My head is pounding and my throat is cracked. I feel dizzy from dehydration and the cloth that is tied around my mouth is making my chapped lips bleed. I have no idea how long it's been, where I am, or who has captured me. I don't know much of anything right now. All I know is without some food and water, I'll probably be dead in a matter of hours.
It's like the Games all over again. The Careers have me trapped. And I have no way of escaping.
I feel someone yank my hair back and I gasp through my gag. Something is shoved under my nose and I cough violently. The person releases me and I shift on the cold ground.
"Time to wake up little mockingjay," a hateful voice spits near my ear. I groan to let them know I am awake.
"Here, she needs some water. And we should probably feed her something other than bread."
"She married a damn baker. I'm sure she's used to living on bread," the voice nearest me says with a laugh. "Alright mockingjay, here's something to drink." My gag is removed and I try to lick my lips. A cup is held to my lips and I eagerly drink the warm water. I'm not allowed to feed myself and this is how it has been going since they captured me. I've been drugged by whatever they keep sticking into my arm and I still feel fuzzy and weak.
And this is how it continues. No one tells me what they want. No one says anything to me unless it's to mock me or tell me that I'm 'in for it'. I wish that whatever they were planning, they would just get it over with. I hear voices from far away, some of them are familiar but I can't place where I am. I'm tired of the darkness and just want it to be over. After they replace my gag, I start wishing I had begged for them to just kill me. Next time, I resolve.
I snap awake to voices nearby. With some food and drink in my system my senses slowly come back. And I can register the voice that is speaking. Haymitch! So I'm in District 12 still. But where exactly? And what do they-whoever they are-want with me? I hear Annie too. Johanna. Even little Finn. I want to cry at how worried they sound. I'm sure they are looking for me. When we first hear their voices I can tell it throws my captors off.
"They're looking for her-"
"Shhh!"
"We can't keep her here anymore. We need to move. Wait for their answer someplace else-"
"I said SHUT UP," voices hiss.
What answer are they waiting on? Of course no one speaks to me.
And then comes a day when I am feeling weak and incoherent again. I can swear the voice I hear next is a figment of my imagination. That is, until my captors start to freak out.
I'm trying to massage some feeling back in my wrists, which are bound behind me, when I hear Haymitch's voice close by.
"Paylor's men are searching the district. We have teams up and down every street in Merchant Circle. She's around here somewhere. The message we intercepted said that she is here in 12."
"Then where is she Haymitch," I hear a pleading voice. "It's been two weeks. What if they get tired of waiting for an answer and just kill her?"
"They won't. They're just the hired guns. They will wait for the official answer. And we will intercept that, so don't worry."
"How can you tell me not to worry," comes his panicked voice. "My wife has been kidnapped by a group of psychopaths who are doing god knows what to her! I want her back, Haymitch. If anything happens to her-"
"I know kid. I know. We are doing everything we can."
I shift from side to side and my head is spinning. Peeta. He's really here! He came back.
"Shit," one of my captors swears. "He's back."
"That's what you're worried about? They intercepted our message! They know we have her."
"So what? They don't know where we are. And we just need to get word to Teacher and tell him we are being watched. We have to be careful with our correspondence."
"I still think we need to get out of 12. They're too close. It's too risky."
"It's too risky trying to leave. You think they won't be watching at all hours?"
"Let's try to leave early in the morning. When everyone is asleep."
"Fine. But you are going out first and if you get shot, you can bet your ass I am leaving you behind."
I try to sleep but I can't. My captors are rustling around making too much noise.
"We should drug her again," one of them whispers. "Before we leave."
"And then we'll have to drag her around."
"She's not heavy, I can carry her."
"A drugged woman is going to be different than one who can walk on her own. Leave the drugs out of her system. And give me your gun. In case anyone is nearby."
"You know the orders. You can't kill any other Victors."
"I know that. I don't have to kill them. Just injure them enough to make sure they don't follow us."
Oh Peeta. I start to struggle and am rewarded by a kick in the face.
"You be quiet. Don't you start trying to make trouble or we will drug you and carry you all the way…away from the district." He almost slipped and said where he was taking me. Dammit.
I hear snores and assume both my captors are trying to sleep before their big break out. I start to flick my wrists, wincing as the ropes dig into my flesh. I try to stand but almost topple over as my feet are bound. I manage to lower myself back down before I wind up waking them up. I struggle until the blindfold slips down and it falls around my neck. We're in a barn! Haymitch's barn! That's why I have been able to hear them so clearly. We are so close and I wonder how far I can get before they wake up. I move closer to the door and wince as the floor creaks. I crawl on my knees, glancing at my captors, who are snoring against the hay. I suck in a breath as I back up against the door, fumbling for the latch with my bound hands. I see one of them shift and I freeze in place. Of course the odds are never in my favor. He jumps up and his wide eyes meet mine.
