Chapter Eleven: Metropolitan Confessions
"Regina?" His voice was timid. She hadn't blinked for nearly a minute and her trembling only grew worse.
Robin felt absolutely horrible. He should have known, but how could he? She never even mentioned the name 'Daniel' and if Henry didn't share the same surname, he'd be clueless right now. That didn't change how he felt though; his heart slowly breaking at the sight of her.
"Regina, why don't you sit? You can take all the time you need. I'll wait in the lobby," he said, his words catching her attention. She turned to him so quickly, grabbing hold of his blazer as if her life depended on it.
"Don't," she whispered to keep her voice from cracking. "Please. Don't leave me."
Her pleading tone held so much subtext, he could tell, and it caused a heaviness in his chest that he couldn't cope with. He pulled her close to him in a tight embrace, wanting to hold her until the pain went away. He didn't understand what she was feeling or what was happening. He could only gather that it affected her deeply and negatively. That fact alone was enough to haunt his soul.
When her breathing settled, he released his hold on her and looked into her eyes. She was back; not entirely, but he could see her mind returning to the present as he gazed into them. She nodded and loosened her grip on his jacket before he led them to a bench at the center of the gallery.
They were silent for what seemed like hours, his arm around her and her head leaning against his chest. His other hand was placed on her thigh as his thumb traced a soothing pattern along her exposed flesh. He would stay like this for as long as it took for her to feel whole again. So he remained quiet and waited for her to give him a signal that it was okay; that she would be okay.
"I didn't think it would still be here," she finally said, neither of them moving as they spoke. "It's been years and it's still hanging."
"It is exceptional," Robin offered, unsure if that was the right thing to say.
"He was exceptional," she whispered, sitting up then and straightening her posture. She cleared her throat and he brought his hands to his own lap, allowing her a minute to compose herself.
Based on her initial reaction, he hadn't expected her to describe him that way. It didn't upset him in the slightest. He just wished he could understand: Did he abandon them? Was he a washed up artist and Regina left him? There was history there and he wanted to know it, but truthfully, it wasn't Robin's business. Or so he thought. But how could he comfort her without knowing what happened?
"He's Henry's father," Robin said; it was a statement, not a question. He wanted her to know that he knew at least that much and he was still sitting here with her, wanting to know more. Regina nodded, fidgeting with her fingers as she searched for the words she wanted to say. He said nothing more after that, allowing her to talk for as long as she needed to.
"We met as undergrads at NYU; I was an English major and he was studying Art Education. He wanted to be an art teacher for kids about Roland's age. He really would have been great at it," she let out a soft, breathy laugh before continuing her story.
She explained how they met in a pottery class at the university; she chose it as her general art requirement and he was the Teaching Assistant. She recalled with great fondness the moment she fell in love with Daniel. She was struggling to shape the opening of her pot and he came up behind her, placed his hands over hers, and they shaped the clay together.
"I found out I was pregnant the summer after we graduated. We were both terrified; we couldn't afford our apartment as it was. A baby just wasn't something we were ready for, but we made it work. Daniel dropped out of his master's program at Pace and worked two jobs so I could go to Fordham for law school. We figured my career would be more stable since my mother was partner at Blanchard and Mills."
Regina took a deep breath, preparing herself for the part of her life she was dreading having to retell. Sensing her discomfort, Robin shifted the position of his body to get a better look at her. He lifted his leg so he could straddle the bench to face her, pushing her hair behind her ear when she looked at him.
"Don't force yourself for my sake, Regina. I know you'll tell me whatever I need to know when you're ready," he gazed into her eyes, wanting so desperately for her to see how much he cared for her. He couldn't explain why he felt this way. They'd known one another for all of one week yet he felt more deeply for her than he ever did for Marian. He wanted her to see all of that in his eyes.
"I want you to know, Robin," she said, putting her hands over his as they rested against her cheeks. She needed to do this and it had to be now. In order for things to go anywhere with Robin, and boy did she want them to, she had to move on. "It's time for me to let him go."
He nodded and moved his hands to his thighs. She curled her leg under her so she could look at him as she spoke. She took one of his hands and placed it on her own knee, needing his gentle touch for support.
"The day Henry was born- I couldn't even hold him. They were whisking me away for surgery... I remember looking back at Daniel, our baby in his arms, and thinking I would never see them again," a tear rolled down her cheek, but her voice was strong. Robin squeezed her thigh and she leaned forward rubbing her hands on his thighs and breathing deeply. "I woke up and Daniel was there, holding him- He looked so happy. A natural."
She laughed through her tears and Robin smiled, still and quiet, listening intently to her.
"But he told me- he had to tell me. My father had been admitted that morning. He'd been struggling with colon cancer- They didn't give him more than a few hours," she wiped her own cheek, but kept talking. "He wheeled me to my father, finally holding my baby in my arms, so I could- We hadn't even named him yet. We couldn't enjoy him together- My father held him and kissed him and then-"
Her breath in was jagged and he put his hands on her cheeks, lifting her head to look into her eyes. He didn't speak. He just wanted her to see him, to feel him.
