Hello again! I hope y'all have enjoyed my first chapter, because I have the second ready! I have three more planned as of now, with a potential epilogue in the back of my mind. Enjoy!
As morning broke into my room, I woke feeling barely better than the day before. I was glad to have talked with Max about the issue between me and Kate, but it didn't help that I couldn't follow through on it, even when Kate had been right in front of me. I kicked myself for my cowardice, knowing the situation would only worsen as I spent more time delaying. I only hoped I had known how bad it was bound to get sooner.
With morning, I reluctantly rolled out of bed, knowing that there wouldn't be much I could do to shut up the boisterous, irritating nonsense spouted by the jocks and Vortex Club bastards outside. Honestly, I was just glad that whomever I'd beaten didn't care enough to confront me about it. That didn't change the fact that I'd lost control, and possibly cost myself the best relationship I'd ever had. I could still feel the hot tears from sobbing into Max just yesterday still burning on my cheeks, even though every other faculty of mine simply left me numb. I wanted to be a ghost, a waif, just something unnoticeable to keep myself from being seen and stopped by anyone outside the confines of my room. If I could have stayed in there all day, I wouldn't hesitate to accept the opportunity. I could imagine how quickly some of these assholes would be ready to gang up and take revenge on me for hurting one of them. Still, I knew most of them would have practice or something along those lines soon enough, so I waited for the hallway to quiet down. It took ages for the noise to grow weak enough for me to feel safe enough to leave, but finally, it reached a sound level barely above a murmur. I packed my schoolbag, put on some fresh clothes, sprayed on some deodorant and air freshener to avoid smelling too toxic, and after peaking my head out into the hallway, I sighed and headed off to class, sunglasses and hat covering me as much as I could get them to. Today was cloudier than yesterday. I checked the weather on my phone, and when I saw that it was going to rain, I received a message from Max, immediately followed by one from a number I didn't recognize. The link the unknown shared could've easily been some kind of virus, so I immediately deleted it without a second thought. Max's message read: 'I just talked with Kate. She was scared when I first mentioned your name, but I told her we talked. I told her as much as I could without putting you on the spot.' A split second later, more information appeared. 'Also, this whole thing is a lot worse than we thought. Someone got a video of her kissing a lot of guys, and it's been spreading everywhere. Don't open any weird links. Come meet me near the bus stop. I have more.' It finished. Anger began to bubble back up in me from before, but it was quickly doused by guilt and sadness. I didn't know if she'd seen the video, but having told her about losing my mind was enough. I didn't want anyone to see the monster I had become that night. On the other hand, I wanted to know what the hell had happened that night. I still didn't understand what had gone through Kate's head and made her go off and do something completely divorced from her character. I changed course and walked over to the bus stop at the front of the school. It had never ceased to surprise me that a town as tiny as Arcadia Bay had functioning and… actually fairly decent public transportation. Hell, Atlanta could stand to learn a few things from Arcadia Bay's buses. I arrived and saw Max sitting on the bench.
"Hey, Max." I casually said as I approached, she looked up and waved at me.
"Hey, Daniel." She said with a worried look on her face. Every indication of what was about to happen left me feeling more and more scared about the unforeseen outcome of the situation.
"You said you talked to Kate?" I asked. I knew she probably had something more important to relay to me, but that could wait. I needed to know how to approach Kate, even if I was walking into a realm of inevitable sadness and sorrow.
"I did, yeah. She's really feeling terrible." Max began. I could feel my heart begin to crack with every following detail. "I went into her room to return her book, and it looked like a real mess; clothes all over the floor, even a towel over her mirror. I also hate to admit it, but I snooped a bit and found some messages from her family. Somehow the video had reached her church, and the things they said left her a wreck. Even her mom left her a harsh note." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, though it filled me with a disturbing mix of despair, guilt, and rage. I knew I had to do something now. If I kept running from her, I knew the consequences would be horrible. Furthermore, whoever was malicious enough to defame my girl like that had better be either deliberately suicidal or incredibly stupid. It took everything I had to control myself enough to avoid growling at the thought of avenging Kate's honor by any means necessary.
