'I will never regret,
No, no,
I will never forget,
No, no,
I will live my life,
No, no, no, no!'
Closer to the Edge - 30 Seconds to Mars.

Chapter Twenty - Breathe Again.

The late afternoon sun was shining down brightly onto him where he lay as it disappeared behind the tall skyscrapers. Cody could feel it as it was beginning to burn his face. His body was shaking with stubborn sobs and his eyes stung from the salty, warm tears that were slowly falling. The severe weight of all of his emotions had Cody lying down on a bench in a park somewhere, but he had no real idea where he was. That simply may have been because he had been paying zero attention to where he was going, or maybe because his body had pushed him to run to someplace that he didn't recognise.

Taking in a deep breath, Cody dared to sit up and take in his surroundings. As he wiped away the dry tears clinging to his face, the younger twin sighed in relief at the fact that there were hardly any people in the park to bare witness to the fragile mess he has collapsed into. He also did in fact recognise where he was and knew the quickest path to get home. Once he decided he was willing to do so, of course.

Heaving another despondent sigh, Cody's eyesight loomed down to his throbbing hand and the trickling blood that stained his knuckles. Despite the intense anger and sadness that he could feel bubbling in his stomach, Cody couldn't help but smile at the thought of the genuine panic that had lined Drew's entire exterior when he had received four year's worth of frustrations in the form of a punch in the mouth. While he wished he could have laid out on him a lot more than what he had, the mere singular connection that he had made with his long time bully gave Cody all the satisfaction in the world. Especially since Drew had the pure audacity to make a joke out of Zack's disappearance.

Thinking back to the confrontation between he, Drew and his friends, Cody suddenly found himself very angry again. It annoyed him that their attempts to make him feel better had only been genuine until they were introduced to the new side of him that had developed during his time in L.A. Did that mean that they weren't ever really his friends? In all fairness, Cody knew that he and Zack hadn't exactly gone out of their way to keep in contact with their Boston friends while they had been on the ship either, but even so, the younger twin was yet to hear any word of Max or Bob or Barbara offering any help in trying to find he and Bailey when they had run off with Nate and Ty. They had to have known – surely. But where was their help?

Cody then abruptly snapped out of his trance as he felt his mobile phone vibrate harshly in his pocket. He rolled his eyes, hoping that it wasn't Carey trying to call him for about the five-hundredth time that afternoon. A juxtaposing image of Bailey suddenly flew through his mind as he hastily raked through the pocket of his jeans and retrieved his phone, only to feel his heart drop in discontent to see that it was Kurt calling him.

After a few seconds of hesitation, Cody groaned in annoyance and flipped open his phone, "Before you even start, it doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, ok?" he spat with venomous resentment.

Kurt was instantly taken aback, "Cody – "

"And I don't care how much trouble I'm in, either, just – "

"Cody, stop!" Kurt bellowed down the phone, "None of that matters, ok? Forget about that for a minute." Cody frowned as Kurt paused for a moment. "Son, are you ok?"

Feeling his breath hitch in his throat, Cody's frown deepened at the anxious tone in his father's voice, "Yeah… yeah, I'm fine, Dad."

"Good," Kurt spoke in relief, "Look, your mum's worried sick about you. She thinks you've run off again."

Cody almost laughed at Carey's extreme paranoia, "I wouldn't put you guys through that a second time."

"I know," Kurt assured him, "But Mum's not so easily convinced. Cody, just go home to her. Please."

Sniffling to himself, Cody wiped his eyes again and mentally kicked himself. Hadn't he and Kurt only been ripping each other to shreds the night before? The younger twin sat in pure amazement that even after all that he had said to his dad, Kurt was still truly concerned about Cody and whether he was ok.

"Ok, Dad, I'm going now."

Cody smiled as Kurt sighed happily again, "Good. And, son?"

"Yeah?"

"If you need to talk to me about anything at anytime, you just call me, ok?"

A sharp pain of guilt coursed through Cody's veins, "Ok. Thanks." The younger twin paused and shamefully pushed his hand through his hair. There was nothing that could ever erase the emotions of sheer rage that had filled Cody when Kurt had said that he didn't believe him or that Zack was still alive, but after losing his brother, Bailey, Nate and his Boston friends, there was no way in hell that Cody was going to let his dad slip through his fingers, too. "I'm sorry, Dad. For everything. I love you."

Cody could almost envision the smile that stretched across Kurt's face as he replied; "I love you, too, Cody."

