Disclaimer: The set of all Harry Potters is a subset of JK Rowling.
A/N: Well, it seems I got a lot of attention with that last cliffhanger. Let's see what happens when the first elves Hermione meets are the happy Hogwarts elves instead of Winky and Dobby.
It took me a while to get the portrayal of the elf society at Hogwarts just the way I wanted. We don't really see much in canon where they're not "on the clock". I hope you like it.
Chapter 14
"Ahhh!"
"Ahhh!"
The squeaky little bat-eared creature stared at Hermione fearfully with those huge blue eyes. What was it, she wondered. She hadn't read about anything like it in any books. Hogwarts, A History didn't even mention that this place existed. Was it out of bounds? Did anyone know about it? Was there some secret society of little sprites hidden away like wizards were hidden among muggles?
The shouting had attracted attention. More of the little creatures came out of the miniature doors to see what was going on. They had different coloured eyes and all kinds of different shapes of noses and ears; about half were bald, and the other half had short, scraggly hair—Hermione guessed those were the females—but they were all about the same shape and size, and all of them were wearing Hogwarts tea towels. More of them came from the end of the long hallway, and a couple of them came out of the doors behind her. She counted an even dozen in all. She was surrounded.
Then, to her surprise, the first creature began speaking: "Vanny is sorry, miss. Vanny is not meaning to frighten Miss. How is Miss getting into our dorms?" Some of the other creatures began twittering quietly to each other.
Hermione blinked a few times. What? Just…what? "Your…your dorms? I…I got in through that little panel behind the High Table. I'm sorry, I'm not out of bounds, am I? No one could tell me anything about this place."
Some of the other creatures giggled at this, hiding their mouths behind their hands. "Vanny is not thinking so, miss, but witches and wizards is never coming up here to talk with elves. Elves is not usually being seen, miss."
Hermione was so confused that see barely even noticed the creature's bizarre grammar. "Um…elves? I'm sorry, but who are you…? Or what are you?"
But the creature seemed eager to answer. "I is being Vanny, miss. And we is the Hogwarts House Elves, miss."
"And…what are house elves?"
There was some more quiet twittering among the "elves". Another elf, this one with matching grey eyes and hair, a snub nose, and a higher-pitched voice spoke up: "Is Miss being muggle-born?"
"Um…y-yes. I guess I don't know that much about the magical world…"
"That is alright, miss," Vanny said. "House elves cooks and cleans and does chores for wizards, miss. Hogwarts has many elves to help yous students and the teachers, miss."
"Cooking and cleaning? Huh, I just figured there were spells to do that."
"Oh, no, yous can't conjure food, miss. And self-cleaning spells wears off, miss."
Hermione knew that! Why hadn't she thought of that before? She couldn't believe that even she, a muggle-born, could take magic for granted like that so quickly. What other little things like that had she missed?
"Well, um, thank you for doing all that, then," she replied. The elves all squeaked excitedly. "I'm sorry, where are my manners? My name's Hermione Granger. Pleased to meet you." She extended a hand to Vanny.
Vanny's eyes started to fill with tears as he (she was pretty sure it was a he) took her hand reverently in both of his and shook it vigorously. The other elves squeaked even more exclamations of appreciation. "Miss Hermione Granger is a great witch," he said. "Witches and wizards is hardly ever introducing themselves to elves like equals."
"Well, that's not very friendly of them."
An odd tick ran through the group of elves as they all looked down or away, just for a moment, as if she had said something off-colour.
"Witches and wizards is not often meeting elves at all, miss," the grey-haired elf said with the air of explaining something to a child, which, admittedly, she was. "Good elves is not being seen. Witches and wizards is liking if it looks like things runs on their own."
"Well, you're certainly doing a good job of that—"
With that compliment, the elves jumped up and down with exuberance. They must take their jobs very seriously, she thought. "Miss Hermione Granger is too kind to us elves," Vanny said. The others made similar comments.
"And what is your name?" she asked the grey-haired elf when they had calmed down.
She was sure she saw the elf blush slightly. "I is being Tilly, Miss Hermione Granger. Tilly is in charge of teaching the elf children."