"Who did this?" I said without thinking of how hostile my tone was getting. Before I could fall any further off that edge, I looked at Max, and she immediately got me to shut up my anger.
"Now, before I tell you anything else, promise me you'll keep a cool head. This is some heavy shit, and I don't want anything to cause things to get out of hand. Okay?" Max chided me before finishing her statements. I simply nodded humbly and took a deep breath, knowing whatever was coming had to be terrible. "Now, I can't prove anything yet, but based on what Kate told me, I think Nathan Prescott may have drugged her." I froze. My eyes widened as far as they would open, my heart seemed to stop beating, and my breathing immediately halted. I knew that name too fucking well not to understand what it meant alone. I only knew Nathan as well as anyone else at Blackwell, and what I'd seen of him always left me on edge, wondering what was causing my unease at the sight. Hearing that he'd possibly drugged Kate left me ready to tear the metal bench from the concrete stop into which it had been bolted and use it to beat the bastard to death. I could practically feel my blood heating to a furious boil at the thought of him manipulating her. I didn't know if I should kill him first or go talk to Kate and fix this goddamn nightmare. Either way, I was no use as a listener in my state of mind. After a moment of cracking my knuckles and neck, rubbing my knee, anything to calm myself back to rationality, I took another deep breath and looked back to Max.
"That tears it. I need to talk to her. Hell, we need to take this shit to the police. I'm going to enjoy watching that little shit Prescott rot in jail." I said in a way I hadn't realized how much I'd growled during the utterance. Max looked at me with a face like someone who'd just watched another person plan a massacre. Her fear was enough to melt me back down to feeling awful. I hated how quickly I'd gone from sane to destructive. I felt dangerous. "I… I-I'm sorry…" I weakly apologized.
"Daniel, I hate to sound mean, but you need to get a better handle on your hostility. I can tell your restraint needs a lot of work." Max bluntly said. As harsh as she may have sounded, she was right. I had anger issues, and they needed addressing.
"I know…" I sighed. "I just want to get back to holding Kate in my arms. I know it's only been a few days, but every minute without her at least knowing I'm sorry feels like a year." The bus came into view and drew closer to the stop as I finished.
"Don't waste another minute waiting for her. She was still nervous when I talked with her, but she still loves you. You owe it to her to say you still share that with her." Max said as she got up to board the bus. I weakly nodded a sad 'yes' as we exchanged a hug. Even though I hated myself now, it felt good to at least have a friend who still cared. I waved goodbye as she boarded the bus and walked back to campus. Part of me wanted to go to class, knowing it would only make sense, but I couldn't help but think it would yield the very comments I feared. Hesitantly, I started in the direction of the academic building. At least fiction-writing class wouldn't be that difficult to hide in. I decided to enter through one of the side entrances, knowing fewer people would see me. As I made my way there, however, I saw Kate hiding behind a tree near the side door. My heart froze for a second as I looked at her. I don't know how it was possible, but even after everything that had happened, she still looked breathtaking. Her beautiful brown-blonde hair still had a healthy shine to it, her lips beautifully adorned with her favorite gloss, though still bent sadly down. I felt tears well up at the bottoms of my eyes, and my breaths shortened. God, I loved her so much, and to see her sad hurt enough on its own. To see her sad because of my actions, however, was Hell itself. I saw her look around, and whatever madness drove me to hide behind another tree as a result, I'll curse that cowardice until the day I die. I kept hiding for a few minutes, occasionally looking back to check if she had moved, and eventually, she walked inside the school building. She had her head held up a little bit higher than I would expect from someone as depressed as she probably was. Perhaps she'd really been feeling better since she talked to Max that morning? It made sense. Once she was inside, I turned to the tree where I'd hidden and started hitting my head against it.
