I don't think I've had any sleep for at least two weeks. I definitely didn't sleep in District 8 and ever since I heard that Katniss was missing, it's been even harder. She's shivering against me and all I want to do is hold her so tightly that the rest of the world ceases to exist. My heart may very well fall out of my chest if anything else happens to her. I can't see her with this damn thing the bastards put over my eyes but I can hear how weak and sickly she sounds. Her body shakes with coughs and I know her immune system hasn't quite healed from her last bout of sickness. If I don't get her out of this cold barn soon, I will lose her. I don't know what these men have planned but I'll yell and scream and make as much noise as possible to get Haymitch out here. I don't know how they have gone so long without being discovered. The barn is in Haymitch's backyard for crying out loud! Just because he doesn't want to go near it ever again, I suppose, maybe that's why the Revolutionaries chose this spot to hide her. Everyone in 12 is looking for her, though. I think they must have drugged her to keep her so quiet. I shift in my bindings, hoping not to wake her. She stirs but doesn't say anything. I try to keep still as I hear the men stirring as well.
"Sun's about up. Let's just grab her and go. Leave him behind."
"We still need to wait for an answer from Teacher."
"Are you deaf? They intercepted our message! They must have found Teacher's hideout. We can't wait anymore. We need to take her back now."
"To what? If they found his hideout, then there is nowhere for us to take her. We should just kill her now while we have the chance. To hell with the trial. She's guilty anyway. We know what Teacher's verdict was going to be. He'll be happy we got rid of her."
I immediately start to writhe in my ropes and I toss my head.
"You bastards won't touch her, you understand?"
"Oh look who's awake. And who's going to stop us, little victor? You?"
"I survived two Hunger Games while you sons of bitches hid underground! Your president was a manipulative, deceitful-" I feel a kick to my stomach and I double up in pain, my insults forgotten.
"You will not speak ill of our president like that," he barks. "You victors are all the same. You think you are the only people on earth who matter. You're so used to a life of luxury that you forget how the real people live."
"Life of luxury," I scoff. "You mean being sold to the highest bidder for whatever sick acts they deem us worthy of? Living in fear that if you do something wrong, your loved ones will suffer for it? Or how about just trying to live a normal life with the nightmares and the terrible things you see in your head after you survive the Games? Fuck you, you ignorant blockheads. You know nothing about a victor's life! You didn't have to live with the fear of the Games hanging over your head!"
"Peeta," I hear her faint whisper. She releases a cough and it makes me grimace. I feel one of them tugging on my hair, pulling me to my feet. I stumble on my prosthetic and I hear Katniss whimper beside me.
"Stand up, Mockingjay. Do you see your husband? Look at him. Ready to defend you. Ready to die for you. After everything you have done."
"Shut up," I snarl, jerking my head but only succeed in having a few of my curls ripped out.
"We'll make this easy for you, Mockingjay." I feel something cold at my temple and hear Katniss suck in a breath.
"You come with us willingly and we won't kill him. Refuse, and you'll have more blood on your hands."
"No," she cries, my heart tearing at the sound of it. "You can't kill him. You said so yourself. You can't kill more victors."
"Things have changed. We aren't following anyone's orders anymore. And we will avenge Alma's death. We don't want to kill another victor but we will if necessary. If you choose to make this more difficult than it has to be." I try to jerk myself out of the man's grip but he has a tight hold and the gun digs deeper into my temple. I groan, as a strong beefy arm wraps around my neck. I'm reminded of the end of our first Games, when Cato had me in a headlock. I was sure I was done for. He could snap my neck in two seconds. But Katniss saved my life and the arrow she fired into Cato's hand made him lose focus and fall to his death. Right now, I'd give anything to be able to look into Katniss's eyes. She can't do this. She can't die for me.
"Fine," I hear her shaky voice. "Let's go."
"Katniss! Don't you dare!"
"I'm sorry Peeta. I can't let you die."
"Good little mockingjay," he croons in my ear and I can no longer feel the gun. I feel one of them grab my arm and pull up my sleeve.
