'I don't wanna live to waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I've made
'Cuz I feel like I'm breaking inside.'
Breaking Inside - Shinedown.
Chapter Five - Truly Crazy.
Cody fixed his dazed stare straight ahead, refusing to tear his vision away from the image of Zack that gazed back at him. The usual look of mischief in the older twin's sparkling, blue eyes was nowhere to be seen, and instead was replaced with nothing but dull fear. As the ship continued on its steady rate downward, all Cody could do was watch, horrified, as Zack was swallowed up by the harsh swash of the ocean, all the while, calling out to his younger brother over and over again. Cody…Cody…
"Cody?"
The younger twin shook himself awake from his trance and glanced up at Bailey as she walked out of the café, holding a bottle of orange juice. He shot a double take at the metal napkin dispenser that sat in the centre of the table, only to find that Zack's image was gone, and instead he was met with nothing but his own reflection.
For the past couple of hours, Cody and Bailey had been slowly making their way throughout the streets around the L.A. Tipton, spending some well needed time together and, more or less, making the most of their time away from all the devastation at the hotel. Eventually, the two had returned to the corner café where they had started the morning. Although, unsurprisingly, neither of them were exactly feeling any better.
"Everything alright?" Bailey asked, taking a seat across from Cody.
Cody shrugged, still staring red-eyed at his own reflection.
Bailey sighed, "Well, look, I got this text from London before."
Cody took the phone out of Bailey's hand and began reading the small font across the screen;
Baylee whre r u? Mosbi thinkz u guyz hav run off or sumthing. Call me wen u get thiz… hey! my nail polish iz the same color az my fone! LOL i gotta txt Chel-C and tell her! Srsly call! - L
"Sounds like they're really worried, especially since Moesby thinks we've run away, or something," Bailey said, holding out her drink to Cody. He waved his hand, politely dismissing the offer.
"So, what?" he asked, "You think we should head back?"
Bailey frowned a bit, "Cody.. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, or anything," she began. Cody nodded his head. "But, you're really starting to worry me," Bailey went on, "you didn't want to be around anyone from the ship at all this morning, and now it just sorta' seems that you're acting like nothing's happened. I'm mean, you even said it yourself - Zack isn't ok."
Bailey waited for a moment, hoping not to receive a negative reaction from her boyfriend. After a few seconds, Cody simply stood up and gestured for Bailey to take his hand.
"I just…" Cody started shakily, "I just don't feel like being stuck in a building full of people trying to convince me that my brother's dead. I… don't think I can handle that."
Bailey hung her head, regretting having said anything, while the pair began to make their reluctant return to the hotel.
The circular driveway outside of the Tipton was crowded beyond all belief. Neither Cody nor Bailey had ever seen so many taxis in one place, and similarly, had never seen so many shattered, distraught people in an alike gathering. Many of the other students and passengers who had been on the S.S. Tipton were finally taking up the opportunity to leave - with or without the loved ones who had originally been with them.
Silently walking through the throng of people and into the hotel, Cody and Bailey looked up and smiled slightly seeing Woody coming out of the elevator in front of them.
"Hey, Woody," Bailey greeted softly, releasing Cody's hand from hers and pulling their friend into a gentle hug. They hadn't seen much of Woody since the previous night, or had much of a chance to make sure he was ok after the accident.
"How are you doing?" Bailey asked him.
Woody nodded his head, "Ok. Addison's still not holding up too well, though. That's why I came down here - Mr. Moesby hired a counsellor to talk to the students and I really think Addison might need the help. I think he's outside saying good-bye to some people."
Woody looked up past Bailey and in a single instant locked vision with Cody. Immediately darting his eyes away, Woody nodded his head again, "Hey, Cody," he spoke nervously, not sure of what else to say.
Cody forced a half smile and waved as a means of response. In a way, he was sort of thankful that none of his friends or teachers from the ship knew how to act around him. He still wasn't particularly in the mood to speak to anyone, besides Bailey, of course.
"There you two are!"
