Ok, so first off, a warning! This is some dark stuff up ahead! Read at your own risk. You've been warned.
Secondly, I'll apologize in advance for the awful cliffhanger I am leaving you with. That being said, I had to split this chapter into two because it was way too long. (It's already the longest chapter of this fic, so I'm sorry for that)
If I can get 15...count 'em, 15 reviews by tonight, I promise to post the second part of it when I get off work at 11:30 tonight. One review per reader, lol. ;)
Thanks for your continued support and love! It really does mean the world!
XOXOXOXO
The sounds of Annie's sobs and Peeta's soothing words follow me as I hurry back to our hotel. I had followed Peeta out here and rounded the corner to find him holding and rocking Annie.
How can I possibly be angry with him? She needs comfort and it's because of me that she has no one. That precious little boy is growing up without a father and her husband died on a make-shift mission to kill Snow.
It's my fault.
How tired I am of that sentence. And yet I can't shake that feeling away.
Still, the image of Peeta holding Annie haunts me. She's only a little older than he is but he would get the family that he's wanting. Finn already loves him…Peeta would make a wonderful father to the boy.
And Annie…she is so sweet and vulnerable. Not snappish and mean, like me. True she's a little lost in the head but then aren't we all? Price of being a Victor.
I let myself back into the room and collapse on the bed. I don't stay awake to listen to see if Peeta comes home.
When I wake up, the bed is empty.
Fighting the tears in my eyes, I hurriedly dress and grab my key.
I briefly consider going to see my mother but I really don't want to go into the whole thing with her. We are doing a little bit better each time we see each other and I have a feeling if we talk about children and Peeta and how I don't deserve him, I may become angry with whatever she has to say.
I'd like to go talk to Annie but Peeta is probably still over there and…the idea of him sleeping over there makes me want to cry even harder.
Did she invite him into her bed to hold her? Did he kiss away her tears, as he does to me?
I shake my head and find myself in the lobby. The concierge smiles at me.
"Good morning, Mrs. Mellark." Oh that's right. Not Everdeen.
Mellark. Katniss Mellark. I glance down at my wedding ring and feel a pang in my heart.
"Morning. Um, can you give me a list or anything of the hotel's activities?"
"Certainly Madame. What sort of things are you interested in?"
"I'm not sure. I'd just like to see what there is to do. My husband has some business to take care of so I'll be by myself for the day."
"May I suggest a massage? Our masseuse works wonders. Would you like to book an appointment?" A massage. Well, Peeta usually gives me massages but I haven't had one in quite awhile. And it does sound nice.
"Yes thank you."
"Mrs. Mellark. What a pleasure." I stop at the handsome man in front of me. Peeta has always been handsome to me but this man is a Finnick Odair kind of handsome.
VERY attractive. He even has some of Finnick's features, with bronze curls and bright sea-green eyes. He has a chiseled jaw line and he is very tanned.
I think back to my blonde-haired, blue-eyed baker and I sigh. I wish Peeta was here with me. I miss him already.
I shake the man's hand and he gestures me into the room. It isn't very big but he has a table with a cloth draped over it and a tray of oils and lotions.
"And will Mr. Mellark be joining you?"
"No, he has some business to attend to."
"Pity. I must say I am surprised that he is ok with you going off on your own." I scowl.
"I survived two Hunger Games and a war. I can take care of myself."
"I have no doubts, my dear lady. I was referring to the fact that everyone's' eyes remain locked on you. Your beauty and talents are talked about and unmatched." I blush.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Peeta is the one with the beauty and talents."
"I suppose you don't know the sort of effect you have," he says lightly and I stiffen. He doesn't seem to notice and his hand goes to the collar of my robe.
"Please disrobe." Hesitantly, I remove my robe and he folds it over a chair. He looks at me expectantly and my hands flex at my sides.
"Mrs. Mellark, please trust me. I am an expert at these matters and assure you, you have nothing to be ashamed of." Um, what? What does he expect me to do?
His eyes scan my body and I gasp.
"I'll keep my clothes on, thank you."
"Come now, Mrs. Mellark. I will keep a towel over you but this will be much more pleasurable if you disrobe completely."
Oh not a chance.
"I'm not sure my husband would like that very much," I say with an edge to my voice. He shrugs.
