All I want to do is sleep. Peeta insisted on getting me downstairs but I shiver when I see the living room full of people. I love all of these people but I really don't want them to see me like this. I hate feeling so weak and helpless. I have never been good with letting people help me. Whenever I get sick, Peeta dotes on me like the most gentle of husbands and I know he stayed awake last night to keep an eye on me. His tired eyes tell me he still has not slept in quite some time. Still, he put on a smile this morning and brought me down to see my family. My mother rises from her chair and brushes my hair off my forehead.
"How are you feeling, Katniss?" I blink up at her and try to ignore the stabbing pain in my throat.
"Like death," I croak out. Peeta sucks in a breath beside me and my mother strokes my face.
"Drink all of that tea. I'll make some more and I have some medicines you need to take. Peeta why don't you make her some soup? It will be easier on her stomach." He nods and jumps to his feet but I shake my head.
"I'm not hungry."
"Katniss, you must eat."
"I said I'm not hungry," my voice rises and I feel the tension in the room thicken. I try to clear my throat but that is just more painful. I see Finn out of the corner of my eye and he looks frightened. My face softens and I reach out for him.
"Hey Finn, how's my little guy doing?"
"I missed you Aunt Niss," he says quietly, taking a tentative step toward me. I smile.
"I missed you too. I'm ok though. Your Uncle Peeta took care of me." I feel a tickle in my throat and I bend over, coughing into my hand. When I pull away I feel something hot and sticky. My fingers are coated in my own blood and I gasp. Peeta clears his throat and gives Johanna a pointed look. She sets down her plate and pats her lap.
"Hey Finn, why don't you come with George and me to Colton's barn? He invited us to see his new horse today!"
"But…I wanted to see how Aunt Niss was doing," he says uncertainly. I try to put on a brave smile.
"I'm doing just fine, Finn. I think I'm going to take a nap, ok? You and Mommy can come back for dinner later, would that be alright?" Finn nods and bites his lip.
"Take care of her, Uncle Peeta," he tells Peeta as he follows Johanna and George out. Peeta ruffles his hair.
"I will, buddy. Say hi to Colton for me."
When they are gone, my mother swoops down on me.
"How long have you been coughing?"
"I don't know. I have no idea how long I've been in that barn. Mom, my arm hurts the worst right now." She gently takes it in her hands and I grimace. Peeta is standing over us, his eyes furrowed with concern and anxiety.
"It doesn't look broken but you might have fractured it. What happened to it?"
"Man twisted it," I say through gritted teeth as she pokes and prods. I look up to see Peeta's jaw clench and his face red with anger.
"We should probably take you to the hospital. They have machines and such to see if there is anything broken. And we need an X-ray of your lungs. I fear your sickness may be worse than we thought." As if to prove her point, I cough again, spraying blood on the table. Mom bites her lip.
"It's settled. We're taking you to the hospital. Peeta, pack her a bag of clothes and get her anything she may need for a few days stay."
"Mom, I don't want to be there for a few days," I protest and I feel Peeta's hand on my hair.
"Honey listen to your mother. I'll be with you the whole time, I promise." He presses a kiss to my hair and hurries off to do as my mother says. She's kneeling in front of me now, peering into my eyes.
"These stitches should have come out some time ago," she says more to herself than to me.
"Yeah well, it's difficult to get stitches out when you're tied up in a barn," I snap. Peeta returns quickly and he waits by the chair for further instructions.
"Can you carry her to the car?"
"Of course." He bends next to me and waits for me to put my arms around his neck. Instead, I cross my arms over my chest.
"Katniss," he sighs with a bite of impatience. I know I'm acting like a petulant child right now but I don't care. He shakes his head and hoists me into his arms, trying to avoid my injured arm. I hiss in pain as I am jostled and a pain shoots from my wrist to my elbow. His face softens.
"Sorry. Would you start cooperating a little, Mrs. Mellark? Or you going to be difficult the entire time?"