The three kids abruptly fell from their awkward silence as the sudden impact of Moesby's voice boomed from the front doors into the lobby.
"Where have you been?" he shot accusingly at Cody and Bailey.
Bailey bit her lip tentatively at the heated tone in Moesby's voice, while Cody simply shrugged his shoulders, "Around," he answered.
Bailey and Woody shared a concerned glance at yet another falter in Cody's usual personality.
"Right," Moesby continued, "Look, I needed to talk to you about something, Cody." He glimpsed up at Bailey and Woody for a split second and then took Cody's arm, leading him a couple of metres to the side.
Cody took him a deep breath and scanned Moesby's face, trying to read what the older man was thinking. He was ready for whatever it was he had to say.
"Cody, look," Moesby began, "your parents flight has been laid over. Your mother rang me before and told me they have no idea when they will have the chance to leave or when they're going to arrive."
Cody subtly let out a sigh of relief at the news and, again, shrugged his shoulder, "'Kay."
Moesby paused for a moment, "Good. But, uh, Cody?"
The younger twin raised an eyebrow beneath his blonde mess of hair.
"Look, this only a suggestion." Moesby seemed to hesitate for a moment, "You may have already heard about the counsellor I brought in who's been making the rounds between students and other patrons. I think it may be an idea for you to sit down and have a talk with her."
Cody's eyes widened at what he was hearing, "You what?"
"Cody?" Bailey said anxiously as she and Woody made their way back towards he and Moesby.
"Moesby thinks I need to speak to the counsellor," Cody spat, almost sounding insulted by the idea. He waited for Bailey and Woody to back up his argument, but instead furrowed his brow deeper when he was met with nothing but silence, "Bailey?"
Pushing her hair out of her face and then tenderly taking Cody's hand, Bailey sighed, "Maybe it's not such a bad idea."
"What?" Cody scoffed.
"There's obviously a lot going on up there that you're holding in," Bailey said soothingly, stroking Cody's head, "It might be good for you to talk to a professional."
"They're right," Woody agreed, "I mean, I was going to ask if Addison could have some therapy, but you might need the help a little more."
Bailey instantly felt her heart skip a beat at the boldness of Woody's blatant comment. She flinched as Cody tore himself away from her grip.
"I don't need help!" he thundered, stomping away angrily and pushing past a woman into the open elevator, "I just need my brother back!"
Bailey hugged her arms close to her chest, holding in her tears, and watched the roller doors conceal Cody behind them, while Woody and Moesby looked at each other, dumbfounded, but both obviously sharing the same apprehensive and uneasy feelings about Cody and his heart-wrenching, worsening state.
Cody kept his eyes shut tightly as the water pelting from the shower head continued to stream down his back. He wasn't sure how long he had been in there now - maybe an hour, maybe more. Some may like to argue that no-one could stand being under searing hot water for that amount of time, but the steaming droplets that Cody felt blistering against him skin simply allowed him to ignore the pain he was suffering inside and concentrate solely on every sting and twinge he felt on the outside. Once the hot water tank began to run cold, however, the younger twin sensed his blood line do the same.
Snapping himself out of whatever new trance he happened to fall into, Cody reluctantly twisted the taps off, slid open the shower door and stepped out onto the cool, tiled floor. Reaching for the baby pink coloured towel he had placed on the basin, Cody wrapped it around himself, catching his reflection in the mirror. He could definitely notice the red colour his skin had turned from the warm water, even through the fog that clouded the mirror. But that was as far as his sense of recognition went. Instead of becoming fixated with a piercing image of himself, or even Zack, the younger twin felt and saw absolutely nothing. Only emptiness.
Shaking off the thought, Cody quickly dried himself off, slipped back into his towel boy uniform and walked out into the main part of his and Bailey's hotel room. Almost instantly, Cody's eyes fell upon the image of a couple of piles of clothes resting on his bed. London.
Cody stepped forward and quickly scanned through the various labels that stared back at him. It surprised him sometimes how much the heiress actually seemed to know him. Amongst all the clothing that she had left sitting on the bed, there wasn't a single item that appeared to be overly formal, or exceedingly laid-back, either. Everything was completely casual - normal, as if to say that nothing had changed.