"He died holding his grandson," she whispered and Robin closed his eyes, feeling her pain in his own heart as he rested his forehead against hers. "It was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives- We named him after my father. He was supposed to be Daniel Junior, but we couldn't- not after how my dad went. We both knew he had to be Henry."
Robin's breathing was heavy, unable to comprehend the heartache she'd experienced in her life. And it wasn't over. She kept going. He didn't think he could hear anymore, but he knew she needed this. He knew she needed him.
"It was so hard; having to be happy about a baby while grieving for my father. Daniel was wonderful though, he really was. He worked as a bartender at night so he could stay home with Henry during the day. I went to school part-time, year round and worked on my days off from class so I could be home with the baby at night. We had it figured out and the day I passed the bar exam three years later, I walked into the firm and signed my contract. We had a meeting to sign the lease for Enchanted Plaza a week later. Daniel was about to put his two weeks notice in at the bar-"
She looked at his canvas hanging on the wall across from them. Modern Fairytale was a series of photographs in the form of a collage of couples of all ages: interracial couples, single parents, various ethnicities, religions, sexualities all creating a larger image of a mother holding her baby; it was meant to be Regina and Henry.
"The Met bought Modern Fairytale for an amount of money we couldn't even imagine then. He could finish school and be a teacher, we could buy a home- we celebrated that night with a fancy bottle of champagne before he had to leave for his shift at the bar, but... He never came home."
She choked out a sob and squeezed his thigh. Breathing became increasingly more difficult, but she was in it now and there was no turning back.
"We lived in Harlem at the time; the bar was always full of fights. I couldn't wait for him to be out of there. That night, he tried to break up a fight- He got between them- He never saw the broken bottle, but by then it was too late. The EMT said he was gone the minute the glass hit his temple."
She finally let it all out. Her tears fell so fast, Robin couldn't hug her fast enough. Tears formed in his own eyes as her body shook against his.
"The last thing he said to me was- I'll never forget it Robin- he said, 'Things are going to change for us.' And they did. For me and Henry. He left us and I've been angry at him for so long-"
"Shhh. I know, love," he rubbed her back, trying to soothe her cries. His hushing sounds calmed her, her breathing returning to a steady pace. "You don't have to be angry any longer."
"All I ever wanted was to love him," she whispered, her voice weak and vulnerable; the mask she hid behind and clung to torn to pieces.
Robin separated them just enough to look into her eyes when he said, "Regina, I don't know where this is going for us, but I care for you. More than I should admit considering I've only known you for a short time. But I want this to last and I need you to understand something-"
She nodded, so he knew she was focused on him. His body was tense, his eyebrows furrowed at the center showing how serious his next statement really was.
"Just because he is gone doesn't mean you can't love him. Daniel is Henry's father; that is something that can never be taken away. I understand that part of you will always love him and you should. It sounds like he treated you the way I know you deserve and for that, although I never met him, he will always have my respect. Regina," he paused and wiped the stale tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. "I will never ask you to choose. If someday you do end up loving me, I won't doubt or think any less of your feelings for me because of your love for Daniel. All I ask is that, when the time comes, you love us both honestly and I will do the same in return."
Regina released a sigh of relief so long winded, she imagined it had been sitting there since the day Daniel died. She felt lighter with each word he spoke, a weight lifting from her shoulders the was so heavy it nearly crippled her and she never realized. She felt so much in that moment, all of her emotions barreling through her like the waves in the ocean just before a storm.
"Thank you for taking me here," she whispered and he nodded. "I never imagined it would feel this good to cry."
Robin laughed and pulled her into him again, she kissed his collarbone through her own chuckles as an overwhelming sense of peace and contentment swept over them.
They walked home from the museum in a peaceful silence, both accepting and still processing the events of their evening. Robin bought a chocolate ice cream cone from Any Given Sundae on the corner, sharing it with her as they strolled along Madison Avenue.
Regina felt reenergized from the surge of life that was restored within her that night. She wondered about Roland's mother now that so much of her own life was out on the table. She knew if she asked, Robin would be happy to tell her. But she wondered if he was waiting to do it in his own time.
"Robin?" She said, seeking his attention. He licked the ice cream and gazed at her, raising his eyebrows as if to answer. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to or if you're not ready, but I was wondering if you'd tell me about Roland's mom."
He held the cone out for her and she pressed her lips to it, sucking in a bit of the chocolate as she watched him gather his thoughts. His body language was open, clearly this was something he felt comfortable discussing. Then again, Robin seemed like the type who could talk about anything with ease. He was in touch with his emotions whereas Regina had always buried hers in the secluded depths of her mind. She supposed that was one of their differences, but something that created a beautiful balance in their relationship.
