CHAPTER FOUR
He was twenty, and more than anything, he wanted Katara to stay with him. He resented her short visits to the Fire Nation, on her way to another needy city far away from him. He resented Toph and Aang's presence when they arrived at the palace alongside Katara. Time alone with her was rare, and Zuko relished every moment they could spare together.
He had spent weeks crafting the ring in spurts, polishing the rough curves and carving the traditional Fire Nation script when he found himself alone in the palace courtyard. It helped that he rose just before the sun, before the nobles could sleep off the previous days' feasts.
When Katara returned to his palace after a diplomatic mission to Ba Sing Se, she left Aang and Toph as they brushed down Appa in the stables. She dashed through the winding halls to find Zuko pacing by the courtyard pond, watching the turtleducks paddling through the cattails.
"Zuko!" she squealed, disbelieving. He was really there, his silhouette against the willow tree illuminated by the moonlight. She closed the distance between them, flinging her arms around his neck.
"Agni, I missed you," he murmured into her hair. He smoothed the unruly curls falling down her back and pulled away from her only to get a better look at her sweet, round face. It had grown more angular; she looked older and more tired.
"You're here," she whispered. "I thought we were too late… that you would've gone to bed already…"
"I couldn't sleep," he chuckled. "Not when I knew you were coming."
"And Aang and Toph," Katara added hastily. "I bet you're excited to see them, too!"
"Not as excited as I am to see you."
They paused, sizing each other up. Zuko broke the silence with a yawn he couldn't stifle.
"You need rest!" Katara said. "Heavens know when you have time to do that, though." She reached for one of Zuko's hand and started to massage his palm. "Let me help you relax."
"Things have been busy," he admitted, secretly pleased to see her worry over him in the manner she reserved for her closest friends. "Between peace talks with officials from every nation, council meetings, fire bending training, teatime with Uncle… He always insists on tea, even when I have treaties to read before the evening ends."
"Iroh won't take a rain check?"
Zuko rolled his eyes and began mustering up his best impression of Uncle Iroh."The tea ceremony is a sweet flower whose presence cleanses the soul and focuses the mind. Permitting yourself to unwind allows yourself to return to work with vigor."
"Tea, meetings, training… Do you ever sleep?" Katara teased, her cooling touch soothing his tense muscles.
"Not when you're there to invade my dreams," he countered, pleased to see his comments drawing a faint blush from Katara's tan cheeks.
"My apologies," she stammered.
"Don't apologize. Dreaming of you is much more pleasurable than attending meetings," he said huskily. Something in his tone warmed her belly. Her heart forgot it had eighteen years of practice beating. It stuttered, and Zuko felt its tremor through her fingertips.
"What pressing matters have been commanding your lordship's attention recently?" she asked, redirecting his attention as she tried to extinguish the internal flutters.
"The same— war reparations, minor civil scuffles, plans to support our colonies in the Earth Kingdom. Councilmen who have opinions on what I should say, enact, wear… and who I should marry."
Zuko felt Katara's hands stiffen over his. "Marry?"
"They believe I should take a wife. A new Fire Lady would restore some of my people's faith in the nation. An heir to the throne would cement our future as a nation."
"I see." Katara's voice sounded distant, cold, like her fingers which stilled against Zuko's wrists. One of her hands crept up to toy with the navy velvet band around her neck.
"Each counselor has introduced me to noblewomen whom they believe would make a worthy Fire Lady," Zuko scoffed. "But I see right through their efforts to further their own station."
Katara scoffed. "Many Northern Water Tribe families vied to establish an alliance with our tribe through marriage to Sokka. They weren't very happy when Sokka pledged himself to Suki last winter."
This was a good sign. Zuko's mouth turned upwards."Uncle Iroh reminds me I should pick a wife not just to strengthen Fire Nation alliances, but also to love."
"Iroh once said something like that to me," Katara said, staring across the pond. "He worried I'd leave the palace on an ambassadorial visit and return with a marriage alliance in the name of peace."
"Sure he wasn't talking about you and the Avatar?"
Katara frowned. "Aang and I would not marry for peace," she snapped. "He cares for me."
"He does," Zuko said. "Do you?"
Katara huffed at his impertinence and at her body's betrayal. Though she attempted to scowl at Zuko, her heart sped up when she met his liquid gold eyes dancing across her features. She couldn't keep a straight face and cracked with a smile.
"I've missed you," Katara beamed. "Nobody gets under my skin like you." Although her words could be taken as an insult, her tone suggested otherwise. It sounded teasing, flirtatious even.
"I'm glad you haven't married." Zuko's voice made Katara shiver. She glanced at him, blue eyes glinting in the moonlight. Next to the water, next to his side, she looked comfortable. Safe. Happy. This image gave Zuko the courage to forage on.
"While I find my councillors' attempts to marry me off to their daughters foolish, I do agree with them that I should marry. For the stability of the kingdom, of course." Zuko winced. That came out all wrong. "And mostly because I have found a girl worthy to reign beside me." Zuko's profile glowed against the moonlight, his scar wrinkling as he waited for her response.
Katara reached for her mother's betrothal necklace again. "Good for you," she said, unsure of how to respond. She kept her eyes on the turtleducks.
"You know her," he prompted, taking a step towards her. He could feel her breath hit his cheek as she exhaled with surprise.
"Mai?" A strong diplomatic choice, for sure. Choosing Mai would signify that Zuko was willing to forgive those who made mistakes during the war so long as they pledged their allegiance to him from henceforth. The royal coffers would also benefit from her family's loyalty to the crown.
"Not Mai. She would make a fine addition to my council, but she does not keep me up at night."
