Only one more chapter- you guys excited?! ;) Good news is I am well into the sequel so it won't be a crazy-insane wait for it after this one ends!
XOXO!
I shiver as I lock up the bakery behind me. I decided not to bring the car with me today because I thought Katniss might want it to run some errands. Now I am regretting that decision. I pull my scarf around my face and walk at a brisk pace toward Victor's Village.
When I enter the house, the smell of pasta hits me and my mouth starts to water.
"Katniss," I call to my wife as I hang up my coat and scarf. It's only October but damn is it getting cold out lately. I stop and frown, as I haven't gotten a reply from her.
"Katniss?" I try again as I head upstairs to the bedroom. She isn't there nor is she in the bathroom. I hastily throw aside my work clothes and pull on some PJs before running back down the stairs.
I find her in the kitchen, sitting at the table with her face in her hands.
"Hey," I drop by her side, my hands gripping hers. "Didn't you hear me calling? Why didn't you…what's wrong?" I hear a sniffle and immediately know something is wrong. The pasta is sitting on the counter but the dishes are thrown aside as if she was in a hurry. She refuses to look at me and I have to fight to force her head up.
"Katniss, look at me. Dammit, would you look at me?" She raises her eyes and they are filled with tears. Her face is red and she looks more angry than sad. My brow furrows.
"What's wrong?"
"Why Peeta?" Her lips barely move and I have to lean in closer to hear her.
"Why what?"
"Why would you plan to do that to yourself? To us?" My head is spinning. What the hell is she talking about?
"Katniss, I'm too tired for mind games. Please just tell me what's on your mind."
"Peeta I'm going to ask you something and I want your honest answer. No bullshit. Ok?"
"I always give you an honest-"
"Peeta." I shut up, sensing her anger is only growing. If I am going to talk her off a ledge tonight, I'll need to keep my own temper in check. Before the hijacking, I was such a mild-mannered boy. I only remember losing my temper a couple of times, with very good reason. After my torture in the Capitol there are times I don't even recognize myself. Katniss is very good at bringing me back to myself but our arguments can get very heated very quickly since we are both pretty stubborn.
"No bullshit," I nod in agreement, waiting for her to continue.
"Do you want children with me?" Ummm. Well shit, that is definitely NOT what I expected to come out of her mouth. I can only gape at her while she stares at me, with that scowl that I have fallen in love with.
"Katniss, why would you-"
"Just answer the question, Peeta. Do you still want children with me?" Is that not my dream every night and every morning? WHERE is she going with this? And why now, out of the blue?
I freeze, my teeth biting down on my lip. SHIT. She must have found out about the vasectomy.
I hated lying to her. But I also hate letting myself wish for it and have it never happen. Being married to Katniss is without a doubt the best thing to ever happen to me. I never thought I could be this happy. But I want more. I want a family with her. I crave children with her eyes and hair and my smile.
I'm a patient husband. I try to be understanding and kind and loving, and the best man I can be for her. I have not asked her about children for several years, hoping she would bring the subject up one day.
When it was evident that she was not going to, I decided to search for options.
And found myself at the District 13 Institute of Health for Men. Where they specialize in erectile dysfunctions and vasectomies.
At first I couldn't believe that I was there. I wanted children. Even if we somehow accidentally got pregnant…that would still be alright, wouldn't it?
But I couldn't do that to the woman I loved more than life itself. And if she became pregnant by accident, she would have to decide if she wanted to keep it. There is no way I could handle her thinking about giving it up.
After some discussion with the doctor, I decided it was best for everyone if I did this. I would tell her afterwards. She would be angry but most likely relieved.
I'm witnessing her anger but there is no relief whatsoever. Only anger and more anger. My girl on fire can move mountains when she has enough rage in her eyes. Like a lowly servant, I can only cower before her.
"Of course I do, Katniss," I finally answer. "I have wanted a family with you since I was a little boy."
"Then WHY would you do something like this?" No point in pretending I don't know what she's talking about.
"I don't know how you found out about my appointment but I swear I was going to tell you-"
"When? After the procedure? When the possibility of children was gone?" I wince. She hasn't raised her voice, but it's low and deep, and even more deadly than her yelling. I move up into a chair across from her and reach for her hand but she jerks it back. I bite my lip as I look into her eyes.