After saying their goodbyes to one another, Cody hung up his phone and slipped it back into his pocket before collapsing into the back of the park bench and heaving an unwilling breath. While the conversation with Kurt had doubtless lifted his spirits, even in the slightest, there was still a reluctance that Cody didn't want to face. He may have known how to get back to the hotel. And he may have told Kurt that he would go home. But that didn't mean he wanted to.

Walking past Norman the doorman and through the doors of the Tipton hotel, Cody froze and took a moment to take in his environment. In all of the days, months and years that he had spent there, Cody had never really noticed how big and spacious the hotel was. Then again, that may have been because there was a huge gap in the hotel's character without Zack being there.

The early evening breeze followed Cody through the front doors and icily raced up his spine as he made his way across the intricately designed carpet towards the two elevators. Ignoring the feeling he had that everyone who he knew was staring at him, Cody pushed the 'up' button and patiently waited before the double doors parted in front of him. His breath suddenly caught in the back of his throat as he took a step back and allowed London to walk out, the heiress' deep, brown eyes glaring at him.

Leaning back timidly on the stair rail, Cody looked down to the floor, "Hey, London."

London folded her arms against her chest, unimpressed, "Cody, right? I wouldn't know, I haven't seen you for a while."

Cody cringed, "Come on, London, don't make me feel any worse than I already do." A short silence fell between the two friends, "My mum told me you were helping a lot. Trying to find Bailey and I, or whatever. You must have been worried."

"Worried?" London repeated with a scoff, "Please, I just needed something to take my mind off the fact that all my clothes and purses and matching belts sunk to the bottom of the ocean. I was only left with my shoe sub."

A small grin crept across Cody's face, "Ouch."

It wasn't long until the smile fell from his face as another wave of raw guilt washed over the younger twin, "I am sorry, though, London."

Shaking off the thought, London simply smiled softly at Cody as she began back on her way through the lobby, "It's Carey you should be apologising to. While you were gone, I was the one trying to make her feel better," London said, stopping to hesitate, "I think I'll go ask Moesby if there's some kind of surgery I can have to get my 'compassion' removed."

Cody's lips parted in a genuine laugh as he watched London intently while she continued on her way towards Mr. Moesby's desk. As a final thought glided through Cody's mind, he brain surged in trivial indecision before he licked his lips and called the heiress back to him, "Hey, London?"

Turning around, London frowned at the expression of deep contemplation on Cody's face as she walked back over to him.

Allowing the moment to sit for a second or two, Cody opened his mouth, "You believe me, right?"

Seemingly taken back a little by the question, London looked away and bit down on her bottom lip in uncertainty, wavering over her answer. Eventually, she looked back to Cody to find that he was about to explode from the breath he was holding in the pit of his lungs and merely shrugged her shoulders, "You always did have more smarticles than me."

Before another word could be spoken between them, or Cody had the opportunity to act on the beaming smile that had emitted across his face, London hurried off across the lobby and, finding that Moesby wasn't at his desk, vanished into his office and out of sight.

With his morale now on an even greater high, Cody then turned around and made his way back towards the elevator, stepping in between the double doors as they parted before him. Just as he was about to give the chaotic thoughts in his mind the chance to relax, the younger twin's eyes rapidly widened as he sensed his phone going off in his pocket again.

Much to his own surprise, the very first idea that hit him was that there was something wrong with Carey and she or Kurt were calling to tell him so, but instead, Cody sighed in relief to see that he had only received a text message from Woody.

The words that stared back at him when he opened it made his heart swell with happiness.

Heard you're back. Hope you're ok… just to let you know, I've never had to eat so much comfort food in my entire life! I'm not mad or anything, London and me were just really worried. Sorry about everything that's happened. I'll talk to you later. Woody.

As much as Cody wanted to text a reply, he quickly realised that he had no idea what he should say, or what Woody deserved to hear. Deciding to leave it till later, the younger twin put his phone back in his pocket and leaned his head against the elevator wall, thinking.

A mere couple of hours ago, Cody had been seriously questioning whether he had any real friends other than Nate at all, and while he didn't regret saying that his old group of peers from Cheevers High were never really his true friends, what he did feel repentant for was overlooking the genuine closeness he had with London, Woody and everyone else from the ship.