Just as he was considering changing into something fresh rather than staying in the same outfit he had been wearing all day and night, Cody's head snapped up at a sudden knock that echoed from the front door.
Raising an eyebrow, the younger twin strolled towards the front entry to the room and opened up the door. Standing before him out in the hallway was a youngish looking woman. She had short, dark brown hair that almost touched her shoulders, sea green eyes, and was wearing a plain white shirt with a high waisted business-type skirt.
"Cody, I take it?"
Cody remained silent as he continued to study the woman in front of him.
"My name is Bronte. Bronte O'Kell," she went on, handing Cody what appeared to be a business card. The younger twin's eyes skimmed over the piece of laminated cardboard in his hand, when the word 'psychiatrist' suddenly jumped out at him.
"Mr. Moesby sent me up to see of you're ok. Is it alright if I come in?"
Cody quickly began to hesitate. Bronte seemed nice enough, he supposed, but he did recall distinctly saying he didn't need to talk to a counsellor, or anyone else for that matter.
Eventually shrugging his shoulders, Cody simply turned around and walked back into his room, leaving the door open for Bronte to follow him.
The counsellor softly closed the wooden door behind her, "How are you?"
Shaking his head in disbelief, Cody turned back to face her, "Peachy."
Ignoring the sarcasm spilling from the younger twin, Bronte licked her lips, "I was talking to your girlfriend just before. Bailey, is it?"
"Yeah," Cody instantly sniped in reply.
"She seems very worried about you," Bronte persisted, taking a seat on one of the two matching lounge chairs, "Do you want to come and sit down?"
"Why? So you can start telling me what I should be thinking, or whatever it is you guys do?"
Cody didn't buy Bronte's expression of surprise brought on by his sharp tone for a single second. Maybe she really did genuinely care about the fact that so many of his friends were concerned for his well-being, but that didn't change anything from where he stood. Deep down Cody knew that all Bronte was there to do was her job and to get him to talk, no matter how much probing and uneasy questions she had put him through in the process.
"I just want to talk to you."
Rolling his eyes, Cody reluctantly took a seat opposite her, as the two fell into a brief silence.
"Your friends all seem really nice."
Cody remained speechless. He saw no use in either agreeing with or contradicting her statement.
"You know they all want to do their best to support you."
"Look, can we just cut the small talk?" Cody then snapped, groaning in annoyance, "I know you're here to talk about Zack."
The mention of his brother's name left a pining taste in Cody's mouth. As he registered the stunned look that had welcomed itself across Bronte's face at his utter blatancy, he impulsively decided to himself that she wasn't here to make him feel better about Zack or encourage him that his twin was alive. She was only here to convince him otherwise - just like everyone else.
"We don't have to talk about your brother or the accident or any of that if you don't want to," Bronte urged, having found her voice, "I just want to try to understand -"
"Well there's your first mistake," Cody gruffly interjected, "No-one can possibly understand what I'm feeling. Not you, not Moesby, not my friends and not Bailey. No-one."
"We don't have to entirely understand what you're going through to try and help you, though," the counsellor forced, "What you're feeling is -"
Cody abruptly felt a chord snap against the dull throbbing of his heart, "There you go! Just like I said you would - you're trying to get inside my head and twist everything up and tell me what I'm feeling!"
Before another word could escape his lips or another thought could cross the mixed up roads of his mind, Cody leapt up from his chair and leaned his full body weight against the window, gazing out blankly through the glass down to the busy streets below.
Couldn't these people realise that the last thing he wanted or needed was to be spoken to in a way that implied he was feeling and acting completely unreasonably? Everything that had already happened to him prior to these last few minutes was enough to make anyone lose their mind, but the last thing Cody needed to hear was that he was slowly beginning to mislay his last possible piece of sanity through no longer being able to think for himself.
"Cody," Bronte resumed, "you need to try to calm down. Everyone who cares about you is extremely concerned about how anxious you're starting to act."
