A/N: What's this? A new chapter? After such a long break? Yep. Sure is.

I do have some announcements to make, but they can wait until the end of the chapter. I'm sure you're anxious to return to Berk after such a long hiatus. But there is one thing you should be aware of beforehand: Hiccup has a dream in this chapter, and it's pretty dark and violent. If that's something you don't want to read, or if it's a potential trigger for you, I urge you to skip over it. It's the section in italics near the end of the chapter.

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Eight

Changed

It was one thing to say he could forgive them and move on. But as Hiccup soon discovered, to actually do it was another thing entirely.

Two months went by, two months of tentative smiles, strained conversations, difficulty maintaining eye contact, awkward silences, uncomfortable throat-clearing, and tense encounters with old friends. Two months in which Hiccup tried his best to pretend nothing had happened between him and the village, in which the village tried its best to make him feel needed and important, in which his friends tried their best to include him in conversation, in which his father tried his best to make his son feel loved. But all their efforts were not enough. There was a palpable sense of disquiet in the air whenever Hiccup was around, though no one could really determine whether it stemmed from him or from those around him, or perhaps even both. The Great Hall fell oddly silent whenever he entered, and any conversation that followed was obviously forced or staged.

It was hard for Hiccup to determine who among the villagers the worst was about trying to be forcibly cheerful around him. There was Gobber, who had welcomed him back to the forge with great enthusiasm ("No one gets the fine details like you do, lad!"). The blacksmith was constantly trying to engage him in conversation whether he wanted to talk or not. Hiccup found this rather amusing at first, but his humor quickly faded into irritation and finally into dull acceptance as the days wore on. Sometimes he could even participate in the conversation, and occasionally even do so with ease, at least until his eyes landed on the white scar on his right wrist, at which his good mood would immediately evaporate.

Then there was Stoick, who had gone from projecting his disappointment like he would wield a hammer in battle to practically smothering his only son with warm affection. This was almost too much for Hiccup to bear, and he would often invent excuses to leave the house so that he could escape his father's doting gestures. In some corner of his heart, he was touched that Stoick seemed to actually be acting like, well, a loving father. But it was hard to bear that in mind when the man was practically spoon-feeding him day after day.

There were the other dragon riders, his friends and companions, who all seemed intent on doing everything they could to make Hiccup feel like his opinion mattered. It didn't matter what the topic of discussion was; if Hiccup made his opinion known, the others automatically accepted it as law. If he said he liked the color blue, then blue was the best color to go with practically everything. If he said the sand on the north beach was too coarse for his liking, then that beach was totally off-limits. At first he'd found this rather amusing and would take advantage of it, especially with Snotlout and the twins, who weren't quite intelligent enough to know when their legs were being pulled. For instance, he would say, "That helmet doesn't look good on you, Snotlout," and his cousin would immediately agree and take it off. Or perhaps it was, "Maybe you'd look good in pink," to Tuffnut, who would proudly wear a brand new pink tunic the next day to the bewilderment and amusement of the village. But these rather childish pranks grew old quickly, and soon Hiccup started fervently wishing someone else would form their own opinion about something instead of imitating him.

And then there was Astrid…

…

"Hey Hiccup!"

He heard her voice and suppressed a groan as he glancing up from his work, wiping sweat from his brow and trying to fix a warm smile on his face. Astrid, looking as radiant and beautiful as ever, was approaching the forge with an unmistakably hopeful expression.

"Hi Astrid," he said, straightening and walking up to the window so they could talk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gobber smirk, but he ignored him and tried to push back the sudden urge to flee. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she replied. "How about you?"

Hiccup shrugged. "I'm okay. Busy." He gestured vaguely behind him at the tools littering the shop.

"Not that busy," Gobber commented, and Hiccup turned to glare pointedly at him. "Ah…right…well…" The blacksmith shuffled rather awkwardly. "I'll, uh…give you two some privacy."

He scurried off to the other side of the forge and busied himself with a hammer. Hiccup rolled his eyes and turned back to Astrid, who was fighting to suppress a smile and not doing a very good job of it. "Well that was awkward," he remarked.

Astrid laughed. "He certainly has a way with words," she agreed, shaking her head.

For a moment Hiccup just gazed at her. She looked so happy and carefree. Her smile was dazzling, her eyes sparkling with joy, her golden hair shining in the mid-afternoon sunlight. She was so beautiful, and in that moment he felt the familiar stirrings in his core that he'd always used to feel whenever he saw her, that pleasant warmth that started in his midriff and radiated outward to all points of his body.

I miss you, he thought sadly. I miss what we used to have. I miss those days we used to spend together, before all that mess happened. I want those days back. I wish I didn't know that you were capable of causing so much pain.