That would explain the elf's tone, she thought. Some of the other elves started to introduce themselves. They were quite an odd bunch, Hermione thought, most of them having names ending in 'y' and all of them seemingly having the energy of a kindergartner on a sugar high. She did her best to remember their names, but many of them were hard to tell apart, at least at first glance.
"Miss Hermione Granger should not be staying in the hallway. Will Miss Hermione Granger be coming to our Common Room to sit?" Vanny asked nervously, as if it were some great imposition.
"Common Room…? Um, sure." Hermione again became acutely aware that she was kneeling in the middle of a hallway that was barely big enough for her.
Some of the more shy- or busy-looking elves ducked back into what she assumed were their bedrooms, while the others ran ahead, further down the hall. "This way, miss," Vanny said, motioning her forward, just in case there was any confusion. Hermione crawled forward until the tiny hallway opened into a fairly large room that actually had a ceiling high enough for her to stand upright.
The Elves' Common Room didn't look that different in style from the Gryffindor Common Room, except that it was rectangular, and everything was about half the normal size. There were two rows of little windows at either end of the room. There must still be something above this room, she thought, since there were three rows visible from the outside, not to mention the little towers. There was also a miniature staircase at each end of the room, leading to the upper floors. Interestingly, the room was decorated in Hufflepuff yellow and black.
In spite of the strangeness of the elves, it all looked so…normal. There were elf-sized chairs and tables and lamps and sofas, but most were not currently in use. In one corner, a group of elves were playing Exploding Snap with a miniature deck of cards. Some older-looking elves sat around the fireplace talking with each other or reading books. The books seemed to be the only normal-sized things in the room, but even some of them were elf-sized. Two tiny little elf children, no more than eighteen inches high, ran through the room having a sword fight with toy brooms, only to be scolded by one of the grown-up elves. Hermione thought they were incredibly cute.
The few elves who hadn't heard the commotion in the hallway turned to look at what was happening.
"This is being Miss Hermione Granger," Vanny introduced her. "She is finding her way in from the Great Hall."
The other elves hopped up to introduce themselves. It was only Hermione's years of memorising mathematical tables that gave her the skill to (hopefully) remember all of them. Vanny motioned to one of the sofas and said, "Please sit, miss."
Hermione cautiously sat down. She took up practically all of the miniature sofa, which creaked under her weight. Now she knew what Hagrid must feel like all the time. "Thank you. So are there more elves around here?" she asked. The room seemed pretty empty.
"Yes, miss. There is only a few elves here now. Most of the elves is cooking dinner, miss."
"Ah…"
"Why is Miss Hermione Granger coming to talk to the elves?" Vanny asked.
"Well…I mean, honestly, I didn't know who or what was up here…it is good to meet you, though. Anyway, I've been making a map of the castle…" Several elves started giggling at her declaration. Great, them too, she thought.
"Please excuse Vanny, miss," the blue-eyed elf said, "but how is Hermione Granger making a map of the castle when it keeps changing?"
"Well, it has to be approximate, doesn't it," she huffed. "I can't make exact measurements, but almost all of the rooms stay the same, so I can just mark down where everything goes relative to each other. Of course there's a lot of off limits areas I can't get into. But I saw your windows from outside, and no one I asked knew what was up here. I even asked some of the professors…although I suppose Professor McGonagall must have known."
"Professor McGonagall would be knowing, miss, but Professor Dumbledore and Professor Sprout is managing the elves, miss. Flory, the Head Elf, is reporting to them," said Vanny.
Hermione watched as the elves settled back in, although many of them kept watching her. She considered asking Vanny more about how the elf…society? …was set up at Hogwarts. It still surprised her how all this could go unnoticed.
Before long, though, another elf came up to Hermione, this one apparently female and a couple inches shorter than the others. She had unnaturally deep blue eyes and blond hair in a pixie cut, but otherwise resembled a younger version of Tilly. She also wore a belt cinched around her waist tight enough to show a figure, with a small pouch hanging from it. "Hello, I is being Sonya, Hermione Granger, miss" she said. The other elves rolled their eyes when she said her name, and Tilly grumbled, as if it were some sort of childish nickname. "Is Hermione Granger liking playing cards?" Sonya's demeanour and boldness (though still quite timid by human standards) gave Hermione the distinct impression of her being a teenage elf.
