It's a really great night and I think everyone has enjoyed themselves. Katniss seemed so surprised and delighted when Lara and Logan walked in and the kiss she gave me was more than enough thanks. After dinner I bring over the sugar cookies I baked and give the kids some tubes of frosting and let them go wild with the sprinkles. I hear them chuckle over at the adult table and briefly hear Hazelle tell Katniss I will make a good father. Everyone falls silent after that and I keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't run. I know my wife. She pretends to be fine while she is screaming inside. But she won't say or do anything in front of the kids. I know she loves these kids more than anything. Having Finn and Posy and Lara helping me with cookies is just perfection in my eyes. If I can just have these moments with them all the time, I don't need kids of my own. Do I still dream about it? Every damn day. But I'm coming to the conclusion that Katniss just won't give in and I wasn't meant to be a father. I'm thankful enough for Katniss and as I have told her time and time again, I'll be fine without kids as long as I have her. Of course I spoil my godson and his friends every chance I get and I'm giddy when I feel the girls' arms wrapped around me, like Posy and Lara are now.
We've finished opening presents and Katniss and I gave the girls a couple of doll playsets, as well as purses with some costume jewelry inside. For Vick and Rory, we gave them new bows as well as quivers for their arrows and Vick actually hugged me in thanks. We received lots of great things as well. Posy made us a sign that says the Mellarks to go over our door (which still makes my heart thud a little, I'll admit). Effie and Haymitch paid for our train tickets to anywhere we want to go after Christmas, as I have promised Katniss we are taking a vacation, the first since our honeymoon. We thanked everyone graciously and Logan announces that they need to catch their train back to 5. I'm a little sad that he couldn't take off more than a day to come visit but I understand the pressures of needing to work. Before I was Reaped, I worked in the bakery and still didn't have money for much of anything. Katniss has admitted that she thought Merchants lived much better than we actually did but it seemed to be not much better than the Seam. At least we had food, however stale it may have been.
Katniss and I drive Logan and Lara to the train station and help them with their presents. They both hug us and thank us and while Lara is wrapped around Katniss, I press an envelope in Logan's hand. He glances inside and his eyes nearly bug out.
"Mr. Peeta, I can't-"
"Logan, you're doing a great job raising your sister. And I commend you for it but I also know you are working so hard and you should still have some time to be with her. Trust me, make time for what is important. This should help you guys out for awhile." He starts to shake my hand before he flings his arms around me and surprised, I nearly fall over.
"Thank you. And Katniss. You both are…well, you've been so wonderful to Lara and me."
"Come back anytime. Just say the word and I'll arrange a ticket." I ruffle his hair and he smiles up at me. Lara is crying while Katniss kisses her cheeks.
"We will see you soon, my little Lara," she coos. Logan pulls her onto the train and they appear in the window, waving to us as the train carries them away. Katniss sniffles and I wrap my arm around her.
"Like you said, we will see them soon."
"I know. Oh Peeta thank you." She turns and buries her face in my coat and I hold her close. The snow is starting to come down pretty hard so I lead her back to the car and drive us home.
Johanna and George mentioned staying with Annie and Finn tonight and we all made plans to have lunch at the bakery tomorrow. While Katniss gets ready for bed, I quickly clean up the kitchen and put away the cookies and frosting. An idea starts to come to me and I cannot for the life of me banish it away. So I stop trying. With a sly smile, I gather the tubes of frosting in my arms and head up to our room.
The lights are low when I enter and she is already under the blankets. I glance over to see that she left the window open.
"Honey I don't want you to catch your death," I tell her as I pull it closed.
"I know you prefer to sleep with it open, no matter how cold it is." I lean down and kiss her, nuzzling her nose.
"Not when it's snowing outside. I'll be ok for one night. Did you enjoy your holiday?"
"It was wonderful. Did you enjoy yours?"
"It was perfect. Well, nearly perfect. There's still one more thing I'd like to do before it's over." She raises a brow.
