Chapter 6: The great plan

The first obstacle in my master plan of getting Kakashi into po… the great Icha Icha series came in acquiring an issue with the appearance of a toddler. I was not even sure they had been written yet, so the fact that I stumbled upon one of them in the glass window of a store was a miracle in itself.

A sign hanging over the book display proclaimed they were all newly released, which meant I was as lucky as I could be.

Now it was time to move on to formulating a plan on how to acquire the object without arousing the full attention and suspicion of my watchers. Part of me was surprised they allowed me to move around, but then again, they had only reacted until now when I was in danger of a horrible death. Perhaps ninjas, Anbu included, really did view toddlers differently after having been exposed to a fair share of child genius.

They could also just be that irresponsible. It was hard to tell.

It was going to be even harder to get the book. I only had to figure out how I was supposed to buy a book with no money and no talent in stealing, and it was wrecking my brain. I waddled on, conscious of my short stubby legs and less than agile movements. I may have been able to get by until then, but it was purely because people expected even less of a toddler than I delivered. Their movements unconsciously slowed down around me, at least to my eyes. My meeting with Kakashi was a prime example of why having my current appearance was as much a blessing as a curse, since he could have shook me off easily. If I did not stand close to females, like there was a familial connection between us, then people would begin to look worried after the blond child they saw passing. By overplaying the act of being lost and running at the first chance I got, I had evaded two attempts at 'returning' me to my parents.

I longed for the ability to use the rooftops as means of transport, but climbing up there would currently only end in me getting rescued the second before I became mash on the pavement. Again.

The sight of an oversized kanji for 'fire' made me pause in my musings.

It felt like I should remember it. Placed on a tower just below the wall of faces, it looked pretty important. It was probably because the Hokage of the village wandered around with the same sign on his hat, so it wasn't hard to imagine that I had found his office.

Weird having such a short distance between myself and the man, my mind still failed to classify properly.

I continued walking until I stumbled upon a building with the kanji for 'ninja' outside it. An empty swing hanging from a tree was beside it, connected to a lonely tree, and my mind pulled me through another Deja vu like feeling. It was promptly explained when a bunch of kids came out the building and started walking in my direction.

A brief moment of panic passed, before I forced myself to move towards them. A big smile stretched my lips, while my eyes jumped from one academy student to another in search of any familiar faces.

Was Iruka supposed to have graduated at this time?

"Aw…" One of the girls was cooing at the sight of the blond toddler on chubby legs, quickly gaining followers from other females around her. "Are you lost, little one" I blinked. "Look at her eyes, so big and blue!" I began stumbling backwards. "We have to find her parents." I tried to dodge their approaching claws. "Are those scars?" I failed and was scooped up by a brown-haired female with red paint on her cheeks.

Sort of like the dog ninja who was Naruto's friend.

My brain shut down at the proceeding pulling at cheeks and petting of hair. My hands trembled in the effort of keeping them in small fist instead of burrowing them inside the eyeholes of the girl holding me.

"What's your name, little one?"

I stared at her with wide eyes. "Ah…"

"You can tell big sister." A slight echo of the title reached all the way around.

Sister… My eyes widened further. I had forgotten a sibling bond, the whole fratricide mess. I searched franticly for any dark eyed dark-haired stoic sucker among the boys who were a good distance away.

Craptacular crapity crap.

The whole story line relied on the massacre, or at least the success of the good guys did. If Sasuke had not gotten a creepy hickey, he would never have been the student of pedophile snake guy and resurrected the former Hokages as zombies. The dominos would not fall correctly without the mass murder, my presence messed it up badly enough… I took a long deep breath and turned around to the female dog ninja again.

I was here to have fun, wasn't I?

"My name's Naruto." I replied enthusiastic. "I'm this many." Three fingers were showed together with a big grin. Who cared if I lied? Certainly not my lazy watchers.

A collective 'Aww' went through the mass of young females.

I was going to hate myself before this was over.

·

"Naruto, are you sure your mother meant that book?"

One smart groupie questioned my story. The details I had feed them with were a little fuzzy, but it had been something about birthdays, sad mothers and dead fathers. A last wish was involved in it somehow, and had managed to persuade the six to seven year olds to follow this far.

I gave a determined nod.

"… But that's for adults."

Yes, and they had marginal better chances at attaining the thing than I, which meant I had better luck at preventing the future ninja war than I had at getting my hands on the goodie before learning control of my limbs and stealth.

Still, the risks were worth it. No gain without pain, or something like that.

