A/N: I'll let you get to it friends…

All the anxiety I felt about the night swelled to a dull ache in my heart as I looked at the building. It was huge. People filtered in past two official looking guards at the front and valet men ran to and from cars; trying to make the line more efficient. A line in which we currently waited.

"Thank God we don't have to park on our own. It looks like a damn madhouse. Exactly how many people are supposed to be attending this shindig?" Brittany asked, inching along in the car line.

"J said it should be about 720. They had to change venues 3 times. I would have been gone for all the ones originally planned," I replied playing with my newly done fingernails. I'd gone simple – purple with gold flecks.

We carefully stepped out of the car as Rob suddenly came approaching – handing the valet a large tip. Brittany scowled at him, but did not otherwise give any protest to his paying.

"Why don't you ladies have your masks on yet?" He inquired – pulling his own down with a smile.

"Because Amelia's going to kill me when she opens that fucking box."

I shot her a dirty look, but proceeded to open my box. I was suddenly resentful we were in a crowd full of beautiful people hiding behind masks because the one I was intended to put on gave me flashbacks of Comic Con… the trip that never was as I'd adapted the title recently. My heart sank and I looked at them both with sad eyes.

Rob approached me tentatively – grasping my hands and looking into my eyes through his own mask. "There's an alternative if you don't… he just asked me to have you wear it. He said he'd notice you behind any mask, but he wanted to see you behind this one… His," he added tentatively.

I sniffled, put my head up, steeled my eyes, and placed the mask on its' rightful place. This was not going to be easy, but we couldn't just fall back to where we were. I couldn't. I'd changed in a short 4 months. Whether it was coming of some sort of age, recent events, or both that changed me I was not going to go back.

How much had he changed?

How much would we still know of each other?

Was the mask a grand gesture of peace or a tool meant to shatter my heart? Either way I deserved the latter.

I started throwing shit into my bag – no words could provide an explanation for him. I was lost.

Embarrassed

Terrified

Furious

I was suddenly thankful I hadn't refused the huge bag Matt insisted on buying for me when we'd gone to visit Paris one weekend. It fit all my new clothes comfortably. The life I'd built – no. I wasn't thinking of that right now.

Now I was going backwards.

"FUCK," I cursed – stubbing my toe on the corner of the bed.

My phone lay scattered across the room, battery out and under Matt's foot. I wanted to let tears rise to the surface at the memory of us being on set, but I steeled my expression.

He couldn't fucking know. He couldn't.

"M… please… you can trust me," he pleaded.

"It's not about trust Matthew. This is bigger. This is every fear come to life and I'm not putting that in your future," I replied.

He sadly picked my phone up off the ground and I watched his beautiful eyes, once filled with so much life, now fill with tears that threatened to come spilling.

"I won't stand between you and family, but I can't… I love you…" he sobbed.

"Please don't follow me."

Like the scenes of movies where the man went after the girl, they screamed at one another, and she stayed anyway…

He let me go.

If there was a 'after this' event for us the ball was in my court. He wouldn't come to me.

After I got off the phone with Brittany and saw his message before Rob one. Knowing I was the one breaking our tethered bond of friendship for leaving him.

Sent: I have no right to send you this, but please… look after him. I just… I can't right now. And I'm sorry.

My heart crushed on the floor of that airport.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for being here tonight," J began. The entire crowd clapped and I looked around – trying to find him. "Today we're here to celebrate this prestigious company, recognize one of our own as a bestseller, and welcome back the best editor we've seen in years. Welcome back Amelia!"

Again, the crowd erupted and I merely waved – feeling ill. I felt strong arms wrap around me and I stiffened… Turning I realized it was just Cas, my work best friend. He and his husband were here together. Blaise was, no doubt, getting into some kind of champagne trouble.

"He surely knows how to embarrass the fuck out of people, doesn't he?" Cas asked – smiling at me.

"It's good to see you," I replied hugging him to me tightly. I hadn't spoken to him when I'd left either. I left this life behind to delve to deeply into the past.

Left to crawl my way out.