"Marian is still very much alive. We were happily married for two years, but for a total of five, before we called it quits," he chuckled, giving permission for Regina to as well. "She was a brilliant thinker and chemical mastermind; a biochemist. Imagine Walter White in the form of a Latin American woman. The whole package, as my father always said. But after Roland was born, she changed."
He let Regina commandeer the cone as he thought about how to explain his ex-wife to his new love interest.
"I suspected postpartum depression, but she refused to see any specialists; insisting she could cope on her own. She disappeared for hours on end, leaving me with our son. Luckily he's a summer baby or I would have been teaching French Theatrical Texts with a newborn strapped to my chest. It wasn't until she was arrested that I learned what was really going on."
Regina covered her mouth, shocked by the turn of events in Robin's past. She couldn't imagine how difficult it was for him to deal with this.
"She was creating her own painkillers and distributing them for sale throughout the entire island of Manhattan. They only found her because she took them to work through her own depression and collapsed in a café. She was handcuffed to a hospital bed the last time I saw her."
"You weren't kidding about the whole Walter White thing," she frowned, unable to believe what she was hearing.
"I wish I were. We were divorced by the end of the month and she was sentenced to 30 years in prison within a year. I refuse to take my son there. That's not an environment for a child," she could sense his anger when his jaw clenched and his fist tightened at his side.
"I'm sure he's asked about her. What have you told him?"
"The truth, mostly. He knows she's in prison because she did a bad thing, but that she didn't hurt or kill anyone. She just broke a rule and this was how she had to pay for it," he sighed, rubbing his eyes to relieve the tension that built there while he spoke.
"I think that's the best way to handle it, Robin. He's seven. He doesn't need his innocence destroyed with talk of drugs and pain. One day, you'll tell him the rest and he'll be grateful you protected him," she placed her hand on his shoulder and he looked at her with a small smile.
"I hope so," he replied.
"From what I can tell, you've made the best of an incredibly difficult and uncommon situation. And you love your son with your entire soul. You're a great father."
"Thank you," he wrapped his arm around her as they finally approached Enchanted Plaza.
The couple kissed passionately in the elevator, but it still had a sense of tenderness and adoration. Their physical connection was moving farther from lust and more toward appreciation; a way for them to express their feelings without putting labels on them. It was too soon for that, they both knew. But it was real. And they couldn't wait to be alone, in the privacy of Regina's apartment, to show one another how they felt.
They walked down the hallway of the third floor and stopped at Robin's door. He turned the key softly and cracked it open just a hair, wanting to check on the boys. The lights in the apartment were all turned off, a deafening silence filling the home. He caught a glimpse at two sets of feet, one set significantly larger than the other, sticking out on either side of the couch. He smiled as he imagined their sons asleep together, their heads just inches apart. He wished he could capture the moment, but didn't want to risk waking them and missing an opportunity to spend the entire night beside the beautiful woman currently wrapping her arms around his waist.
"They're fast asleep."
He closed the door with a click, locking it before continuing to Apartment 13. She took her keys out of her purse and turned to the door. Robin took the opportunity to press his front against her back, moving her hair to the side so he could kiss the back of her neck. She sighed and struggled with the keys before temporarily giving up when his lips reached her ear.
"As much as I want to tear this dress from your incredible body, I can't help but imagine you in it when I have my wicked way with you," he licked the back of her ear lobe and she leaned her head against the door with a sigh.
"I think this is one of those rare instances where you can have your cake and eat it too, Professor," her voice was soft and seductive. Hearing her call him 'Professor' sent heat through his core, his member pressing against her backside as it grew in his slacks. His hands were firm against her hips when she tried her luck at unlocking the door again.
They stepped into the apartment and she flicked the light switch. She absently tossed her clutch on the table, but something in the kitchen caught her attention. Her heart burst with happiness at the sight.
Multiple sheets of plain white printer paper were tapped together into a handmade banner hanging from the cabinets that read: I Love You! She stepped forward and heard Robin shut and lock the door so she could enjoy her moment. Next to her bouquet of flowers was a pink cardboard box, an envelope attached to the top of it. She pulled it off and opened it to reveal a handmade card; the cover had cartoon figures of a woman and young boy holding hands. Henry had drawn them, and quite well. She knew he liked to draw, but didn't realize he'd developed Daniel's talent.
Inside the card was a short poem:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Open the box,
It's just for you.
You'll get what I mean when you see it.
Xoxo- Your Little Prince
Regina held the card to her heart as she carefully opened the lid of the box. She started to cry, but she was also laughing when she saw what waited inside for her.
It was a Death by Chocolate cake with Forgive me? written in white icing. The inside of the lid said Vanilla ice cream is in the freezer, scribbled in her son's handwriting. She knew they would still have to talk about what happened, but she appreciated everything he did to make it up to her.
Robin was right; she did raise one hell of a kid.