"Kitty-Kat, what's wrong?" I blink and look down into the big blue Merchant eyes that are staring up at me.
"Hm? I'm so sorry Lara, what did you say?"
"Are you thinking of Mr. Peeta? Do you miss him?" I squeeze my eyes shut. How am I supposed to keep my mind off Peeta when my little distractions keep bringing him up. I smile and gather Lara in my arms.
"Yes I miss him. But right now I'm thinking of those cookies that we are going to bake tonight." A huge smile crosses her face.
"Yes! Did you bring the heart shape?"
"I sure did," I say as I nuzzle her nose. She giggles and throws her arms around me, her little doll thumping me in the back. I never see her without the doll that Santa gave her and I smile as I put her down.
"Ok, let's get started on those cookies then!"
Lara and the rest of the kids have more dough on them than on the pan but we finally manage to put the cookies into the oven.
Helga comes to help us as we are frosting the cookies and I feel her watching me.
"Are you ok, Katniss?"
"I'm fine," I say without looking at her.
"He'll be back in two days. You need to get that worried look off your face."
"I know. I just miss him. But I'm ok. Really," I add but she doesn't look convinced.
Ugh, why am I so transparent? Can everyone see how much I need my husband? It's been seven days since he left for the Capitol and he tells me his therapy is going well. His therapist surprised him with the most realistic-looking prosthetic leg he has ever seen and he sounds so excited about it.
"I'm telling you, Katniss, you won't even be able to tell the difference! I actually look like I have two legs again!"
I laughed and told him I love him I love him no matter what. Still, he seems pretty ecstatic and it sounds like the therapy is helping with his pain.
I have dinner at the orphanage that night and don't return to Victor's Village until well past dark. Buttercup is yowling at me for food and I throw him some squirrel meat from the fridge. Lazy cat is too used to Peeta feeding him and he rarely hunts anymore. I glare at the furrball.
"Go find your own food, you mangy cat. You've always been a hunter. Don't change your ways because someone has started to spoil you." He glares up at me with yellow eyes and he flicks his bushy tail. I roll my eyes and go up to my room to get ready for bed. I have the phone next to me in bed, waiting for Peeta's call.
I suddenly find myself back in the Arena. When I turn, I smack right into a force field and am flung backwards. I claw at the invisible walls, screaming for Peeta.
That's when I hear him screaming for me.
"Katniss! Katniss help me please!"
"Peeta!" I whirl around place, searching for him. His voice rings in my ears as if he is standing right next to me. But there's no one there. Not Finnick or Johanna…
"Katniss! Katniss, please!" He lets out a pained scream and I shudder to think what they might be doing to him. Tears are blinding me as I run around the force field, searching for him.
"Peeta, where are you?"
"No! No, please! Katniss, please! Help me!"
"Peeta! Peeta, where are you? PEETA!"
A phone starts to ring and my head jerks around. What is a phone doing in the arena? I still hear Peeta's cries for help in my head as I fumble around for the phone.
I can't breathe as I hold the phone to my ear.
"Katniss?" His voice sounds different. Calmer and definitely not in pain. "Katniss, breathe sweetheart! Breathe. I'm right here. Imagine my arms wrapping around you. Holding you close. Katniss, what is my favorite color?"
"Orange," I mumble.
"And yours is green. You're 18 years old. Your name is Katniss Mellark. You married me, Peeta Mellark. What does my wedding ring say? What word is on the ring that you gave me?"
"R…real," I sob.
"Very good. Take deep breaths. In. Out. Good job. Katniss, where do we live?"
"In District 12," I say clearly, finally feeling the fuzziness start to fade. I focus on his soothing voice and I blink. "In Victor's Village. It was once your house but now it's our house."
"Mmhmm," he says into the phone. "And what did I paint on my bakery sign when we first reopened it?"
"A fire and…a loaf of bread."
"Good. Very good. How do you feel?"