"And what's that?"
"Do you trust me?" She looks up into my eyes and I see them searching . Finally she nods.
"Of course I do."
"I want to paint you, Katniss."
"Haven't you done that many times already?"
"Not on a canvas. I want to paint…you." Her brow quirks and she sits up a little.
"Umm…alright?" I chuckle and kiss her between her brows.
"Would you allow it?"
"I have a feeling this is going to be a mess." I quickly get up and lie some blankets down on the floor and hold my hand out to Katniss. She takes it and stands in front of me, gazing up into my eyes. I'm still caught off guard by how beautiful she is and my hands slide the straps of her nightgown down her arms. I have to kiss her bare shoulder, and my lips hover over the freckles above her clavicle. She raises her arms and I pull the gown over her head, tossing it onto the bed. She stands in front of me in only a pair of blue lace boyshorts. I bite my lip as I admire how the material clings to her skin and my hands travel up and down her legs, her shapely thighs, her flat stomach, and her full breasts. Her breath hitches when I trace my thumb over her nipple and tweak it between my fingers.
"Lie down," I whisper in her ear and she does so immediately. I arrange the frosting around the blankets and she waits, trembling slightly. I bend down to kiss her navel and her stomach flinches. I grab a tube of green frosting and squeeze some onto my finger, bringing it to her lips. Her tongue darts out and wraps around my finger and she moans a little as she devours the sugar. I have to stifle my moans as she is sucking on my finger with lust in her eyes. I withdraw my hand and position the frosting at her collarbone. I squeeze some out and paint a small green flower. I smile at my work and grab another tube. I paint an orange sun on her stomach and a bouquet of yellow and pink flowers near her knee. I grab the red tube again and outline a heart on her breast. Spreading the icing with my fingers, I fill in the heart and she shivers as I rake across her nipple. She's been silent this whole time, her dark eyes watching me carefully. As erotic as this is, I stay in control and focus on my art. My paintings get more elaborate as I move down her body. She squirms a little when I paint a rainbow with clouds above her bellybutton. I cover her body in my art and go back to her lips, kissing her gently.
"Am I a masterpiece yet?" I smirk down at her and rub my thumb over her bottom lip.
"You have always been a masterpiece." I tell her to wait a moment while I run to the closet for something and come back with one of my Christmas presents. She quirks a brow.
"Annie got it for me. She said I should have another way to capture my memories, other than painting them."
"A camera? I don't think I have ever actually seen one before. Aren't they really old?"
"Some are. Some were redesigned after the Dark Days. This is what they call a point and shoot. It's just a basic little machine and I have to send off the disc to get my pictures developed. But Annie said she has been using one of these to take pictures of Finn and she loves it. So I want to remember my masterpiece." She doesn't say anything as I take quick pictures of all my paintings. She clears her throat when I snap one of her breasts and she gives me a look.
"These are for your eyes only, correct?"
"Of course. It's a machine that develops them, Katniss, no one else will see them."
"Alright. Is it my turn?" I lower the camera and cock my head.
"Your turn for what?"
"Well I want to paint too." I have to smile. She sits up and grabs a tube of orange. I lay back and she pushes my shirt up my chest, then decides better of it and pulls it over my head. I shiver as the cold icing hits my bare skin and she paints a sun over my heart. She lets out a little 'hmm' as she decides what to paint next and I wait patiently, my eyes never leaving her face. I watch her eyes narrow as she picks out her next canvas, and admire the way her eyes light up when she looks satisfied with the final product. She paints some kind of flower on my stomach but then I feel her tongue and I jerk a little, looking down at her. She smirks and shrugs.