"Suit yourself. At least remove your shirt for me? Your pressure points are your shoulders and your spine, particularly, so I need to access those at least." This guy is so full of it! And I don't want him to see my scars. Peeta is the only one who has seen them.
I sigh and rip my shirt off. I cover my chest and glare at him. He motions to the table and I settle myself on my stomach. I feel his hands at my shoulders and I sink into the table.
"Ahh," I let out involuntarily. I feel his fingers trace my spine and I close my eyes, giving into the delicious sensations. Peeta gives great massages but this man's hands are pure magic. I feel his fingers working at my back and then I feel something strange.
My bra slides down my arm.
"Hey!" I try to sit up but remember I am now topless.
Damn it.
Grumbling, I press myself even further into the table so there is no chance of him seeing anything.
"Relax, Katniss," he whispers in my ear. I scowl again. Who does this guy think he is? Suddenly his hands don't even feel that wonderful.
They move down my spine and into my sweat pants.
"That's it," I rear up and grab my bra to hold it in place. "Keep your hands to yourself, sir! I did bring my bow with me!"
"My apologies, Mrs. Mellark. I am trained in sensual massage therapy and feel like this is too unorthodox for you. May I continue?" I narrow my eyes before lying back down but I notice someone standing beside the table, in front of me.
I look up and swallow as I look into the glowering face of my husband.
"Mr. Mellark," the masseur says cheerfully. "Your wife said you were taking care of some business."
"Yeah I bet she did." I glare up at him and he glares right back at me.
Lovely.
"Would you like to join us?"
"I don't think so but I think I'll continue this massage in our room, if you don't mind." Before either of us have a chance to respond, Peeta is lifting me off the table and cradles me in his arms. He nods to the masseur and carries me up the stairs to our room. I huff.
"Peeta, put me down."
"And let everyone see you topless? No thanks."
"Peeta!" He pushes the door open and drops me onto the bed, none too gently.
"What the hell was that, Peeta?"
"What the hell was that, Katniss? Sorry if I interrupted something-"
"Oh be quiet," I snap. "If you had arrived a second earlier, you would have heard me threatening that prick."
"Then you're a tease," he sneers. "Taking your top off for him and not letting him get any further-"
"Peeta Mellark, you shut the hell up right now," I sit up on my knees and glare at him. My bra and shirt lay to the side, discarded, and my fists are clenched at my side. "I told him no, I would not get undressed and then he took my bra off without my permission. I couldn't move or he would see me. And for your information, I was about to cut it early because I was missing you, you asshole! I was going to look for you but didn't know if you were still at Annie's." I've surprised him, I can tell. His eyes widen and his face softens slightly.
"How…how did you-"
"Oh you didn't want anyone to see you two cuddling last night?"
"We weren't cuddling, Katniss, you know that-"
"You were holding onto each other pretty tightly," I press on, ignoring his hurt expression. "Did you hold her after she fell asleep? Did you carry her to bed? Did you stay with her?"
He looks as if I've just slapped him.
"Katniss, no. No, it was nothing like that. I just needed to take a walk and then I wound up at her house. I heard her crying and she started asking about Finnick. I knew she needed a friend and I held her while she cried. After she fell asleep, I put her in her bed and I went and found a chair on the beach. I didn't mean to fall asleep but I was just exhausted from everything. I came back this morning and found you gone and I panicked. So I asked the concierge if she had seen you and she said you had booked a massage. I'm sorry if I overreacted." I cross my arms over my chest, suddenly aware that I'm topless. His eyes flicker downwards and then back at my face and he swallows. I sigh and sink forward onto the bed. I bury my face in the covers and let the tears fall. He sinks down beside me and I feel his hand on my head, stroking my hair.
"I kept thinking," I choke out, "You…you and Annie-"
"Katniss," he says in an exasperated. "You…that's crazy. Insane, really. I don't know how many times I have to say it, how many ways I have to prove my love, but damn it, can you just believe me for once? Can you believe me when I say I don't ever want anyone else? It's you or no one. Do you understand that?"
"Yes," I say meekly, without looking at him.
"Come here." I feel him tug me up but I don't help him. He drags my limp body into his lap and he pushes my hair away from my face.
"I don't need children to be happy," he says softly. "I only need you."
"You say that now but you said yourself that you'll keep asking me."
"I was upset. See it from my side, Katniss. You don't want to have my children. MY children." I frown.
