I wake up with the phone by my ear. I can hear Katniss's soft breaths and I close my eyes and smile, imagining that I am right beside her. I need to go home to her. I can return again in a few weeks but my nightmares were rough and intense. It's pathetic, the way I need her, but I decide I don't care. Call me a lovesick fool but I need Katniss in every sense of the word. I don't want to wake her up but I also don't want to just hang up. I clear my throat and whisper her name. When she doesn't respond, I say it just a bit louder.
"Mmm, Peeta?"
"I'm here. I need to go, though, they'll be taking Finn back soon. I love you, Katniss. So much."
"I love you too, Peeta," she tries to stifle a yawn. "How much longer will you stay?" I bite my lip.
"I think I'm going to come on home tomorrow and come back in a few weeks. They won't fit him with a prosthesis right away and I kind of want to be here when they do. I'll make sure he's ok from the operation but I'm looking at train tickets to come home tomorrow or the next day."
"Stay as long as you need to," she tells me. "I love you and need you but be a good godfather to him, especially since I can't be there."
"I have a feeling he will need some time and space with just his mother for awhile," I tell her nervously. "But I'll talk to Annie and Jo and see what they think. I need to go see if Annie is awake yet. I'll let you know what my travel plans are as soon as I know them."
"Alright. I'll talk to you soon." She whispers 'I love you' into the phone and I smile as I hang up. Dressing quickly, I hurry down the hall to Finn's room and see that both of them are awake. Annie is clinging to his hand and Finn looks like he is crying but I have to say, the boy is staying strong. Johanna is in the chair next to Annie and she smiles when I enter the room.
"Look who it is, Finn."
"Uncle Peeta!" I smile and kneel beside his bed.
"How ya doing bud?"
"I'm scared." I nod. Definitely know that feeling well.
"I know. But the pain will go away and this will really help you feel better, ok?" He nods and turns to Annie.
"Mama, chocolate milk?" Johanna laughs and ruffles the boy's hair.
"Silly little boy needs his chocolate milk. Let me make sure it's ok for you to have some and Auntie Jo will run out and get it for you." I try to catch Annie's eye but she's gazing down at her son. There's a knock at the door and a smiling doctor I haven't seen before enters the room.
"Morning everyone. Finn, little buddy, how are you feeling?"
"Scared."
"That's ok. But we're going to take good care of you, ok? Do you want anything before we let you go to sleep?"
"Chocolate milk?"
"Hmm," the doctor says, tapping his chin. "I think that's a pretty good cure for nerves. I'll order you some right away." Finn claps excitedly and Annie and Johanna smile gratefully at the doctor. He turns to me and shakes my hand.
"I'm Doctor Tollins, Mr. Mellark. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"How did-"
"Oh don't pretend that you three don't have the most recognizable faces in Panem," he says softly and I quickly glance at the girls.
"I'll go get Finn's milk and then we will move him upstairs, alright? I'm afraid only one of you can stay with him during the surgery."
"We'll be in the waiting room when he wakes up," Johanna says firmly. I nod in agreement.
"Alright. I'll have Nurse Everdeen bring in the forms you need to fill out. I'll be right back." I kneel beside Finn's bed and squeeze his hand. He gives me a weak smile and winces as he tries to move his leg. The door opens and Mrs. Everdeen enters, holding a clipboard. She smiles at all of us and ruffles Finn's curls.
"Alright sweet boy, the doctor has gone to get you a treat and we are going to move you upstairs to another room, alright?" He nods nervously and she smiles warmly. I don't think I've seen that smile on her face except at our wedding.
"Annie, dear, do you want to fill these out?" Annie's hand trembles as she takes the clipboard but at least she seems present and of sound mind. Johanna watches her protectively and I stay close to Finn.
"Let's go ahead and get you moving." She bends down and pushes the lever on the bed, so it can now roll. Finn gasps and squeezes my hand.
"Stay wif me, Uncle Peeta." I bite my lip and blink back tears.
"Always, little guy." I hold onto his hand while Mrs. Everdeen rolls him to the elevator and Annie and Johanna squeeze in together, Annie reaching down to push Finn's hair out of his eyes. She gives him a sad smile and strokes his cheek.
We follow Mrs. Everdeen down the hall and into an empty room. She pushes Finn's bed against the wall and puts the lever into place.
"Ok, go ahead and finish the forms and I'll be right back. Finn, do you need anything from me before I go?" He shakes his head and she pats his arm. Doctor Tollins returns a few minutes later with Finn's chocolate milk and we smile as Finn grabs it and drains it in two gulps.