"STUpid! STUpid! STUpid!" I cursed myself under my breath with every hearty pounding strike. I kept going until it hurt too much to even touch my forehead against the surface. I sank down to the ground, burying my face in my hands. I reached to my forehead to see how badly I'd hurt myself this time, and wouldn't you know, I'd drawn blood. It wasn't enough to be considered deadly, but more than enough to tell me I needed help more than anything else in the world. I couldn't believe I'd just been stupid and weak enough to just hide, even after I'd thoroughly established that I needed to do something; to just fucking talk to the girl I loved, if only to make sure she was still mine, and I was still hers. Nothing scared me more than the thought of losing her, even if I truly deserved it. My self-loathing was so strong, I could barely get myself to get off the ground. Every variety of miserable, depressed, self-hating thoughts sunk my mind into a pitch mire.
"I'm nothing short of a monster. I hurt Kate. I should just go and die. Everyone would be safer and happier if I was dead. I just want to lie down here and turn to ash. I wish Kate had never had the displeasure of meeting me. I want to drown slowly in the rain, if only after I can make sure Kate can go and have a better life, free of the horror that is me…" I wanted to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, but I felt like I didn't deserve to have that opportunity. Against my better, more rational faculties, I left the school building and walked into the forest nearby. I needed a place to be alone; to feel my heart ache and to cry. I'll be damned if I let anyone see me this vulnerable. As I was walking, who the everloving fuck would spit upon my day other than the sight of the monster who drugged Kate. That preppy son of a bitch, Nathan FUCKING Prescott was walking around in the forest, frantically running his hands all over his head and shoulders, quietly talking to himself. The second I saw him, however, I didn't lend a single instant to rational thought or even to the extreme misery I had felt only seconds before. All of that had been overridden by pure, unadulterated, unhinged rage. I didn't waste a spare second thinking about an apology to Kate or anything like that. All that mattered now was that this worthless worm pay in blood for harming Kate. He must have heard my heavy, stomping steps as I drew closer. He turned to see me with a bloodthirsty snarl and eyes seeing red. I relished in the fear I could see filling his eyes as he backed into a tree. I could almost feel my snarl mixing with a sadistic smile as I drew closer. Every fibre of my body burned, boiled, and bellowed with the desire to murder him as painfully as possible, but almost as quickly as I had felt rage devour my misery, fear silenced my anger as Nathan reached into his jacket and pointed a handgun at me. I didn't know whether or not he would be likely to fire, but instinct kicked in before anything else. At first, I just froze, throwing my hands up in defense.
"G-get the FUCK away FROM ME! You're just LIKE ALL OF THEM!" His speech was disorganized and wild, almost as if I'd triggered a psychotic episode. Whatever was going on inside his head, I was smart enough to slowly back away, knowing that someone armed in a state like his would be immensely dangerous, especially if I made a poor move. "Control Me… They all want to CONTROL ME…" He kept speaking incoherently as I kept slowly backstepping. To my absolute misfortune, however, I struck the back of my heel against a root and fell over. I crashed onto the ground, ass-first. The sound of my fall drew the psychopath's attention, and he started to march over to me, gun still pointed at me. Before he could mount me, I made a snap decision that may have very well saved my life. I rolled over, got up, and rather than flee, I put all my chips on black and charged Nathan with every ounce of my primal survival instincts, and used all the awareness I had to throw a devastating punch to every man's weakest point. I know, it's a dirty tactic, but when your opponent is armed, use any tactic you can to keep yourself alive. Nathan froze for a moment as his brain registered the insane pain of the blow. He dropped the gun, collapsed to the ground, and I ran as quickly as I could back to campus. My directive had just changed dramatically.
