Chapter Four: Practical Joker

Harley was still not speaking; not to Batman, not to herself, not to anyone. When he had told she'd have to be blindfolded before he took her to the Batcave, she'd given one curt nod. He'd contacted Robin and Oracle and warned them of his guest's pending arrival and Harley had not even smirked when the two remarked that they would make sure they were "properly dressed". Batman knew this meant the pair would be wearing their masks, but he had still half expected Harley to make a joke about finding them naked in the cave.

"Quinn?" He began cautiously before he tied the blindfold. She glanced over and raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you holding up okay?"

A small, terrible smile graced her lips. "I'll be fine."

'Well, at least she spoke...'

He cleared his throat and then quickly knotted the cloth around the back of her head. He wasn't certain he should allow the rogue into the cave, but no one - not even Barbara - could locate the Joker faster than Harley. He paused, ensuring the blindfold was doing its job, and then headed straight for his hideout.

As soon as he parked and helped Harley remove the blindfold, Robin appeared in front of him. The young man gave Harley a sidelong look and sighed.

"I really hope you know what you're doing," he told his partner, sounding resigned.

'Me, too...' Bruce thought. 'Me, too...'

(:)

Poison Ivy was nothing like he'd heard. Tobias had brought her two more cups of water and she'd drained them as if she couldn't get enough... And yet, she hadn't asked for a thing. He had gotten up and offered of his own volition each time. He was beginning to worry that the woman had other needs as well, but that she wouldn't - or couldn't - speak up on her own.

'Just like Kylie,' he thought.

Tobias was pretty good at reading his little sister, at figuring her out. But was it possible to do the same for Pamela Isley? He'd only just met the woman, and yet she seemed so similar to Kylie... Like some mystical creature, miserable to find herself trapped in a human world. Pamela was better at masking it, but he saw her cringe once or twice at the sound of the metal of his ring scraping against the door when he'd opened it to talk to Omar. For Kylie, it was the sound of an emory board scraping across a fingernail. Even from across a room with the T.V. on, she said it was painful. She told him it was as if someone were grinding her teeth down with a big metal file. So when Ivy cringed again, Tobias took note and slid the ring off his hand, lacing it on his necklace instead.

It all felt so wrong.

He hated the Joker. He hated working for him. He hated the way the boss treated people - as if they were disposable, no matter who they were. He hated himself for needing the job at all, and hated his father for walking out on their family after his mother died.

He wanted so desperately to cut Pamela free, but he figured if he did his sister would end up completely alone. He'd have to wait. But he knew as he looked at her, as he caught her gaze and held it, that he couldn't let this woman get hurt.

"What are you thinking?" She whispered to him.

"I'm... Thinkin'a doin' somethin' stupid," he quietly admitted. He glanced at the door and then back at her. "I just ain't quite sure what, though..."

"We wait for an opening," she told him. "Then we'll get out of here and get to your sister before he does."

He grinned. "You gonna trust me? Jus' like that?"

"Just like that," she nodded. "I can't explain how I know it, Tobias, but I know you don't want to be here. This... This isn't you."

"No, ma'am, it's not."

"So... We stick together?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you trust me?"

People called Poison Ivy evil, a misandrist, a killer... Tobias wondered if the people who said those things had ever spoken to her, really spoken to her... The way he was doing now... Somehow, he thought the answer was no. People hated anyone who was different, and green skin - especially back when Pamela has become Ivy - was surely intolerable to any person prone to bigotry. He could imagine how, over the years, she would have slowly given up on her attempts to reach out, or hope for a better reaction. It would have only been natural. And it made him sad for her. She seemed kind enough to him... Far better than his boss, certainly. So... Did he trust her? There was I undiluted confidence radiating from him as he replied, "Yeah. I trust you."

The smile he received in return was so bright, so genuine, for a moment it was as if his mother had returned from the dead and borrowed Ivy's face.

(:)

Dick had helped Barbara out of her wheelchair and into a cushy, high-backed computer chair. There was no reason to give Harley any more information as to their identities than they had to, and her chair would narrow the possibilities considerably. After that, they had each secured their masks, though Babs was certain hers looked odd coupled with her professional blouse and skirt. She pulled herself up to the computer, gazing at the large monitor and pulling on her headphones. Then she went to work screening police chatter and scanning for alarms. Dick had just hidden away the wheelchair when they heard the Batmobile approaching.

