's just…being back here."

"I hate this," she says and I wince when I hear tears in her voice. "I hate you being back there. I hate not being able to help you. I feel so…useless."

"You're not useless," I tell her firmly. "Hearing your voice calms me more than any kind of medicine ever could. Knowing you're waiting for me to come back helps so much. I love you, Katniss."

"I love you too. Did you meet your physical therapist then?"

"He's a friend of Aurelius's actually. His name is Izzy and he kind of reminds me of Finnick."

"And he's going to be able to help you," she tries to stifle a yawn and I smile.

"Yes. He's making me a new prosthesis. Now I'm going to let you go to sleep."

"No! Peeta please, don't hang up yet," she cries and my hand stills. "I…I can't sleep without you beside me. Just…talk to me until I fall asleep."

"Ok." I settle under the blankets and prop the phone on my cheek. I hear the sheets rustling and know she is settling in too.

"I'll be here when you wake up," I whisper.

"I love you, Peeta," I hear her soft whisper before the line goes silent except for her steady breaths. I close my eyes and imagine her in my arms as her breathing lulls me to sleep.