"That has nothing to do with-"
"I keep feeling inadequate, like I can't possible be enough for you and you don't want to have children with me because you don't think I'd be able to protect you all."
"That couldn't be farther from the truth," I tell him. His eyes fall and I grip his face. "Look at me. That's not true, Peeta. I don't feel enough for you. I don't feel like I could protect kids. I know you'd make the perfect father. Which is another reason I'm just too selfish. Because even though I want you to be happy and find someone to have a family with, I selfishly want you to myself." He presses his forehead to mine and sighs deeply.
"You have me. For as long as you want me, you have me."
"Then be prepared for more stupid arguments and more soft kisses and more cups of hot chocolate before we go to bed and more games of Real or Not Real, and more memory book, and more of my nightmares, because I will never not want you." He tilts my chin a little and kisses me. It starts off sweet and soft and then turns into something heavier and more passionate. My fingers move up to grip his hair and his hand moves down to my waist. I break the kiss and give him a sly grin.
"Since you interrupted my massage, I'll need you to finish it." His brow raises high and he smirks.
"Alright but I warn you, I study sensual massage therapy," he says in a deep voice and I hit his chest. He laughs and it fills the room with light. I love the sound of his deep laugh.
"I knew you were there listening to that. You ass."
"I wanted to clap when I heard you telling him you brought your bow. But, well, your bra was sort of hanging off and I could see your breast peeking out-" I hit him again and he chuckles. He moves off the bed and rubs his hands together.
"Ok. Please disrobe and lie down for me."
"Like I told him, I'll keep my clothes on, thank you."
"Oh no you won't," I raise my brow at him and he smirks again. "Hurting my feelings requires some kind of payback. I can never get enough of touching your naked body so I'll take that as an appropriate reward. Strip." I cross my arms over my bare chest and stare up at him. His hands go to his waist as he taps his foot impatiently.
"You can tap your foot all you-AHHH!" I'm thrown onto my back and my pants are yanked down my legs. He holds me down with one hand while his other rips at my underwear. He leans back, looking satisfied.
"Much better."
"You are such an asshole," I growl, attempting to cover myself. He climbs onto the bed and holds my face in his hands while he kisses me. He plants kisses all over my face before coming back to my lips.
"I can't help it if you are perfect in every single way," he says between kisses.
"Fine then. Put those baker hands all over me."
I don't even know how long we have been going at it when I feel myself clench around him for the fourth time that morning and he pulls at my braid and wraps it around his hand.
"God, Katniss! Fuck, you are perfect!" I reach back and squeeze his thigh as he continues to plunder my body. I feel him come deep inside me and he stills, resting his forehead on my back.
"Damn," he pants, breathless. He slips out of me and pulls me to lie down beside him. I snuggle up close and push his damp hair away from his face. He opens his eyes and I suck in a breath at how brilliantly blue they are. Even when we were little, I was always struck at how blue his eyes were. You don't see many blue eyes in the Seam. Prim and my mother were rare exceptions and blue eyes were just a mark of the Merchant class. But I saw Peeta's stunning blue eyes watching me many times. At school, when I would go to the bakery to trade with his father, even when I brought Prim to look at the cakes in the windows.
That beautiful azure hue calms me and reminds me of the peaceful waves here in 4. Much like Peeta, the ocean has been calm and tranquil and safe. I lean down to kiss him and my hand lingers on his fair cheek.
"So, what's on our agenda for today," he asks softly.
"Whatever you want to do," I tell him.
"I was thinking we could go walk around town and have some lunch in one of those sea-side diners." I kiss him again and smile.
"Sounds perfect."
That day and the following day are pretty perfect. District 4 really is beautiful and Annie gave us some great suggestions of where to go. For dinner we ate at a cute place that was actually on the side of the cliff, overlooking the sea. Afterwards, Peeta wanted to check out a little bar that was actually on the beach, called Paradise Cove. Neither of us drank anything but we he did pull me out into the surf to dance.
My dress hiked up to my knees and his pants rolled up, he carried my sandals in one hand while his other was wrapped around my waist. We walked along the beach for awhile before heading back to the hotel.
Neither of us really want to leave. I think I could probably stay in 4 forever, if I was allowed to. I don't mention it to Peeta but of course he knows what's bothering me. Once again, I feel like he is stuck in 12, with me. He assures me wherever I am, that's home for him.