"Wait, what are you-"
"Calm down, Everdeen. We're not hurting him. Just making sure he can't follow us." I shake as I feel a needle scrape my skin.
"Wait! Can I…can I please say goodbye?"
"You didn't give Alma that chance," the man snarls but the other man quietly scolds him. I feel trembling hands lift my blindfold and I stare down into watery grey eyes, a huge gash across her forehead, reminding me terribly about the cut Clove gave her at the Feast. Katniss reaches up and holds my face in her hands.
"The odds may not be in our favor…but it was a miracle and a blessing the day you told me you would love me forever."
"Katniss-" her lips crash against mine and I try again. Each time I try to speak, her kisses silence me.
"You have so much love inside you, Peeta. Please don't let this be it for you. You deserve to be happy. Find someone who will make you happy."
"Katniss!" Her words nearly knock me to the floor. She actually thinks I could ever move on and find someone else? Out of the corner of my eye, I see the man holding the needle in his hands. Outside, I hear footsteps and voices coming from Haymitch's house. It's now or never.
"HAYMITCH! THE BARN!"
"Peeta!"
"You son of a bitch!"
I hear a gunshot go off and I am momentarily stunned. Katniss's scream wakes me and I hear footsteps running outside. The door bursts open and I hear "drop your guns now!" The two men drop their guns and lots of people run into the barn. I see Haymitch, Gale, Effie, Johanna, George, Thom, Brent, and two big soldiers I know are on Gale's search team. Gale is speaking into his communicator and Brent and Thom are tying the two men up. Haymitch kneels next to Katniss and unties her and she launches herself at me, her hands hastily working at the ropes around my hands.
"Peeta! Peeta are you alright?"
"I'm fine," I say, though a little dazed. Sniffling, she clutches my leg.
"Your leg!" Then I understand why she is freaking out. I fight to hide my smile as I roll up my pants leg to reveal my prosthetic. Her wide eyes find mine and I grin.
"Guess it would have hurt a lot more if I actually had a leg." So the men shot me in the wrong leg. Well that's lucky for me! She sniffles and throws her arms around me. My arms wrap around her and I hold her in my lap as she cries into my chest.
"Get this scum out of here," Gale barks to his soldiers and I watch the men being lead away. I long to throw out some kind of harsh words but all I care about is having my wife back in my arms, safe and sound.
"Make sure they are taken directly to President Paylor," Haymitch says, nodding. "Sweetheart, come on inside, you look awful." I glance up at Haymitch and back at Katniss and see why he is worried. She has dirt and bruises all over her face, she is pale and shivering, and she's holding her arm at a strange angle. I try to pull both of us to our feet but she won't release my neck. Johanna pries her fingers from my shirt and George helps me to my feet. I stumble a little and notice my prosthetic is a little bit damaged by the bullet. I don't say anything about it as I limp to Katniss's side.
"Let's get you inside," Johanna says softly, her arm around Katniss.
"Peeta," she croaks, searching for my hand.
"I'm here," I assure her, my hand finding hers. I follow Johanna into our house and she sets to making tea. I lead Katniss upstairs where I strip her of the wet clothes she is in and help her dress in a pair of loose sweat pants and a baggy shirt. For good measure I pull one of my hooded jackets over her head and pull her into my chest. She coughs and it causes her entire body to shake.
"Why don't you take a bath and I'll call your mother and let her know you are ok? I'll bring you some tea and dinner."
"No. Stay with me." Her fingers are buried in my shirt and I gently turn her face upwards so I can stroke her cheek.
"Katniss I'm not going anywhere. I want to take care of you, though. Why don't you-"
"Hey," Johanna's voice says from the door. "Haymitch is on the phone with her mother. Anything specific she needs to know?"
"Katniss is sick," I say immediately. "She's been out in that barn for god knows how long. We need the healing tea, fast." Johanna nods and disappears and Katniss's lip trembles. I notice she is sweating and still she shivers. I pull her into the bathroom and run the water in our tub.
"Stay here and I'll be right back," I whisper before I kiss her and run out of the room. Johanna and George are waiting for me in the hallway.
