A/N: 102 reviews?! You guys rock! I know I keep saying that but it's true. Thank you all so much!

To Guest reviewer, I'm afraid I can't really say if there will be any pairings in this story without ruining some of the surprise. But let's just say that this is not a romance story. There might be some flirtations and light romantic fluff (maybe), but this is ultimately a story about Hiccup and how he interacts with Berk after being put through so much pain.

And with that, on with the show!

Chapter Six

Damaged

"I'm a terrible father," Stoick moaned, putting his head in his hands.

It was morning, the sun peeking over the horizon and throwing Berk into faint golden light. Stoick hated the brightness of the day: it was a stark contrast to the storm raging in his chest.

Across the table from him, Gobber placed a consoling hand on the chief's. "Nah… just…a little misguided," he tried to comfort.

Stoick snorted and didn't reply for a moment. He didn't need to speak to make it clear he thought "misguided" was a massive understatement.

"I have to try and fix this," he finally muttered, standing and bustling around for some food, placing a fish and some bread on a plate.

"How?" Gobber asked.

"I don't know," Stoick admitted, filling a cup with water. "Somehow. I have to win back his trust."

"That'll be difficult," Gobber remarked, taking a swig from his mug. "You heard what he said last night. He hates us right now. It'll be awhile before he's ready to forgive us."

"I know, but…" Stoick sighed and headed for the stairs. "I have to try."

Gobber said nothing more, and Stoick ascended to his son's bedroom. He knocked on the door and called, "Hiccup? Are you awake, son?" Getting no answer, he cautiously pushed the door open.

The first thing he saw was the empty bed. His heart dropped. "Hiccup? Where…"

He trailed off as he noticed Toothless curled up on the other side of the room, his head up and ear fins perked alertly. His eyes had slit pupils that didn't look the least bit friendly. Hiccup was lying against the dragon's side, clearly still asleep. Stoick breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good morning, Toothless," he said cautiously, wishing he'd grabbed a basket of fish for the obviously-angry dragon.

Toothless growled.

"Easy, boy," Stoick soothed. "I know I'm not your favorite person right now."

Toothless continued to growl warningly. Stoick frowned for a moment, unsure of what to do. Then an idea came to him. It was crazy, but…

He sighed and lowered himself to the floor, placing the breakfast tray aside, and lowered his head submissively. Toothless, surprised in spite of himself, stopped growling but continued to glare at him.

After a moment, Stoick spoke. "Thank you, Toothless…for being there for him when no one was. When I should have been. I know you didn't do it for me, but I appreciate it all the same."

Toothless cocked his head to the side.

Stoick took a deep breath and continued, "I know I've made a terrible mistake. I know I've hurt him. All I ask is that you give me the chance to make things right. Please," he added when Toothless' expression didn't change, "let me try to help him. I promise, if he doesn't want me here, I'll leave him be. I know it's going to take some time before he trusts me again, but I want to make things right, no matter how long it takes. Please, Toothless…" He held out his hand. The Night Fury regarded it warily. "…let me try to fix this mess I've made."

Toothless stared at him, apparently considering Stoick's words. Then he huffed in a way that said quite clearly, "If you hurt him again, I will tear you apart." Then he leaned forward until his nose touched Stoick's outstretched fingers. The chief smiled weakly. "Thank you, Toothless."

Toothless rumbled quietly and shifted his tail, exposing the sleeping boy at his side. "Hiccup?" Stoick reached out and gently shook his son's shoulder. Hiccup stirred and opened his eyes groggily. For a moment he seemed confused, as if he didn't know how he'd ended up on the floor. Then he saw his father and his eyes widened. He shrank back into Toothless' side, watching Stoick with a wary, mistrustful, even angry look that was eerily similar to the one Toothless had worn moments before.

"I…" Stoick suddenly forgot everything he'd planned on saying. He cleared his throat. "I brought you some breakfast." He picked up the tray and placed it in front of Hiccup. The boy didn't move, choosing to continue staring at his father. His expression had turned cold.

Stoick gulped and then silently chastised himself. He was a chief, for the gods' sakes! He should be capable of speaking to his own son without getting tongue-tied or nervous. Yet there was no denying it: he was unnerved by the hard stare Hiccup leveled at him. It was filled with silent accusations, accusations that Stoick couldn't counter.

"I…" Stoick stammered, "I just wanted to say that…I'm sorry, Hiccup. You were right, I should have trusted you with the truth instead of…well…" He looked away, unable to bear looking into his son's eyes anymore while they were so icy. "I know you're in pain, son, and I know you're angry. You have every right to be. But I hope that, in time, you'll be able to forgive us…to forgive me…for what we've done."