Our last night of our honeymoon, Peeta orders lots of room service, which includes champagne. I'm careful and only have half a glass but Peeta has a little bit more. He assures me he's fine and he pulls me in for a kiss to show me he isn't drunk.
"It's our last night," he says in a low voice. "What do you want to do?"
"What were you thinking," I ask him with a wink. He raises a brow.
"I didn't know if you'd want to go to the beach or take a walk or-"
"Stay in the hotel room with you," I finish for him and his lips curve into an adorable smile.
"Yeah, that works too." I kiss him before I make to stand up.
"I'll be right back." He tries to grab me but I raise my brow at him and disappear into the bathroom.
Cinna's lingerie still sits in my bag. Even though we have had a lot of sex on this trip, and it's all been wonderful, I haven't thought to wear anything special.
I dig through the bag and select the least scandalous of them all. I shove the others to the bottom of the bag, thinking one of them will make a great birthday present for him, and start to pull the busier on.
It's red and orange satin, definitely reminding me of the flames that Cinna dressed me in often. The ribbon wraps around my neck and makes my breasts look full and somewhat large. Unfortunately this one laces up in the back and after several attempts, I give up and leave the stays loose. I consider asking Peeta for help but why would I ask him to tie me into it, when he is just going to take it right back off as soon as he sees me?
I leave my hair loose around my shoulders and pull on the black thigh highs and clunky heels. I was never good at walking in heels but I figure I'll only be in them for a few seconds anyway. I hear a knock at the door and I start at the noise.
"Katniss? You ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine. The, uh, champagne kind of got to me."
"Ok. I'm here if you need me."
"I know," I say with a smile. I check my reflection one more time before I open the door.
Peeta is sitting on the edge of the bed, with his sketchbook in his lap, and is still fully dressed. I lick my lips and try not to fall on my face as I stalk toward him.
He doesn't even look up when I stand directly in front of him. His face is screwed up in concentration and his hand moves quickly across the paper.
"Hang on one second, I just need to…" he loses his words as soon as his eyes leave the paper. I watch him slowly lift his head, taking me all in. When his eyes meet mine, they are wide and full of smoldering desire.
"Holy shit, Katniss," he says in a husky voice. I have no idea what to do with my hands so they just rest on my thighs.
"Good or bad?" I can't help but sound a little apprehensive.
He tosses the sketchpad aside and his hands go to my waist, pulling me toward him. He buries his face in my stomach and my hand moves to his soft curls. He lets out a little moan against the satin as his hands move down to my legs, and start trailing up my thighs. His hand continues to move up, slowly, making my skin prickle with want, until he stops and I see his eyes widen even more as he realizes I'm not wearing underwear with this costume. He yanks me forward and I straddle his lap, grinding against him and feeling him harden quickly. Our lips and teeth clash together almost painfully as I grip his shirt, my fingers quickly working at the buttons. I yank his shirt off and slide it down his strong arms, taking a moment to enjoy the view of his chiseled chest. His lips are sucking at my neck and move to nip at my ear and I gasp as I grind down further onto him. He lets out a growl that makes me need to clench my thighs together.
Though our kisses are fierce and passionate, we are in no real hurry to strip our clothes away. Indeed, Peeta seems to want to keep me in this for as long as possible. I move off of him and continue to kiss him as my fingers work at the belt and his zipper. I tug his pants off and he kicks them aside, before I sit on his lap again. I grasp him through his boxers and he bites down on my neck. I let out a cry of surprise and squeeze him a little harder than I intended to. I turn around, and continue my awkward dance but somehow, he seems to be getting harder underneath me. I wonder if he will stop me when it gets to be too much. His hands wrap around me and pull the bustier down so he can access my breasts. I feel his hand between my legs and I spread them wider, trembling as his fingers tease me. He groans against my back.
"Katniss, fuck, you are so wet for me."
"Mmmhm," I moan, squeezing my eyes shut as he spreads my arousal with his thumb. He spreads my lower lips apart, exposing my clit to the cold air and I bite my lip to keep from crying out. When I feel him flick it with his fingers, I squeeze my legs together again but he pushes them apart. Quick as a flash, he is picking me up and setting me on the edge of the bed.
"I have to taste you," he says in a low voice. He pulls my legs over his shoulder and dives right in. Literally. I have a feeling these heels will leave marks on his back.