Moments later, Oracle felt an unfamiliar presence at her shoulder. She glanced up, and did a double-take. It wasn't the minidress or the loose hair that shocked her. It was the look on Harley's face. Her big blue eyes were uncharacteristically cold and steely. Her red-painted lips were drawn in a hard line. Her body language made Oracle think of a school principal or a drill sergeant. The tiny woman exuded more power than Barbara would have ever dreamt possible.

"Look for concrete," Harley instructed without preamble. "Th' bastard may favor fun houses an' amusement parks, but he ain't stupid. He won't have my Pammy anywhere near a blade'a'grass if he can help it. Someplace isolated, or in a'part'a town that's mostly abandoned. Warehouses, old defunct factories... As far from th' park an' th' botanical center as he can get... Nothin' near anythin' she can use against him."

"Eliminate apartments with rooftop gardens... No grass... All concrete, metal, or cement..." Oracle repeated mostly to herself. "Could take a few minutes..."

Harley glanced down at her and, after a silent moment, quietly said, "Ya need more P.T."

Barbara snapped her head around to look at the little clown. "Excuse me?"

"Your legs," Harley said with a sad smile. "They're too skinny... Losin' muscle mass... Not a lot, but ya need s'more physical therapy."

"How did you - "

"I was a doctor, remember?"

"A psychiatrist," Babs scoffed.

"Psychiatrists go to medical school," Harley murmured, a bit haughtily.

Oracle was quiet for a few moments. The boys were having a hushed conversation near the car, their voices not quite reaching them clearly.

"I guess I've been a little lax with my routine lately," she finally admitted. "I'll get back on it... Just as soon as we save your girlfriend, I promise."

Harley nodded and gave her another sad smile. "Thanks... For all'a'this..."

"You don't have to thank me," Babs said gently. "This is my job."

Harley shot her a look that was half critical and half amused. A bit of her usual self seemed to break through. Oracle answered with an ironic grin of her own.

"Do you think our working together is - " Oracle began.

"A sure sign'a'th' apocalypse?" Harley finished for her. Then a real smile lit up her face. "Prob'ly."

Barbara laughed and Harley joined in, startling Batman and Robin. The boys looked hesitant to approach.

"You know, that dress is going to be hard to fight in," Babs gestured to the red ensemble.

"Well, it's too far outta th' way ta go home an' change."

"Robin!" Oracle called out before she could change her mind. "Get my Batgirl suit out of it's display case for Harley."

"Are you sure?" He eyed her as if she'd lost her mind.

"Of course I am," she said firmly. "It's armored, the boots should fit her... And she can't reasonably go up against Joker and his goons in a clubbing dress."

Harley, clearly surprised, spun the chair around and knelt so that she was looking up into the other woman's face.

"Ya don't gotta do that," she whispered.

"I want to." Barbara smirked. "Just get it back to me in one piece, deal?"

"Deal."

(:)

It must have been an attempt at singing.

That was all Ivy could think. No tortured animal could make sounds like that, and a human would only alter his pitch so frequently if he were singing, right? There was no discernible words to help her identify the mangled song. And Tobias had his hands clapped tightly over his ears, so he was no help... Truthfully, if her hands had been free, she would've covered her own ears. She was contemplating the pros and cons of cutting herself free with her thorns again, but she wasn't sure how much the Joker really knew about her abilities and she didn't want to give anything away until she had to.

The door flew open and the Joker barged in, bringing the discordant sound with him. He was (deliberately, she guessed) on an especially off-key note when he entered. Then he laughed. An enormous man - at least 6'6" and solidly built - entered behind him wearing a placid expression. He was entirely brown - skin, eyes, close-cropped hair, pants, boots, and jacket. He flashed a grin down at Tobias.

"Omar, what're'ya lookin' s'happy about?" the teenager moaned.

Omar blinked, confused, and then dug the earplug out of his right ear. "Sorry, kid, what were you saying?"

"Well, that explains that," Ivy drawled.