The group of people that he had spent the past year and half of his life with had all met on the S.S. Tipton for the same reason – to have an adventure beyond any of their wildest dreams and to make new friendships that would last a lifetime. And that's exactly what Cody and Zack had both done. He felt like an idiot. Not only had Cody sent an immense fear through all those who he cared about the precise second that he had left the L.A. Tipton, but he also dared to even consider that those relationships he had developed on the ship weren't real or true. Cody promised himself that he would never make that mistake again – that while he didn't regret the actions he took in order to be reunited with his brother, he would never again forget how much he valued the friendships he shared with all those from the S.S. Tipton.

Now, he only hoped that rebuilding a relationship with Carey would be just as easy.

A nervous gasp escaped Cody's lips and his heart skipped a beat as he reached the door to room 2330 and heard Carey yelp out in pain, sobbing. Without a second's thought, or a single notion towards his own safety, he ripped open the front door and raced into the suite, stopping in sadness to see Carey merely trying to cut some vegetables in the kitchen, blood streaming from her finger and tears cascading down her face.

"Mum…" Cody whispered gently, walking over to her, "Mum, come on."

Carey looked up at Cody, red-rimmed misery coating her eyes, "I can't do anything right!"

Trying to keep his emotions intact, Cody gingerly approached Carey, took the kitchen knife from her hand and placed it down on the counter before tenderly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a tight embrace. Instantly, a wave of fresh tears exploded from Carey and dampened Cody's shirt as the younger twin continued to shush her and stroke her back.

After what felt like an eternity of a silent, shaking close hug, Cody sighed against Carey's shoulder, wriggled out of her grip and then wordlessly walked over to the medicine cabinet in search of a band-aid for her finger. Carey watched, eyebrow raised, as Cody applied the plaster without making a single noise or showing a single emotion.

Eventually, he placed the wrapper in the bin and turned back to his mother, licking his lips, "Better?"

Carey wiped her eyes, nodding her head, "Thanks, baby," she spoke mutely, "Where have you been?"

Cody shrugged, "Out. Just needed to clear my head," he paused and looked at Carey with imploring eyes, "I'm sorry about everything, Mum. What I said – you being like Dad. I didn't mean it."

"I know. It's ok," Carey assured him. She then brushed her brown hair out of her eyes as she tried to ignore the awkward silence that had fallen between them, "So, where did you go? Did you see anybody?"

Cody nodded, "Max. Bob and Barbara. But we had an argument."

Observing in confusion as Cody uneasily twiddled his thumbs, Carey's eyes suddenly expanded to the size of saucers at the sight of her son's bloody knuckles, "What happened to you?"

As Cody looked up in perplexity, Carey marched over to the younger twin and grabbed his hand, "Your hand, where did this blood come from?"

"I got into a fight," Cody answered simply, tearing his hand away from Carey's grasp, "With that kid Drew from Cheevers."

"Well, are you ok?" Carey asked frantically.

"I'm fine, Mum. He never even touched me."

Carey's jaw abruptly dropped as she shook her head at her son's behaviour, "Well no wonder you got into an argument with your friends. There's no way they can understand this new you."

"Well, gee, that's understandable," Cody sniped in blatant sarcasm, "I suppose they'd be an animal too if they were at the same all time low that I'm at."

The tone in Cody's voice caused Carey to wince in a twinge of pain, "I don't want to get into another fight with you, Cody. I just don't know what to do to make you feel better."

Immediately opening his mouth to snap another sharp reply, Cody's line of argument soon fell flat. It soon dawned on him that he had no idea what to say. He didn't want to argue with Carey, either, but it was almost like without a heated dispute backing him up, he had absolutely no clue what he was really trying to say.

As this thought continued to revolve through his mind, Cody slowly backed up and took a seat on the lounge, holding his head in his hands for a few brief seconds before looking back up at Carey. The hotel singer waited, certain that her son was going to say something, but soon found herself creeping towards him and taking her place next to him as he remained silent.

"What are you thinking, baby?"

The room lingered on quietness for another few moments as Cody asked himself the same question. What was he thinking? While he wasn't exactly too sure, he had a feeling that he was about to delve into the depths of a mass of thoughts that he hadn't dared to even skim over in what seemed like a lifetime.

"I'm always there again," Cody began softly, "Back there. That night on the Sky Deck. It was so crowded. There was a cool breeze and the boat was rocking. I was looking for Zack and I found him at the juice bar, putting his jacket on just as he was shutting up. We had had a fight about… something so stupid. I was mad at him because I'd taken the blame for something he did and Moesby grounded me when I was meant to be going on a date with Bailey. So stupid…"

Carey nodded her head, already sensing the tears that were pooling in her eyes at Cody's recollection of the array of memories and feelings that had been tearing him apart from the inside-out for the past six days.