"And you." He sweetly kissed the top of my head and I leaned against his shoulder listening to J talk about the newest book I'd gotten to rise to the top. He praised my networking skills, not even batting an eye at the fact that I'd actually taken leave. I had done this all before the leave. It was just now coming to fruition, just now when literally everything was so much different.

"Enough of my talking! I'd like to formally introduce the gracious host of this evening's Gala – Matt Smith. He generously accepted to attend after my bugging him for weeks straight!"

Everyone burst into laughter and I felt as if I could die right there. He wasn't answering because of me.

He avoided because of me.

I'd done it to him.

I closed my eyes before he stepped on stage, not able to calm the storm raging. Four months Amelia. Four. Fucking. Months.

I am a monster.

"I can't take all the credit now!" He said less enthusiastically than the crowd perceived it. "Tonight has been well funded and all who are in attendance greatly appreciated."

He looked down nervously at his hands – fidgeting.

"Tonight we thank the um… everyone that is here obviously, but it's really about the bestseller. Blaise has floored us all with his novel. No doubt a tale that will span the test of time."

He'd found me just before he walked from the stage. The crowd was silent at his sudden departure, but then erupted into congratulations once Blaise stepped on the stage. I watched Cas with rapped fascination as he appraised his husband, love flowing so easily through his eyes.

I kissed him on the cheek and stepped away, needing to calm my nerves. Matt had looked every bit as haggard as I felt. Flighty almost. Perhaps he was afraid I wouldn't attend? Or that I would…

"Amelia!"

"Jesus J!

I clenched my heart and stepped back minutely as J approached me. I couldn't back out of a hug with a man who had given me leave at the drop of the hat with no more than a promise to return.

"Look at you," he reveled – holding me at arms length. "You look like you took a damn beating. Who do I have to kill for hurting my girl?"

I laughed unenthusiastically and placed my hands over his. "I promise no one J. I'm alright now, and better yet I'm back. For good."

He assessed what he could see of my facial expression and eyes before a wide smile graced his features. He was like a wolf assessing a red caped girl in the woods. Predatory. I'd think he meant no harm, but I still never wanted to be alone with him in a room.

"Come! Mingle, meet, and for godsake drink woman!"

I did chuckle easily at that and let him lead me into the main ballroom.

Within the hour more people were on the dance floor than at tables. Even Cas and Blaise had gone out to join the masses. J had walked away muttering something about needing to address a settling payment as he glared across the room at a fat man with a drink and food in both hands. I shook my head at the silliness of it all.

After all that had happened here I was back in this political and social mess. I started wondering what the people in the crowd had to worry about – making up stories in my head. It was so much unlike the last masquerade I'd attended that I was so lost in thought when a finger tapped me on the shoulder.

A once blue mask was replaced by a completely black one. Green eyes looked sadder than before. And strong arms didn't instinctively wrap around me.

Things had changed.

"Dance with me?" Asked a broken voice.

I held a hand up lamely and swayed with him. I no longer thought about other dancers stories. I thought about our story. What was to become of it…

Days went by. Each with no text. No call.

And I was sickeningly thankful. I didn't want to have to explain another tragic family event to some unsuspecting person. Having to let them completely in.

I crushed my pillow to my chest – willing it to stay put together and not break like fucking ice shattering on the ground. Ice accidentally dropped by the child who simply wanted a cold treat, a child who was now devastated.

But I couldn't get another ice cube I realized.

I couldn't get another her.

I was stuck with the half piece of ice cube that was strewn about the dirty floor. My heart froze closed.

I wasn't ready for anyone to open it.

My phone rang and I slapped my hand on the back, willing it to be some 800 number calling to collect some unknown amount of debt, loan, or something. Anything would be better than…

"Ruggie?"

"Hey Mom…"

"Are you mad at me?"

A/N: Yeah. The cliffhangers are strong with this one. Sorry all. Also, chapters will start increasing in length as our beloveds interact more and the plot line continues. Anyway. I'll quiet down here so I can go start typing the next one. The next two chapters are going to be… heavy. If you have any aversion to mental illness or its' affect on the family members then feel free to skip.