"You take one more step, mockingjay, and I will shoot you in the head." Swallowing, I back up. Now that I know Peeta is so close, I can't just let myself die like this. I try to stand up but trip and fall right into the water trough right beside me. I moan as I hit the freezing water and shiver violently as I struggle to get out. He grabs me and yanks me to my feet. I shudder as he twists my arm painfully and stabs a needle into my skin. No. Dammit. Not again…
It's different this time. If my hands were free, I would try to claw the drugs out of my system. I feel hazy and lightheaded. I keep seeing things in my mind, strange and horrible visions. I keep seeing bombs explode and bodies catching fire. I watch over and over, as Prim burns alive, reaching out to me. I watch Peeta behind a glass window as he writhes on a table, screaming my name, pleading for me to save him. Rue, removing the spear from her stomach, Finnick being decapitated by mutts, Cinna being beaten to death right in front of me. It goes on all night.
I hear them chuckling by my side as I fight off the hallucinations. I itch like crazy and the poison feels like fire in my veins. I writhe and shriek into my gag. One of them cups my chin and spits in my face.
"Finally feeling what your little baker boy felt for so long. How's it feel, Mockingjay? You understand now why he is so fucked up? Why he'll never be the same?" Oh god. This drug. This poison. The hallucinations.
Tracker-jacker venom. I should have known the moment they injected it. I've been stung before. It was all too familiar. That night is the worst of all, as my poisoned mind shows me Prim and and my father and Finnick and Cinna and Rue and the hundreds of others who died. I see Peeta being tortured until he is nothing but a bloody mess on the floor. My blindfold is soaked from my tears.
I don't know how long I'm out or how long the drugs take to wear off. I am shivering and sniffling when I wake up and am still soaking wet from my little dip in the trough. I should have known we were outside by the way the cold air slips under the door and freezes us all. There is a sharp pain in my arm where the man twisted it. I heard something crack and I cry out as I try to move it. My blindfold is secured again and there are more ropes around my arms and chest. There is rustling nearby and the sounds of a struggle. Something crashes to the ground next to me and I jump.
"Who are you and what the fuck do you want," I hear a voice growl.
"I think you know the answers to both of those questions," my captor hisses. "And so sorry we have to detain you like this, Mr. Mellark, but we can't have you following us."
"I swear to you if you bastards have done anything to Katniss-"
"Save your empty threats! They mean nothing here. You may be a Victor but we are Revolutionaries. We fear nothing."
"Good. Because I'm going to fucking tear you apart!"
"Would you shut him up?"
"Pass me the rope."
"Need to find some more. In the mean time, little victor," he must have grabbed Peeta's arm because he sounds like he is struggling but then his hand is on my face and he freezes. His fingers seem hesitant and his palm is gentle as it caresses my cheek.
"Katniss," he chokes out in a whisper. I want to cry at the sound of his voice. I whimper and his hand flutters against my face.
"Oh god Katniss." His fingers deftly remove my blindfold and I squeeze my eyes shut, opening them to find his blindfolded face just inches from mine. I nuzzle against his hand and his fingertips graze over my gag. He moves closer and I feel his lips on my cheek.
"I'm here sweetheart. I'm here." How my arms ache to hold him. How much I want to fling myself in his arms right now. I see my captor approach us and I wince. He grabs a handful of Peeta's curls and Peeta hisses in pain.
"Now that you know she is just fine." He pulls Peeta's hands behind his back, binding them tightly, before adding thick cord to his mouth. Peeta struggles and yells curses into his gag but the men seemed satisfied and move away.
"We need to go," one of them hisses. "They'll be looking for him now."
"We can use him. If he wants to keep her safe, he'll do what we tell him to." The man looks over at us doubtfully and I just want to cry. I move as close as I can and nuzzle up against Peeta's shoulder. We move awkwardly but we end up leaning with our backs to each other, and his hands find mine. I settle down and try to sleep with Peeta breathing heavily right next to me.
With some very awkward situating, we are able to get each other's gags off and are careful our whispers do not travel across the barn.
"Peeta, how did you find me?"
