We didn't really get a chance to see Victor's Village the last time we were here. The Victory Tour kept us busy and there wasn't a lot of time for sightseeing. But from what we saw, District 4 is among the most beautiful.
We drive past the ocean and I eagerly point out docks and beaches and Katniss just smiles. I'm glad the tense moment with Gale hasn't ruined anything between us but he definitely took us by surprise. I can't help that possessive feeling that floods through me whenever I see that man. I'll probably feel that for the rest of my life. And I hate how cold he acts toward Katniss. The man definitely does not like losing and I bet it eats him up that he lost the girl to a Merchant boy.
The twelve year old inside me grins smugly. He chuckles at the Seam boy's pain and humiliation.
I wish I could say the present-day me feels differently but it would be a lie. Katniss chose me and it's not because of the bombs in the Capitol. It's because she loves me and a part of her has for a long time. My arm tightens around her shoulder and she rests her head underneath my chin.
We ride in silence until we reach Victor's Village, where we will be staying. After the War, they took many of the houses and turned them into hotels. Annie set up the reservation for me and chose a nice one that is just three houses down from her. But she said she chose this one because it has a beautiful ocean view from the back porch and a dock that goes down to the water. I think this one may have belonged to Finnick but I dare not ask. When the car pulls up, Katniss and I both gasp.
The buildings look as if they are made of seashells and coral. When the sun hits them, the sight is breathtaking. There is a green tinge to the house and it feels like we are walking under the sea.
The car door opens and someone helps Katniss out. I follow her and Gale is setting our bags on the ground.
"You still have the communicator?" I nod and show him. He nods and indicates two other men by his side.
"This is Jax and Plius. We won't be far so let us know if you need anything. I trust you can manage the bags?" My eyes narrow at his sneering tone and I bend down to pick up my duffel, tossing it over my shoulder. For good measure, I grab both of Katniss's bags and nod to Gale.
"Thanks for your assistance, gentlemen. See you in five days." And I pull Katniss toward the hotel, not looking back.
I feel her tug at the bag in my hand and I yank it away.
"Oh Peeta enough with the testosterone fest. He's gone, so let me carry my bag."
"I can handle them," I tell her stiffly and I see her roll her eyes. She holds the door open and we enter the hotel. The lobby is beautiful and ethereal. I can't believe someone once lived here. A smiling lady beckons us over to the table, where there is a notebook spread open.
"Welcome to Victor's Hotel. Your name?"
"Peeta and Katniss Mellark." I see her eyes widen and her hand shakes as she crosses out my name.
"Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, it's such a pleasure! Here are your keys." I'm grateful that she's not making a scene. There are several other customers and I know Katniss would be uncomfortable at any extra attention. I would be lying if I said it wouldn't bother me too.
We thank the lady and head upstairs. Along the stairwell, there are photos of former Victors. We both pause in front of a black and white photograph of an older woman with a kind smile.
"Mags," Katniss whispers. My arm around her waist tightens and we move on down the hall.
Katniss opens the door to our room and I set our bags down. The room is perfect and I silently thank Annie for suggesting this place.
The walls look like a living coral and the light cast dancing waves on the walls and the floor. The bed looks comfortable and soft and the window shows a beautiful view of the ocean. Katniss moves to the window and sucks in a breath.
"It's so beautiful." I move behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.
"It's perfect. Being here with you is perfect." She turns in my arms and drapes her arms over my shoulders. I feel her fingers play with my hair and I press my forehead to hers.
"Do you want to settle in first or change and go to the beach?"
"What would you like to do," she purrs and I feel myself harden just from the timbre of her voice. I glance over at the bed and she lets out a playful giggle. I unwind her arms from around my neck and gently toss her on top of the bed. I fall over her, my arms trapping her in my embrace as I lean down to kiss her. We are starting our honeymoon off on a great note.
After we clean up and change, Katniss brings our bags into the closet. When they decided to make these houses into hotels, they knocked out walls and made the rooms into suites. We even have a little kitchen and a Jacuzzi tub in our bathroom. Katniss starts to hang our clothes up in the walk-in closet while I unpack our toiletries.