Since I was the main character of this charade I was entitled to a lot of pain already, so a bit more hardly mattered. Why had I even turned into Naruto Uzumaki? Hadn't my head said something along the lines of "Replacing existing character, not possible"? Just like it wanted me to specify what I meant by; "Jinchuuriki". Like nothing mattered but the gender, skills points and starting time selected… The epiphany hit me, and hit me hard.

I face palmed, which by my current audience was viewed as sadness.

Screw acting, I had just figured out I was going to replace main characters in each and every story. I wondered if I had chosen Star Wars, I would have become the virgin born Anakin, destined to ruin his own badass future image, or the heroic son, who kissed his own sister. It would probably depend upon where the story line started and if the expanded universe was taken into concern.

Since my knowledge of said 'expanded universe' only amounted to the name, it was not very likely to play a role.

"We can ask, can't we?" The girls glanced at each other above me, clearly touched by the sight of such a sad little child. "It won't hurt."

I stuck my lower lip out and made puppy eyes. "Thank you so much!"

A black-haired future kunoichi of Konoha split away from the group and walked into the shop with stubbornness visible in every inch of her body. The resulting; "It's for adults!" was expected. Nobody in their right mind would sell such material to children. The group pulled over to the side of the street and tried their best to cheer me up, while I tried my hardest to cry on command.

It was beginning to seem logical to train the skill. I was getting nowhere with dry eyes and exaggerated fake wailing.

This was pathetic in every sense of the word. "She'll never be happy again, now!" Come on, girls, take the bait. I'm practically begging you now.

The red painted girl was the first to give up. She took a deep breath, before turning to her gals with a resolute gaze. With quick commands she got minion one and two to go into the store to ask after a toilet, providing a distraction for minion three and herself to get the book out and the necessary money on the desk. It would have to be hidden, so it wouldn't be discovered at once, but still so visible it would be seen before the end of the day, where somebody clearly would have discovered a book missing from the display.

I had just convinced four child ninjas to steal for me. There should be an achievement for that. Called 'Flushing morals' or akin to that.

It didn't matter if money was left. It was not mine, so I was getting my book for free. I was leeching of others goodwill without feeling bad for the first time in my life. Who knew, perhaps I would be able to do the same outside my head next time?

Yeah, right.

"Naruto," I turned expectantly in the direction of the voice. My hands were already gleefully held forward to receive my treasure. "He wasn't fooled."

I blinked quickly, and glanced between the empty-handed painted female and the store, where I could see the store owner berating the two girls who had gone in to lure the man away.

Aw, damn.

·

There was a saying about how you should only ever rely on yourself. That and something about your shadow leaving you, and my overactive fantasy had already painted a quite cartoon like mental picture of a shadow with scissors trying desperately to cut itself free from me from just the thought about the quote.

Time to try and be an independent female toddler, nevermind the last part would make the whole thing pretty pointless and much less of a statement.

I waddled into the store, alarming the clerk with my presence by the smart bell system attached to the door. He turned around and blinked confused at the missing sight of a customer. A suspicious glint entered his eyes and he quickly searched his surrounding, like he was expecting to be assassinated or finding a thief hiding in a corner.

Smart of a civilian, but it was a pretty futile gesture since he would be powerless against any kind a respectable ninja.

It took less than five seconds for him to spot me, not merely enough to hide among the bookcases. He barked at my back. "This store's not for kids, get out little girl." I guessed he was not very good generally with kiddies or the stunt with the girls had just pissed him so off, so he was still dealing with the aftermath.

I turned around with the most innocent expression I could managed, big eyes blinking up at him and lower lip sticking out.

He merely looked annoyed.

Even if it was directed towards me, I quite liked the grumpy attitude. He was a no nonsense man, and this world desperately needed some rational people around. I had begun on a real smile, when his expression suddenly changed. His eyes flashed darkly, sudden realization transforming his lined face to look much older.

My brows rose. "Something wr…?"

"Get out!" The shout made me flinch, my hands unconsciously moving into a defensive stance. "You're the demon brat, right?! With the scars and all, so get out filthy thing!"

So the villagers already knew of me? My eyes widened. The lack of reaction probably only stemmed from the fact nobody expected me to walk around. I should be somewhere in someone's care or… Did people know I was in the hospital… did they know I had been living with Chika? Had the woman spreading whatever information she had gathered on me while I was in her care, simply because I had creeped her out?

My eyesight turned blurry, while the pressure of my own bustling thoughts kept it frozen.

This was not meant to happen.