But he did know. The scar on his wrist was a constant reminder.

"So," Astrid said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen between them. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Hiccup knew where this was going and quickly tried to wriggle his way free. The trick, of course, was doing so without being obvious about it. And Astrid was pretty perceptive: fooling her was a lot harder than fooling the twins. He decided to tell the truth…most of it, anyway. "Not really," he answered, shrugging. "But I thought I'd turn in a bit early tonight. I…haven't been sleeping well and I'm kind of tired, you know?"

Astrid's smile flickered, but Hiccup wasn't afraid that she saw through his ruse. After all, he'd spoken the truth. He hadn't been sleeping well lately. Nightmares still plagued him almost every night, usually the same one but with a variation here or there to make it interesting.

"Oh," Astrid said, looking down at her hands, which she was twisting together in front of her. "I was going to invite you to dinner at my house. I'm cooking tonight."

Hiccup forced himself to smile. "Mm…I'm missing out," he remarked.

He was saying this to make her feel better. In truth, he'd made a narrow escape. As skilled as Astrid was with weapons, she was utterly hopeless in the kitchen. She tried her best, but as Hiccup had learned with the Yaknog, she loved to experiment…and those experiments often backfired. Hiccup had gone to dinner at the Hoffersons' house no less than seventeen times over the past two months, as Astrid was always inviting him over and he didn't have the heart – or indeed enough excuses – to turn her down that often.

He knew what she was up to, of course. He'd have been stupid not to. She was hoping to win his affections back. And while he had to commend her for her determination, he was honestly getting pretty sick of it.

So he didn't feel incredibly guilty when he said, "Maybe next time."

Astrid's smile returned, though at a noticeably lower intensity than before. "Yeah."

Another awkward silence fell.

"Are you teaching at the Academy tomorrow?" Astrid asked after a moment in a brave effort to continue the conversation.

"Yep," Hiccup nodded, glad to be talking about a subject he could get passionate about. "I've been thinking about what we should do and I have a few ideas. I've been practicing this new move with Toothless and I really think it will help develop our stealth skills."

Astrid snorted a single laugh. "With Snotlout and the twins, we need all the help we can get in that department."

Hiccup chuckled. "True enough. After that, I think we'll do a refresher course. You know, practice some of the stuff we've already covered. Maybe a few trick shots, some rescue maneuvers, a couple of trust exercises…"

He faltered, and Astrid's smile vanished at once. The single word "trust"hung in the air between them like a stormy gray cloud that had appeared out of nowhere. Quite without meaning to, he grabbed his scarred wrist with his left hand, his grip hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

"That…sounds great, Hiccup," Astrid said after a second or two. Her cheerful tone was now obviously forced. "I look forward to it."

Hiccup nodded mutely. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"Well…I guess I should get going," Astrid added after another moment. "I'll…I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Hiccup said quietly, trying to smile but not quite managing it. "Tomorrow."

Astrid turned and left. Her steps were a little slower than normal and lacked their usual vigor.

"Well that could have gone worse," Gobber remarked.

Hiccup turned to glare at him, and the blacksmith coughed awkwardly.

"Right…none of my business…"

Hiccup merely shook his head and returned to work. But he found he couldn't concentrate on blacksmithing anymore. The image of Astrid's stricken face when he'd said that one little word kept distracting him.

…

Toothless wanted to carry Hiccup up the hill to his house that night, but Hiccup refused. "No, bud. I can handle it," he insisted, his self-sure tone of voice quite belying his red and sweaty face. Toothless grumbled unhappily but allowed his human his moment of masochistic torture, following the struggling boy up the path. Hiccup paused at the top of the hill to catch his breath. "See?" he panted. "No problem."

Toothless gave him a dragon eye-roll.

"You've been hanging around me too long, bud," Hiccup said with a faint laugh. "You're picking up on my sense of humor."

Toothless just huffed in reply.

Hiccup opened the door and walked inside. Stoick looked up and smiled, though his expression darkened slightly when he saw how exhausted and even mildly pained his son looked. "Hiccup," he said, walking over and closing the distance between them in two strides, "did you—"

"Yes," Hiccup interrupted, his tone perhaps a little sharper than he'd intended, "I climbed the hill on my own again. I can do it, all right?"

Stoick looked as if he wanted to argue further, but he restrained himself with a sigh. "Right," he said, and then silence fell between them.

Feeling a little bad – he was just looking out for his son, after all – Hiccup said, "It's okay, Dad, really. It's a bit tiring but I can manage it. I'm getting a little better each day."

"I know," Stoick said wearily. They'd had this discussion before and they were never able to come to an agreement. "I just don't want you getting hurt or…"

He trailed off, and Hiccup broke eye contact, looking instead at the floor. They were both uncomfortably aware of just how badly he'd been hurt before.