"Let's grab our suits and go to the beach," she calls from the closet.
"Ok, can you toss me my swim trunks?" She appears in the doorway, already clad in her tiny bathing suit. It isn't anything spectacular, by Capitol accounts, but the blue material looks beautiful against her olive skin. The top portion ties behind her neck and I barely even notice her scars. I feel my mouth hanging open.
"Changed my mind," I say weakly. I see her frown and I gesture toward her. "We can't go anywhere with you looking like that. I'll have to pummel anyone who looks at you." She rolls her eyes but I see her fighting to hide the grin.
"Such a charmer you are, Mr. Mellark."
"Well, Mrs. Mellark, can you blame me when I have the most beautiful wife in the world?" She playfully smacks my hand from her hips and shakes her head.
"Get dressed." She reaches behind me and grabs a pull-over and yanks it over her head. My face softens and I turn away. I was impressed that she was willing to wear something like that in public. It would mean she isn't worried about her scars anymore. But I remain to be the only person who will see her like this. It means the world to me but I wish she would believe how beautiful she looks. She moves in front of the mirror to braid her hair while I pull my shirt and pants off. My own scars glow in the light but I could really care less. I got the girl; I have no one else to impress.
When we're ready, I grab the keys and my sketchbook and we walk, hand in hand, down to the lobby, where we can access the beach.
The feel of Katniss's hand in mine makes me feel powerful and loved. For the first time in my life, I'm ok with the stares we are getting. People know who we are and I want them to know that she is all mine. I know our marriage was reported all over Panem. Cressida, actually, was the one who did a report on us after the wedding and told Panem to "respect the privacy of the star-crossed lovers and let them live their happily ever after's in peace". We were grateful to her for this and have not seen many cameras around since then.
Katniss runs into the water happily, screaming and laughing. I watch with a grin from my chair and hold my sketchbook in my lap. The sun is setting and it casts this perfect glow on her skin. My breath is taken away by the sheer beauty of it all.
"Katniss," I call to her. "Don't move!" I pick up my pencil and start to draw. I see her shift out of the corner of my eye and I put my pencil down.
"Katniss I told you not to move!"
"Sorry," she calls back. "The water is cold!"
"Should have thought about that before you went running into it," I tell her mockingly. I can imagine the glare she is shooting me right now.
The sun is nearly gone when I finish. I wish I had brought my paints with me because this is one of the most spectacular sunsets I have ever seen. Katniss's dark silhouette gently rocks back and forth on her feet, the water splashing at her knees.
"Peeta," I hear her teeth chattering. "Can I move now?"
"Yeah," I say, laughing. She looks like she is about to splash me and I hold my drawing up.
"Hey, don't ruin my masterpiece!" She runs back to me and drops to her knees beside my chair. I drop the sketch on the sand and pull her into my lap. She straddles me and I can feel her hardened nipples against my bare chest.
"That was a beautiful sunset," she mutters as she leans against me. I move her legs over so I am cradling her in my arms.
"I barely noticed," I reply. "I was looking at something far more beautiful." She tries to hit me but I capture her hands with mine and bring her fingers to my lips.
"We watched the sun set on the Victory Tour together. Real or not real?" She sometimes does this to test my memory. The Real or Not Real game helped me in so many ways and she often picks out random little memories to see if I remember. Luckily, I do remember this one.
We had escaped from Effie and Haymitch for the day. We had just finished making our announcement, feeling the glares of all of District 4. Of the families of the tributes who died so we could live. It was a particularly hard day for Katniss. I don't know what she was thinking but she was silent the whole time. After our prep teams helped us out of our clothes, I was washing my face when I heard a knock at the door. Katniss was on the other side, her face turned toward the floor.
"Katniss?"
"Come with me." She grabbed my hand and pulled me from the compartment. I didn't question her as she lead me away from the train. All I could focus on was the feel of her hand in mine. The way she clutched it like it was her lifeline.
Our train was parked at the bottom of a hill and she lead me up the steep slope. It wasn't easy with my prosthetic but I didn't complain and I still didn't question her. When we reached the top, my breath was taken away completely.