"Didn't like how it looked. So I wanted to start over." I narrow my eyes at her, knowing that teasing tone. I have to say, Katniss has changed in so many ways and I have seen a side of her that no one else ever will. Over the years, she has become bolder in bed and more willing to try new things. Of course she's still uncomfortable talking about sex-she always turns an adorable shade of pink when I bring it up- but some of the things she has suggested shocks me. Sometimes we hold battles to see who can make whom come first. I don't know if there is a real winner but it sure is fun to try. One of my favorite games is what I have named 'dinner distractions'. When Katniss is cooking dinner, I sneak up on her and plunge my hand down her pants, my fingers pushing into her as she tries to maintain focus on the food. Likewise while I am busy at the stove, she drops to her knees and tugs at my pants until she can reach my cock, then takes me into her mouth and I fight with everything I have not to burn dinner. It's these little games that keep our intimate life fiery and fulfilling. But I also think it's more about the love I have for her and the love I see in her smoldering eyes when we're together. The sex is great but I am still reeling, years later, that I am actually with Katniss Everdeen. Mellark. As if I didn't say that in my head enough times when I was young.
I feel her hands undoing my belt, bringing me back to the present, and I lift my hips to help her slide my jeans down my legs. She tugs at my underwear and I sit up.
"Hey, why am I the only one who is naked here?"
"I need more space to paint," she says slyly and she reaches under me to pull them all the way down. I stare at her with wide eyes as she selects more icing, then moves down my body and paints god knows what right above my twitching cock.
"Hmmm, nope, that doesn't look right," she whispers as she bends down and cleans it off with her tongue. My head falls back while quiet curses escape my lips. She lingers around my stomach, painting with her fingers. I glance down and see lots of yellow. She smiles up at me and gestures with her hands.
"I think this one's my favorite." I immediately notice dandelions, some with petals blowing in the wind, others whole and healthy. She takes a quick picture of it and I yank her down for a kiss.
"Careful, you're ruining my work," she says, scandalized and I chuckle as I tug her lip with my teeth.
"Am I your masterpiece, Katniss?"
"You're damn near perfection," she coos. "And you are all mine." Her low seductive voice makes my cock jump. I glance to the side and see the icing is all gone, save for one tube of orange. I lower her to her back and paint one more, an orange sunset that extends over her center. Her left leg drapes over my shoulder and I kiss her from her foot to her inner thigh. When I reach my sunset, I realize some of the icing is already dripping into her folds. My eyes lock with hers as I lower my head and take a long lick of frosting. She bites her lip to hold in her moans but her fingers wrap around my hair. I hold her gaze while I lick her until all the icing is gone and all that is left is her natural sweetness that is better than any kind of frosting or sugar. She's positively dripping and I push a finger inside her, crooking it the way I know she likes. She screams and tosses her head back, her back arching off the floor. My other hand grips her breast as I finish her off with my mouth. She lays there, panting and I give her a moment to collect her breath. It's not long until she is bringing me down on top of her and reaching down between us to guide me inside her.
The sex is messy but incredible. We come again and again and I have absolutely no strength left when it is over. We lay together, our limbs so tangled that I'm not quite sure where she ends and where I begin. She rests her head in the crook of my neck and my fingers travel over her back as she drifts off to sleep. I try to sleep too but I'm too sticky and the floor is really uncomfortable. I try to get up without waking her but she moans a little too loudly when I try to disentangle myself.
"Hey babe I'm going to shower real quick," I whisper as I try to lift her. "Why don't I put you to bed?"
"No. I'll join you. I'm so sticky."
Her eyes remain closed as I pull her into the tub and I swear she's fallen asleep against the wall while I wash my hair. Chuckling, I quickly wash the frosting off her and push her underneath the stream of water. When both of us are clean, I carry her back to the bedroom and pull her under the blankets with me. In hindsight I should probably put clothes on the both of us, with it being so cold, but right now all I want do is sleep. She's already snoring softly in my arms and I close my eyes and drift off immediately.
After New Years, George and Johanna say their goodbyes and Katniss and I prepare for our trip. Somehow word got out that we are leaving 12 for vacation and the invitations started to pour in.