"Well, I'm sure if they were in my position they'd feel pretty anxious, too."
Hearing these last words emit from the young teen's mouth, Bronte tentatively bit her lip, "I hear that you and Zack had an argument right before the accident."
Cody froze. A mountain of images instantly began to fly back through his mind, spinning around and around, and selfishly taking up every part of sense and awareness he could muster.
Resisting the desire to allow more impetuous tears to flow down his cheeks, Cody turned back around and faced Bronte once more.
"You know there's no need to feel guilty."
Cody scoffed at the counsellor's argument.
Bronte felt her manicured nail dig into her arm in frustration where they sat folded in her lap, "Well, what do you think he would be doing if the roles were reversed?"
The question required no deliberation on Cody's behalf, "I know he sure as hell wouldn't let himself go stir crazy in this hotel! He'd be out there looking for me!"
Cody's eyes suddenly widened at his own words. Before he could even begin to comprehend their meaning, he spun back around to re-face the window.
As he gawked at the reflective glass in front of him, the image that Cody had lost swiftly reappeared before him. The emptiness he had witnessed in the bathroom mirror was gone, and now Cody stood, once again, face to face with Zack. The words that he himself had just spoken continued to revolve through his mind as he sensed a devious grin creep across the illustration of Zack's face. A smile that basically screamed at him what the older twin's plan would be if, like Bronte had said, he were in Cody's shoes.
His own face now out of Bronte's line of vision, a determined half-smile made it's own way from corner to corner of Cody's expression, while the counsellor's continued words were carelessly drowned out by his own thoughts.
Bailey stepped out into the cool Autumn breeze and casually looked around. It was almost eight in the evening now, and nobody in the hotel had seen or heard from Cody in a while. The farm girl simply guessed that he was probably off sitting somewhere by himself, thinking. But as Bailey stood and continued to gawk around the outside area of the hotel, it was quickly become apparent to her that Cody was nowhere in sight.
Hugging her baby blue jacket closer to her, Bailey took one final glance at the front steps and shot a fleeting look up the street. Out of nowhere, she was forced to do a double take as she squinted her eyes at a figure walking up the road, away from the hotel.
"Cody?"
The sound of Bailey's voice echoing up the street shattered Cody's internal frozen state. Trying his best to ignore the image of the look of hurt and confusion that pierced Cody's mind and would surely be spread across his girlfriend's face, the younger twin stepped up his pace and maintained walking alongside the gutter further and further away from the Tipton.
Bailey slowly began to shake her head. Cody must have heard her. Why else would he have started walking faster? Quickly beginning to feel slightly frantic, Bailey opened her mouth again, "Cody!"
The younger twin was sure that no-one would have recognised him. He was wearing a pair of blue denim jeans and a large, dark green hoodie. It merely seemed to have slipped his mind that Bailey was that Kansas farm girl who could notice a single piece of wool out of place on any sheep.
Jolting in shock, Cody jumped at the fierce grip he felt wrench onto his arm and twirl him around. Coming face to face with the exact appearance he had pictured in his mind - though, perhaps she was slightly more worn out than he had imagined, having ran to have caught up with him - Cody swallowed nervously and shot his vision to the floor, unable to stand the tears that were gradually welling up in Bailey's eyes.
"Please, please tell me that you weren't going to run off and leave me here. Please."
In the words that Bailey had spoken; yes. That was exactly what Cody had planned to do. He didn't necessarily want to – he didn't want to leave Bailey all alone in this nightmare they were both unwillingly a part of. But for reasons Cody believed that she couldn't possibly ever understand, he had to do it. He had to leave her behind.
Hesitation consuming him to the brink, Cody timidly gazed back up at the pleading tone in Bailey's voice and cleared his throat to a whisper, "I'm sorry."
As soon as the three tiny syllables left the younger twin's mouth, he reeled in a sharp sting of pain that glided across his face as Bailey slapped him, hard, and allowed warm, salty tears to flow openly down her cheeks.