"Ok, Finn, you about ready?" He nods, looking nervous and the doctor smiles.
"Everyone is going to be right beside you when you wake up, ok? I promise, everything will be ok."
"Ok," Finn says softly. Mrs. Everdeen comes in, holding a gigantic needle that looks bigger than Finn! I try to shift to the side so that Finn doesn't see it and Mrs. Everdeen pats my shoulder.
"Hold his hand for me, Peeta." Finn tries to turn to watch her move around him but I keep him focused on me.
"Hey little guy, keep looking at me ok? Tell me what you're going to do for your birthday this year. What kind of party do you want?"
"Trains," he says immediately. "Lots of trains and there's this-OW!" He yells out as Mrs. Everdeen pushes the needle in and his head whips around. He tries to get away but Johanna and I place our hands on his arm and hold him still.
"Finn, shh, you have to stay still sweetie, ok? Talk to Uncle Peeta," Johanna coos. "Tell us about the trains."
"Well," he sniffles and I can already see the anesthesia working, for his eyes are growing heavy and his tears are drying quickly. "I want…train cake…a whole train…"
"I bet Uncle Peeta could make that for you," Johanna says with a smile. I nod.
"You bet, bud. A big train, just for you."
"Thanks Uncle Peeta," he says before he slumps backward and his eyes slam shut. Doctor Tollins and several other nurses wheel his bed away for surgery and we squeeze Annie's hand before she follows him. I follow Johanna out into the waiting room and I sigh as I lean my head back against the wall.
"I'm glad you're here," she says softly and I open my eyes to look at her.
"Yeah, me too."
"He needs a man in his life. You're the closest he has to a father." I feel my throat tighten and I nod.
"I know. The kid knows I'm crazy about him."
"Don't worry, Peeta. Katniss will realize that she wants them one day." My brow furrows as I stare at her in bemuseument. She only smiles.
"You two are going to make great parents."
"I'm not so sure of that, Jo," I say with a deep sigh. "Katniss is pretty adament that she doesn't want them. And I'll always choose her first. Whenever she tries to give me a choice, when she tells me to leave her and find someone else, I tell her I don't need kids because I have her. And it's true. Sure I want children one day. But I won't force her. If she really feels that strongly about it, I won't try to push kids on her. Losing Prim broke something inside her and I like to think that I am helping to fix it. But I also think losing the person she loved most in this world changed her in the worst possible way."
"Of course it changed her," she says gently. "We're all changed. But I have seen you two grow and help each other and…my god, I never thought I would see her smile so much! You do that, Peeta. You just have to give it time. Don't rush things. You've only been married for a year. You guys are so young, you don't need to figure it all out right now."
"I didn't say we did. But I…being around Finn makes it more painful, when I realize I may never have that." She pats my arm and sighs.
"Don't be so quick to dismiss miracles, Peeta." My eyes widen and I gape at her. She quirks her brow at me, bemused.
"It's just…my father used to say that."
"Well, your father is a smart man. And you should listen to him. Just have faith, bread boy." She leans against the wall and winces. "God this is uncomfortable. I'm going down for a coffee, do you want one?" I shake my head while she hurries off. I sigh and pull my leg underneath me as I try to get comfortable. I glance at the clock and know we could be here for a long time.
What seems to be days later, Doctor Tollins comes out of the room, his front covered with blood. I blanch and hunch over, hiding my face between my knees. Johanna's hand makes comforting patterns on my back and Dr. Tollins groans.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. Mellark. I wasn't even thinking."
"How is he," I hear Johanna ask.
"He's doing well. The surgery went smoothly and he is about to wake up. I thought you both would like to be by his side when he does."
"Yes, thank you," Johanna says quickly and I see his shoes moving away.
"Hey," she says softly, leaning in. "It's ok. Deep breaths. In. Out. Very good." I obey and sit back up. She gives me a steady smile.
"Good job. You want to go in and see him?" I nod and follow her into Finn's room.
He's still asleep when we walk in. But the covers are flung aside and I see Finn lying there motionless, the bloody stump of his leg wrapped in bandages. It looks as if they left his knee and took everything below it. Though it's his left leg, like mine, mine was cut off at the thigh and he gets to keep his knee. I have to steady myself against the wall. Suddenly I see Darius, the Avox they tortured in front of me to break me. They broke and cut off his limbs, bit by bit and I can still hear his garbled screams. I close my eyes, feeling dizzy, and mutter a quick apology before I duck out of the room.