There is a knock at the door and Katniss opens it while I read my book. The snow is falling steadily and District 12 looks like a lovely little winter wonderland.
"Haymitch," she says, surprise in her voice. "Come in."
"I won't keep you lovebirds for long. Effie went into town for some things and I decided to stay home, when I got a phone call from the storage space in Merchant Circle." I set the book aside and look up at the old man. He's rubbing the back of his neck and looks nervous.
"What's going on Haymitch," Katniss asks suspiciously.
"Well kids, it seems that Panem is happy that your exile has been lifted. You've received invitations from nearly every district, asking you to come see their rebuilding and such. A few of them even want you to come to their unveiling ceremonies for their memorials. You're still famous, kids."
"We don't want to be famous," I speak up as I go over to Katniss. "Can't they just respect our privacy and let us live our lives away from the cameras?"
"It's not about that, Peeta," he says gently. "They want to thank you. Both of you. They are proud of what the country has become and they want to share that with you. It's sort of like…an improved Victory Tour." Oh how I wish he hadn't used those words. I feel Katniss tense beside me and I grasp her hand.
"No," she says softly. "We don't…I don't want…I can't."
"Katniss…sweetheart, I didn't mean to say it like that. This has nothing to do with the Games and everything to do with you being heroes. They still see you as the Mockingjay, Katniss. They just want to thank you…in person."
"I was sort of looking forward to a vacation where we could just…be free," I mumble. "Walk around without bodyguards and people asking for a picture. Is that even possible?" Haymitch gives me a look and I let out a heavy sigh. It sounds like Katniss and I will need disguises if we want to have any kind of privacy. And neither of us want that.
"Well can we see the invitations?" Katniss looks at me quickly but I look straight at Haymitch. He nods, his mouth a thin line.
"Sure. I have them at my house. I'll bring them right over." He goes over to his house and returns with two bags full of envelopes.
"For the record, kids, I think this is a good idea. You going on a vacation together. Maybe you can agree to show up at some of the events and use the rest of your time to just be together. Just think about it." He leaves us to sort through the bags and Katniss falls to the couch.
"Peeta, I can't do this."
"It'll be alright, honey. Look at these. These people are just thanking us," I open an official-looking letter and my eyes widen. "The Mayor of District 11 wants us present at their unveiling ceremony, as his honored guests. He says…" I trail off, my eyes widening even more at what I'm seeing at the bottom of the letter. Katniss watches me and I feel her hand on mine.
"Peeta? What is it?" I wordlessly pass the letter to her and watch her read. Her eyes widen and fill with tears. Rue's mother, Blossom Cheler, asked the Mayor to ask us to come for their ceremony. Then she had scribbled in very messy scrawl at the bottom how she hoped for the chance to thank us in person and how she understood we must be tired of being in the limelight.
It's exhausting, I'd wager, but I aint gonna lie to you and tell you that you didn't make no difference. You're the reason my kids are still alive. And Katniss, I aint never gonna forget what you did for my little Rue.
Please come. You aint know what it mean for everyone here.
Sincerely, Blossom M. Cheler
Katniss looks up at me, her hand over her mouth. I move toward her and catch her as she falls forward. I know we're going to go. And I know it's going to be damn near impossible for Katniss to meet Rue's family. I wonder if anything happened to them when I tried to give them my money during our Victory Tour. I never asked.
I don't think I'll be asking this time either.
I lower us to the couch and wait for her to finish crying. She hides her face in my chest and grips my shirt with white fists.
"Sing to me, Peeta," she chokes out. I freeze; my hand is still on the back of her head and I feel like I am suffocating. No one's ever asked me to do that before. Singing in front of Katniss is probably the last thing I would ever want to do at this moment but she looks up at me with streaming eyes and red cheeks and I find that I can deny her nothing. I really don't know any songs-my mother never sang to me, and I don't remember hearing my father or brothers sing. Katniss sings her father's songs all the time. There's only two I distinctly remember. One is Rue's lullaby, the song she always sings about the meadow.