"Katniss I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to feel guilty. You know how badly I want kids and I don't blame you that we haven't had them. And I know we have Finn and Aran and Dex and Posy and Lara and all the kids around the Village…but I dream about OUR children, Katniss. And I'm just…tired of getting my hopes up. I still want them but I haven't said anything to you because I thought you were still dead set against them. I won't pressure you, honey. I know how afraid you are. And I didn't…I didn't want you to think I was pushing you."
"Peeta, when have you ever pushed me? We make decisions together but you know better than anyone I can't be pushed into something. I cancelled your appointment by the way." I gape at her.
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I stopped my birth control!" Tears stream down her cheeks and I can see the fear in her eyes. But I don't think it's fear of the possibility of getting pregnant. It's the fear of losing something so precious that we might not ever have in our possession. I reach forward and wipe her tears with my thumb, my hand caressing her face. She leans into my palm and closes her eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me," I say softly.
"I didn't want to get your hopes up. I don't even know if I can get pregnant and I didn't want you…I don't know, jumping my bones trying to get me pregnant. I didn't want anything to change between us." I chuckle softly and kiss her nose.
"Katniss, you are the most infuriating woman I have ever met. But god do I love you." I hold her face in my hands and kiss her softly. Her eyes flutter open when I pull away, my palms pressing into her cheeks. "Nothing will change between us. My love for you will never change. With or without kids. But we NEED to talk to each other. We have always been so open and honest, I don't understand why both of us decided to keep this a secret." She shrugs miserably.
"I don't either. But I hate it."
"I do too," I agree. "So we're agreed? No more secrets?"
"No more," she says nodding and I lean forward to seal that promise with a kiss. The reality of the situation, of our conversation is just hitting me, and her words echo inside my head. She's stopped her birth control. Does this mean what I think it means? Can it possibly be happening?
I jump to my feet and scoop her into my arms. She squeals as I yank her out of her chair and I carry her toward the stairs.
"Peeta, the dinner-"
"Can be reheated. There's much more important things on my mind." I set her on the bed and undress her slowly, taking my time to kiss and caress every piece of exposed flesh. I lean her back against our pillows and kiss her deeply, our tongues clashing together in passion and heat. Her hands wrap around my neck and I feel her fingers grip my hair as her kisses intensify.
"Are we really doing this," I ask against her lips. "Are we really going to try for a baby?"
"Real, Peeta. You have given me everything over the years. It's time for me to give you something for a change." I lean down and kiss her and reach back to take her hands off my neck. She looks surprised and I bite my lip, her words settling in.
"Don't do this for me, Katniss. Do it for us. Don't do this just because you think it will make me happy. I want you to want this too."
"I do, Peeta. I want this with you." My heart swells and my hands go to her hips, holding her steady as I pour every ounce of love into her lips.
"Let's start trying now," I say slyly in her ear and pull back to see a hazy look in her stormy eyes.
I take my time with her, making her come undone several times before I push into her. I hold off as long as I can, relishing her screams and pleas and whimpers and using them to fuel this fire within me. When we finish, I collapse beside her and kiss her gently, allowing her to rest her head on my arm. My hand sneaks down to her stomach and I hold my palm over her belly, letting myself imagine for the first time that my child could be inside there.
Halloween has become one of my favorite holidays, second to Christmas. Katniss adjusts the halo around her dark hair and grins at me from across the room. Aran is squirming in my arms, trying to get to his mother and I huff.
"Johanna, are you almost ready? Your son is getting impatient."
"He likes being in Uncle Peeta's arms," she calls from the other room. "You guys, I look like a complete dumbass."
"Little ears," I scold, shifting Aran to my other shoulder. Finn rolls his eyes.
"Seriously, Uncle Peeta? Aunt Jo's dirty mouth still surprises you?"
"Not surprises me, no. But we still ask her to keep it appropriate around here," I raise my voice deliberately and Johanna rounds the corner and makes a rude gesture with her finger. Katniss rolls her eyes.
"I just can't imagine how Finn got such colorful language," she grumbles, glaring at Johanna. Finn rolls his eyes at his aunt.
"No one gives a damn about my colorful language, Aunt Katniss."
"Your mother does," I protest. "And she should be here any minute so cool it."
"Whatever. I gotta go anyway. Analise is waiting for me."
"WHO is Analise," Johanna positively squeals. Finn crosses his arms.
"I told you about her already. We're going to the Halloween dance together. I'll see you guys later."
"Hold up…you're not dressing up even a little bit," Katniss says, looking him up and down. He screws up his nose and I have to laugh at how much he reminds me of Finnick.
"Dressing up is for babies."
"Ahem," I clear my throat, indicating his aunts and uncle. He just shakes his head at us.