"I asked Haymitch if we had searched the grounds of the Village. I should have waited for everyone to wake up but I just had this feeling and came close to the barn. I guess I was…drawn to you. Anyway, I thought I saw someone moving around so I burst in. They had me on the ground and tied me up before I could yell for help. I'm sorry Katniss. I should have…I should have gone and woken Haymitch up. Or gone and gotten Gale. But I just felt you nearby and needed to know."
"It's not your fault," I say through chattering teeth. Peeta's hand squeezes mine and he swallows heavily.
"Katniss, you're freezing."
"It is snowing outside," I say with a bitter laugh.
"But you're…wet. And half frozen. Katniss, you're bound to catch something!"
"I tried to escape and fell into the water trough. I think their plans are to kill me so they don't really care if I catch pneumonia."
"I swear to you Katniss, I won't let anything happen to you." I remember the captors' threats and wouldn't put it past them to leave Peeta out here in the freezing cold.
"Peeta they want me. Not you. I don't want anything to happen to you. You can't stop them."
"Like hell I can't. I'll die fighting if I have to."
"Peeta," I say urgently. "Please. I can't…I'll die if something else happens to you. Something else being my fault. I can't let you-"
"That's bullshit, Katniss. When are you going to stop blaming yourself for everything?" I'm silent and feel him shift closer.
"Katniss, you were caught in the web of life, just like I was. We were caught by the Games and by some sick twisted form of fate, we went through…well, everything that we went through. And not a single time was any of it your fault."
"I'm pretty sure these guys would disagree with you," I sigh. "They're the Coin supporters aren't they?"
"Red Revolutionaries," he says quietly. "A terrorist group who has been seeking revenge for Coin. The President knew they were close by and they wanted to double security around 12. It's why so many people were moving here. Lots of them were undercover. Gale intercepted a letter a few days ago from the Revolutionaries to someone they call Teacher. I assume it is their leader and they are waiting on orders. So far, their orders are just to detain you and wait for the rest of their squad. But since we intercepted their message, they're not coming here. Yesterday Gale told me that Paylor found Teacher's hideout and is now questioning the rest of the squad. They want you dead but they want to try you fairly," he spits out the last word, scoffing. "So my guess is that they will want to take you back to 13 once they figure out the orders aren't coming."
"They talked about moving me, before they captured you. And they might try to use you to-"
"They can try but I told you, I'm still fighting to keep you alive."
"Peeta," I sigh but I know I can't argue with him anymore. We're quiet for a few minutes and my hand shakes in his. I feel a cold coming on and my throat is getting so sore. But I have to keep talking to him.
"When did you…come back?" I feel him suck in a breath.
"As soon as I saw that you had gone missing."
"So if none of this had happened, you would have still stayed away."
"Katniss-"
"No Peeta. I don't want to hear it. You come running when I am in danger but when it's my sanity, you don't give a damn?"
"Of course I give a damn. I love you more than anything Katniss. But after what I did…my god, I just woke up to see you bloody and your face like that and…I just had to leave. I couldn't believe…couldn't fathom that I had done that. That my own hands could hurt you like that. Again!"
"You hurt me a lot worse by running away," I say quietly and he falls silent. I try to settle down against him and sleep but his voice breaks out of the silence again.
"Some way to spend our anniversary, huh?" I jerk, nearly knocking him in the face.
"It's…it's our anniversary?"
"Yeah."
"Oh. I didn't know how much time has passed…how long they have kept me here." I feel dizzy and weak and it reminds me too much of the Games. How we are huddled against each other, trying to save the other. Peeta's hand finds mine again and squeezes.
"We're getting out of here, Katniss. We'll celebrate many more anniversaries together."
"Does that mean that you won't leave me again?"
"I was a fool to ever leave your side. I'll always come back to you, Katniss. Always." He chuckles softly and shakes his head. "Haymitch must be so sick of us. Always hurting each other, running from each other when things get bad."
"He called me from the Capitol one night and wanted to know what I had done to set you off. Johanna got really angry and took the phone and screamed at him. She made him apologize and he promised he was going to search for you. To bring you home. I'm not sure if he heard the full story from Rory or not, but he told me not to give up and that you would come to your senses and come back home."
"I would have. I mean, I may have stayed away for a while longer but I can't survive without you. And I know you need me as much as I need you. I may run, Katniss, but I swear I'll come back to you." I lay my head on his shoulder and he kisses my cheek.
"It may not matter. If Haymitch doesn't find us in time…well, the odds have never really been in our favor."
"The odds were in my favor the day I met you, Katniss. I swore as a little boy I would protect you and I will never break that vow. Get some rest if you can. Tomorrow we are getting out of here."