"Well," Stoick said a little awkwardly. "I, uh…dinner! Dinner's ready, son. It's stew tonight, hope that's okay…?"

Hiccup barely refrained from snapping, "You don't need my approval for every single little thing, Dad!" Instead he said evenly, "Yeah, stew's fine." Then, in a brave effort to dispel some of the tension in the room, he added, "Smells good."

Stoick's smile was full of relief and gratitude. "Thanks, son. Hope you like it."

And he did. The stew tasted fine. But the meal was more than a little awkward, as every meal they shared had been for two months. By now the pattern was predictable: Stoick would ask a question, usually about how work was going at the forge, and Hiccup would reply in as few words as possible. Stoick would ask about the Academy, and Hiccup would give a longer answer, but still nothing more than a few sentences. Then Hiccup would try to contribute by asking how his father's chiefing had gone that day, and Stoick would answer in as few sentences as possible. They would then lapse into uncomfortable silence until Hiccup – who always ate faster – would finish and excuse himself from the table. He then hurried up to his bedroom for the night, leaving Stoick to gaze sadly after him.

"Hiccup," he sighed, turning to stare into the fire. "When are we going to be a family again, son? How much longer will this go on?"

The crackling flames offered him no answers.

…

Toothless woke up to the sound of his human moaning. He opened his eyes and looked around, his ears perked and alert. Hiccup was in bed, his face contorted in a combination of rage and pain, thrashing and whipping his head from side to side. His eyes were still closed, scrunched shut against a horror that only he could see.

Toothless hummed in mixed pity and resignation. Another nightmare. He stood up and walked over to his human's bed, reaching out to nuzzle the boy, hoping to wake him…

…

"Fire!" Hiccup screamed, and Toothless shot a purple blast of fire at the group of Vikings huddling in fear in the corner of the Great Hall. They screamed in agony as they burned, but Hiccup didn't stay to witness their demise. He turned and left the hall, riding atop his beloved Night Fury as they surveyed Berk together.

The village was in flames. The few surviving Vikings were running frantically to and fro, desperately trying to put out the fire sweeping from building to building, all to no avail. Littering the ground all around were bodies, bodies of fallen warriors that he and Toothless had taken down. Hiccup smiled coldly as he gazed down on the carnage below. It served them right. It served them right for hurting him like that, for making him feel so worthless, so unloved, so useless…

His eyes fell on a lone figure standing near the mass of burning wood that had once been his house. It was his father. Hiccup's smile changed to a defiant sneer, and he directed Toothless to fly over toward the towering shape. Stoick's eyes roved over the shambles that had once been his village, his face pale and bloodless. "Thor Almighty," he breathed. "No…"

He looked up as Hiccup and Toothless landed a few paces away. His son slid from the dragon's back, his left hand clutching the handle of a dagger. Hiccup saw Stoick's eyes flicker as they landed on the weapon he held. Good. He'd recognized it. It was the same dagger he'd tried to kill himself with two months ago.

"Hiccup," Stoick breathed. "Son…why?"

"Don't act so surprised," Hiccup snarled. "Did you really think you could hurt me like that and not suffer any consequences?"

"Hiccup, I told you," Stoick said, his tone desperate and pleading, "I'm sorry! We're all sorry! We never meant to hurt you like that! It was all pretend!"

"Pretend?" Hiccup repeated, and he laughed. "It wasn't pretend to me, Dad. And that's not pretend, either." He pointed with the dagger, and Stoick followed the gesture to a pile of bodies lying nearby. His eyes widened in horror. There was Fishlegs, his eyes wide with unseeing terror, blood dribbling from a wound in his ample stomach. Ruffnut and Tuffnut, identical in almost every respect, right down to the mirror gashes across their throats. Snotlout, his once-handsome face blackened, charred, and almost unrecognizable. Astrid, her own axe embedded in her skull, right between her glassy blue eyes. Gobber, his own hook arm driven up through his chin, the point emerging from his open mouth.

"I'm not pretending, Dad," Hiccup said, and Stoick tore his eyes away from the grisly sight to meet his son's. "I was never pretending. Not then. And not now."

At a hand signal, Toothless reared his head back and fired. Stoick didn't have time to duck. He caught the blast full in the chest and was thrown backward, landing on his back. He didn't move for several seconds. He was finding it hard to breathe.

Hiccup walked up to him and knelt so that he was staring down into his father's face. He leaned in close and whispered, "I'll never forgive you."

Stoick flinched but didn't seem able to speak. The air had been knocked out of his lungs upon his collision with the ground and simply breathing was apparently difficult. But even without that, he didn't think he'd be able to say anything. The pure loathing and venomous anger churning in his son's eyes was enough to render him totally mute.