"Going to be difficult," I say without missing a beat. He stifles a smile.
"Have it your way then." He kisses me on the cheek before he carries me to the car and belts me in. In no time, we are at the hospital.
I hate hospitals. Despite the fact that my mother works in one, and Prim would have worked here as well, I don't do well around the sick and wounded. Enough people know that about me. Besides, hospitals are new to the districts. Before the War, we treated our sick and wounded at home. Or died at home. Not in a clean, white building. I hate the smells, I hate the way people are fake cheerful and I hate the sight of the clean, sterile rooms. I'm terrified this will send Peeta into a flashback but he keeps a firm grip on me and refuses to put me down, even when a doctor offers him a wheelchair. A nurse leads us into a room and Peeta helps me onto the table. I see him clench his fists several times and squeeze his eyes shut but then he looks at me and his eyes are as blue as ever. He's holding it together for me. He's doing everything he can to fight it. I rest my hand over his and entwine our fingers. He kisses my knuckles and kneels beside the table. I hear Mom talking to the nurse in quiet voices and I tune them out. I tug Peeta up to me and he sits on the table beside me so I can rest my head on his shoulder. When the nurse moves forward, Peeta jumps off the table and moves to my side.
"Alright Katniss, I'm just going to check your lungs and then we will get an X-ray of that arm, alright?" I nod, not really caring what they do. I feel terrible. My head is pounding, my throat feels like I swallowed glass, and my arm feels like tiny needles are sticking me all over. She leans over and peers into my eyes. She checks my breathing, then she rolls this massive machine toward me and starts lifting my shirt. She turns to my mother and nods, then hurries out of the room.
"Glad no one is going to tell me anything," I say grumpily and I see mom shoot me a disapproving look. Peeta's thumb rubs over my knuckles.
What seems like hours later, the doctor comes in and introduces herself. She shakes Peeta's hand and smiles at mom.
"Katniss, Nurse Farrah gave me notes on your arm and your stitches. Is there anything else that happened that I should know about?" I blink at her.
"Like what?"
"Anything those men did to you. We need to have an account of any and all injuries they may have caused." I glance at Peeta, then back at the doctor.
"Um…not really. They just…drugged me and wouldn't let me have anything to eat or drink for a long time." She bites her lip and glances quickly at Peeta before she leans closer.
"Did they do anything else?" I hear Peeta suck in a sharp breath and I look quickly at him but see him looking at the floor. I blink in confusion. Didn't I just tell her what they did?
"I'm not sure what you're asking here."
"Katniss," mom says softly. "Did those men…did they force you to do anything…with them?" I think I'm finally catching up; it certainly would explain why Peeta looks like he is on the verge of a flashback. I shake my head back and forth.
"No. No, nothing like that." The doctor nods, looking relieved. Peeta looks at me with tears in his eyes.
"Alright. I'm going to give you a sedative so we can set your arm, alright? This will sting for just a minute." I'm so used to needles in my arms that I hardly feel it. Peeta rubs at the spot with a careful touch and I feel even more tired than I already did. But I don't want to go to sleep. What if I wake up and Peeta isn't here? What if the hospital proves to be too much and he goes into a flashback and I can't help him? I try to squeeze his fingers but he is right above me, his face starting to swim.
"Just rest, love. I told you I would be right here and I will. Always." His lips on my forehead are the last thing I register before I am pulled under.
I have been in this hospital room for three days and my temper has not improved in the slightest. Mom is tired of my irritable attitude and avoids my room. Peeta has kept his promise and has not left my side. I try to soften my words when I speak to him and I think he can tell I am trying not to take it out on him. I have woken up screaming from my nightmares, only to spend several hours crying into his chest. He holds me close and rubs my back, whispering how much he loves me. It's just like when he first returned. When we first started to improve. How can it be years later and I feel like we have regressed? Does life ever get easier?