"Um, sure, I can play a game," Hermione said.
Sonya smiled, and she and two other young-looking elves joined Hermione and Vanny around a small table. Sonya pulled something like a marble out of her pouch. "Is miss wanting to be wagering gobstones?" she asked hesitantly.
"Sonnitt! You is ought not to be betting with witches!" Tilly scolded her immediately. "It is being most unbecoming an elf!"
Hermione was taken aback by the exchange. Sonnitt? She wondered. That explained the nickname. But betting gobstones? Unbecoming an elf? "Er, it doesn't matter anyway," she tried to smooth it over. "I don't have any gobstones."
"Pardon Sonya, miss. We can be playing for fun," Sonya said contritely. Tilly grumbled something about the younger elves scavenging things that students lost or left behind, but she let the game go ahead. Sonya muttered something about her grandmother—presumably Tilly—being an over-wound clock spring, which Hermione only partially understood the metaphor.
They played Exploding Snap for a while. The elves were quite good at it, especially Sonya, but Hermione had a distinct advantage because she was less afraid of the smaller cards exploding and thus could think more rationally about it. Playing cards with house elves was the strangest thing she had done in quite a while, but it was actually a lot of fun.
The one odd thing that kept bothering her, though, was the way the elves were dressed. She kept glancing at their strange outfits: togas made from tea towels. Even the littler children looked like they were wearing hand towels. After a while, she worked up her nerve and said, "So, if you don't mind my asking…why are you all dressed like that?"
"Oh, house elves is not wearing wizard's clothes, miss," said Vanny. "It is a mark of our service."
"So it's like a uniform? That's seems like an odd uniform though. And can't you buy regular clothes for when you're off duty?"
"Oh, no, house elves is not being paid, miss," Vanny said far too cheerfully.
"What? What do you mean?"
"House elves is bound to a wizard family to work their whole lives," Tilly explained, "but we is being bound to the castle."
"What! You mean you're slaves?" Hermione shouted, dropping her cards, which exploded with a loud crack.
The elves all turned to stare, looking rather nervous. "Elves is always being bound to witches and wizards," Tilly explained gently in her patronising teacher's tone. "It is what elves is for."
"That's slave labour, though!" she insisted. Hermione's stomach was turning. The food she'd been eating all year, all the cleaning going on in the castle—she knew wizards were backwards, but she couldn't believe even Albus Dumbledore would condone slavery. "It's horrible!" she said, oblivious to the disturbed looks she was getting. "Can't you be freed? Work for wages?"
All the elves squeaked in horror and backed away. The tiny children ran and hid behind their parents' legs. Even Sonya, the most outgoing one, looked nervous. None of them seemed to want to show their hands.
"Oh, no, no, no, Miss Hermione Granger," Vanny said fearfully. "It is most disgraceful for an elf to be dismissed, miss. No one is wanting an elf without a master, miss."
"Well, that's the wizards' problem, then. They shouldn't be keeping slaves in the first place. Isn't there some way to free the elves?"
Most of the elves whimpered again and took another step back, as if Hermione were diseased or something. Tilly, who seemed to be the most level-headed elf in the room (though even she seemed quite put off) explained nearly in a whisper, "House elves is only being freed if they is being presented clothes from their master's hands, miss. But please do not be thinking of trying to free the elves, miss. It is being most disgraceful, and we is liking it very much at Hogwarts, miss."
"But it's not right. And how can you know if you've never lived anywhere else?"
Tilly looked distinctly uncomfortable as she answered: "Tilly does not mean to offend Miss Hermione Granger, but she is being muggle-born and is not knowing much about house elves. House elves is not the same as witches and wizards. We is liking to work, miss, and is not wanting to leave."
"But could you be freed if you wanted to?" Hermione tried one last time.
Tilly looked down at her feet as if in shame. "Tilly is thinking Professor Dumbledore would, miss. Professor Dumbledore is a great wizard, miss. But we is not wanting it, miss. House elves is treated very well at Hogwarts."