I registered movement near me, and tried to escape the approaching full-grown hand, which grasped me by the collar of my t-shirt and lifted me off the ground. A half formed growl whistled though my teeth before I was sent flying through the air.

Some part of me recognized the feeling of being slammed against the ground.

"And stay out, demon," Pieced through my confusion.

People had turned around in the street, staring at the scene with wide eyes. There was a dimming realization in the air, the sense of truth simmering under the surface which held them back from interfering. No condemning words were shouted at the clerk, who was still standing in the store's door with rage visible in every fiber of his being.

I lifted a single hand, trailing a wound on my cheek caused by the hash meeting with the road. Achievements gained: "Whack to the back"…

I clenched my fists, meeting his gaze with my own boiling anger nearing the surface and refusing to back down even if he was superior to me in every physical aspect. I could feel a well-known warmth wait under my skin, ready to respond to my increasingly emotional state. My mind whirled through every possible course of action, and it stopped within the realm of immediately retaliation.

I would not be cowed by an oaf, who was capable of hurting a young child like that.

I rose on unsteady legs and started walking forward, every step causing me to gain momentum. He barely even blinked and only raised a hand, readying himself to throw me even farther this time. I sneered and forced warmth to move through my legs, ignoring I had never really experimented enough for that to be safe.

It was almost too fast for me to raise a fist and fill it with the same warmth. Just a tickle of power in the grand scheme of things, since I very well knew about Naruto's overwhelming chakra storage and prowess.

This man was learning what happened when you hurt kids. If the villagers started hating me because of that, fine, let them. At least they would have a valid reason now.

My fist connected with his chest and the resulting impact forced us apart again. I met the ground again and lost my breath as my body skid over the street like a ragdoll, which had been tossed away. The warmth under my skin was burning too rapidly while white tinted the edge of my vision. The familiar color made my body tense up and I forced myself to sit up in order to face the consequences of my rash action.

Anger was still shimmering beneath my skin, beating in step with my heart and the fading rhythm of pulsing chakra. Exhaustion was starting to set in, but the lack of pain indicated I had gotten out of this without any hospital prolonging injuries.

My gaze found the clerk the same moment the rest of the world caught up.

Hands pulled me up from behind, making it impossible to see who was behind them. They were steady, indicating the owner was currently not suffering from the strain of emotions visible in the civilians' faces around me.

It was a ninja then.

I focused on the man I had felled again, before I was taking away. Time seemed to move slowly, because I got a good view of his pale face and unbloodied chest, proof I either possessed the perfect amount of needed self-control or was weaker than I thought.

I resisted the urge to grin manically. It would be a shame to give people the wrong impression of me, after all.

·

The end destination was predictable. I was carried into the Hokage tower, more precisely the office of the current Hokage, my very own Jiji.

Blood was still rushing in my ears, so I barely noted the quick report from the Anbu who had dragged me halfway across town. The corners of my lips kept twitching, unable to decide on the correct expression. I ended up staring at the elderly man with whatever remained of my anger sizzling on my tongue. It left a bitter aftertaste, like bile pilling up.

I was almost surprised to find myself shaking as I was sat down in a chair at the Hokage's desk. It seemed I had been angrier than I thought.

The old man took seat in his big chair opposite mine, his desk standing as a barrier between us. He looked at me for a minute, before sighing. "Naruto, what am I going to do with you?"

I looked down at my fist in favor of meeting his unflinching gaze.

"Leaving the hospital without telling any personnel…" He knew perfectly where I was the entire time with his Anbu following me. "Running around the entire city and causing trouble…" I frowned slightly at that, taking offence since I could think of a hundred better ways to have stirred up troubled if I had wanted. "And lastly..." Another sigh. "Why did you attack him, Naruto?"

"He hurt a kid," flew out before I had time to think. Anger always had the tendency to ruin my judgement. "He proved himself inadequate…" of being called a human being. "…when he decided to take his anger out on child."

The Hokage leaned slightly forward, resting the tips of his fingers against his chin. "How do you view yourself, Naruto?"

"I…" I blinked. What was the correct response to that? "From the way others been acting around me, it's clear someone of my age should not be capable of independent thoughts and only supposed to react to the world with nativity like that of a newborn chick which barely can comprehend which way is up and which is down. I suppose I see apparent age and mental age as two different things, since there in my case seems to an abyss between them."

The Hokage closed his eyes. "I see. Hatake was right." A moment of silence passed by. "When did you decide to act rather than show your true self?"

"I…" My lips twitched. "Can't remember. I think I tried to fit into Chi-san expectations."

He simply nodded, eyes still closed.