"Better." I hear his sigh of relief and I sigh deeply.
"I'm sorry if I scared you."
"I just...panicked for a moment. I can't comfort you from here. I'm helpless, stuck here in the Capitol."
"But you calmed me down," I assure him. "You did help me. I'm fine now. I promise."
"Ok," he sighs. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I just…I was just back in the arena. With those jabberjays." He's silent and I clench and unclench my fists, as I imagine he is doing.
"I kept hearing your voice in my head but I couldn't find you. You were screaming for me and I just couldn't get to you. It's the same nightmare over and over. Just different forms. Somehow it's always the same. I'm always trying to get to you, while you're screaming for me to save you. What a terrible hero I make."
"Katniss-"
"Did you cry for me, Peeta? In the Capitol? Did you cry for me to come save you?" He's silent again and I sniffle, feeling fresh tears roll down my cheeks.
"Katniss, I've told you time and time again, you can't do this. You can't keep going back there. We've moved on and we're doing so well. Don't dwell on the nightmares. I'll be home soon, baby, and I won't leave you again. Ok? Hey. Let's plan our honeymoon." I smile weakly at his attempt to cheer me up. He truly is my ray of sunshine.
"Ok," I sniffle. "When do you want to go?"
"I'm thinking around April may be perfect. Maybe even March. That gives us a few months to plan. Annie gave me a list of the best spots to visit and the perfect places to watch the sunset. It'll be wonderful."
"I can't wait," I tell him. "I can't wait for you to be home."
"I know. Me too. Soon. Very soon. Hey, can you do me a favor?"
"Hm?"
"Could you maybe…well, I was walking through the Capitol today with Aurelius and Izzy, testing out my new leg, and we walked by this retro café with a lounge singer. She was singing and all of a sudden, I just saw and heard you. I got this dazed look on my face and Aurelius chuckled and told Izzy that my wife was a beautiful singer. I agreed with him and when I came back to my room, I just thought of your voice the whole time. Could you maybe sing for me?" I open and close my mouth uncertainly.
"Please," he adds hopefully. I sigh and rack my brain for something to sing. I choose one of my father's favorite lullabies. I sing softly and hear him rustling in the blankets. I close my eyes and continue to sing. I rest my head on the pillow and hear him release a deep sigh.
"I love you so much," he says quietly before he urges me to continue. I sing him to sleep and we fall asleep with the phones between us, as we have these past seven nights.
When I wake up, the sun is high in the sky. Blinking, I grab the phone and hear nothing.
"Peeta? Peeta!"
"Shit," I hear from far off and I press the phone harder to my ear.
"I'm sorry, love, I didn't want to wake you and was just getting ready for therapy." I sigh with relief.
"It's ok. I'll let you go get ready. I'll see you soon."
"Yeah you will. I love you Katniss."
"Love you too." We say our goodbyes and I reluctantly put the phone back on the receiver. Sighing, I decide to jump in the shower and go about my day.
It's not a bad day, over all. The Bakery is busy and keeps my mind from racing. We now have two new ovens and Rory is pushing in tray after tray after tray of muffins and cupcakes. Delly comes out of the office and gives me a warm smile.
"Katniss I can't tell you how wonderful it is to see you in here every day. I wish you would come help more often."
"This is Peeta's place, not mine," I say softly. "But I wanted to help while he's away. He'll be back tomorrow."
"Well, we miss him but I'll be sad to see you go."
"I'll still come help out Delly," I tell her and she smiles. The girl is all sunshine and there's never a cloud in her eyes.
"I need to go over…oh," the office phone distracts her and she hurries to the back to answer it. She pops her head out of the office and looks concerned.
"Katniss, Peeta needs to speak to you." I frown, hurrying to the phone. Why is he calling me at the bakery? Why can't he just wait until our phone call tonight? I take it from her and she closes the door behind her.
"Katniss, please don't be mad but…I'm not coming home tomorrow."