The other is probably way too inappropriate but I feel on the spot and open my mouth. The words just flow out with a very shaky voice.
Are you, are you coming to the tree
Where a dead man called out for his love to flee
Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be
If we met at midnight in the Hanging Tree
Are you, are you coming to the tree
Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free
Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be
If we met at midnight in the Hanging Tree
Are you, are you coming to the tree
Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me
Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be
If we met at midnight in the Hanging Tree
And just like that, it all comes rushing back. How I sat in the studio while Snow made an announcement to Panem. He insisted I be there so Panem could see that I was still "on their side". I watched as footage of Katniss standing in the rubble of the bakery appeared on the screen. Her voice rang out clearly, singing that song and I realized it was the first time I had really heard her sing since we were little. I knew she had sung Rue to sleep but the gamemakers determinedly left that portion out of the recaps. Snow had gripped his chair and his head swirled around.
"What's happening," he asked softly, glancing offstage. My eyes were locked on Katniss. I felt like she was there with me in the studio. I wanted to cry out for her, plead for her to save me, to save herself, to save everyone. I saw Snow watching me, his eyes narrowed and the smell of blood and roses nearly suffocated me. I continued on as if I hadn't seen anything, talking about the cease-fire. When it happened again, I saw Finnick, looking nothing like the polished boy I remembered. I could see Snow's anger growing. He addressed the camera and spoke about the rebel disruptions. Katniss's song echoed in my head.
Where a dead man called out for his love to flee
I was already a dead man. And I knew they planned to bomb 13. I had to warn her. I had to save her. Because that's what I had been doing all my life. Trying to protect her. The hijacking failed at that moment. I remembered who I was and my mind was clearer than it had been in a long time. I was taken back to that day in school, when a beautiful little girl wearing a red plaid dress and her hair in two braids, raised her hand and stood up on a stool to sing the Valley Song in front of the class. My 5 year old self beat me and berated me and yelled at me for forgetting who I was and what she meant to me. So I came back long enough to cry out a warning and my punishment was vast. Still, I had once again saved her.
I don't realize I am shaking and sputtering until I feel hands pushing my hair back. I open my eyes to find glassy grey staring back at me and I fall forward into her arms. Oh how the tables have turned. I thought I would be the strong one and give her what she needed. And now she is doing it for me. I hate for myself for becoming so weak. I remember a time when she never knew when I was having a nightmare. I would hold her tight and chase away whatever bad dreams plagued her.
Now we are lucky if we sleep an entire night, with the both of us trembling and sobbing.
She kisses my tears away and my hands remain on her back.
"It's ok," she keeps saying. "We're ok. We're together. No one will ever hurt you again."
"Katniss-" I choke out but she shushes me with a finger on my lips and continues to stroke my curls back. It takes us some time but we finally manage to find our way back from the darkness. Her arms are wrapped around my neck and her face rests on my shoulder. I blink down at her and pull her back to look at me.
"Are you alright?" we ask at the same time. She smiles.
"I am. Are you?"
"I am."
"If I had known…that song…"
"It's ok. I didn't know either. I didn't really think about it." She pulls me close and buries her face in my neck. I close my eyes and allow her to invade my senses completely. I feel weak and completely drained. She glances warily at the bags of mail and she turns back to me.
"Why don't we come back to these tomorrow? Let's take a bath and go to bed." I nod and she scrambles off the couch, pulling me up with her. She fills the bathtub with lavendar and smelling salts. The moment I touch the water, I'm relaxed. She props my prosthetic against the wall and pulls me against her chest. I grasp her folded arms across my chest and I close my eyes, getting lost in the feel of my wife's protective hold.