He chanced another glance at Hiccup. His expression hadn't changed. Knowing he wasn't going to get anywhere with his son right now, he sighed and stood. Toothless watched his every move warily, as did the boy by his side. "I'll leave you to your breakfast, then. If you need anything, anything at all, give me a yell and I'll come running. I mean it." He walked over to the door and paused on the threshold. Hesitantly he looked back over his shoulder. Hiccup was still staring daggers at him. "I love you, Hiccup. I know I've done a rotten job of showing it, but it's true. And I'm so sorry. If I could go back and change it…"

Hiccup finally looked away, and his meaning was clear: dismissal. Stoick didn't finish his sentence. He merely sighed and left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Odin, he thought as he descended the stairs to where Gobber waited expectantly, this is going to be a long battle.

…

Hiccup didn't say a word to him throughout the day. Stoick popped in every few hours to see if his son needed anything, but every time Hiccup merely looked away pointedly, refusing to speak. Stoick, knowing it would do no good to argue, particularly with that Night Fury there to protect him, withdrew each time without complaint, though he couldn't keep the look of disappointment and sadness off his face every time his son rejected his attempts to reconcile.

But even though he said nothing to his father, Hiccup was far from silent that day. Whenever he was alone in the room with Toothless, he would talk to his dragon friend, sometimes ranting, other times thoughtfully contemplating.

After Stoick delivered his breakfast and left, Hiccup looked down at the dish he'd left. True, he was starving. He hadn't eaten at all the previous day but had been too depressed to care. Now his stomach was making its displeasure known in no uncertain terms. Yet he still hesitated to pick up the bread and fish. He snorted. "Does he think that by offering me food he can just erase the past two months?"

Toothless warbled in agreement. Nevertheless, Hiccup sighed and picked up the bread, devouring it in seconds. The fish he gave to his dragon. It was a small act of defiance, but it made him feel slightly better. That and he knew how much Toothless loved cod.

After Stoick delivered lunch, this time thinking to bring a basketful of fish for Toothless, Hiccup sighed and asked the dragon, "Am I being unreasonable?"

Toothless crooned between mouthfuls of fish. Hiccup snorted. "I don't think I am. After what they put me through they deserve whatever I do. They deserve my hatred, and they certainly don't deserve my forgiveness…"

He trailed off, frowning. Despite his words, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. He was a forgiving person by nature, and he hated to hold grudges. He'd been subjected to bullying before, mostly from his cousin Snotlout, and the others had never come to his defense. After the battle with the Red Death, Astrid had been the only one to ever actually apologize for hurting him or for not helping him. Yet he forgave all of them without having to be asked.

This, though…this was a different matter. They'd done some serious harm this time. He'd been able to bounce back from their hurtful words before, but this time they'd beaten even that resilience out of him, leaving him broken and alone. He was damaged, and he wasn't sure he could be repaired.

He told all this to Toothless, who listened with his head tilted to one side. "What do you think, bud?" he asked. "Should I forgive them anyway? Is it right to hang on to this anger?"

When Toothless didn't offer more than a noncommittal grunt, Hiccup groaned and lowered his head into his hands. "I'm so confused. What they did…it still hurts. Even knowing that it was all pretend…" He scoffed. "…doesn't help. If anything it makes it worse. I can't just let that go. Even if I wanted to, I can't. But how long do I hold onto it before I start forgiving? Or have they finally gone past the point of forgiveness entirely this time? I don't know…I just don't know…"

Toothless nudged him, and his meaning was clear: No matter what you choose to do, I'll stand by your side. Hiccup smiled and stroked his forehead. "Thanks, bud."

…

Astrid spent the entire day wondering what might have happened had she decided not to go along with Stoick's plan.

She had been vehemently against it from the start. She'd known how badly her words and actions would hurt Hiccup. She'd known he wasn't going to be pleased when he found out the whole thing was a ploy. But even she had never dreamed Hiccup would try to end his own life. He'd always been so…sturdy? It wasn't quite the right word but it was all she could come up with. He'd always persevered, even when his life was at its bleakest. The very idea that he would attempt suicide was foreign to her.

Yet she had seen the bloody gash in his wrist. She'd seen the words scrawled in blood. She'd read the scribbled notes in the pages of his sketchbook, found lying open on his worktable.

Astrid – too weak. Not a hero. Deserves someone better than me.

"But I don't want anyone else," she said aloud, and then looked around quickly in case someone had overheard her.