I kept running and running back to campus. My reputation and social whatever be damned. I had an obligation to warn someone, anyone about Nathan Prescott having a firearm. Within minutes, I had found the academic building, and not a moment too soon, either. The clouds had been rolling in for most of the day, though getting caught in the rain was the least of my worries. I went back to that side entrance I'd been to cowardly to walk through earlier, only tripping on one of the steps, cursing myself as I got back up, hopping slightly to be gentle to my knee. I tried to walk calmly through the hallways so as to avoid attracting attention or worse, inciting panic. Luckily enough, Principal Wells had just stepped out of his office.
"Principal Wells, there's something we need to discuss immediately." I bluntly stated. As he turned to face me, I could smell the liquor on his breath.
"Indeed, there is something we need to discuss. I heard about your involvement in the incident at the Vortex Club Party, and that you haven't attended class once since then. This is a very serious matter, Daniel." He opened up. For a drunk, at least he spoke without slurring in the middle of the day. That statement, however, made me freeze for a moment. I knew I couldn't run from the consequences of what I'd done, but I would not let my outburst undermine the immediate danger in which I knew the school had descended.
"I understand what I've done, and I'm ready to deal with the consequences, but right now-" I was interrupted before I could say anything further.
"But nothing. You assaulted a student, and it's been caught on tape. Before you do anything else, there are several disciplinary issues that need to be addressed." Principal Wells interjected before I could warn him. Few things in life angered me more quickly than being interrupted. I'd been controlling myself better, often thanks to Kate putting her foot down when needed, but I still had trouble with it every now and again. This situation, however, left me without a clear rational alternative for my brain to accept. Without thinking, I frowned and aggressively wrested control of the conversation.
"Then address this, sir," I said, dangerously balancing on the edge of losing my temper. "I saw Nathan Prescott in the woods with a fucking firearm just minutes before now. I don't know about you, but I think a potential incident with a shooting is more pressing than me knocking some preppy shmuck's teeth in." I growled. The look on Principal Wells' face was stern and yet surprised. Once I knew how out of line my tone was, I tried to calm myself down, to try and step back, but before I could, Principal Wells was on me.
"That is a very serious accusation, Mister Harper, and on top of that, you are out of line addressing your principal in such a disrespectful manner. You're lucky you're not the first person to bring this forth, otherwise I'd suspend you right now for your threatening tone." Principal Wells shot me back down. I didn't know what he meant by me not being the first one, but if he handled this anything like he did with that rich fuck's other troubles, I wouldn't be able to keep calm for very long. "I will investigate this issue with Nathan Prescott as a higher priority now, but you better be in my office tomorrow morning at the earliest to address your misbehavior. Understand?" I bit back my snarl and reluctantly agreed.
"Y-yes… sir…" I did what I could to mask the bitter anger I had in my tone.
"Good. Now, I have some business to attend to. Don't forget about our meeting tomorrow morning. 9:00 AM, sharp. Understood?"
"Yes sir…" I felt like I was strangling myself just to keep from exploding with anger. With that, Principal Wells walked to the bathroom, and I went back outside to try and cool off. I knew that I was in no state whatsoever to talk with Kate. Too many volatile emotions clouded my head, and I needed to go somewhere I could just let it out peacefully. I went back outside, and it was raining hard. I can never thank the school enough for having awnings over the side entrances. I pulled my headphones out from my bag, and started cycling through music on my phone. In the middle of a Meshuggah album, I thought to send a message to Kate. I opened up what we'd exchanged, and I still thought I was pathetic for not even saying I was sorry over the phone. She hadn't sent anything since then, either. Perhaps it only made sense. What could be said? Rather than let the sounds of extreme Metal attempt to mask my grief, I instead put on "The Sound of Silence" by Disturbed. It punctuated my feelings of loss perfectly, making me wish for nothing but to drown in the inky blackness of nothing. Everything around me, the rain, the music, the guilt, and the hot, choking feeling you get when you're about to cry, all worked together in a symphony of pure sadness and self-hatred. Never had I so badly wanted to just lay down, die, and then just turn to water and be washed away forever. I felt like an insect, drowning in the rain…
Suddenly, I was jolted out of my wallowing by the sound of my phone telling me I had a message. I rapidly opened it, not even noticing who sent it, but the tone and content were dire.
