And Then Came Adamant...

24 Bloomingtide, 9:41 Dragon

Adamant was a nightmare.

Apparently for the Wardens "by any means necessary" included listening to a Venatori maleficar named Magister Livius Erimond and believing he was there to help! As the Old Gods were from Tevinter and worshiped by the Imperium, why would any of the 'Vints want to help the Grey Wardens kill them? Why couldn't they listen to Edwyn? Why did they believe it was the Calling? Why would Clarel even think that using demons and committing human sacrifice was a solution to anything?

Fortunately, the Fereldan Wardens remained in Amaranthine and weren't caught up in this mutual delusion.

We went to Adamant to try to get Clarel to see reason or kill this Livius Erimond or both. Cullen took the army to Adamant ahead of us to lay siege, breach the fortress, and soften it up. When we arrived, they began to take down the main gate. Once breached, my team— Dorian, Edwyn, Blackwall, and Varric—went in to secure the lower bailey. Cullen said there were problems on the battlements and asked for my help in clearing out the siege points. I'm glad we went because at each siege point the wardens were summoning demons.

Thanks to Blackwall and Edwyn we got Clarel's attention. I will say this: once she'd realized what Erimond was really up to, she shocked his arse into next week, allowing Inquisition troops to take that maleficar into custody.

Unfortunately, at the same time, Corypheus's 'Archdemon,' (or as Varric calls it, a 'dragon with delusions of grandeur') swooped in, once again reinforcing Ali's notion that swooping is bad.

In this case, the dragon caught Clarel in its teeth, flew around and then spit her out. In her dying moment, in a display of the legendary Grey Warden toughness, she was able to stun the dragon before it tried to incinerate my commander and army. The only problem was when it fell, the dragon took out the battlement nearest to my team and me. We tried but couldn't outrun its cascading collapse. I had two choices: open a rift and take our chances in the Fade or become a large red stain.

I opened a rift, and we fell into the Fade.

That was really where the nightmare began. I cannot speak about it yet, but I will.

27 Bloomingtide, 9:41 Dragon

What happened in the Fade is so hard to write. It has taken me several days to get up the courage to do it.

The raw Fade is a foreboding mass of craggy rock, with jagged peaks and sharp outcroppings all intertwined with raw lyrium veins. The whole area is a sickly shade of green (like the anchor), and it is always nighttime.

We encountered the same spirit that helped me out of the Fade after the explosion. She was a glowing silhouette of a nubile young body wearing the Divine's headdress. Was she Andraste, the Divine Justinia, or something else entirely? I don't know. First, she said, I needed to get back my memories of what happened before the conclave exploded – which I did.

I'd say it was a mixed blessing, but it wasn't. There was no blessing about it.

Once I had gathered all the fragments of my memory (a very laborious process) the events projected into the Fade for all five of us to see. The Grey Warden mages had aided Corypheus in capturing the Divine and binding her to be the human sacrifice that would have powered that ancient darkspawn into the Fade. I alone, it seemed, had heard her calls for help. As soon as I opened the door, Corypheus dropped the orb and it rolled to me. I picked it up, transferring the anchor to me and not Corypheus.

After seeing my memories I was furious. Angry at the weakness of the Orlesian Warden mages. Angry at myself for letting Corypheus out in the first place. If I had just gone to Ferelden, perhaps those possessed Carta dwarves wouldn't have known where to find me.

The spirit led us to another rift that would take us back to Adamant, but we had been plagued the entire way by the voice of Corypheus whispering our worst nightmares. The spirit said it was a nightmare demon.

Unfortunately, the demon had been feasting on the collective horrifying dreams of all Thedosians – fed by the chaos caused by the Blight, Kirkwall, and the mage-templar war. It had become gargantuan, a being that was all eyes and tentacles. The spirit told me a personal message to give to Leliana, then sacrificed herself to give us some room to maneuver. But it wasn't enough.

It became apparent that the only way of reaching the escape rift was by having someone distract the demon (who would kill them in the process).

I had to choose who to sacrifice.

Edwyn argued that it should be him, because it was the Wardens' fault for the death of the Divine. I tried to explain that there had to be another way...but there wasn't time. I asked Edwyn to distract the demon. I quickly hugged him and told him I would be there for Morrigan.

Inside, my heart was breaking at losing the last of my blood relatives – at the same, filled with self-loathing for once again being the cause.

Edwyn started to move and said he would try to be right behind us. I know he wanted to give me hope in what was a hopeless situation. Making sure his sacrifice would not be in vain. I ran ahead to keep the rift open as we dove through.