If she hadn't obeyed Stoick's command, Hiccup would have known from the start that the village's show of hatred was false. She could have saved him two months of heartbreak. She could have. Easily.

So why hadn't she?

She didn't know how to answer that.

She'd gone up to Hiccup's house first thing in the morning, but Stoick had firmly told her that Hiccup wasn't to have visitors that day. She accepted begrudgingly. After all, he was the chief, and Hiccup was in a lot of pain. She figured he needed the time alone.

But the following morning, she returned, and she wasn't taking no for an answer this time. She had to talk to him. She had to tell him how sorry she was. She had to tell him that she loved him, that she'd never stopped.

Stoick answered the door again. "Astrid. You're back." He didn't sound surprised.

"Chief, please, I must see him," Astrid said, a note of urgency in her voice.

Stoick hesitated. "I…don't know if that's wise, lass. He's…still angry…" When Astrid's determined expression didn't change, he sighed and added, "I'll ask him if he wants to see you, all right? If he says yes, I'll let you up. But if he says no…"

"I'll leave," Astrid finished for him, nodding. Anything to be let inside. Besides, Hiccup wouldn't turn her away…right?

Stoick let her in and told her to wait while he climbed the stairs. He knocked on his son's door. "Hiccup?" he asked, peeking cautiously, nervously in. "Astrid's here. She wants to see you."

Hiccup blinked and gazed up at him. He hadn't moved from his spot beside Toothless.

"If you don't want to see her, I'll send her away," Stoick added.

Hiccup was silent for a moment longer. He exchanged a glance with Toothless, and then he nodded. "All right," he said, and Stoick started. They were the first words his son had said to him since he'd ordered them all out of his room. "I'll see her. Send her up."

Surprised and slightly hopeful, the chief nodded and withdrew. "You're in luck," he told Astrid when he returned to the first floor. "He says he'll see you."

Astrid smiled and took the stairs two at a time, entering the room without knocking. Like Stoick, she paused in confusion at seeing the empty bed, but her face cleared when she saw Hiccup lying in Toothless' protective grasp. She blinked, momentarily stunned. Hiccup's face was set in a cool, slightly aloof expression. There was no warmth in his eyes. She swallowed a lump in her throat. This was going to be harder than she'd first thought.

"Uh…hi," she said, and she hated the way her voice quavered.

Hiccup nodded to her. "Hello, Astrid," he said quietly.

He's still hurting. And very, very angry, Astrid thought. She tried to smile in a way she hoped was comforting and stepped forward to sit before him. Toothless watched her, his pupils in slits, but made no move to stop her.

"So…how are you?" she asked, and immediately wished she hadn't.

Hiccup's expression didn't change. "I've been better."

Astrid nodded and an awkward silence fell between them. She found that she had a hard time making eye contact. The look on his face was…unnerving.

Suddenly the words burst from her lips as if of their own accord, "Hiccup I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, I thought the idea was stupid from the beginning and I tried to argue against it but then the chief made us swear to stick to the plan and I agreed because, well, he's the chief and I can't disobey him, I swear I never wanted to cause you that kind of pain, I know it was wrong and that I should have told you everything from the start, you wouldn't be in this position if I had and…and…I'm sorry." She flushed and looked down at her hands.

Hiccup didn't say anything for a moment. He watched her silently throughout her rambling and continued to gaze thoughtfully at her when she'd fallen silent. Astrid wondered if he was going to say anything at all.

Then he hummed quietly and said, "You said something just now that I don't understand. Mind clarifying for me?"

Astrid looked up and replied, "Which part?"

"The bit about why you went along with the plan even though you knew it was stupid and only going to cause me unnecessary pain," Hiccup specified. "Why was that again?"

Astrid thought, trying to remember what she'd said in her little outburst. Then she answered, "I…I did it because Stoick told us to. It was a direct order from the chief. I couldn't disobey…what?"

Hiccup was shaking his head. "No, wouldn't disobey," he corrected. "You could have, but you didn't. There's a world of difference between these two concepts, Astrid."

Astrid opened her mouth but nothing came out for a moment. She finally spluttered, "But…Hiccup! Your father's the chief! I couldn't just—"

"Since when has my father's status as chief ever stopped you – or any of us – from disobeying him?" Hiccup interrupted. "We've gone behind his back before, Astrid, remember? The whole purpose of our Flight Club was to ride dragons without my father's knowledge. So forgive me if I find it doubtful that you spent two months ignoring me and pretending I didn't exist just because he told you to. No. There was another reason. What was it, Astrid? I think I have the right to know why you felt destroying me was a good idea."