I don't want any visitors. Annie, Haymitch, and Johanna have stopped by but Peeta has politely told them that I'm resting. I know Finn must be worried. George is watching him at the moment and they tell me he keeps asking if I'm ok. I guess it's scary when your aunt disappears for several weeks and then reappears looking like hell. He's a smart kid and as he gets older, he gets smarter. Annie told him about the Games last year. He still asks questions, some things he still doesn't understand. At the moment, Peeta is asleep in the chair next to me. I look over and see how peaceful he looks. In spite of my situation, I have to smile. As if he knows I am watching him sleep, his eyes flutter and he looks up at me. His tired face breaks into a smile.
"Hey beautiful. What are you smiling about?"
"You," I say simply. He moves to my side and I make room for him on the bed. It takes some maneuvering but we get situated and he sits behind me, holding me against his chest. At first I refused to let him touch me. I don't want him getting sick too, especially since pneumonia is contagious. But Doctor Lewis gave him some kind of shot that I suppose acts as a vaccine. He slept in my bed two nights ago and now I let him hold me whenever he wants. I already feel myself getting better, and my arm has been set in a cast and a sling so I won't move it so much. Peeta's fingers trail up and down my good arm and I close my eyes at his caresses.
"I hate seeing you sick or in pain," he says softly in my ear.
"I'm getting better though. You have been so wonderful. I know I have treated you terribly." He cups my chin and turns my face so he can kiss my nose.
"It's ok. I'll let it slide since you're sick." He grins and winks to let me know he is teasing.
"How does your face feel," he asks sadly as his fingers gently trace across my face. The stitches in my brow and lip had not been taken out in time and had to be removed as soon as I got to the hospital. Unfortunately the one across my brow has resulted in yet another bad scar. Add it to my collection, I think sadly, I have plenty. But Peeta gets really sad and tentative whenever it is brought it up. He didn't know until we stayed here the extent of the damage he had done that day in the woods. We don't talk about it except when I assured him I was perfectly fine.
"Just fine. I wasn't even thinking about my face, to be honest. You know I have dealt with more pain than this in my life." His mouth thins and he lowers his head. I twist around so I can look up into his eyes.
"Hey," I say firmly. "Don't. Don't worry about it."
"But-"
"No. Just don't." He nods, looking resigned, and rests his chin on my head, his arms wrapping around me tighter. We're interrupted by a knock at the door and Mom and the nurse come in.
"Sorry to interrupt. We brought you some lunch." My appetite has slowly come back but I still hate hospital food. Peeta has promised to make me a huge batch of cheesebuns and pretty much whatever else I want the moment we get home. They move the tray in front of me and I wrinkle my nose at my lump of a dinner.
"Katniss," Mom says firmly. "You need to eat. You're still fighting this sickness. Peeta, someone out here is asking for you."
"Um, who?"
"I'm not sure but I told him I would pass on the message. He says come to room 403 when you have a chance." I lean up so Peeta can get off the bed and he kisses my cheek.
"Eat your lunch and I'll be right back, ok?" I nod, my mouth full of the flavorless meat and I resist gagging. When Mom and the nurse are gone, I hide the meat in a napkin and tuck it under my pillow. I smile as I vaguely remember something similar from my childhood. I shared a bed with Prim when we were little, and when Dad brought home bread from the bakery, Prim and I would steal a chunk and hide it under our pillow. One day we had forgotten we hid some until we moved the pillows to change the sheet and found the most disgusting piece of mold I had ever seen. I chuckle softly as I sip my water. Peeta re-enters and quirks a brow.
"What's so funny?"
"Um…I was just remembering something from when I was a kid." He sits beside me and takes my hand.
"Tell me." Before I can speak, he reaches under my pillow and pulls the napkin out. I bite my lip to keep my laughter in as he gives me a skeptical look.
"I know it's not up to the level of my cooking but you have to eat something."
"I ate the rest of it! The meat is just gross." He shakes his head as he tosses it into the trash.