I raised a single brow, trying not to let my incredulity become too apparent. The old man was actually buying the rubbish about being a child prodigy trying to fit in the normal role of a child. Unless mind readers were waiting in the corners of the office, it at least seemed to be the case so far.

"So you decided to attack him based on how he should treat you, which oppose how others have been acting around you?"

"Adults are meant to keep children safe, so yes." It was either fast retribution, where he still had the opportunity to remember his deeds and thereby learn by his mistakes, or the long way around. My patience had been wearing thin, so the thought of years of careful planning to ruin him financially, emotionally and physical had been exhausting in itself.

Even if it that had nothing on the current condition of my body. I tried to wiggle my toes, and almost lost my breath.

"Naruto, do you remember telling me you wanted to be a ninja." I nodded to indicate I was listening. "A ninja's most important duty is to protect the village. He never fights just for his own sake. He never avenges, but is able to take the scorn of those who know less and protect them in silence. Moving and acting as one, that's our strength. It gives us the strength to go further than we would have done on our own, to keep pushing ourselves even when all seems hopeless. That's the Will of Fire."

Another nod. "I'll remember that."

"And what will you do the next time someone from the village treats you unkindly?"

I would find a way to punish him or her undetected. "I'll not retaliate unless it proves a danger to my own life." … And continued wellbeing, which made it possible for me to classify any spiteful act as justification for revenge.

"Good." He gave a faint smile, like I had done something worthy of feeling pride over. It made me frown slightly. "Now on to less serious matters. It'll soon be your birthday, but I think such dreary matters and solemn promises warrant something in return."

I smiled. He knew how to arouse curiosity, the old fox.

He opened a drawer in the desks and started pouring out scrolls. "You'll only get these if you promise to use them responsible." They were a great deal larger than I had imagined. The scribbles on them so large, I wouldn't have any problem writing them with my current ability. "Now the reason you landed yourself in the hospital comes from the fact you made a seal on accident, an exploding seal to be exact. It is part of a ninja art called Fūinjutsu, which it seems you're natural proficient in. This art can be very dangerous in the hand of an inexperienced, so playing around is not allowed, Naruto." A pause. "Do you have any questions?"

I bit hard down on my lips to stop myself from grinning; barely concentrating on the different materials he had placed on his desk in order to get to the scrolls. "I understand. Fūinjutsu is the ninja art of sealing. It's capable of making explosions with the right inscriptions on a scroll, which should never be experimented with without supervision." I blinked and faced his gaze. "What do they do?"

He unrolled one scroll, his arms not even long enough the show its entire length. "These are mainly used to seal and unseal objects. A container to store your belongings in, you could say."

"Jiji, is there something in them?"

He laid the scroll out on the table in my reach. There was a single picture amidst the walls of writing, it seemed out of place. "Why don't you try to unseal it and see?"

I reached out and lingered hesitantly on the edge of the paper. My body felt heavy, the strain of using chakra evident every time I moved. Part of me wondered if this was a test, both one of ability but also of character. Would I reach out with greedy hands or contemplate what I was doing? I searched his gaze and found no answers, so I proceeded in my cause.

The contact between paper and skin made me shiver. The warmth of chakra blazed wildly under my skin, begging to come out and be used. It was almost enough to make me activate the seal unconsciously.

I withdrew my hand, and looked at the Hokage. "Can you show me how it's done?"

He was clearly using slow movement as he made a simple hand seal and activated the storage seal. One of my fingers was still connected to the paper, and I felt the flow of contained heat in the paper change direction. It was like a switch. I could already see how to turn it off and on.

It was the weirdest thing I ever experienced, on par with the time I pulled two all-nighters and became convinced I gained telekinetic powers. Stupid cat, sneakily pretending to be a chips bag.

A stack of papers were produced from the scroll in a shower of dust and it became somewhat apparent what the limits of the Hokage's generosity were at my current age. I faintly smiled and let my gaze glide back to the drawer content which was still on the table, halfway remembering the Hokage was supposed to be a pervert.

It couldn't be… I was definitively seeing porn among those things. Not the Icha Icha series though.

I turned my attention back at the matter at hand, and stared at the unsealed stack of papers. It was time to test my theory about the switch while in supervision, since I had kind of promised to only practice in front of others. There were only benefits to be seen as trustworthy.

I nudged the pathways of heat with my own and returned them to their former appearance.

There was a heartbeat, where nothing happen before it returned to its former state. Another nudge and the paper were released again. I took it a step further and tried to seal the content with the shown hand seal, but it did nothing. Annoyed I tried again, and searched for any reaction to the hand seal performed within my pathways.