The Joker's eyes darted unpleasantly around at each of them, his expression angry, bitter. He didn't like being the pun rather than the prankster, it seemed. He fixed a smile back on his face, however, and knelt in front of Ivy.

"You're quite the tricky little thief, aren't you?" he mused.

"I'm an eco-terrorist, not a thief," she replied, purposefully ignoring the obvious meaning of his statement.

"Then what are you doing with my property, hmm?" he sneered.

"I have nothing that belongs to you," came the even reply.

Joker stood and drew back his fist, ready to punch straight through Ivy's challenging, fearless expression, but a sudden - if slight - weight landed across his arm. He glared at the boy, vaguely remembering him as a recent hire. The kid had both arms wrapped around the Joker's.

"Careful, Boss!" Tobias said, thinking quickly. "She could draw all her poison ta one place an' kill ya, couldn't she?"

The Joker blinked, staring at the kid. "Oh?"

"I, uh," Tobias let go of him. "I heard she could do that..."

"Yes..." the boss said after a moment. His gaze was cautious, thoughtful in a way that Tobias found unnerving. Then his smile returned. "And we must be practical, mustn't we?" He gestured around the small make-shift cell as if it were a grand ballroom. "And that's what brought us here isn't it? Away from the other weeds, isolated!" He leaned into Ivy's face. "She'll find us soon enough - "

"She certainly will," Ivy agreed.

" - and then I'll reclaim what's mine - "

"Oh, please, do hold your breath."

"And then we'll deal with you once and for all!"

"You'll do your best, I'm sure."

He laughed; this time it was a harsh, sharp noise. "You certainly sound confident," he said. "But I've known her longer. And we both know the pattern, don't we? She'll run off to play with you in whatever treehouse you call home... But sooner or later, she always comes home to Daddy."

"We could go back and forth on this topic indefinitely," Ivy rolled her eyes. "But you won't believe it until you hear it from Harley. So let's refrain from wasting our breath, shall we?"

His smile was smug as he studied her. Then he straightened, resumed his horrible song, and slipped out the door. Omar rolled his eyes, replaced his right ear plug, and followed. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Tobias was at her side.

"You okay?" he asked, fear lacing his voice. "I thought he was gonna - " But he couldn't seem to complete his sentence.

"I'm fine, Tobias," came her gentle reassurance. She wasn't expecting him to hug her, but his arms were around her before she could register that he'd moved. Ivy let out a short, startled laugh. Her next words were so quiet, he nearly missed them. "Sweet boy..."

(:)

"Four possible locations," Oracle announced as Harley stepped out from behind the curtain of the changing room. Her eyes flickered over the blonde. "You actually look pretty cute in that..."

"Had ta roll up th' legs an' sleeves..." Harley remarked. "But I'll still be better off than in my dress an' heels. 'Preciate it."

Oracle smiled in response as Harley gazed up at the computer screen. The boys joined them.

"That factory looks pretty good," Robin pointed. "Old toy factory, right?"

"But the old novelty shop is farther from plant life," Batman countered. "And still close enough to Gotham's streets to allow him multiple escape routes."

"No," Harley said. "This one." She indicated the farthest location from town."

"Why there?" Robin sounded dismayed. The old warehouse looked more like a draw for Scarecrow than Joker. The entire surrounding area had initially been paved over for a "super mall" - a building a full mile long, five stories tall, with restaurants, an indoor play park for children, and a skate park for teens.

"Ivy put a stop ta that place," Harley said. "But th' developers had already paved laid down th' parkin' lot an' foundation. When Pammy got in their way, they sold the place ta some guy who put in a warehouse, but then he went bankrupt an' the city took it over, an' - ah, hell, you get the idea... But Joker would think it was funny, takin' her out there... No plants, even though she tried ta save 'em, an' enough room for whatever surprises he wants ta set up for us. Hard ta sneak up on th' dump, too. Nothin' around there, an' all out in th' open..."

"She's right," Batman said. He put a hand on Harley's shoulder and glanced over the suit she wore, smiling smugly.

"What?"

"Sorry," he cleared his throat. "Just thinking - "

"About Joker's expression when he sees me in this?" She asked. "Yeah... Lookin' forward ta that myself..."