It was now 10 p.m. that night. I was lying in a hospital bed in a room. I blinked and my vision cleared; my dad was sitting in a chair to the right of my bed.
"Dad?" I asked.
He smelled like musk and smoke.
"Yeah. Hey baby," he choked out in a raspy voice.
"What what are you doing here?"
"I came as soon as I heard."
"Who told you?"
"the receptionst, nurse. Someone."
"Oh. Ok."
A question entered my mind; "where's Mom?"
"Stuck working."
But I knew the real answer; she hadn't wanted to come. This just added to everything I'd already been through. A tear rolled down my cheek.
"Oh hon," Dad asked.
"She didn't want to come did she?"
"Well………………….she…….."
"No. she didn't."
"Lily…I don't want to put you through more than you've already been through."
"It's ok. I knew she wouldn't want to."
"Yeah. She and I had a talk. Well argument, really."
I sighed; "again?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. Well that's why I left. Is so I wouldn't be around to hear it."
"I understand."
"And then I went and………….."
"It's not your fault hun."
"How can you…ow…….how can you say that? Did it ever happen to you?"
"Well, no."
"Exactly. So how can you………? I'm sorry."
"Well in your defense you've been through a lot."
"Yeah I know. And, it's not fair. I mean I know that life isn't fair…….you and I know that better than anyone."
"Yes, we do. And you're right Lily it's not. Your situation……..and then, you know, this happens."
"I know."
A pause. I was still very tired even though I had slept for about 10 hours. I yawned.
"I'm sorry. I'm really tired."
"I know you are."
"You know………..in a way, you're a better parent than Mom. At least you care."
"You're right. But she's the one who brings in the money."
"I know."
Pause. My hospital room was very quiet.
"Lily," dad asked.
"Yes?"
"Are you going to keep it?"
"Keep it?"
"You know, the baby. Since, because you were……….."
"Oh. I don't know."
"Oh."
"Is it still snowing?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
The lower half of my body hurt.
"Dad?" I asked.
"Yes, Lily."
"Did they stitch me up?"
"What? Oh. Well……….they had to Lily."
"I don't remember."
"You were asleep. They put you to sleep."
"And I've been sleeping since then," I concluded.
"Yes. Lily."
"Yes?"
"There's someone I'd like you to stay with. After you come out of the hospital, that is."
"How….how long will I be here?"
"A few more days."
"Oh."
"She's a wonderful person and I met her when I was your age. She was a sort of motherly figure to me and I think she could really help you. I'll take you to see her."
"Ok."
"Sorry. I don't want you to think that I'm trying to, well, abandon you. It's just that right now I don't think being at home is the best place for you."
"I know Dad. I know."