We've been on vacation for nearly a week now and it's not nearly as bad as I expected it to be. Katniss seems to be having a difficult time after our stay in 11. We decided we would try to stop in every district and do something fun or see one of their attractions. Since 11 is closest to 12, we stopped there first and I just remember the night before our first Games, when I sat in the training center listening to the crowd scream Katniss's name. Except this time it was both our names coming from the haggard faces. People reached out to touch us and shake our hands. Katniss trembled next to me and I kept my arm wrapped around her the whole time. When Mrs. Cheler came forward with the rest of her children, she and Katniss broke down in each other's arms. I wasn't around during their alliance in the Games. I was busy with playing my part as a Career and then of course, bleeding to death on the bank. I don't begrudge Katniss for choosing the little girl as an ally. After all, she believed I had betrayed her. The memory is still painful and I tried to convey my apologies in my caresses later that night. I think she understood but she has been very subdued ever since. The Mayor of 11 asked us to come on stage as they unveiled the memorial and Katniss's hand clung tightly to mine. Rue wasn't the only young one lost in the horror of the Hunger Games. Their memorial really highlights the children who were lost, as well as Seeder and Chaff, the two Victors we met during the Quarter Quell.
Unfortunately, on our last night in 11, I had a flashback in which I couldn't remember the exact details of how Thresh spared Katniss's life. She had to remind me that he had killed Clove and was about to kill her as well, when he said he would let her go for Rue. Since I was drugged and sleeping during this time, I don't remember any of it and it led to more aggressive questions about the Cave, which in turn led to a terrible night of "why did you lie to me" and "you don't love me". Katniss held me the entire night, rocking me back and forth and kissing my cheek while she ran her fingers through my hair. All I could think about was that night we were underground in the Capitol, before the lizard mutts attacked. I fell asleep to her stroking my hair and remember her gentle caresses. When I finally came back, I felt terrible. She was the one who needed comforting and yet here I was, the mutt in her arms.
As we get closer to District 2, she fidgets in her seat on the train and won't meet my eyes. I reach for her hand but I might as well be grasping air.
"Katniss," I whisper. "Honey, we don't have to finish this trip. We can go home if you want."
"I'm fine," she says, sounding a million miles away. I sigh and bring her knuckles to my lips.
2 is even worse. We see pictures of Cato and Clove everywhere, as well as other familiar faces, like Brutus, who I killed myself on that terrible night. Enobaria is present at the memorial unveiling and she looks bored out of her mind. Katniss looks like she wants to jump onto the Victor and beat the living daylights out of her so I hurry her to the back of the crowd and keep my arm around her waist. After the crowd disperses, Enobaria smirks down at the pictures of past victors and looks back at Katniss.
"What do you think, Mockingjay? Think it was all worth it?"
"You tell me," Katniss spits. "You're no longer whored out for Snow's pleasure." My jaw drops at her bold words and Enobaria's eyes narrow.
"This is quite a place to place a memorial. Panem's precious Mockingjay nearly lost her life in this very spot." Katniss's eyes flicker and she looks around and I see her turn pale. My arms shoot out to steady her and she shakes her head. She briefly told me about her getting shot here , and I kick myself for bringing her to 2.
"Get the fuck away from me, Enobaria. I regret including you in the deal with Coin. I should have let you rot in the Capitol."
"I wasn't rotting you little bitch, I was having dinner with the president while they twisted and tortured your little baker here." She takes a step closer and grins with those pointed teeth. "Oh yes…I stayed in the mansion and could hear his screams. They even asked me to partake in his torture. Has he told you everything he went through, Everdeen? Has he told you every… excruciating… detail?" My hands are starting to shake and my vision is going dark. All I can hear inside my head are screams. Johanna's. Annie's. Darius's. Lavinia's.
My own. Katniss leaps forward and I somehow manage to hold her back. She screams and writhes like a feral cat and I am reminded of the day that she murdered Coin. How she looked as she fought the guards, right after I stopped her from taking the nightlock.
This trip was such a bad idea. I think we're going to be even more messed up by the time we get back to 12.