Hermione wanted to protest again, but as she fully registered the saddened and scared looks on the elves' faces, she just couldn't keep up her indignation. She knew she ought to be furious. The whole wizarding world kept a slave underclass. Even the supposedly progressive Hogwarts ran on slave labour. But after seeing the elves where they lived and talking to them all afternoon, well, she was more confused than anything else. The elves had quarters that looked the same as the students' quarters, they hung out and played games just like her friends, and they seemed, well, happy. They also seemed deeply offended and afraid of the idea of freedom. She knew she ought to say that they were brainwashed and uneducated. That's how it always was with slaves in the muggle world. But these elves could read and even had schoolteachers of their own. Tilly seemed pretty smart, and Sonya even played the "rebellious" teenager. The pieces just didn't fit together in her mind, but she was suddenly very worried that she was driving away a lot of potential friends.
"I'm sorry," she finally said. "It's just that I don't understand. We don't have anything like this in the muggle world. It's not even allowed. We have to pay everyone who works for us…It's one of our most important laws."
The elves seemed to relax at her apology, although they still eyed her warily. To her surprise, it was Sonya who spoke up next: "Muggles is different from witches and wizards, Hermione Granger," she said. "And witches and wizards is different from elves. You is being muggle-born, miss, but you is still a witch. You is not needing to be worried about elves."
"Well…I can definitely see that we're different. I guess I can try to see things from your point of view…" Truth be told, the whole thing still made her queasy, but the elves seemed much relieved by her relenting. In any case, it was clear that she would never get anywhere by arguing with them. Maybe if there was an elf out there who wanted to be free who could set an example, it might be different, but it didn't look like there would be many of those. She set that aside in the back of her mind.
"Wait a minute," Hermione said as the elves sat back down around their little table. "You said presented with clothes? But if you cook and clean, don't you do the laundry, too?"
A couple of the elves giggled again, thankfully not offended this time. "Laundry is always being our masters' clothes, miss," Vanny said. "It is not being presented to us elves, miss, and not from our masters' hands."
Yes, elves were definitely more complicated than she thought.
They played a couple more hands of Exploding Snap, but mostly just made small talk after that. The slave labour bit still made her uncomfortable, but as she calmed down, she started to talk more interest in the elves' unconventional way of life. Eventually, her boundless curiosity got the better of her.
"Tilly?"
"Yes, Miss Hermione Granger?"
"Erm, if you don't mind, how did you become…bound to wizards in the first place?"
"We is being bred for it, Miss Hermione Granger," Tilly explained. "German wizards a long time ago was wanting more magical pets, so they trained wild elves to do work like dogs, miss, and they bred house elves from the ones that was doing the best work."
"I've never heard of wild elves, either. I know they're not in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them."
"Tilly is not thinking so, miss. There is no more wild elves. House elves is the only elves left, miss. But house elves is smarter and more magical than wild elves, so we can be doing all the chores."
Despite her reservations, Hermione was quite interested in that story. When asked, Tilly eagerly launched into a long description of the history of house elves: how they were magically bred from wild elves in just a few generations, how they were exported from Germany and used throughout Europe by the time of the founders of Hogwarts, how Helga Hufflepuff had purchased many of them from "unkind masters" (this part was spoken of only in whispers) and brought them to Hogwarts, how the first Head Elf, Hooky, had helped Godric Gryffindor expel Salazar Slytherin from the castle during their infamous falling-out, and how the Wizards' Council and the Ministry had begun regulating elves in later centuries.
All of it was fascinating, and not one word of it was in A History of Magic or Hogwarts, A History. So much for History class being comprehensive. Hermione was sure she learnt more from Tilly in an hour than she had from Professor Binns's lectures all year. But then again, Tilly's job was teaching, and if there was one thing she could tell about house elves, it was that they took their jobs very seriously.
Suddenly, there was a series of loud cracks, and many more elves began appearing from nowhere in the Common Room.
"Ahhh!" Hermione screamed. "What—? How—? But that's impossible!"
"Is something wrong, miss?" Vanny asked quickly. "We is not meaning to frighten Hermione Granger, miss."
"But…but…you can't! You can't apparate in Hogwarts. It says so in Hogwarts, A History."
At this the elves started openly giggling.
"Please be excusing Vanny, miss," the elf said with a smile. "Witches and wizards cannot apparate in Hogwarts, but elves can, miss."