"I was apologising to him," he went on, "for being such a jerk. I'd said some really awful things to him. His expression was completely blank, though, like… he didn't care. But then I swear I saw his face soften. He was going to forgive me, I know he was. But then he took a step back. We heard and felt this huge roar from beneath us. The boat started to rumble… I almost had him. I touched him. We only skimmed fingertips, but it was the most incredible sensation in the whole world."

Cody was shaking and fidgeting as a fresh set of warm tears began to roll down his cheeks, "I still remember what the last thing was he said to me, I mean… other than him yelling my name to help him. He said that it was like I had said; we're not going to spend every day of the rest of our lives around each other."

Cody wiped his eyes and sobbed out a cynical bark of laughter, "Freakin' irony, huh?"

At a lack of knowing what else there was to say or do, Carey soothingly rubbed Cody's back as he willingly prolonged.

"It's like… all I want to do is sit around and think about stuff we used to do together, you know, look at photos or watch old home movies, or whatever. Anything to remind me of him and when he was – "

"Still alive?" Carey interjected, cringing when Cody turned his head and shot her a glare of almighty, boiling anger.

"When he was still here," he corrected harshly. In the next instant, Cody stood up from the lounge and began to stride hastily towards his and Zack's bedroom.

"Cody, wait," Carey called, "When I spoke to your dad before he said that were sounding a lot happier."

"Yeah, Mum, but that doesn't mean I'm still not falling apart a little more each day without Zack here," Cody contradicted, reaching for his door handle.

"Well, just think about your brother, he wouldn't want you feeling this way. Zack never let anything get to him so much that it would completely change him."

Shoving his bedroom door open with all the strength he could gather, Cody clapped his eyes shut tightly and calmly allowed another surge of rage to calmly past through him without releasing it, and then turned back to Carey with a deep breath held in and coolly opened his mouth to speak, "Stop talking about him in past tense," he said before quietly receding into his room, "Please."

Cody's heart pounded with light anticipation in his chest as he stood over Zack's bed. He had lost all track of what time it was, hadn't eaten anything, of course, and hadn't spoken to Carey since their last semi-argument.

With a couple of slow steps, Cody was soon at the foot of Zack's bed before he carefully climbed onto it and sat down, his legs crossed. A wave of sudden closeness to his brother washed over him as he sat there, trying his absolute hardest to convince himself that he still wasn't going insane. Could he seriously be blamed or labeled crazy for wanting to feel that special connection he held with Zack again? Everyone that he had spoken to besides Carey had some level of understanding or belief over him, anyway. Did that mean they were all crazy, too?

Shaking off the thought, Cody sighed and grasped Zack's bedspread between his fingers. He still remembered the countless times when they were little where Zack would roll up his camouflage pillow case, wrap it around his head, apply war-paint to his face and then bombard Cody with one of his toy guns. It was memories as fresh and strong as that which told Cody that he had to be right about Zack surviving the capsize.

Looking up to his own side of their room, Cody frowned as the only words that appeared to mind were 'plain', 'boring' and 'nerdy'. No wonder Zack couldn't stand to be around him half the time, he thought to himself.

No, the only thing that was crazy or insane was the fact that the twins were so completely different, but Cody still loved Zack more than anything in the world.

With a dull smile on his face, Cody reached over to Zack's side-table and grabbed his own cell phone, checking for about the millionth time to see if Bailey had tried to call him. She was about the only person involved in the chaos of the past six days that Cody hadn't spoken to, and while he understood entirely that she more than likely needed this precious time to catch up with her beloved family, the whole thing still confirmed the younger twin's previous thoughts that the friends he had made on the ship were the greatest he could ever ask for.

Cody suddenly snapped out of his trance as he heard the phone in the lounge room ring a few times before Carey answered it. He guessed that it was probably Kurt ringing up to check and see if he was ok. The idea of this brought a wider smile across Cody's face before his thoughts fell back on his brother.

Obviously, he had no plausible clue when or where he was going to see Zack again, but one thing he did know was that when he did, he would tell him what he should have said those six days ago up on the Sky Deck.

He was sorry. And he loved him.

"Oh my God!"

Snapping his head up at the sound of Carey's voice, Cody leapt off of Zack's bed and bolted into the lounge room, coming face to face with the image of Carey collapsed into a sitting position on the lounge holding her heart.

"Mum? What?"

"And you're sure?"

"Mum?"