GET TO GIRLS' DORM NOW!
I had no idea what it meant, but my brain shifted immediately from sadness back to fear again. Without a second thought, I threw my headphones back into my bag, zipped it up, pocketed my phone, and made a mad dash for the women's dormitories. Rain kept stinging my face as I ran, and I even nearly crashed into a tree, a wall, and another person on my way there. When I arrived, I was taken aback by the sheer size of a crowd that had all gathered on the lawn just before the building. Everyone was looking up at the roof, and when I did, every cell in my being went rigid; petrified.
There, standing on top of the roof, was Kate, getting ready to jump.
I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Not a single input from the outside world registered in my brain that could help me understand what I was seeing. All at once, every cell in my brain started screaming at me:
"YOU IDIOT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! YOUR HIDING AND WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY HAVE ALL LED TO THIS! THIS IS WHY YOU FUCKING TALK TO HER!"
There are so few ways I can accurately describe how this felt, but perhaps a direct analogy is the best: imagine, if you will, seeing someone you love, someone without whom life is hollow, empty, and sad. Imagine that person, that person who makes your very life complete, about to die a horrible, graphic death, and not only being powerless to do anything, but also feeling the full responsibility of having put them there in the first place. Perhaps I'm being redundant with my recollection, but let me emphasize this clearly: YOU CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND THAT KIND OF FEAR WHICH IS SO POTENT, IT COMPLETELY RENDERS YOUR EVERY FACULTY USELESS.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to run. I wanted so badly to do anything in my power to save her, but my body wouldn't let me. All I could do was stand there, rigid as ice, drained of all color, and filled with such an extreme amount of horror, that even my brain threatened to shut down on me. A war raged within my being to wrest control of my body, simply to stop myself from standing frozen in place at what was the most dire moment of my life. I raged internally at my faculties to do as I commanded. I warred with my body and mind to simply gain basic control over myself. I tore my robes and cried out to whatever god would listen to give me back control. I'd not prayed in years, even while Kate and I had dated, but slowly, I felt enough lucidity to just barely move my foot. I nearly lost my balance, but I caught myself, and then with every fibre of my body, I grabbed the reins and charged headlong into the building. I threw the door open and ran inside, desperately searching for a way to the roof. In my state of heightened fear and determination, my state of mind remained cloudy. Hallways became highways, doors became dragons, and the rain outside seemed to flood everything around me. Finally, after frantically searching every which way for a staircase, I finally found one. I kicked the door open aggressively, and ran as fast as my legs would carry me up the stairs, sometimes falling, but ultimately scrambling as quickly as I could to get to the top. These stairs, however, didn't have an entrance to the roof, but to the highest inhabited floor. I wanted to scream in anger, but kept looking furiously for a way to the roof. I would've blasted a hole through the ceiling and forced a ladder into it if I could have, but before I lost it, I found exactly what I'd been looking for, a maintenance stairwell with access to the roof! Without a second thought, I opened the door, looked for the roof access, and my eyes landed on a metal ladder. I practically scrambled up that ladder to get to the door, and when I did, I fell through and landed flat on my face. I looked up, and to my incredible relief, Kate hadn't jumped. Hell, Max was even there, possibly having been trying to talk her down. My eyes locked with Kate's, though, and all sound went quiet at the sound of her heavenly voice, now torn by sorrow and misery.
"…here?" She said, confused as much as she was sad. I knew I didn't have a spare second to lose.
"K-K-K-a-ate…" I struggled to speak through the overwhelming tides of emotion seeking to drown me. Max looked shocked at the sight of me, and Kate seemed almost as surprised as she was angry.
"How could you run and hide for four days, Daniel?! Do you have any idea how miserable I was?!" She immediately condemned me. Her words triggered a sensation in me like being stabbed, and reflexively, I clutched my heart, feeling it breaking. "Well?" She pressed. I bit my cheek as hard as I could to snap myself out of my daze, and as if by magic, I looked her in the eye and let everything go.