"Oh! Oh god!" I fall backwards on the soft bed and he yanks me forward even more so he can continue to devour me. I have a feeling this will be one of those nights that Peeta keeps me screaming his name again and again. In truth I love to see that smug little grin whenever I come with his name on my lips. I can see how proud he is of himself. More than that, I can see the love in his eyes and even slight shock that he can do that to me. He's told me before that he used to dream of me in this way. I can't lie and say I did too when I was young but I did have dreams like this on the Victory Tour and even in 13.
I reach down and yank on his hair and he emits a growl as he takes my clit between his teeth. My legs are trembling on his back and my hips jerk off the bed.
"Peeta!" I look down to see him watching me, his eyes darkened to a deeper shade of blue. I try to hold on longer but he smirks up at me and curves his fingers inside me.
"Let go, baby," he whispers as he returns to his destination. My hips jerk up as I clench around his fingers and he lets me ride out my orgasm, his tongue making delicate patterns around my folds. My legs fall and I lie, limp and useless. Peeta moves up to kiss me and brings his fingers to my mouth. It's strange at first but then I am sucking myself off of him and his eyes darken even more.
"Fuck," he whispers as he bites his lip. God I love how dirty his mouth gets when we get like this. It just reminds me that only I will ever see this side of him. The sweet, charming Peeta that everyone knows from TV is actually a bad boy in the bedroom. My fingers trail over his lip and I bring him down for a kiss. I force my tongue inside his mouth and he moans into the kiss, bringing my hands over my head and holding my wrists down. It's hard to tell which one of us is more dominating at this point. It's like we are trying to out-do the other. I take his lower lip between my teeth and tug gently and he gasps loudly, his eyes flying open. I start to move down his body and I gently nip at his tented shorts. But he grabs me and pulls me back up.
"No. Not yet. There's still so much I want to do with you." He moves off the bed and I watch him grab something from his bag while I slip the heels off. He sits back down and I notice he is holding the box from Johanna.
"You brought Johanna's gifts?" His eyes sparkle.
"I thought we might figure them out together." I nod and he reaches in for the various items. It looks like he has brought everything but I'm still a little nervous about the blindfold and the riding crop. He sets everything aside and removes the rubber ring last. He quickly reads the directions on the box before he picks it up.
"Here, you read." Reading is the last thing I want to be doing now but I want us to both be comfortable. I quickly read what it has to say and I nod to show I understand. With the ring, comes a tiny little silver bullet that is supposed to attach to the ring for 'enhanced pleasure for the female'. We try to fit the ring around Peeta (with a lot of awkward stumbling and nervous giggles) and it is supposedly supposed to help him maintain his erection longer. However, he looks nervous and keeps looking down at himself.
"I…I don't think I can do this," he stutters.
"Love, it's just a toy," I assure him. "it's just for fun. For us."
"I know but…" he bites his lip uncertainly. "I, um…I feel really weird with this on. Like…more of a machine than I already am," I glance down at him and am surprised that he is still so hard, given how uncomfortable he is. I guess it really works. I move down between his legs and take him into my mouth.
"Peeta, I love you," I say as I run my tongue along his length. "All of you." He moans as I keep up the light teasing. "Every. Single. Inch."
The ring is at the base of his shaft so I don't take him all in but I notice his grunts and moans when I swirl my tongue around his head. He reaches down and fists my hair with both of his hands. I release him and throw my legs over him, sinking over him swiftly. He throws his head back and groans when we are connected and he reaches to the side for a little black remote. I am about to ask what it's for but then a buzzing sound fills my head and I've got my answer. I feel the vibrations and I feel like I am about to explode already. He thrusts up into me and every time the bullet hits my clit I scream out. He clicks the remote and the vibrations only increase.
"Oh my FUCK, Peeta!" He grunts in agreement as his hands grip my hips before moving up to my bouncing breasts. I grind against him and feel the vibrations deep inside me. Holy shit this is fantastic. Thank you Johanna!
Ok, bad time to be thinking of her but we would never have tried this on our own. I come hard and he continues to thrust up into me.
I come two more times and he has switched us into several different positions. As he thrusts into me from behind, he reaches around and rubs at me with fast circles.
"Katniss! Fuck, I'm coming-" I feel his warmth deep inside me and we both collapse on the bed. Panting and heaving, we are unable to move and I don't notice him squashing me into the covers. After a few minutes I feel him shift off of me and he grunts loudly. He clicks the remote and the vibrations cease.