"What? But how?"
"Because our masters wants us to, miss."
"Huh?"
"Tilly is sorry for Vanny, miss," the older elf said. "Vanny is forgetting that Miss Hermione Granger is being muggle-born. The house elves' highest law is their masters' will, miss."
And that's really all it takes to apparate in Hogwarts? "But…but there's still an anti-apparition ward, and those are arithmantically impenetrable…so what you're doing must not really be apparition."
"Of course, miss. House elves has their own magic, miss, just like goblins and centaurs and other magical races."
The revelations boggled Hermione's mind. The magical world was so much wider than anyone had let on. Could wizards really be that narrow-minded? Yes. Yes, they could. In a daze, she managed to ask, "So who are these elves, Tilly?"
"They is the elves that serves dinner, miss. They is finished, miss, and now the cleaning elves will be cleaning the kitchens."
"Oh no! I missed dinner!" she exclaimed, jumping off the sofa. Her sense of time was still a bit weak.
"Is miss being hungry?" Vanny said, leaping to his feet.
"Yes, but it's not just that. My friends will all be worried about me. The last time I missed dinner, I nearly got killed by a mountain troll."
The elves squeaked in surprise. "You was attacked by the bad other troll that was being let into the castle?" Sonya said in awe.
"Yes, but I made it out alright," she said, heading for the exit. "I have to go. I wonder if anyone grabbed some extra food—maybe Ron…"
But then Sonya spoke up again. "If Hermione Granger is hungry, miss, she can be going down to the kitchens, and we elves can be bringing leftovers."
"I can…? How do I get to the kitchens?" And why did I never think to look for the kitchens before?
"If you is going down the stairs where you came in, miss, to the bottom, you will be finding the kitchens, miss."
"Really? Is that allowed?"
"Yes, miss. We is not allowed to be helping students break school rules." Was that just a hint of annoyance in Sonya's voice?
Hermione thought about it for a moment. It wouldn't matter if she was a little later, as long as she made curfew. Her parents were expecting a note, too, but she could make it a short one. She'd need time to figure out how to explain house elves to them, anyway.
"Thank you, Sonya. I'll do that, then."
"Sonya will go with Hermione Granger, miss. Sonya is wanted for cleaning."
So Hermione started crawling back down the little hallway with Sonya following close behind. She got to the miniature stairwell and climbed inside, but she wasn't quite sure how to get down. It wasn't tall enough to stand up. The stairs were low enough that she considered sliding, but her robes presented too much friction. Finally, she wound up having to shimmy down them backwards, like a ladder. Sonya looked like she was trying not to laugh at her.
They passed the little landing where she'd come in and kept going. The panel there had been closed during dinner, and the door was almost invisible, even from the inside. It was a long way farther down from there, though. The kitchens must be as deep as the Great Hall was high. Hermione was starting to realise just how much of the castle was left out of her mapping efforts. True there were plenty of blank spaces where students weren't allowed, but how had she not even considered where the kitchens were? She'd been so obsessed with sorting out the upstairs that she'd never paid them much mind. What else was around, she wondered. Where was the laundry, for example?
After a few more turns, she came to a more obvious door, opened it, and finally stepped into a place where she could stand upright…
Coming face to faces with Fred and George Weasley.
"Hermione?" the redheaded twins said in disbelief from across the kitchens.
"Fred? George?" she exclaimed.
"How did you get in here?"
"Um…through the door?" She pointed behind her. "How did you get in?"
"Um…through the door." They both pointed behind them.
"But what's with that door there?" George added. "We've never seen that one before."
Hermione grinned. "Oh, that? Well…I've just found out what's above the Great Hall."
When Hermione told a speechless set of twins what was upstairs and how she'd found it, they ran over and hugged her, which scared her a bit, given who they were. Then, when she told them she'd come down for a late dinner, they grabbed a chair and insisted on sitting her down at Professor Dumbledore's place at the duplicate High Table that stretched across the front of the room, with the huge kitchen fireplace roaring behind her. It wasn't a golden throne, but it was fun to see things from the teachers' point of view. Fred and George sat on either side of her, snacking and doing impressions of the other professors.