Nothing.

I took a shaky breath, trying to push any distracting thoughts away which threatened to swallow me. I made the hand seal again and forced the same kind of reaction in my pathways as I have felt when I have touched the paper.

When the dust cleared, the paper stack was gone.

"I think I got it."

"And you were not supposed to…?"

"Try to draw seals without supervision and use them in any illegal or harmful way." My mind was not fully on the subject, racing ahead and trying to figure out why the hand seal had not worked automatically. Were you meant to twitch the pathways yourself, or did my origin give me a handicap regarding the matter?

How nice of my brain to limit my potential to use the magic of this world.

The Hokage patted my head, and I found myself closing my eyes, enjoying the gentle touch compared to the hell I had been through earlier. I wasn't going back to that shop any time in the near future. It would be preferable if I didn't see the academy any time soon either since my cheeks were still stinging from the touchy fingers of small girls.

"Now can you wait a few minutes without moving from that chair, Naruto, before we go back to the hospital?"

I gave a slight nod, eyes still closed.

It did not take long for the sound of a closing door to reach me, and opened my eyes with a grin at the prize on the table, almost hidden by the open storage seal. He had giving me storage seals and practically showed me how to work them. There was no way I was leaving that office without something to show for my efforts. This exhausted body of mine would just have to bear the stress.

You should have known better old man, than tempting me.

·

I like to say stalking paid off, but I actually only knew the correct address because I stumbled upon the master of youth: Matoi Gai. He was more than happy to tell me where my playmate lived, and the realization that the guy actually knew that was more than enough to cause me a headache. How did Kakashi get by in a day without getting challenged? Did the Green Beast have a protocol forbidden him from such 'unhanded means' as surprising his so called eternal rival in his own apartment.

Luckily this world didn't run on logic, because it would have run out a long time ago.

It actually took a surprisingly short amount of time for the copycat ninja to answer the door, bearing in mind my threats of late-night knocking and his future habits of 'never being on time'.

I happily observed him prod the thick magazine on his threshold with one foot for a moment, before he turned his gaze directly at me. "Naruto, what are you doing?" I sighed, already having half expected this to happen. He was Jōnin, I would have been severely disappointed if he hadn't discovered the brat hiding down his hallway.

I stepped forth with raised hands and an overly large grin. "I come bearing gifts!" Even if it was not the series I originally had in mind.

He watched my approach, looking delightfully perturbed. It was quite deserved, really, after all the efforts I put into getting the thing on his threshold.

It was absolutely adorable, the expression and the way he took a step away, without slamming the door rudely in my face, like it would keep me away. It made every bit of trouble I had gone through to acquire this treasure, which was currently still lying on his threshold, worth it. If I could, I would have adopted him, the poor grieving soul. Nevermind I was not much older than him and had never had the responsibility for another human's wellbeing.

My current body's biological parents had practically adopted him by some fan theories, so he was already mine in some sort way. If they could, then I could... Wait.

Sparkly eyes turned on him.

If my biological parents 'practically adopted' him, then we were 'practically' siblings. "Dog-san, I have decided you from now and forever will be my brother." I jumped excitedly up and down, something which was not shared by the other side in the conversation. "Do you like my gift, Nii-san?!"

He cast another quick glance at it, like the first look had not been enough to confirm what is was. "Why… where did you get it?"

"The shop owner explained it was something every young male ought to have." I nodded seriously, trying to force him to pick the thing up with the power of my mind. Come on, Kakashi, make big sister proud, my thoughts screamed. "I can't exactly remember where the shop is located, but I'm sure you'll be able to find it yourself, if you want more."

"Just take it back." He went still for a moment before quickly fetching the magazine himself with wide eyes. "On the other side, you went through all the troubles of finding it, so I will take it off your hands, Naruto. Promise me you'll never visit that shop again."

I blinked owlish, leaning my head to one side. "I can't even remember where it was, why would I go back?"

There was slight panic in his eyes now. "Just promise me never to go into suspicious places or follow suspicious people. Again. Can you promise me that?"

I grinned victoriously. "Can I call you Nii-san then?"

"Yes, yes you can."

"Then you have my promise, Nii-san." Oh, Kakashi, give the devil a finger and he'll… "Now your first act as my newly appointed brother will be to appreciate my gift and read it!"

I blinked, slightly stunned when the door closed in my face.

Author's note: And the explanation for her current body is here. It will hopefully clarify what happened in chapter 1 to your satisfaction.