The sun was disappearing over the water and all of those beautiful colors were stunning. Katniss brought me down to sit next to her and she leaned against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and our hands were still entwined.
"Katniss, it's…"
"I thought you would like to see this," she breathed. "It's your orange. All those colors, I'd love to see you paint them." I closed my eyes, feeling my heart race for the girl in my arms. So what if she would never be mine? She was here, in my embrace and for just a moment, I could pretend.
"Thank you, Katniss."
I guess it was because we had moments away from the cameras, but Snow wasn't able to touch that one. He hadn't realized my love for Katniss goes deeper than what everyone saw. We got in trouble with Haymitch and Effie of course, when we got back, but it was worth it. I'll always hold that sunset close to my heart.
I lean over and kiss her cheek.
"Real," I breathe in her ear. "Still one of my favorite memories. And one of my favorite sunsets."
"I think this one may be better," she says softly and she turns to kiss me. My eyes drift close as her lips meld into mine.
We decide we're both pretty tired that night and order room service for our dinner. We end the night with a bath in that huge tub and we fall into the comfortable bed. She snuggles up to me and falls straight to sleep but I stay up awhile, my thoughts racing. I absentmindedly play with her hair as she dozes on my arm and I turn to glance at her still form. The moonlight casts an otherworldly glow on her skin and I can't resist leaning forward to kiss her forehead. I'm not sure what time I finally get to sleep that night but I do know I don't have nightmares. I have this perfect creature, my wife, to thank for that.
Five days isn't enough, we quickly decide. Though we have a wonderful time- we wake up and have lavish breakfasts before we make love all morning, then we go outside and either swim or snorkel or walk along the beach. On day 2 we decide to visit with Annie and Mrs. Everdeen for a little while. The women have tea in Annie's sitting room while I play with little Finn on the floor. I look up to see Katniss watching me, with a sad smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. I know that Annie sees it too.
Later that night, after we've dressed for bed, Katniss is turned away from me, my arms wrapped around her still form.
"Katniss?"
'Mmhm?" She sounds like she is just about to fall asleep and I consider just letting her drift off.
"Why do you think you'll make a bad mother?" The room is silent and she is still. I want to think that she hasn't heard me, that she's fallen asleep but she's too still to be asleep. My fingers are making patterns on her arms and I try to coax her into moving again.
"Why do you think I'd make a good mother?" I don't expect that but I can certainly answer it.
"You took care of your sister better than anyone could. You protect anyone you love, you will fight with your life for your loved ones. I wish you could see yourself at the orphanage, Katniss. Sometimes it's too sad and beautiful to watch. You are so happy around those kids. You have this…this beautiful glow about you, and all I can imagine is how beautiful you will…would look pregnant," I correct myself quickly and hurry to continue my explanation. "I know you would do anything for our kids and I often dream of a little girl with your hair and my eyes. I want that with you, Katniss. I'm not saying we're ready now, cause I know you're not and we won't be any time soon but…will you at least think about it? In the future?" I wait for a moment and feel her stiffen even more. I bite my lip and prepare to catch her lest she try to run away from me.
"I couldn't take care of her," she says in a low voice choked with tears. I squeeze my eyes shut at the sound of it. "I wasn't able to protect her. Even when Mom left us, lost in her grief, I couldn't figure out how to keep my family alive."
"You were a little girl, Katniss-"
"and I'm too selfish to be a mother," she persists and I sigh. "No, I am Peeta. I'm selfish and impatient and surly and I am too damaged to have children. We are never going to be free of our flashbacks and our nightmares. We'll never be free of the past. How can we ask a child to deal with all of that? How can I protect a little baby when you are lost in a flashback? Or when I am waking her up all night, screaming from my nightmares? Don't you see, Peeta? It's not that I don't want a child with you. I just can't."
"Can't and won't are two different things, Katniss," I say a little coldly. I wince at my own tone. "There is no can't. We have always done everything together. We would do this together too. We figure it out together. And we can do it. I know we can. And I won't stop asking you. In the future, I'll ask you again. You said you would never marry and look where we are."