For a moment Hiccup enjoyed Stoick's obvious discomfort. He could read his father's every thought in his wide, panicky eyes and he liked what he saw. Then he leaned still closer and hissed three more words, simple words, words he'd said before, but words that sucked every ounce of warmth from Stoick's body, words laced with icy malice.

"I hate you."

Then Hiccup plunged the knife down into his father's chest…

…

Hiccup woke up screaming, tears pouring down his face. Toothless let out a soft roar of mixed alarm and reassurance, his wide green eyes luminous in the darkness of the bedroom.

"T-Toothless," Hiccup choked, reaching out with trembling hands. "Oh gods, Toothless! I…I…I killed them! I killed them all! Oh sweet Odin I killed everyone!"

Toothless warbled in concern and pressed his forehead to his human's. Hiccup threw his arms around the dragon's neck and sobbed loudly into the black scales, mumbling, "I killed them! I killed them!" over and over again until the words dissolved into wordless moans and gasps.

"Hiccup?"

He looked up to see Stoick peering in through the doorway, his face lined with concern. For a moment black rage, a remnant from his dream, rose up inside him, but it faded at once and was replaced immediately with horror and a dash of guilt.

"Are you all right, son?"

Hiccup nodded and hurriedly wiped the trails of tears from his cheeks. "Yeah, I…I'm fine," he mumbled, looking away. He couldn't quite make himself meet his father's eyes. He kept seeing them filled with fear and pain and rapidly draining of life…

"Okay…well…try to go back to sleep, Hiccup."

Hiccup merely nodded, still not looking at him. Stoick, feeling utterly inadequate, left, closing the door behind him.

"Toothless," Hiccup murmured, his arms still locked around the Night Fury's neck, "stay with me? Please?"

Toothless crooned in assent and climbed onto the bed, reaching out with his front paws and pulling his human close. Hiccup snuggled up against the dragon's smooth, scaly body, allowing Toothless to cradle him, reaching up to hold the big black head in his arms. Toothless purred quietly, and his meaning was clear: You're safe. Nothing's going to get you while I'm here. I promise.

"Thanks, Toothless," Hiccup sighed, sniffling a little. "Thanks…for everything…"

Toothless warbled and nuzzled him, bringing a smile to Hiccup's face. Then his expression softened into neutrality as sleep once again claimed him.

A/N: First of all, my thanks go out to Annanarra and GuardianDragon98, who both sent me suggestions for possible scenes. I loosely adapted Annanarra's into the first several paragraphs, and GuardianDragon98's got worked into Hiccup's dream toward the end. Thank you both for your input, I really appreciate it! :)

Also, thanks to all of you who have been following this story and urging me to continue. I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have such devoted readers. Thanks too for all the reviews, I appreciate each and every one of them, even if I don't reply to them all.

Now for the bad news…I'm so sorry for the delay between chapters but there's a good chance that there may be another delay between this one and the next. Here's the thing: my interests change over time. Where I was really into HTTYD for a time, now my attentions have shifted to other things. This is totally normal for me (and I imagine I'm not alone). I promise, I'm not abandoning this story! It will continue, I swear! I will see it through to the end. I have an outline finished and I can already say that it will be fifteen chapters total. I like where it's going and think it will turn out great. I just wanted to let you know that the chapters probably won't be appearing as regularly as they did before. I have to be in the right mood to write this story, otherwise it just doesn't work. And you all have been so supportive that I owe you my very best. So I promise, the story will continue! It just may take some time, so please be patient with me.

In the meantime, I have some other stuff I've been working on. I'm currently on a horror kick (imagine that, with the username HorrorFan6…) and have been returning to my writing roots with some horror stories. If you haven't seen it yet (I don't know how many of you are following my one-shot collection) I do have a very dark and violent story with Hiccup and Toothless attacking Berk. I know several of you wanted this story to go that direction but Hiccup's nightmare in this chapter and that one-shot are as close as I'm going to go in that regard. If you have read that one-shot, I hope you enjoyed it (dark though it is), and if you haven't then by all means go check it out if you want to read something much darker and violent than my usual fan fiction work. Also, I've been posting chapters of my very first fan fiction ever from 2008, Halloween: The Devil's House. So if you're a fan of the 1978 horror film Halloween (or even if you're not), I'd love to know what you think of it. (It is rated M, though...just so you know.) Also, on a much lighter note, I've started a series of one-shot shamelessly comedic self-insertions called Untold Stories From Berk, starring myself and two of my best friends. So if the darker stuff isn't to your liking, you may prefer these stories.

Once again, thank you all so much for your reviews. I'm so glad you've been enjoying this story. Thank you for your patience with me for the delay and please continue to be patient while I try to continue. I promise I will follow through to the end. :)