"There's no doubt?"

"Mum!"

Carey's eyes swiftly gazed up and fixed themselves sharply onto Cody. She swore with every inch of her being that she could see his heart thumping at a million miles a minute in the back of his throat.

"It's… Cody, it's…"

Without saying another word, Carey leaned forward and pressed the 'speaker' button on the phone receiver. Nervously creeping towards it, Cody forced himself to hold in all emotion as he coarsely cleared his throat, "Hello?"

There was a short pause before a friendly, female voice echoed through the receiver and into the suite, "You must be Cody."

Deciding to skip the small talk, Cody opened his mouth to speak again, "You're a nurse, or something, aren't you?"

"Yes," the voice replied, "My name is Michelle Clarke. I'm calling about your brother, Zack."

Cody felt his heart drop to his stomach as he whimpered in anticipated fear.

"Cody, I've just told your mother," she began as Cody dropped to his knees by the phone, his hands shaking and his throat stinging with each sobbing breath he took.

I'm not insane, I'm not insane, I'm not insane, I'm not –

"Zack was found by the employees of our small, rural hospital on the coast of California. We had no way of finding out who he was until now. He's just woken up. Cody, your bother's alive."

Sensing his whole system come to a complete standstill, Cody froze, repeating the words he had just heard in his head. Cody, your bother's alive.

In the next moment, Cody leapt up from the floor and yelled out in pure ecstasy, freely allowing the tears of happiness to pour from his eyes. He retched onto his arm and twisted his skin just to make sure he wasn't dreaming before yelling out again, "I told you! I told you Zack was alive!"

Each word that rolled off his tongue sent his heart soaring to a new high as Carey then collected him in her arms and Cody released an amount of tears coated with the most authentic happiness he had ever felt in his entire life.

"I know, Cody, I know. I'm so sorry, baby," Carey kept saying over and over again.

Cody whimpered again in total bliss and wiped his face, revealing the colossal smile hiding beneath his exterior. He head was spinning. His heart was pounding. He felt like he was going to pass out but didn't want to risk waking up to find that this was all some sick fantasy. Zack was alive. Zack was alive – and Cody had never felt more amazingly and indescribably exultant in his whole life.

"Ms. Martin," the voice of Nurse Clarke boomed, suddenly resonating back through the suite, "Ms. Martin, there is a problem, though."

The younger twin's heart stopped all over again.

"What?" Cody barked, "What? What problem?"

"It's nothing to get overly concerned about," Clarke continued, "It's just that, when Zack woke up there wasn't much that he remembered. He knew the name of all his family and friends and that he had been going to school on the S.S. Tipton, but that's it. He didn't remember anything about the capsize at all."

"So, what does that mean?" Cody spat, "Is he going to be ok? What's going to happen to him? What if – "

"What are you trying to tell us, Nurse?" Carey interjected, ceasing Cody's rambles as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Zack was out for a long time, and from what we can gather, he's also inhaled a hell of a lot of ocean water," Clarke went on, "We have no idea how Newberry's doctors could have missed him, but by the time we found him, he was lucky to still be breathing."

The sheer concept of his brother floating aimlessly and breathlessly out in the ocean somewhere sent an electric shiver up Cody's spine.

"We are worried about how much water Zack may have swallowed as well as the fact that he had no immediate memory. It's our recommendation that he see our hospital's best neurologist to see if there's anything wrong."

"Well, of course," Carey answered the nurse, "Do whatever you have to. Cody and the boy's dad and myself will be there as soon as possible."

"That's the thing, however, Ms. Martin. Doctor Greenburg – our neurologist – isn't in California. He's on business inter-state, so we'll have to wait until we're sure Zack will be ok to travel in one of the larger hospital's private jets."

Cody and Carey both wore simultaneous frowns as the younger twin dared to ask the obvious question, "Well, where is he?"

Another dead silence filled the blissful suite as Michelle Clarke cleared her throat, "Kansas."

Ok, quick show of hands: Who at any point in this story ever doubted me?, two, four, six, ALL OF YOU :)

So, my guess would be that everyone is either really happy that Zack's alive, or really annoyed that I managed to keep it from you for this long :) And now after Cody's rebuilt a relationship with all those who matter, he gets to go to Kansas and see Bailey again, too! Any guesses at how that will go, or more importantly, how will Zack and Cody's long awaited reunion go?

I'm almost as excited as you guys are :) Remember to review! Thanks heaps guys, till next time!

Reneyyyyyyyy x.