"This is different, Peeta-"
"How? You change, Katniss. We all do. We have changed and I fall more in love with you every day. Maybe in time, you'll see what an incredible mother you would make." She pushes out of my arms and I know instantly I have gone too far. She sits up and drapes her legs over the side of the bed.
"If you think that, Peeta, you need to find someone else to love. Someone who will give you the family you dream of. Because it's not me. If you're not happy with just me, tell me now. I'll return to 12 and you stay here in 4 and find your happy ending that you deserve." I start to protest but I feel her slide something into my hand and I feel my heart drop out of my chest. This is the second time she has taken this ring off, the one she swore to wear for eternity. I push it back at her and leap off the bed. Stuffing my feet…foot, into my shoes, I grab a robe and my key and bolt out the door. The sound of her sobbing echoes in my ears as I walk along the beach. I kick at pebbles in fury, and don't even notice how beautiful the moon looks over the water.
I find myself way down the beach and stopping at Annie's back door. I bite my lip, prepared to turn back but I can just make out a dark shape beside the door. I edge closer and hear quiet crying.
It's familiar. I know these cries from hours and hours of torment in the Capitol.
"Annie?" Her head jerks up and I hold up my hands.
"I'm sorry! It's me, Peeta. I- I didn't mean to scare you."
"Peeta," she sounds relieved. "What are you doing here?"
"Um…Katniss and I had a fight. I needed some fresh air."
"Peeta, you should be back in there making up. Not here comforting me."
"How can I comfort you when I don't even know what's wrong?" She pulls her kneels close to her chest and I sit next to her. She looks quite lovely in the moonlight. Her sea-green eyes blink up at me and she sniffs.
"Do you and Katniss still cope with nightmares?"
"I imagine we always will. The Games never leave us. Don't be ashamed of it."
"Did he die quickly, Peeta?" I gasp and feel the air around me go cold.
"Annie…"
"I-I can always hear his screams. In my head, I mean, I don't really know what happened. And I know he was with you-"
"He died a hero, Annie. That's it." She sniffs and rubs her face.
"Did he…talk about me? On the mission?"
"He did. He kept a picture of you and told us about how much he loved you. But he knew what he was doing. He wanted revenge for what they did to you. He wanted to bring down the Capitol, for all its depravity, and he did it." I feel her head on my shoulder and her tears wet my hand. In all honesty I don't remember much about that night. I was too busy fighting the hijacking and resisting the urge to strangle Katniss in her sleep. I remember they chained me up when we weren't moving, because I was a danger to her. But I requested it. I knew I had to keep myself grounded somehow. Finnick and I talked late into the night and he gave me his rope. When we were attacked by the mutts, I was focused on getting Katniss out of there. Something was after her and my biggest fear was that Snow would turn me on her with the other mutts. I tried to stay with the group but it got so confusing and there wasn't much I could do. I don't think I knew about Finnick until after we had reached Tigris's house. And once I looked around our tiny group, I just wanted to die too.
Finnick. Castor. Jackson. Leeg. Messalla. Homes. Boggs.
They were all gone. And how I wished I could join them.
I reach out and wrap my arm around Annie's shoulder.
"Life has a way of bringing things back to you, Annie. All you have to do is look into that little boy's eyes for you to know that to be true. Finnick is still with you and he always will be. And once Finn is old enough, he will learn what a true hero his daddy was." Annie covers her eyes and cries into my arms. I hold her and let the tears come. Too many times I heard her cry in the Capitol and couldn't do a thing about it. I was bound to a metal table or chained to the wall. I heard hers and Johanna's screams and pleaded for the peacekeepers to stop. I begged and wailed and sobbed and I was forced to watch as the peacekeepers violated, tortured, mangled, and destroyed so many.
I rub her back soothingly and get lost in the feeling of her holding me so tightly. It's how Katniss clutches me after a nightmare.
Katniss. Is she still at the hotel? Would she have left?
No. But I need to get back to her.
How can I leave Annie though?
I try to pull away but her grip on me tightens and I sink into her embrace. Katniss will understand. I imagine Annie will call her in the morning and tell her all about it.
So I hold the young woman for as long as she wants me to.