"So tell me this happy childhood memory. "
"When we were little, Dad sometimes brought bread home from the bakery. Prim and I were so in love with those breads that we would steal a huge chunk and hide it in a napkin under our pillow for later. We forgot it one day and discovered it weeks later." His nose wrinkles as he smiles.
"Ew. Bet that was a disgusting find."
"Prim actually screamed. We didn't have bread that often so when he brought it home, it was a treat."
"I remember your dad coming in to buy bread," he says wistfully. "I wasn't allowed to do any of the important jobs in the bakery, Mom thought I would ruin everything but Dad let me sweep and clean the cases. Our dads always shook hands, laughed at each other's jokes. Mom always stayed upstairs, because, you know, he was Seam. But I loved watching them interact. Merchant and Seam, shaking hands. I often think about what they would say if they saw us today."
"They would be happy for us. They are happy for us," I correct myself and he smiles and nods.
"I think so too. Speaking of happy, it was Brent who was asking about me." I sit up and my eyes widen.
"Delly?"
"Dex Brenton Canterbee was born this morning. Delly is still sleeping." I feel a rush of joy for my friends.
"Did you see him? Is Brent holding him?" Peeta nods as his fingers rake over my knuckles.
"He's so beautiful! He looks like Delly, with round cheeks but with dark hair. He's sleeping in Brent's arms."
"Oh my goodness. I'm so happy for them." He smiles and it is a genuine smile. He kisses my palm and leans back in his chair.
"I just spoke to your nurse and she says you're healing nicely. I think they're going to let you go home in a day or so."
"Thank god," I huff and he chuckles. I look into his eyes and see them soften.
"Thank you for staying with me," I say gently.
"Always Katniss," he says and I see the love blazing in his eyes.
The next day, I am barely coughing and Peeta asks if I want to walk around the room. I'm really shaky and have to hold onto him firmly but he helps me and I don't tire right away. We're both really happy with my improvement. Doctor Lewis comes in to say she is happy to see I am getting better and if I want to, I can go home tomorrow. I jump at the suggestion and she asks if Peeta wants to take me into the hall. We wind up going to room 403, where the little family is huddled together on the bed. It's such a beautiful sight, I don't want to intrude but Delly looks up and she lets out a squeal.
"Katniss! Peeta! Come in, please!"
"We didn't want to interrupt Del, but we wanted to see how you were since you were asleep yesterday when I stopped by."
"Brent said you were here too! How are you feeling, Katniss?"
"Much better Delly, thank you. I don't want to get too close, though, since I may still be sick."
"I'm sure you will be babysitting quite often," Delly says with a grin. Peeta lifts me into his arms and we stand near the bed so I can see the baby. Peeta is right, he does look like Delly. I wouldn't call him beautiful, because are any babies really beautiful?
"Isn't she beautiful, Katniss? Look. It's your sister."
My nose wrinkles at the sight of the squawling baby. It's slimy and bloody and it won't stop screaming. I look at my father and scowl.
"It's not beautiful. It's ugly."
"SHE is your baby sister, my flower. All babies are beautiful because they are new life. They are blessings in this cold, cruel world. Here, why don't you hold her? Put your hand under her head, like this. Good, flower. And cradle her like this." As soon as the baby is put in my arms, she stops crying. She gazes up at me with big blue eyes, even bluer than my mother's. I stare down at her and can't help but smile.
"Hi baby. I'm your big sister. I guess you're not so ugly."
"We have another flower, Katniss," my mother says gently. Not that my name is really a flower, more like an ugly plant, but I still like the nickname my father gave me. "Her name is Primrose."
"Prim," I shorten it and look back down at the baby. "Hi Prim. I'm Katniss, your sister. And I'll never let anything happen to you."
I choke out a sob as I come back to the present and feel Peeta watching me with worried eyes.
"S-sorry. My arm," I hastily lie and Delly gives me a sad smile.