"How could you?! How could you?!"
Cody brushed away the aching twinge that still flared against his cheek and grabbed Bailey's sides with each of his hands, "Bailey, -"
"No!" Bailey instantly protested, pushing her boyfriend away, "You're not the only one who's hurting, you know, Cody! I can't believe you were going to leave without saying anything to me!"
"Because I knew that if I saw you I wouldn't be able to walk away!" Cody argued, carefully placing a soft grip back on Bailey's arms. He brought himself to a pause as each of his varied overwhelming thoughts tried to bring themselves to his awareness, while Cody himself attempting to loop some words alongside them. He inhaled a deep breath, "I'm going to find Zack."
Bailey's expression broadened in disbelief, "What?"
"He needs me."
"I need you!" the farm girl snapped, "I need to know that you're safe!"
Cody simply shrugged his shoulders, "He'd do the same for me."
Still sniffling gently and making an effort to refrain any more water works for the time being, Bailey shook her head back and forth in greater incredulity.
It was almost as if Zack was there and standing right before her. She wasn't used to Cody acting this irrational – it was something she had never seen before. However, if there was something that she knew for sure about her boyfriend, it was that once he made a decision, he barely ever went back on it.
"Where exactly are you planning on going?" she asked uncertainly.
"The hospital, where all the… casualties were taken. I know what it's called. All I have to do is find it."
Bailey heaved a sigh. The joint emotions of conviction and informality that utilized their full use in the younger twin's tone formed to make an uneasy settling in her stomach. She halfheartedly suspected that there was absolutely nothing that would change his mind, but similarly, there wasn't anything that could possibly tell her if Cody would be ok out on the unfamiliar streets of Los Angeles all by himself, either. The two factors definitely didn't help subside the sentiments of sadness and distress that were stitched together in her heart.
Sighing again, and raking her fingers back through her hair in what may well have been a moment of utter madness, Bailey licked her lips, "I'm coming with you."
Cody's jaw dropped, "What? No you're not! Anything could happen out there."
"Exactly!" Bailey urged sternly, "Either you let me come with you, or I'll run back to the hotel and tell Mr. Moesby what you're doing right now."
Cody fell to a silent defeat, trying to rack his brain for an argument of extra persuasion. Bailey noticed this in an instant. She wouldn't be able to stand it if Cody ever attempted to lie to her again, whether it was for her own good or not. And as mad as she still may have been with him, she couldn't even begin to shake the feelings of worry that built up inside of her at the thought of Cody disappearing on his own. The number of potential dangers that lurked around each and every corner was immense, but Bailey was one hundred percent positive that she would be ok, as long as she could confidently hold her faith in Cody.
"Can I trust you?"
The dull shade in Cody's eyes shattered into reality as he sharply locked his vision on his girlfriend, "Of course you can." He took her hands in his and brought them up to his face, kissing them softly as Bailey nodded her head without delay. Opening up his arms, Bailey then instantly fell into his embrace, breaking out into a few more noiseless sobs against his shoulder.
Glancing back towards the hotel, Cody's eyes squinted to discover that there was still no-one who knew he or Bailey in the area. That was enough for him to cement his decision to leave, now, before anyone with any position of authority had the chance to pop up and change his mind for him.
He soothingly rubbed Bailey's back, "You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right, Bails?"
The younger twin breathed out a sigh of relief as he felt his Southern Belle nod into the crook of his neck.
"Good." While his eyes still darted all around in paranoia, Cody removed his arms from Bailey's torso and draped one over her shoulders, leisurely beginning to lead her away from the street where the Tipton sat, "Let's go, sweetie."
I'm baaaaack :) Who missed me?!
Sorry it's been like 50.8 million years since I updated this story. I hope the wait was worth it.
So, now Cody and Bailey are on the run in the hopes of finding Zack safe and alive. What could possibly go wrong?
I'd love to hear what you guys thought, so remember to leave a review. They make me smile quite muchly :)
Till next time guys, and I promise it definitely won't be as long. I think. :)
Reneyyyyyyyyy x.