"Gale wants to talk to her," Johanna says bitterly. "He has questions about her captivity."
"He can wait. She is going to take a bath and eat something first. I didn't just get her back only to lose her again." Johanna nods and I hurry downstairs, ignoring the odd limp in my leg. Thom hands me a tray that Johanna must have put together. I take the tea and biscuits back upstairs and see Katniss has not moved from her perch on the sink. I set the tray on the toilet and pull my jacket over her head. I undress her quickly and gently nudge her toward the tub. She climbs in and looks up at me, so I hurriedly fumble with my belt and shove my jeans and underwear down. I step into the hot water and throw my shirt to the side. I reach for the tray and hand her a cup of tea. She sips at it but her coughing gets worse every time she tries to take a drink. Finally she huffs and hands it to me and lays her head back on my chest. Sighing, I set the tea aside and wrap my arms around her, splashing small handfuls of warm water over her arms and chest. Her arm is still twisted at a strange angle over her stomach and I gently pick up her wrist. She lets out a cry and I gently move my fingers over her arm.
"Is it broken?"
"I don't think so. But I heard something snap so it could be some kind of fracture. The man twisted it really hard and…" she falls silent and my fists clench in anger. I'll see to it these men are tried and punished for this. I call to Johanna, who taps on the door to let me know she is there.
"Her arm is also injured. I think she should just come here."
"She's coming in the morning," she calls back and I feel Katniss stir.
"My mother?"
"Yes. She's the best healer, we all know that. We can wrap it and ice it until she gets here." It astounds me that Mrs. Everdeen didn't come here when she heard her daughter went missing. Maybe she just couldn't deal with the prospect of losing another daughter. That doesn't make me feel any less sympathetic though. She's as selfish as my own mother was. Katniss moans as she tries to move her arm a little and I shift her so she can be more comfortable. She closes her eyes and nuzzles against me.
"I'm so tired, Peeta. Like I could close my eyes and just never wake up again."
"Don't you talk like that," I say sharply. "After everything we have been through, you are going to let two District 13 psychopath assholes defeat you? Come on, Katniss. You're stronger than this. You can fight this."
"I'm so tired of fighting," she whispers and I bite my lip when I see how pale she is. "It feels like it's all I have done all my life. Fought for freedom, fought for love, fought for my life, fought for others' lives. When does the fighting stop? Why, even years after the Games have ended, do I still feel like we are in that cave? We never left the arena."
"Katniss," I say gently, lifting her into my arms and turning her face so she will look at me. "We did leave. And we won. We protected each other and we are together. We continue to fight for a life together because we deserve it. We deserve to be happy. So I'll never stop fighting for you. You have to stay strong and remember that I am lost without you. If you won't fight for yourself, do it for me."
"I love you, Peeta," she says tiredly as she lays her cheek against my shoulder.
"I love you too." I tenderly lift a cloth to wash the blood and dirt away and her eyes remain closed the whole time. I show her the utmost care, and I think back to the time when she washed me like this for the first time. She wouldn't look my way, being squeamish about nudity but she showed me tenderness and care while she washed me in the river. She tried to tend to my wounds as best as she could. I still remember her face when she saw my leg for the first time. I swear I thought she would throw up all over the place. I think she did, actually, where I couldn't see.
And then that morning when I woke up in the cave and found her lying in a pool of blood beside me. My fever had disappeared, the pain in my leg had faded to a dull ache, and the infection had gone down. I knew immediately that she had gone to the feast to get medicine for me. After I told her explicitly not to go. Then I remembered how she had drugged me with sleep syrup. I was furious and terrified that I would lose her. She seemed to be bleeding to death in my arms. I wrapped her head wound and held her close to my chest, whispering how much I needed her, how much I loved her. When she woke up, we had argued because I was still angry that she risked her life for me. She argued that I would have done it. Of course I would have. But Katniss should never risk her life for me.
