Chapter five: Okay, I call bullshit!

"Wait, you're serious?" Token exclaimed in complete shock. "Like, you aren't fucking with us?"

"We felt the same way, and we saw it ourselves!" Kenny exclaimed with his mouth full. Kyle had given him a packed lunch then bought his own.

"I'm calling bullshit." Clyde remarked casually before shoving a bite of his Salisbury steak in his mouth. "There is NOTHING that can change Cartman for the better. Not even a blow to the head."

"Actually I read about this." Kyle said, matter-of-factly. "It's called The Pseudobulbar Affect."

"Soodo-ballsier Affect?" Kyle facepalmed at Clyde's stupidity.

"Pseudobulbar Affect." He repeated, rather annoyed. "It's a head injury that alters the personality of people."

"That sounds about right." Stan agreed. "That sounds exactly like what happened!"

"I still don't believe it." Craig stated flatly. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Well he's out now, so if you want we can show you after school."

"Sure thing Kyle!" Token happily agreed. "I meant to visit him yesterday, but I was busy."

"I don't need a bullshit excuse." Craig added in, flatly. "I just want to see this for myself. Tweek has to work after school anyways."

"Fine I'll go." Clyde shrugged. He didn't really care, but the thought of Cartman being nice intrigued him.

"Great. Meet us outside after school and we'll take you to his house."

After school the group of them left and headed over to Cartman's house. Stan knocked on the door.

"Yes? Oh hello everyone!" Ms. Cartman cheered when she saw the group of boys at her door. "Eric's up in his bedroom. Play nice now!"

Craig looked at her in subtle confusion. How could she be so chipper all the time? It unsettled him.

"Cartman? It's us! We're coming in!" Kyle softly informed the boy while slowly opening the door. He was greeted with a kind smile and a gentle response.

"Come in. Oh hi guys good to see ya!" his voice was calm and gentle. Token, Clyde, and Craig didn't really want to go in. This was too weird.

"Uh, hey dude." Token greeted awkwardly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing well Token! It's very sweet of you to ask!"

"Okay, I'll bite!" Craig exclaimed. "What the hell are you up to Fatass?"

"'What are you up to-' What are you talking about?" Cartman looked shaken by the sudden outburst. His eyes welled up with tears, but he didn't cry.

"Oh come ON! You wouldn't change from a stupid blow in the head! You are an irredeemable, sadistic, asshole! If this is another one of your god damn schemes, leave me out of it!" He stormed out of the room. Kyle saw the fear and pain in his rival's eyes and went to comfort him.

"You okay?" he asked gently, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"No... I just don't understand what's going on anymore. From what I hear, you guys hated me for being an asshole, but now that this stupid head injury you guys hate me for being nice. What do you want from me?" He buried his face in his hands and cried. Everyone in the room's hearts broke. This poor kid was going through hell at the moment. He was nice now, and there wasn't much they could do, but they could treat him better. Clyde stormed out of the room, returning soon after, dragging an irritated Craig by the arm.

"Ow! Let go of me Clyde!" He was trying to pull himself free.

"Then apologize to Cartman you prick!"

"Fine, Cartman I'm-" He cut himself off. He was about to only half-ass the response, but seeing what he did to the poor boy cut him off.

"You're WHAT." Clyde forced on him. He was blocking the door with his arms crossed, just in case Craig tried to leave again.

"I- I'm sorry. What I said was wrong and I should have given you a chance. I understand the circumstances and that was not my call to make. Do you forgive me?" he awkwardly held out his hand, hoping Cartman will accept and shake it.

"O-okay..." Cartman took his hand and shook it.

"Cool. Now, what the hell is Pseudobulbar Affect?"

"Pseudobulbar Affect? What do you mean?"

"Wait, you have a head injury, and you don't even know what it's called?"

"I only have a concussion."

"God, Cartman. You are way off on that one."

Kyle calmly explained what the injury was, and Cartman also agreed that must have been what happened to him. He was asking questions about his personality before, but he didn't like the answers he got.

"Oh yeah, you were a total dick." Kenny replied casually.

"You would make fun of the most horrible of things." Stan agreed.

"You actually willingly let Kenny die more than once. And gave me AIDS." Kyle was actually enjoying letting Cartman see how bad he is.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you were an ass!" Token chipped in.

"Dude, you murdered a guy's parents because he sold you his pubes!" Clyde casually stated, biting a sandwich he had in his bag.

"I did what!" Cartman gasped in shock at his friends, making them all stop talking.

"B-but that was all in the past, you've been a lot nicer recently! And I don't mean after the basketball game!" Kyle tried (And failed) to calm down Cartman. The stress was making the brunette's head spin.

"This is way too much to take in right now." He managed to choke out. "I feel sick."

He got up and ran to the bathroom. The boys could hear him throw up from his room.

"I'll go check on him." Kenny volunteered. He stood up, dusted off his pants, and left the room. The other boys were left there, hearing Cartman throw up a couple more times before groggily returning to the bedroom, being supported by Kenny.

"You alright?" Craig asked out of genuine concern.

"I think so..." Cartman croaked. He requested for the boys to go home so he could get some rest. The conversation they just had was too much for him. For the most part, they agreed to give him his space, but Kyle and Kenny didn't want to go anywhere.

"I'm your best friend dude, there's no way I'm leaving you like this."

"Kenneh, it's fine, you can go."

"I promised I would help you out. I'm not leaving."

Cartman slowly turned his head to face both boys. They were holding their ground and he was not fit for arguing with them. Hesitantly, he let them stay.

"Sweet. Do you need anything right now?" Kenny calmly asked. They were trying their hardest to be patient.

"Water, and no added sugar please?"

"Whatever you need." Kenny bowed mockingly. Cartman rolled his eyes and groaned.

"You hungry?" Kyle asked calmly. He fully anticipated the answer.

"Not really..."

"Okay. But I'm gonna leave this apple here just in case you want it later."

"Thanks Kahl." He looked the small Jew in the eye, he looked serious. "Kahl?"

"Yes Cartman?"

"Why are you helping me? From what I've heard you hate my guts."

"It's my fault you're hurt in the first place. This is the least I could do."

"So if I wasn't hurt, you wouldn't care about me?"

"That is not what I meant!"

"Kahl, I want to believe you. But with everything that's been happening these past few days; I don't know what to believe anymore."