Back in the hall, I place my hands on my knees and bend over, doing my best to steady my breathing. Like Jo said. In. Out. Deep breaths.
"Are you alright," I hear a soft voice behind me and I whirl around.
"Annie, get back to your son. I'm fine."
"He's still asleep. I was worried about you." I shrug.
"I'm fine."
"The nightmares will never leave us, Peeta. But life does go on and gets better. I know you know that." I wince and she takes me into her arms. Annie was in the cell next to me in the Capitol. I hear hers and Johanna's screams in my sleep and try as I might, I'll never forget the horror we endured together in there. Annie was completely innocent in the whole thing. Not that I knew anything about a rebel plan but I was being punished for defying the Capitol with the nightlock. Later I learned that they were really doing it to break Katniss. Annie and I were both tortured to destroy our loves. Finnick confessed to me in 13 that he had known for a long time that Katniss loved me.
Of course then I didn't believe him.
Annie strokes my hair and leans back, giving me a weak smile.
"Thank you for being here, Peeta. I can't thank you enough, really."
"You don't have to. I'm here whenever you need me. And Katniss feels terrible that she can't be here."
"Tell her I completely understand. It's not her fault and I appreciate you coming. Are you ok now?" I still feel a little lightheaded but I nod.
"Let's get back to Finn."
He doesn't wake up immediately and Annie, Johanna, and I attempt to swap jokes to pass the tense time. When Finn starts to wake, Annie rushes to his side and grips his hand.
"How are you doing, baby?"
"Mama?"
"I'm here, Finn. I'm right here." Johanna and I turn away as Annie bursts into tears over her son and we attempt to give them some privacy.
Finn has been a trooper through this whole thing. He says the pain is not as bad and Doctor Tollins has explained the next steps, which is recovery and rehabilitation. He looks up at me and smiles.
"Your Uncle Peeta can help you, if you need it. You know he is just like you, don't you?" When Finn looks confused, I bring my leg up to the chair and allow Finn to poke through my jeans. He looks up at me with wide eyes.
"Your leg gone too?"
"Sure is, buddy. And I'll tell you, it's not that bad, living with one leg. You can do everything everyone else can do. You'll just have to be patient and learn to walk with a prosthesis. A new leg, so to speak."
"Uncle Peeta needs to get back to Aunt Katniss but what do you say we go to District 12 for Christmas in a couple of weeks and see them both?" Finn looks excited.
"Yay! Auntie Niss!" I grin at Annie and ruffle Finn's curls.
"She can't wait to see you, little guy. Your mama can call me whenever you like, ok? If you have any questions or just want to talk, I'm here, alright?" He nods and I kiss his cheek. Annie hugs me tightly and I kiss her too. Johanna walks me out and we collect my things from the room down the hall.
In the lobby, Gale waits by the door. Johanna gives me a quick hug.
"Thanks again for coming, Peeta. It means a lot to them."
"We're family, Jo. That's what family does." She nods.
"You and George should come for Christmas too. I'm sure Katniss would love to have everyone."
"I'll talk to him and see. It sounds nice, a family gathering." I like how she says family. Like she is testing out the word. I smile and kiss her cheek before I gather my bags. I join Gale at the door and he doesn't say anything as he holds the door for me and drives me to the train station. We say a brisk farewell and I board the train, counting the hours until I'm back in my wife's arms.
Of course I was forced to get the last train of the night and it's well past midnight when we pull into 12. The district is silent and dark as I make my way towards Victor's Village, my bags in hand.
The house is dark as I let myself in and I set my bags down by the door. I close the door as quietly as I can and slip off my shoes so I won't make noise on the stairs.
It's all in vain, I discover, for when I enter the bedroom as quietly as I can, the lamp flicks on and Katniss is sitting up in bed. Her wide eyes rake over me and she looks surprised.
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming in?"
"I had to catch the late train and didn't want to wake you," I don't know why I'm whispering but I bite my lip as she flings the covers aside and stands up on her knees. I approach the bed and she wraps her arms around my neck, my hands resting on her hips. Her hand moves down my chest and her eyes study me intently.
"I missed you so much," she says before her lips are on mine. She pulls me back onto the bed and I fall over her, placing my hands on either side of her head so I won't crush her into the sheets.
"Damn Katniss, I've been gone barely 2 days."