We came out of the Fade and into the main bailey, and just before it snapped shut, Edwyn fell out of the rift. I grabbed him in a hug, but something was off. I looked around.

"Where is Blackwall?"

Edwyn was winded, but gasped, "He…stayed…to deal…with...the nightmare demon. Said I needed to rebuild the Wardens. When I didn't move, the bastard shield bashed me towards the rift saying that he would be damned to the Void if he was going to let you lose another member of your family."

I was stunned. I didn't know what to feel, and I wasn't in a place where I could figure it out.

~oOOo~

Marnie closed the journal. "All I could ever hope was that it was quick. I still fear that he wandered the Fade before he died."

Alistair put his arms around Marnie as she whispered, "It was such a shock to lose him."

Sleep eluded Marnie that night. While Ali softly snored, she sat near the fireplace. Memories of what happened after Edwyn told her about Blackwall…

… … … . …. … … … … … … … .. .. .. …. … … … … .. … … .

I was stunned about Blackwall, and facing the leaderless wardens; at the same time I was hearing a cacophony of voices all making demands - either ally, exile, or conscript. I needed everyone to shut up. "Hold!" My voice was loud, my hand in the air.

Everyone shut up and looked at me. "Yes, the Warden mages fell under the influence of Corypheus, but I will not exile the wardens. We need Grey Wardens. I will not leave Southern Thedas depending on Weisshaupt for aid when they did nothing during the fifth Blight!

"Let me be clear: I conscript no one to fight against Corypheus! The wardens will remain our allies!"

The crowd of Wardens cheered.

"Warden-Commander Edwyn Amell saw through Erimond's plans. He is a hero of the fifth Blight. Will you accept him as your Commander?"

The roar was a resounding "Aye."

"Warden-Commander Amell, will you accept command?"

Edwyn bowed then looked out at the Wardens. "Inquisitor, I would be honored to serve as Commander, and even more so to be their shield-brother!"

The wardens were stomping and cheering their new Commander and once again I was holding my hand up, and getting their attention. "Warden-Commander, as you know Caer Bronach in Crestwood is under the protection of the Inquisition and is on the Ferelden border with Orlais. I will let it to the Wardens of Southern Thedas; pending approval of the Crown, it will be your permanent home."

"Yea or Nay? Brothers and sisters, do you accept the Inquisitor's offer?"

"Yea!"

Edwyn saluting me whispered, "Would you like to address them?"

Nodding and looking out over the remaining wardens, my heart guided my words. "I know your grief is great. Know that you don't grieve alone, that the Inquisition and I grieve with you. May Andraste's light warm your souls as you find the strength in each other to rebuild and renew! In War, Victory. In Peace, Vigilance. In Death, Sacrifice!"

The only sound was the clatter of armor as every warden knelt before me. Shocked, I tried keeping the chagrin off my face. Edwyn whispered "You are amazing, Cuz."

"Please, please rise. Warden-Commander, safe journey."

Edwyn looked at his wardens "Sisters and brothers, let's go home!"

Dorian and Varric were going to tell Cullen and the Inquisition troops what had happened. With the last warden passing through the gate, I sank to my knees and began to cry. Crying for Justinia, for the wardens, and most of all for Blackwall, "You had a new life to live. You could go forward with your head held high, no longer feeling the crushing guilt. I am grateful to have Edwyn, but I should have found another way. I failed you."

I looked at Dorian who I just noticed was crouched next to me and said, "I'm so sorry."

"Whatever for, my dear?"

"Blackwall stayed behind so I wouldn't lose Edwyn. He remained for my benefit, and now you have all lost a friend."

"I am going to say something dreadfully sentimental, so please listen well – I will only say it once. We would all give our lives for you. Yes, yes, I know you would, too, but seeing as you are the only one who can close these rifts, that is not an option. And none of us want your husband to become a widower. Blackwall made his own choices. Honor that. No apologies needed. Now do stand-up; I don't want grass stains on my knees..."

… … … . …. … … … … … … … .. .. .. …. … … … … .. … … .

Alistair realized that Marnie was awake and sat down next to her. "Were you remembering what happened when you sent off the Wardens?"

Marnie nodded. "You know, it still feels…wrong, the way it happened. Blackwall should not have died at Adamant."

"Sweetheart, none of this should have happened. It just did."

~oOOo~

AN: Huge thanks to ElyssaCousland, my beta, she makes this readable! To Melysande and to Mrsrockatansky - thank you for your reviews! All three of these authors have current must read fictions!

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