"Now how do I get this damn thing off?" I giggle as I try to help him. He winces as we manage to pull it off and he shakes his head.
"Never again."
"Really? I quite enjoyed it."
"You can wear it next time then." I laugh and shake my head.
"Don't think that would work so well. What else did you bring?"
"I dunno, the whole box. I just need a minute. Or ten." Smiling, I lean down to kiss him and his hands are in my hair.
"Take some time. I could use a snack." My stomach is now growling loudly so I run to get the tray of room service that came up earlier. There's still a few sandwiches and a couple of strawberries and apple slices.
I have fun feeding Peeta the fruit and teasing him by sliding it between my lips. He lets out a growl that lets me know he is quite ready to go again.
He reaches over for the handcuffs and I bite my lip.
"Not for you. For me," he says softly and my eyes widen. He holds them out to me and waits.
"Please?" he adds.
"Are you sure?"
"We're trying new things tonight," he shrugs. "And I trust you." I nod and quickly attach his wrists to the headboard. I don't like it. It's like seeing him in the Capitol all over again, chained to keep himself sane and safe. His eyes meet mine and he smiles, even as he tugs at his cuffs.
I reach over for the blindfold and he gasps as I cover his face. I gently spread his legs wider and he whimpers as my hand brushes against his growing arousal. I pick up a strawberry from the tray and bring it to his lips. His tongue darts out to taste the sweet fruit and I trail the juices over his lips and chin. When I've had enough of the teasing, I lean down to lick at his lips and taste the juice on his skin. It's all too much for me. So many delicious sensations and the perfect combination of the fruit and the sweet taste of Peeta.
He pulls at his chains as I kiss my way down his chest. My tongue swirls around his nipple and around his bellybutton. His breathing grows heavy and ragged and his toes curl against the blankets.
Ok, maybe I like this control. Seeing him like this is doing something to me.
"K-Katniss," he whines. I place a kiss at the tip of his arousal and smile up at him.
"What do you want, Peeta," I say in a low voice, trying my best to sound sexy. At the very least seductive. I'm not too good at this sort of thing but Peeta has spent many nights asking me what I want.
It's high time I ask him what he wants for a change.
"I…I want you to be in control," he says in a shaking voice. "I want you to…punish me."
This is not what I expected. I start to lift the blindfold off but he shakes his head.
"Please Katniss." He sounds stronger and desperate. "Punish me. Use the riding crop and your hands and your mouth to punish me."
I hesitate for a moment. Why does he want to be punished? And why am I the one to punish him?
He trusts me. He told me that. I pick up the riding crop and he gasps as I trail it across his skin.
I hit him, lightly at first. He squirms and shakes.
"Harder," he gasps. So I slap his chest and he groans.
"Yes!"
I repeat my actions and he writhes underneath me.
"Katniss!"
"Mistress," I snap. I pause. What the hell am I saying?
I am not this girl. But something has taken over me and I am allowing myself to be changed.
To become Mistress Katniss.
He chews on his lip and I see his fingers flex in the cuffs.
"M-Mistress. Please."
"Please what, Peeta?"
"Please put your mouth on me." I oblige, licking and sucking my way down his perfect form.
I leave marks, letting the world know that he belongs to me.
The crop leaves marks as well. I more enjoy leaving them with my teeth.
He cries out every time I hit him. The chains rattle when I suck at his flesh.
"Please Mistress Katniss," he pants. "I need you."
"I'm not finished with you yet," I tell him before taking him into my mouth again. He lets out a deep groan and I smile against his skin. I lick and suck until I have him on the brink and then I pull away.
He lets out a frustrated cry, which I reward with the crop. I take him into my hand and I have him so close before I let him go.
"Katniss!"
"Mistress Katniss," I remind him with a hard slap of my riding crop.
"Ah! Mistress Katniss," he corrects himself.
"Who is your Mistress, Peeta?" I move up to his face and use my hands and the strength in my legs to hover over him.
"You are."
"WHO?"
"You, Mistress Katniss!" I sink on top of him and feel his tongue along my slit.
Why the hell can't I stop this?
"What do you want, Peeta?" He doesn't answer (not that he really can) but he groans against my skin and I buck my hips, grinding down onto his face. His nose hits my clit every time I move and my nails scratch down his sides.
"What do you want, Peeta? Answer your Mistress!" I raise off of him and he gasps, his chin glistening with my arousal.