And now she has done it more times than I can count. I kiss her shoulder and have her lean up so I can get out and get dressed. When she climbs out of the tub, she looks dead on her feet. I dig around for bandages and things under our sink and manage to put her arm in a crude sort of sling. I'm sure someone else could have done it better but I decide it will do for tonight. Her mother will be able to help her more when she arrives tomorrow. Katniss looks like she is about to keel over so I lift her in my arms, wincing when I feel how light she is. I don't know the last time she actually ate and I want her to eat something before she goes to sleep. But the moment her head hits the pillow, she starts snoring softly and I push her hair out of her eyes before giving her a gentle kiss and going back downstairs.
Johanna, Haymitch, George, Gale, and his two soldiers are waiting for me in the kitchen. Thom and Brent had to get home. Delly is going to have the baby any day now and I know Brent doesn't like to be away from her for too long. Johanna hands me a cup of tea and I gratefully sip.
"Where is she?" I look up at Gale, who is standing at the sink with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Sleeping. I tried to get her to come downstairs and eat but she just fell into bed. I'm sure it's been awhile since she has had any decent rest." Gale looks irritated but doesn't say anything. One of his soldiers glances at us.
"President Paylor asks that you call her, Commander Hawthorne." Gale nods and looks around.
"Can I borrow your phone, Peeta?"
"Course. Let me show you to the study."
"I know where it is. This house is nearly identical to Katniss's old one." I don't say anything as he stalks out of the room, his jaw tightened. I'm not sure exactly how much time Gale spent in Katniss's house during our time apart and I don't ask. Johanna, too, looks bothered by Gale's comment. She rolls her eyes and shakes her head.
"That man doesn't like losing." One of the soldiers clears his throat and looks at her pointedly. Johanna's eyes narrow.
"Don't like me talking bad about your commander, Soldier? Get the hell over it. I'm here to take care of Katniss and Peeta. I don't care about anyone else."
"Baby," George tries to soothe her, rubbing her shoulders and she sighs.
"Sorry. I'm just worried about Katniss. She didn't look so good."
"I'm going up to keep an eye on her. Do you guys need anything before I say goodnight?"
"Effie will be waiting for me so I'll let her know everyone is ok. I heard a gunshot, Peeta, and saw sweetheart freaking out. Are you sure you're ok?" To be honest, I'd forgotten about my prosthetic. I've been so focused on Katniss, I hadn't bothered to check it for any damage.
"They shot me in the leg. My prosthetic leg," I quickly correct at the look on their faces. "I'm fine but it may have done some damage. Maybe I can have Izzy send me a new one from the Capitol."
"I'll call Aurelius as soon as I get home," Haymitch says, nodding. "You should spend time with your wife." I raise my brow at him. Maybe it's because I just got shot, or just got my wife back, but he's being uncharacteristically nice. He scowls at me and I have to laugh. He and Katniss are so much alike.
"Thanks Haymitch," I say softly as I walk out of the room. I hear Gale talking in a low voice in the study and I hurry to our room before I can hear anything I'm not supposed to. Katniss is still sound asleep and I pull off my shirt and slide into bed beside her. She immediately nuzzles up to me and I pull her into my arms, my face resting in her hair. Occasionally she lets out a cough but seems ok for the most part. I avoid her injured arm as I hold her close, feeling sleep tugging at me as well.
A knock at the door makes me jerk awake, which I'm grateful for. Nightmarish visions of what those two men could have done to Katniss haunted me all night and I tossed and turned, finally deciding to stay awake so I wouldn't bother her. I quickly fling the blankets aside and glance down to see my wife is still sound asleep before I grab a robe and hurry downstairs.
Annie smiles at me when I open the door and I accept her hug.
"I'm so relieved she's alright."
"Thanks Annie. Hello Mrs. Everdeen. Please come in."
"Peeta, really, isn't it time you started calling me Mother?" I swallow and don't say anything as I lead them into the living room.
"Is she still sleeping?"
"I wanted to let her sleep as long as possible. I don't think she's slept for several days."
"I'll start making my healing tea. Peeta, why don't you make some breakfast? I had an early train and didn't get to eat before I left."
"Of course." I hurry to the cabinets and start pulling things out to make pancakes. Annie follows us into the kitchen.