She knew now, she had to…
"Zuko—"
"Katara," he breathed, wrapping his arms around her waist. "It's you."
She trembled against his chest as she finally met his eyes, sparking and flaming and warming her from the inside. Her shaking hands trailed down his cheeks, caressing his scar, to grasp his chin and pull his head down until she could meet his soft lips with her own.
She started the kiss, and she ended it. Pulling away, Katara peered up at him, a smile crinkling her nose. Such perfect freckles, Zuko noticed. He tugged at her waist until they were pressed against each other, foreheads resting against each other. This time, Zuko kissed Katara the way he dreamed of— harder, faster, longer. Another sparring session. Her tongue traced his lips, catching him off guard. He swallowed a moan, but she sensed its vibrations and smiled against his mouth.
"We haven't done that for a long time," she whispered.
"We should really do that more often," Zuko said, his golden eyes igniting her heart.
"Zuko… You can't be serious."
"Of course I am." His low voice suggested a realm of possibilities for them to explore together.
Katara shifted. "I meant your offer. Your… proposal. I just can't—"
"I mean every word." His earnestness surprised her. He had demonstrated his relentless one-track mind several times over the years with his quest to capture the Avatar, to beat his sister, to restore honor and peace to the Fire Nation. His commitment did not surprise Katara, but rather who was the recipient of this commitment— herself.
"Marry me," he commanded, regal yet pleading. Not trusting himself to speak anymore, he pulled a small swatch of red silk from his pocket and placed it in the water bender— his water bender's— palms.
It seemed smooth against her skin. Katara unrolled the cloth and was left holding a small circle of ivory. Not a Water Tribe necklace like the one she wore, but a thin polished ring with etchings in the ancient Fire language that she had only seen in books.
"It's perfect," she breathed, and when she looked at him, Zuko knew she was not just talking about the ring. She was also talking about him.
"In the Fire Nation, men carve rings for the women they intend to marry," he explained, picking the ring up from her palm to rotate it. "These rings tell the world who owns your heart. See? First you carve the name of the man— this is my name here. Then this is my family name and my country's name. Finally, you carve the name of the woman, her family's name, and her country. This is your name, Katara." He guided her fingertips to that beautiful word.
"Our names, our families, our tribes— together," she marveled.
Zuko felt the distinct sensation that he was drowning when he studied Katara's blue eyes. He kept his gaze on her as he slipped the ring on her finger— the middle one on her right hand where it fit best.
Swimming in tears, Katara leaned into Zuko. She kissed him deeply, underneath the willow tree. His mouth warmed her icy lips, and she licked and sucked and nibbled until her face was too wet to continue.
"You're happy?" Zuko exclaimed with alarm when she stepped back to wipe her face.
"I… I can't—"
"What?" Zuko burst out.
"I… When I was—"
Zuko burst in,"If you don't like the ring, I can create a Water Tribe necklace like your mother's! Or I can find a ribbon for you to string the ring on so you could wear it as a necklace. I don't want to forget your heritage, Katara, especially when I know that you care so much—"
"Zuko," Katara cut him off. He paused. Her voice was no longer playful. It sounded… sad. "My responsibility is to establish peace between our nations. To support Aang as he mediates for the Four Nations. I can't drop everything to…"
"To what, Katara?" Zuko was incredulous.
"To sit a throne as a figurehead."
Zuko's blood hammered in his temples. "The Fire Lady leads our nation—"
"Your nation."
"And Aang has nothing to do with this decision?" Zuko sneered.
Katara reddened. "I care for him," she muttered icily.
"You care for him. I see."
"He's my friend!"
"I always thought that once his crush fizzled or you grew tired of trying to make yourself like him that I would come to you. Then we could finally finish what we started right after the war ended."
"I thought of that possibility, too," Katara confessed. "But Aang cannot bring stability to the world without someone to stabilize him. Someone to talk him through the pain of holding up the world, and to pull him back from destruction in the Avatar state. As an ambassador, I travel with him. I can support him. He can't be left alone to fix our world— he's still just a child."
Zuko's expression of disbelief wrenched at her gut, but she couldn't stop. Couldn't give him hope for a life they couldn't share.
"I cannot abandon Aang when he has asked for my help in navigating the new political scene."
"Doing his job is not your job," he shouted, realizing that his persuasion had no effect on her. Stubborn water bender.
"I can't break his trust," she snapped. "I promised I would stay with him to aid him. I promised my tribe I would maintain our alliances. I didn't hope… I didn't expect you cared for me like this. I can't care for you like this."
"Well, you sure kissed me like you cared," Zuko growled.
Katara blushed, this time a fiery red that matched Zuko's scar. "Aang deserves support as he dedicates his life to repairing this kingdom. I need the freedom to serve my tribe, not join a nation that would resent me for my heritage."
"My people will accept my queen because I am their Lord and—"
"Zuko," she pled. "I must sacrifice my time to ensure the happiness of my people."
"You are not responsible for anyone's happiness beside your own!"
"I make my own path to happiness, not you, Zuko!"
Suddenly Zuko lowered his voice. The shouting scared Katara less than the quiet. He closed the gap between them and pushed her back up against the willow tree. The boughs hid the moon from view. In the darkness, all Katara could sense was hot breath on her neck and the faint acrid smell of smoke. "But I know I can help you on that path to happiness, Katara," he murmured, softly bending to kiss her collarbone.
"This is my duty," Katara snarled, every inch the icy Water Tribe princess Zuko met four years before. "I thought you, at the very least, would be able to understand that."
He jerked away. "You were never a good liar," Zuko spat. He turned on his heel, leaving her alone in the courtyard with the turtleducks and the moon. She pressed her back against the tree, and wept until she ran out of water.