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Chapter Eight

Lily locked herself into the cubicle nearest the door, and sat down on the closed toilet seat. Struggling to breathe, she took her mobile out of her pocket and switched it on. She needed something to distract her from the panic attack. She checked Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, but the panic was still there.

Shivers went up her spine. She quietly set her phone down on the floor and lifted her shirt to reveal the bruises along her stomach. They weren't as painful anymore, but they still looked bad.

She wished that she could stay in the bathroom all day, away from everyone, but she knew that it wasn't possible.

Lily was sat in the board room with Connie.

Her body tensed up as the clinical lead gently placed a notebook and a pen down in front of her. She fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket and kept her eyes on the dirty carpet below; anything to avoid an awkward conversation with her boss.

She thought about Iain, and the way he'd spoken to her. It was her fault. There she was, letting her attacker get to her, and she wasn't even brave enough to trust Iain with the truth. He cared about her, he loved her, and she loved him, but she'd gone and treated him like shit.

"Now," Connie sighed, opening up the notebook. "Myself, Charlie, Elle, and Jacob have had a meeting about you. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but we're going to book you some time off work."

Lily made eye contact with her then. Her eyes went wide and she slowly shook her head, praying that Connie would change her mind.

"Unless you prove to me that you can talk, then we really can't have you working here at the moment," Connie said. "As soon as you're better though, you can return to work."

Lily knew that she wasn't sick. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

"I just want you to try and write it down for me," Connie said, picking up the pen and holding it out to her. "If there is a reason for why you're not talking, just write it down."

Lily couldn't. If anyone ever found out what had happened to her, then she was sure to get killed. She hadn't even checked her phone. What if he was actually hiding somewhere, watching her and Connie intensely, and waiting? He knew what she'd been wearing, right? He knew that she didn't want to kiss Iain. It meant that he was everywhere, she couldn't escape him.

Tears stung her eyes and she sucked in a breath, her sore stomach rubbing against the material of her blouse. She felt as if she was going to throw up.

"Hey, there's no pressure," Connie whispered, obviously noticing what a state she was getting herself in. "If you're not ready, that...That's fine. At least write something down for me though, anything."

Lily shakily took the pen and jumped when she heard the sound of a door opening. She dropped the pen and tensed up again, afraid that he was entering the room. It was just Elle though.

"Doctor Gardner, what are you doing here?" Connie practically snapped at the consultant.

"I came to offer you a drink, but I don't think I'll bother now," Elle said.

"Sorry," Connie sighed. "But I was almost there with her." She looked up at Elle and whispered, "She was just about to write something."

"Right," Elle replied. "But if she doesn't want to, Connie..."

"I know," Connie said, running a hand through her hair and looking towards Lily. "I just don't know how to help her, without treating her like a child. I know she's a grown woman, but..."

"Just don't worry yourself," Elle cut her off. "I'll get you that drink."

And she left gave her a comforting smile, before leaving Connie and Lily to it.

"I'm sorry," Connie apologised to Lily, and picked the pen up from the floor. "Why don't you just write how you're feeling? Come on, do it for me."

Lily slowly took the pen with a shaking hand, and swallowed nervously on a lump that formed in her throat. She looked at Connie and saw that she was giving her this warm, gentle smile. She faintly nodded and pulled the notebook closer to her, before taking a deep breath and pressing the tip of the pen down onto the paper.

Connie sat back in her chair with her arms crossed and waited in silence. She decided not to say anything, and just let Lily write what she wanted, until she was finished. Eventually, she put her pen down.

"Finished?" Connie asked. "Can I read?"

Lily nodded and set her hands in her lap, allowing Connie to pick up the notebook.

"Okay," she sighed, and began to read aloud. "Iain and I recently had an argument. I'm upset because he said that he liked me, and I really like him back. I wouldn't let him kiss me though, and I'm not speaking to him. He's hurt because of this, and said that we shouldn't be in a relationship. I feel like I've ruined things between us."

She closed the notebook and put it back on the table so that she could speak to Lily.

"Is that really how you feel?" She asked, and Lily nodded. "You haven't ruined things, but maybe if you told us what happened then Iain would understand."

Lily shook her head. Connie didn't realise how bad it was, she couldn't just open up and tell people.

"Do you really like him?" She asked, and Lily nodded with a single tear rolling down her cheek. "I'm sure you'll sort things out. He just doesn't know what to say Lily, none of us do."

The door opened again and Elle walked in with two drinks. She placed a cup of tea in front of Connie, and then a Hot Chocolate in front of Lily. It looked like the sort of thing that you'd get in a posh restaurant; whipped cream, chocolate flakes, and two super big marshmallows. Lily wished that she could thank her.

"Your smile says it all, don't worry," Elle said, leaning over and giving her shoulder a rub. "Enjoy, alright?"

"Thanks Elle," Connie whispered, as she sipped her tea.

Elle gave her a thumbs up and a wink, before leaving the room once again. Connie sighed and set her tea down in front of her, as Lily began to drink her Hot Chocolate.

"Why don't you keep this notebook?" Connie asked, pushing it towards her. "You can write down your thoughts and feelings. If you want to show them to me, you can, but you don't have to. I'll leave it up to you. Keeping a diary might be a good idea though, eh?"

Lily nodded and ran her fingers over the cover of the notebook.

"You could write something for Iain," Connie suggested. "Give it a go?"

Another nod.

Connie gave her back a gentle rub, and smiled. Lily was currently vulnerable, self conscious, full of anxiety, and worried about what people thought of her. Maybe all she needed was a bit of praise.

"Well done for today," she told her. "You did well. Even if it was just writing down your feelings, it's a start."