Whatever Hermione had been expecting the kitchens to look like, this wasn't it. The room was as huge as the Great Hall and even had an enchanted ceiling of its own that showed the cloudy night sky. It was dominated by four long tables that matched up with the House Tables in addition to the duplicate High Table. In an emergency, this could be the Great Hall. She wondered if that was intentional. The walls were lined with one preparation area after another: a large cupboard, an ice chest, a sink, a large counter for preparing food, and an oven, all repeated over and over again, all of them full sized, except elf-height. Pots and pans and utensils by the hundreds hung on pegs all the way around the room, and the elves wandlessly levitated them up and down. They really must have different magic, she thought.
Even now, there were dozens and dozens of elves washing dishes, sweeping the floor, and packing away leftovers. Many had come from upstairs, but based on the introductions they kept making, the ones handling the food had stayed on from the cooking shift. Hermione noticed now that many of the elves on duty wore belts much like Sonya's, which they seemed to be using as tool belts.
Hermione introduced Fred and George to Vanny and Sonya (Tilly was still upstairs). The twins had met most of the elves at one time or another, but didn't know many of their names. She also told them what the elf quarters were like and what the elves did when they were off duty, much to their amusement.
"So how exactly do you get into the kitchens the normal way?" Hermione asked when the twins told her of their after-dinner snacking habits.
"Oh, that's easy," George said. "There's a portrait of a bowl of fruit outside. Just tickle the pear, and it'll turn into a doorknob."
"What we want to know is how you got into the elves' living quarters," Fred said.
"Well, I just…actually, Sonya, how are you supposed to get into that elves' staircase? I just used my wand."
"Oh, that is easy, miss," Sonya replied. "Just knock four times on the panel where the latch is." She ran over to the wall beside the fireplace and demonstrated by tapping on the correct panel by the fireplace, causing the little door to pop open. "Will Miss Hermione Granger be coming to visit the elves again?"
"Of course. I want to introduce you to my friends, Harry and Ron."
Sonya's eyes looked like they would pop out of her head. She ran to Hermione and whispered, "That is not being Harry Potter, is it?"
"Uh huh."
Sonya squealed with delight and started jumping around. The other elves just shook their heads at her, not knowing what was going on. Even by elf standards, Sonya was being more hyper than usual. It took her a while to calm down, and she then declared that she would keep the identity of the visitors a secret until the next visit. Hermione hoped she wouldn't regret that.
In any case, dinner was as good as ever, until right at the end. Hermione was just finishing up, and Sonya was trying to sucker Fred and George into a game of Exploding Snap, when a frightened-looking elf popped into the centre of the kitchen and yelled out, "Peeves is coming! Peeves is coming!"
"Uh-oh!" Fred and George said at once. In an instant, the elves were running around, squealing loudly and seemingly trying to lock down as many things as they could. A few seconds later, the number of elves increased, as some of them vanished upstairs and returned with as many of the off-duty elves as they could, and it was a good thing, too, because a moment later, Peeves came zooming in the door.
It was anyone's guess why the castle poltergeist had got it into his head to ruin the kitchens tonight, but he didn't waste any time. The ugly little spirit started throwing pots and pans around as fast as he could. The elves picked up pots and pans and brooms and mops of their own and brandished them like weapons to fend off the attack. Seeing three students in the kitchen, Peeves soon zeroed in on them, but Fred and George grabbed a couple of pans like Beaters' bats and tossed Hermione a large meat fork to stop him.
"Let's get out of here!" yelled Fred.
The three of them sprinted for the exit, dodging elves and knocking away any flying objects that came their way. Soon, they dropped their weapons by the door, barrelled out of the room, and slammed the door shut behind them.
"Excellent!" Fred and George immediately started laughing and high-fived. Hermione rolled her eyes at first, but she couldn't help giggling a little herself. After all, where else on earth did things like that happen besides Hogwarts?
"Hermione, I think you are really going places," Fred told her.
"Yeah, maybe we're not so different after all," George added.
Hermione smiled weakly. She didn't have the heart to tell them what she really thought of that sentiment. "Well, right now, I'm just going to the owlery and then to bed," she said. "I've had enough excitement for one day."