Astrid's mouth was hanging open and she couldn't think of a single word to say. Hiccup secretly found her speechlessness amusing, but he refused to crack a smile. "Never mind. There's no need to answer. I already know." He looked her right in the eye and declared, "You did it because you were afraid."

Astrid unstuck her throat. "Afraid?" she repeated as if the word was foreign to her.

"Yes, afraid," Hiccup confirmed, nodding. "You were afraid to disobey because you knew you'd be the only one who did. It's the same reason you never stood up for me before, when Snotlout and the others were bullying me. You didn't want to be the one who allied yourself with Hiccup the Useless, too afraid of what it would do to your reputation. The great and mighty Astrid Hofferson helping out poor weak little Hiccup, what a blow that would have been to your image."

Astrid's face was turning red with anger. "That's not true!"

"It is true!" Hiccup snapped. "You didn't help me then because you feared for your reputation, and you didn't help me now because you feared you'd be the only one who did. You were afraid of being cast out like I was. You feared that by disobeying my father's orders you would lose the respect of the village. So you went along with the charade, despite knowing how it was affecting me, perhaps hoping I would be all nice and understanding when it was all over and the truth was revealed, that I would easily forgive your cowardice and everything would go back to normal—"

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third!" Astrid fairly shrieked. "Are you calling me a coward?!"

Hiccup didn't flinch the way she'd hoped he would. "You know what?" he snarled, staring her down. "Maybe I am."

There was a ringing silence. Astrid was breathing heavily out of a combination of fury and bewilderment, and she was determinedly looking into Hiccup's eyes, refusing to be the first to look away…

But Hiccup's eyes bored into hers, their green depths stony and unyielding. She finally broke off the stare, hating herself for it. When had Hiccup become so assertive?

"You see, Astrid?" he said after a moment in a quiet voice that seemed so out of place following their shouting. "Words can cause just as much damage as an axe or sword. And those wounds take a long time to heal."

Astrid blinked and looked back up at him. He was gazing at her in a way that made her feel that he could see through her. It made her shiver. And there was a strange glint in his eyes. Was it pity?

She suddenly had to get out of there. This meeting hadn't gone at all the way she'd hoped and she had to sort out everything that had happened between them. She stood up abruptly. Hiccup watched her, impassive, as she strode to the door, pulled it open, and departed without so much as a backward glance. She didn't speak to Stoick when she descended the stairs. She simply walked out the front door into the daylight, her head still reeling.

She had to be alone for a while. She had to think.

…

"I need to think," Hiccup told Toothless. It was mid-afternoon. Stoick had brought him lunch but the food was untouched. The thought of food made his stomach churn. His brain was a whirlwind of activity but he was unable to string two thoughts coherently together. Maybe it was his proximity to the village. He could practically feel the looks of worry and pity that everyone was sending his way, even though the walls of the house separated him from Berk.

He needed to be alone, somewhere he could relax and unwind without anyone interrupting him. His bedroom simply wasn't isolated enough.

He grinned suddenly as a thought occurred to him. "Hey bud, what do you say we go to the cove for a bit?"

Toothless absolutely loved the idea. Hiccup could tell because the dragon started quivering underneath him in excitement. He chuckled. "All right, bud. But we have to be sneaky. Everyone will notice if we go flying out of here. Besides, the window's still covered." He gestured up to the boarded-up hole in the roof. "We'll have to sneak out the back door. From there we'll run. Well…you'll run and I'll ride. I'm still too weak to run myself." He stood up and proved his words by swaying on the spot. Toothless helped stabilize him. "Thanks, bud. Hmm…should I leave a note?" He shook his head and said at once, "No. Let them fret for a little while. Besides, if they really know me, they'll know where to look."

He nodded, satisfied, and walked over to the door. He opened it, listening carefully. He'd heard his father leave earlier to attend to his chiefly duties, but he wanted to make absolutely certain they were alone in the house. He heard nothing from downstairs, so he preceded Toothless to the main level and out the back door. Elated at being able to breathe fresh air again, Hiccup leapt onto his dragon's back, ignoring the way his head spun at the sudden burst of motion. Even if they weren't going to be airborne (there was no time to fasten the prosthetic tailfin), it still felt wonderful to be connected to his best friend once more, to be joined, to be as one.

Toothless let out a soft roar of exaltation before he bounded into the forest, Hiccup riding expertly atop him, truly smiling for the first time in days.

A/N: For some reason I really like writing angry Hiccup. Don't know why…