"I-I'm so sorry-y-y! I'm a monster!" I began through so many tears, I had to fight to keep my eyes on her. "I know I should've said something! I know I should've apologized! I have no excuse! I'm so sorry-y-y! Just please don't do this! I can't live without you-ou-ou! I love you! Please come down! I promise I'll get help! I promise I'll be a good boyfriend! Just please come dow-ow-own!" I sobbed profusely, unable to stop. I kept my eyes on Kate as much as possible, hoping as hard as I could that she would listen.
Time stopped as Kate took in my sobbing, desperate plea. All the world disappeared except for the two of us. This limbo of waiting for her answer was pure torture. Every breath I took felt thinner than mountain air, every second felt like a thousand years. The weight of the clothes and bag on my back felt like lead. Finally, Kate spoke.
"I-I'm coming down!" She finally said. Those words were more than enough to fill my heart with joy. I rose from the floor, and as she fell down back onto the roof, guided by Max's gentle hand, I crawled over to her. To look back into her eyes again, both of us full of tears… God, I missed her so much. Feeling her curl up into me like she loved me again made me feel warm in a way that made me remember fully how it felt to be warm at all. I loved her so much, and I was never letting her go again. We kept apologizing over and over again, all while Max, that amazing heroine, kept holding us. For the longest time, I kicked myself over and over again for having waited so long, but in that moment where we embraced each other again, it felt absolutely sublime to hold and caress her gently. After a few more minutes, we made it back down through the building. When we finally got out, the police were there, and an ambulance was waiting for her. I thought the ambulance was a bit much, but it only made sense for suicide watch to come in and bring her somewhere safe. As they helped her in, I didn't want to let go.
"I promise, I'll come see you every day! I'm never letting go again." I said to her. She gently smiled as she wiped her eyes.
"You'd better. I missed you, baby." She said with a sweet little giggle that I'd missed so much. Without another moment's hesitation, I put my hand gently on her cheek, looked into her perfect, beautiful, jade-hazel eyes, and slowly brought our lips together. That kiss was pure, unadulterated paradise. If heaven existed, it was her. I don't know if I'll ever stop kicking myself for putting her in such danger, but as long as I never had to say goodbye like that, I'll do everything I can to be the man she deserves. God, I never wanted this perfect, blissful moment to end. I had never felt more in love with this perfect woman. She was so beautiful, and that alone made me want to cry tears of joy. I could've kept my lips pressed lovingly against hers until the end of time, but one of the drivers told me it was time to get to the hospital. Breaking that kiss was so much harder than anything I'd ever done in the past, but at least I got to see Kate's eyes sparkle again; to see her heavenly smile.
"Bright and early. I'll see you soon, beautiful." I whispered to her as we touched our foreheads together. Having to walk away with her, we kept reaching for each other. When I was held back too far away, I just waved to her, tearfully saying goodbye for now. The guilt didn't go away after that, but rather remained as a reminder of what can happen when you're too busy self-flagellating to address a problem. Max then came up behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see her, and opened my arms wide for a hug. She returned it, and I'd never felt better. "Thank you so much for keeping her safe, Max. I owe you." As we released our hug, I could tell she'd been just as heavily affected.
"Don't beat yourself up. Just make sure you and Kate are all right."
"I'm going to see her tomorrow, if they'll let me in. I'll bring her roses and a teddy bear to start."
"Just make sure you get that help you said you'd get." Max said as she looked me in the eye in that surprisingly motherly way she did.
"I will. I know I need it…" I said, my voice trailing off a bit. I still felt guilty for what I'd done before, and I worried about the next morning. But for now, I was at least glad I could breathe easy about the woman I loved. I fell asleep that night more peacefully and blissfully that I had for as long as I could remember. I only worried so much about what tomorrow would bring, instead thanking everything for saving my Katie.