"When are they letting you go home?"
"Tomorrow," Peeta says and Brent rubs his son's head.
"They're letting Delly go home tomorrow too. Maybe next week you can both come by to see him?"
"We'd like that. I'd better get Katniss back in bed though. Love you, Del."
"Love you, Peeta! And you Katniss!" I wave as Peeta carries me back to my room and I hide my tears in his shirt. I know he knows though. As usual, he doesn't push the subject.
That night, though, the tears come and Peeta holds me while I talk about Prim. My mother is nowhere to be found so I tell him how I always thought of her as my daughter. After our father died and Mom essentially left us, I became even more of a mother to Prim. Peeta holds my face in his hands and wipes my tears with his thumb. He places tender loving kisses all over my face, telling me why he loves me. My heart is so filled with love for this sweet man that I fall into his arms, exhausted, and go straight to sleep.
When Dr. Lewis comes in to tell me I can go home, I practically jump out of bed. Peeta sets a hand on my arm and he smiles.
"Slowly, love. Let's get you dressed." I still have trouble with my cast so he helps me dress and I quickly shovel some cereal into my mouth.
"Katniss, you need to take it easy for several more days," Dr. Lewis tells me. "No hunting, no long walks outside, and no strenuous activity. Get plenty of sleep and make sure to eat every meal. I'm sending these antibiotics home with you and you will get sick if you take them on an empty stomach." Peeta pockets the pills and shakes her hand.
"Thank you for everything, Dr. Lewis."
"It's my pleasure. Call me if you need anything, Katniss. Take care of yourself." Peeta helps me outside and I lean on him for support. Mom brings the car around and Peeta sits behind the wheel. I don't think Mom is too comfortable with these cars yet. We didn't really have any in 12 and only a few years ago did people start to get them.
Peeta lets me lean on him as we follow Mom into our house. He asks if I want to go up to bed but I shake my head and sit on the couch. Mom stands over me and sighs.
"I'm glad you're better, Katniss. I really need to get back to the hospital though." I nod and my shoulders slump. She only comes to see me when I'm sick. And she never stays more than a few days. She kisses the top of my head and goes to get her bag.
"I'll see you soon, dear."
"Can I drive you to the train station?"
"No, no Peeta, you stay with her. Take care of her, alright?"
"Yes ma'am," I hear him say. He closes the door behind Mom and I lean against the couch, closing my eyes. I feel him settle next to me, and he pulls me into his arms, his legs stretched out in front of him on the couch. His fingers make gentle patterns on my arm.
"Alone at last," he mutters.
"Mm," is all I can get out and he chuckles as he kisses my cheek.
"Are you sure you don't want to go up and get some sleep?"
"I'm actually a little hungry," I confess, and at the same time, my stomach decides to growl loudly. He chuckles in my ear and moves to get up.
"I know just what my girl needs." He kisses my nose and shuffles into the kitchen. I wait patiently until I start to smell the delicious aroma of cheesebuns wafting toward me. When he emerges from the kitchen, he has a plate of cheesebuns and some bacon on the side. He smiles when he sees how I am sitting up excitedly.
"Have I told you lately that you are my favorite person in the world," I say as he sets the plate in front of me. He grins.
"You haven't actually."
"Well you are. Not just because of these either," I grab a bun and bite into it, closing my eyes as the cheese oozes out and dribbles down my chin. He laughs and reaches over to clean me up.
"I'm glad I can make you this happy," he says softly and I look up into his eyes. They are soft and full of love. I see my Peeta, the old Peeta, pre-hijacking Peeta. He's coming back to me more and more and I'm grateful that I can give him reasons to live again. He settles beside me again and drapes his arm on the couch. I lean back into him, munching on the cheesebuns and I tuck my feet under me, as he pulls me into his side. Now that I have eaten I feel sleepy and content. He tucks me into his side, his arm wrapping me in his warmth and I slowly drift off with my snack still in my hand.