She ignores me, her fingers frantically working at the buttons of my shirt and she pulls it down my arms and throws it aside. Her hands splay across my chest as my hand moves to stroke her cheek, then travels lower, playing with the thin straps of the camisole she is sleeping in. I move my hand down to palm her breast and tweak her nipple through her shirt. She moans against my lips, as she tugs my lip into her mouth, I slide my hand under her shirt and knead her flesh. She parts her legs and I rest between them, already feeling hard and restrained by the material. I reach down and yank her lace underwear down her legs and throw them to the side. She rises up and starts yanking at my jeans and boxers, tugging them both down around my legs. She moves to her knees by my side and takes me in her hand. I reach around and cup her ass, my fingers moving down her slit and feeling how wet she is for me. Fuck. I'll never get used to this. How aroused she gets for me, how she whimpers my name, how she feels around me. She is bending down to take me into her mouth and my hand rests on her head. She looks up at me, surprised and a little hurt. I lean down to give her a kiss and I stroke her cheek.
"Babe as much as I love you sucking me off, all I want is to be inside you at this moment." She bites her lip but gives me a sly grin and tugs my bottom lip between her teeth. My hips jerk upwards and I pull her flush against me. It takes some getting situated but I have us on our sides and I slide inside her, my arms wrapping around her hips. She moans and reaches back to grip my hair in her fist, tugging hard. My fingertips dig into her hips as I pull her into me, getting lost in our passion. I hold one of her legs in the air and continue my thrusts. She wraps her leg around my neck and I lean down to kiss her, my hand moving from her leg to rub fast hard circles on her clit. She throws her head back and screams and I watch her as she comes. It's the most beautiful sight in the world, watching her come undone. I struggle to hold on longer as I feel her clench around me and I feel her fingers squeeze my wrist.
"Oh god Peeta! Peeta!"
"Shit Katniss. God I love you so much." I squeeze her breast in my hand, and move back down to rub at her again. I know I won't last much longer so I make sure to take her with me. When I stiffen inside her, I push all the way forward and still for a moment, my fingers rubbing frantically. She screams my name to the silent room and grabs me for a rough kiss. I don't want to break apart from her and we lie like that for a while, until she says she has to go to the bathroom. I suppose I fell asleep because I feel her soft hands on my face and I open my eyes to see her leaning over me, her breasts right above my face.
"Come take a bath with me," she says softly and she leads me off the bed and into the bathroom.
She leans against the tile wall and pulls me into her, my head resting on her breast. I close my eyes as she leans down and kisses my forehead, pushing my hair out of my eyes.
"How is Finn?"
"He's doing well. Annie is bringing him here for Christmas." I see her eyes light up and I smile as I bring her down to kiss me again.
"The surgery went well then?"
"The doctor said everything went smoothly. He kept more of his leg than I did mine. Thank goodness the damn creature didn't get higher than his knee."
"Poor little guy. He's so young."
"He'll be ok. And Annie was fine too. She wound up comforting me at one point." I find her hands under the water and bring her arm around my chest. "I'm sorry I missed our anniversary."
"Peeta, don't be sorry. I wanted you to be there. I'm glad you went. We have many more anniversaries to celebrate." Though that makes my heart lighter, I still feel terrible.
"But…it was our first one."
"Well, I promise you, we will do something huge for our… fifteenth anniversary," she nods as if it's decided. I lean back and smirk up at her.
"I have to wait fifteen years to do something big with you?"
"No, but it's just guaranteed for our 15th." I laugh and shake my head and she splashes me with her fingers.
"Oh Mrs. Mellark, you do not want to challenge me."
"What are you going to do about it, Mr. Mellark," she says teasingly, though her eyes darken with lust. I'm sure they echo mine. I turn around and reach my arms out to grip the tub, trapping her. I lean between her legs to kiss her, and my fingers slide under the water to find her folds. Even without the water she has a slickness that invites me into her. I curve two fingers and thrust in and out, my tongue lapping at the droplets of water on her throat and chest. I withdraw my hand and suck my fingers dry before I gather her in my arms and stand up in the bathtub. Her legs wrap around my waist and my cock is trapped between us. I ignore the fact that we are both dripping water all over the floor and I carry her into the bedroom. Holding her wet and naked body close to mine makes me shiver in anticipation, even though it's barely been twenty minutes since I last had her. I gently toss her onto the sheets and spread her legs wide. She grips my hair as I move down between her thighs and I relish the cry that comes from deep within her throat.
"Happy belated anniversary, Mrs. Mellark," I glance up at her and see her watching me, her lip between her teeth, her eyes dark, and a sweet sheen of sweat breaking out on her face.