"I want you, Mistress. To be inside you." He cries out when I move down his body and sink over him again and I ride him fiercely. But I grab the riding crop and snap it over his already-red skin.
I don't notice it happening. I don't notice the changes and I hate myself afterwards for not paying closer attention.
He is crying.
His whimpers and moans get louder and he is shaking his head. He thrashes underneath me and I don't even notice when he finishes. I aim for my own release.
When I find it, I collapse on his chest and he seems to recoil away from me.
I take notice of his whimpers and I remove his blindfold. But his eyes are squeezed shut.
"Peeta?" I reach up to stroke his hair but he jerks away from me.
"Peeta? What's wrong?"
"No," he moans. "Please…don't."
"Don't what? Peeta, look at me." I take his face in my hands but he only seems to panic at this.
"Please stop," he is openly sobbing now. "Please…just leave me alone!"
I finally understand. I have sent him into a flashback.
What is he seeing? Me hurting him is the probably answer. Whatever the Capitol made him see. Whatever twisted version of me the Capitol made him watch. Oh Peeta. What have I done to you?
"Peeta," my voice softens and my caresses are gentle. I quietly try to coax him back to me.
"Peeta, come back to me."
"Please," he sobs. "I love her. Please just stop."
"I love you, Peeta. I'm here. I'll never leave you." And I start to cry. I throw myself over him, wrapping my arms around him, shielding him from the horrors he has had to endure. That he is enduring again, because of me.
This flashback is worse than any I have seen. I almost wish he would become violent and try to kill me.
Then I remember he is handcuffed.
I can remedy that. I deserve whatever he does to me.
I don't deserve him.
I sob on his chest and feel his heart race underneath my cheek.
"I'm sorry, Peeta," I whimper. "I love you. And I don't deserve your love. Come back to me, please. I need my husband. I'm lost without you."
What seems like years and probably only just minutes, I feel him shift underneath me and hear my name.
"Katniss?" I look up into his face, which is scared and confused.
"What…what happened?"
"You don't remember?" His face falls.
"Did I have a flashback? Did I…did I hurt you?"
"No! No, I hurt you!" His brow furrows.
"I don't understand."
" I can't…I shouldn't be here, Peeta."
"What?"
"You talk about how dangerous you are to me. But I am far more dangerous to you, Peeta!"
"Katniss, what-?" I am sobbing uncontrollably and I see him tug at the cuffs. He glances up at his hands, then back at me. I watch his eyes widen in horror, and a look of comprehension cross his face.
"Katniss-" it's a warning. He knows what I'm doing even before I do.
"I have to go." I grab a robe, which is the only thing I have time for, before Peeta starts to yell.
"Katniss don't you fucking dare! Don't you dare leave me like this!"
"I'll send someone to unchain you in the morning," I barely get out the words but he freezes when he hears me. I'll be long gone by then. It's unspoken but we both know what I'm saying. "I'm…I'm sorry."
"Katniss! Katniss, stop!"
But I can't. I have to get away. I can't believe what I have done.
I finally understand what he feels when he goes into a flashback. How he must have felt when he hurt me in the past.
How he feels when he has seen what he has done.
I close our door behind me and ignore his angry cries. I can hear the chains rattling and I squeeze my eyes shut.
I have to get out of here.
Where? Where can I go that he won't find me?
I'm actually running away from my husband.
Like some kind of coward.
Where can I go?
I consider Annie's house.
I can't take my grief to her.
My mother? I haven't been able to confide in her in years.
I feel sand underneath my feet and notice I am on the beach.
How did I get here?
It doesn't matter. The water surrounds my feet, greeting me.
Bidding me to come in.
I look out into the waves.
It really is beautiful. Peaceful. Inviting.
I start to walk forward and feel the cold water at my chest. The robe is dragging me down but then I really don't care. I walk further in until I taste salt on my lips.
I love you Peeta.
I close my eyes and duck my head underneath the waves.
The last thing I see is a pair of gorgeous blue eyes, filled with tears.
He turns to me and smiles, his teeth white and winning.
"I love you," he says to me and he holds out his arms.
A tuft of dark hair peeks out of his arms. When I come closer, I see a pair of matching blue eyes looking up at me.
I gasp, swallowing salt water and I choke.
I love you, Peeta.
"I love you, Peeta." I try to say it aloud but it's just garbled words.
I say them in my heart.