"I'm going to see if Finn is awake yet."
"You're welcome to bring him and Jo and George over for pancakes," I say from the sink.
"I'll do that. Be right back." I hear the front door close quietly as Annie walks back to her house and I am left in the kitchen with my mother-in-law. We're both quiet as we stir and she sighs deeply.
"I suppose she has already ranted and raved at you for leaving?" I gulp. I had hoped to avoid this conversation, having already been through it with Haymitch, Effe, Johanna, and Annie. Even Gale had very sharp words for me. Johanna threatened to cut certain body parts off if I ever left again. I really don't want to do this with Katniss's mother too.
"Believe me, she let me have it. As did everyone else."
She lets out a soft "hmmm" but doesn't say anything more. Her lips are thin and she looks disapproving. Really though, I don't need a lecture from her. She's hardly one to talk about abandoning Katniss. She doesn't speak again until I am flipping the pancakes.
"You're much better than I am, Peeta," she says softly and I freeze. "Despite what has happened to you…what they put you through, you have stayed with her and continued to love her with fierce ardor. Your determination to keep her safe is why I have always admired you and the reason I am grateful you are in her life. She is lucky to have you, Peeta."
I have heard this spoken more times than I can count. Still, my answer is always the same.
"I'm the lucky one, I promise you." She smiles and pats my shoulder before turning back to her tea. I hear a soft knock on the door and look up to see Annie walking into the kitchen, followed by George and Johanna who is holding Finn.
"Uncle Peeta!" I take the boy from Johanna and spin him around. He is getting so big and his bronze curls are identical to his father's. Annie smiles as Finn and I laugh together.
"You hungry, Finn? I'm making my famous chocolate chip pancakes!"
"Yes! I love your pancakes!" I laugh, knowing he has never tasted my pancakes before but I love to spoil him with sweets from the bakery so he never questions it when I bring him something I baked. Annie pours everyone a glass of milk and I set the syrup on the table. Mrs. Everdeen pours the tea into a mug and hands it to me.
"You want to bring this to her? See if she will come downstairs and eat something." I nod and take the steaming mug up to our bedroom. Katniss is bent over in bed, coughing and holding her hand to her mouth. When she lowers her hand, I see specks of red. My heart lurches and I immediately fall down beside her and wrap my arm around her.
"Here sweetheart, drink this. Your mother has made a whole pot of it."
"She's here," she says weakly, her fumbling fingers gripping the mug. I hold it in my hands, keeping her from spilling it.
"She just arrived a little while ago. She asked if you would come downstairs and eat something. I made your favorite. Chocolate chip pancakes."
"I'm really not hungry," she says before she is seized by another round of coughs.
"That's the sickness talking. I'll make you some soup. You really need to eat something." She doesn't argue so I help her slip on a robe and I quickly change into some jeans and a long sleeve flannel shirt while she sips her tea. She tries to braid her hair but gets frustrated when she can't do it with one hand.
"Here, let me." I move to sit behind her and part her hair into three pieces. It's not neat by any standards but it will work and I feel proud as I slip the band into the end of her hair. She turns to smile at me and I try to ignore how pale she looks and how dark the circles are under her eyes.
"You're just full of surprises."
"I am. Come on, let's get you downstairs." She puts her legs over the side of the bed but as soon as she touches the floor, she crashes to her knees. She cries out in pain as she tries to use her injured arm to support herself and I am at her side in seconds.
"I'll carry you. Put your arm around my neck." She does as I ask and I hand her the mug of tea so I can carry her down the stairs. She hides her face in the crook of my neck as I enter the room and everyone greets her with soft voices. Even Johanna is biting her lip nervously, watching Katniss with concern and tenderness. I gently place her in her favorite arm chair and stretch her legs out on the ottoman in front of her so she will be more comfortable. Annie must have told Finn to be quiet because he is watching Katniss with wide eyes but he is completely silent.
"How are you feeling, Katniss," Mrs. Everdeen asks softly. Katniss turns to her mother and blinks with exhaustion.
"Like death."