"You guys are a special class of weird. See you later." With a slam of the door, he's gone. Katniss shakes her head in exasperation.
"Teenagers. I feel so bad for Annie right now."
"He's still a good kid," I insist. "He's just…growing up."
"Thank god I have a long time before I deal with that shit," Johanna says as she scoops her son from my arms. She makes faces at Aran, which causes him to giggle and reach out toward her. I grin and ruffle his dark hair before I make my way over to my wife. She smiles up at me and wraps her arms around my neck, knocking my horns askew. I scowl and she laughs as she adjusts them.
"I like this devilish look on you," she purrs.
"I think everyone expected you to go for the devil character, to be honest. I'm too sweet, I should be the angel." She snorts and leans up to kiss me before I can say anything else.
"It's ok. Neither one of us are too angelic," she says in a low voice as her hand squeezes my ass through my tight costume. I bite my lip and chance a look over at Johanna, who is busy entertaining her son.
"Katniss," I whisper warningly. She leans in close and I feel her tongue graze my ear. "I want you so much right now, Peeta. The moment we get home I want you to fuck me so hard that I can't walk tomorrow."
Oh my fuck does this woman know the secret to unmanning me in half a second! She pulls away, gives me a sly wink, and crosses the room to Johanna and Aran. I have to turn and adjust my rather tight pants before I face the women again. Dammit. I'm going to be thinking of nothing but that scenario all night long. I hear the door open again and Katniss turns to welcome Annie, Effie, and Haymitch. She kisses each of them on the cheek and Haymitch raises a brow.
"Really sweetheart? An angel? Who are you trying to fool?"
"Oh you thought Peeta should be the angel?" He casts me a look and chuckles.
"I don't think it suits either of you. Both of you should have horns."
"Manners," Effie scolds him gently, slapping his hand. "Peeta darling, you look positively delicious in that costume."
"Seriously Effie, you can't say things like that anymore," Haymitch says with a grimace. "He's like, our son or something." I'm surprised by Haymitch's words but clap him on the shoulder.
"Are we about ready? I told Delly we would meet her and Dex at eight-thirty and it's already past eight."
"Wait, where's Finn," Annie says, looking around.
"He said he would see us there, Annie." Her face falls.
"Where did I go wrong with that boy?"
"You didn't," Katniss says firmly. "He's a teenage boy. You have been nothing but amazing. This is just a phase, he'll come around."
"You want to raise another one," Johanna says as she holds out her giggling son. "I'm exhausted." Annie laughs softly.
"No thanks, one was enough. Besides I know you would never part from your little guy."
"You're right, I wouldn't," Jo says as she kisses Aran's pudgy cheeks. Katniss hands me my pitchfork and I drape my arm around her shoulder.
Her damn wings keep getting in the way of us dancing and she finally rips them off toward the end of the night. Likewise I toss aside the pitchfork and horns so now I just look like a weird guy in tight red pants. Who cares? It's our District 12 neighbors at this dance and no one is staring at us, like they used to. I'm thankful the Star-Crossed Lovers nonsense was sort of put to rest several years ago and we have been able to live our lives peacefully and happily. I gaze down into my wife's eyes as we circle slowly, and I feel her hands playing with the small hairs at the back of my neck, which cause me to shiver. She grins up at me and stands on her tiptoes to kiss me. It's been several weeks since we had the conversation about trying for a baby and I admit, we are trying really hard! No complaints here but I still rest my hand on her stomach, hopeful that I will feel something there one day.
She lingers after a soft kiss and I feel her tongue across my lips, as her kisses intensify. Deciding it's probably not a good idea to ravage her in front of our friends and neighbors, we swiftly tell everyone good night and hurry to the car. When we get inside the house, I strip her of her angel robes, revealing absolutely nothing underneath. She cries out when I pounce on her and we have a hard time getting my pants off. I obey her earlier wishes and slam into her, swallowing her screams. I quickly flip her onto her stomach and pin her wrists with my hand, crushing her into the bed. Her dark braid wrapped around my hand, I yank back and she gasps as she arches her back and I pull her head back for a kiss. My lips cover hers as I slide inside her and she squeals into my mouth. I snap my hips and my balls slap against her thighs as I plunder the sweet body before me. I hope she doesn't intend to leave the house tomorrow, because I'm pretty sure she won't have the strength to move a muscle. Neither will I, more than likely. But if it means a day of bed rest with my wife, I'm perfectly content with that fact.