Chapter 6: Talks and Bad Ideas

"And Gabriel said this would work?" Raphael asked looking over the elegant script in his younger brother's small journal. "He was sure of it?"

"He said it worked last time Raph. Why wouldn't it work this time?" Lucifer asked, making sure he had plenty of room to work in the room they had emptied out on the lower levels.

"I don't know." The Third Born admitted. "I mean this seems a bit far fetched don't you think? Not only that but Razael was the only one who was supposed to use the spells in the Lexicon. There was a reason that the book was forbidden. Look what it did to him and what Michael was able to do with it. What's contained in that book is dangerous."

Lucifer turned to look at him, suppressing a flinch at his son's name. "I know that. Believe me I know how dangerous it is. I glanced through it before I hid it. This spell is our only chance though. I'm not trying to be mean when I say this or bring up bad memories but if his vessel's blood line still existed then we wouldn't have to do this. Just be thankful I know how to sculpt clay or else we'd both be shit out of luck."

Raphael took in the large buckets of the yellowish gold clay that were piled around the room. "Why clay from the Jordan River? Why does it need to be made with this clay specifically?"

^Because it has some of the finest clay in the world.^ Gabriel said as he appeared, making his brother jump. ^There's less contaminates in it meaning it comes out pure. It doesn't actually have to be from there but it worked the best for what I wanted to do.^

Since Lucifer had cast his spell more then two weeks ago it had come with an added bonus for the youngest archangel. Gabriel was now able to move more freely. He could come and go and space didn't seem to be an issue but he did have to return to Raphael's side within an hours time. It allowed the blonde more freedom to check on his mate. It also gave the Third Born a much needed break from his younger sibling.

"So then why did you need the snow from Everest?" Raphael asked curiously. "Why not the Jordan River like where the clay came from?"

^Again, for the purity. Less in it means it's a better quality.^ Gabriel said with a smile. ^The higher altitude means less was in it.^

Lucifer watched as the Third Born talked to Gabriel. At first it was disconcerting, seeing Raphael talking to thin air. It was even stranger to watch him stare at nothing and knowing that it was Gabriel standing there even if he couldn't see him. Now that Lucifer knew that Gabriel was there, Raphael had begun to relax a little more and the Second Born was glad to see that his younger brother was almost back to his normal self.

"How long is this going to take?" Raphael asked. "This seems like a lot of work. I don't want to go through all of this for nothing."

"It'll go faster if you help me." Lucifer said. "Start grabbing the the clay and helping me stack it. Once it's stacked I can start molding it into it's proper form."

Raphael nodded and reached out to touch the clay and pulled back sharply, letting out a high pitched noise at the feeling. "Is...Is it supposed to feel like that?"

Gabriel doubled over laughing at the Third Born's reaction. ^Wow. Jumpy much there Raph? You should join a choir with that type of pitch!^

The dark skinned angel turned to glare at the laughing blonde. "Stop laughing at me Gabriel! It's not funny!"

"Gabby stop laughing. Raph has never worked with clay before." Lucifer reminded him, not knowing if it would help or not. "If you remember right you squealed like a human girl the first time you touched it."

Gabriel flushed and Raphael began laughing so he could only assume that his idea had worked. Turning back to what he was doing he began sculpting once more, deciding to work his way up and stack the clay as he went. Raphael joined him a few minutes later and began stacking the clay and forming it into a rough shape. They were quite for several long minutes, working together in silence.

"Lucifer?" Came the hesitant call.

"Yeah Raphael?" He asked back, his voice just as soft, not wanting to spook him off.

"Thank you. For believing me."

Lucifer smiled. "You don't have to thank me for that."

"Then can I thank you for giving me a second chance when I didn't deserve one?" Raphael asked.

"Everyone deserves a second chance Raph. Even people like us. After Gabriel disappeared...Dad came down to the Cage to let us out so that we could help." Lucifer explained. "Not that I knew that at the time; I thought he was just there for Mike. When Dad showed up and opened the Cage, Michael rushed right out and hugged him, thanking him for coming and getting him."

Raphael frowned, his brown eyes flicking to his brother, who was focused on the clay. "What did you do Luci?"

"I stood there. I watched. I waited. Michael is my mate and seeing him so happy I couldn't help but be happy for him that Dad came and got him. To me it meant that our Dad needed his archangels once more and that Michael could go back to heaven where he belonged." The Second Born said. "After watching them hug I turned away. I didn't want to watch them leave me again. I would have rather died then watch them walk away from me again."

"And yet you're here."

Lucifer nodded. "That's because I broke down in tears even though I promised myself that I wouldn't. Michael walked back into the Cage to get me and I really thought he was telling me goodbye. I broken then. I told him everything I held in my heart for him in Lucifian and then I let him go. I shoved him out of the Cage so hard that he fell down. I thought that if I let him go the way I let Gabriel go then I could at least pretend I was happy. So I shoved him away. I told him to leave so that he could go help our father and told him that it was better this way."

"Lucifer..."

"You can imagine my shock when Dad reached into the Cage and pulled me out. He had to pull me out because I was clinging to the bars. I didn't think I deserved to have a second chance. Not after the Apocalypse. So I gave up. I was ready to be a good son and accept my punishment and stay there this time. I was ready to die there." Lucifer whispered, not realizing that Gabriel was listening with horror. "I had Michael's archangel blade and I was going to use it after they left. I was just glad that when Dad pulled me out that he sealed the Cage again."

"Promise me you won't think like that again Lucifer." Raphael said kneeling down next to the blonde. "You were always my hero. I don't want to lose you."

Lucifer stopped in what he was doing and reached out and pulled his younger brother into a tight hug, mindful of his clay stained hands. "Don't worry Raph. I've only tired once and I made a promise to everyone to never try again. If it makes you feel better then I'll make you the same promise I made them. I swear on my Grace that I will never try to kill myself ever again."

Raphael was still for a moment before he let out a sob and clung to his older brother. Lucifer held him tight without saying a word. Raphael was doing exactly like Castiel had. The archangel didn't want words of comfort, he just wanted someone there. He held his younger brother close, and for the life of him, he couldn't even remember the last time Raphael had hugged him. He knew it was before his Fall but even then it seemed like forever ago since they had actually touched each other. He didn't even realize how much he missed it till just now.

Raphael finally managed to stop sobbing and he pulled away from Lucifer, trying to dry his tears. "I'm sorry Lucifer. I don't know what came over me."

Lucifer smiled. "You don't have to apologize Raph. If anything I'm glad that you feel like you can trust me enough to see you in such a vulnerable state. You are getting better. We just have to take this one day at a time. Just like we did with Gabby."

The dark skinned angel frowned. "Just like Gabriel? What happened to Gabby? Why would he need to take things like that?"

Blue eyes turned back to the clay before the Second Born let out a sigh. "Gabriel...Gabriel got into some bad things a couple years ago. Xaphanel was freed and went after Gabriel. He broke Sam and Gabby up. Gabriel began...He started drinking heavily, cutting, sleeping around, and taking Devil's Claw all while wearing a Sigil Cuff. It...It was bad Raph. When he was brought here the first thing he tried to do was overdose because he thought that Michael and I were going to torture him. He was so scared of us Raph. What does that say about us as his big brothers? He never should have ever feared us."

"It says that we failed him in the worst possible way." Raphael said softly. "We failed him so badly that he became terrified of us. At least we can fix this. We may not be able to erase the past and what we did to him but at least we can be here for him now. We can make up for what we did. Starting by getting him back to Sam."

Lucifer nodded. "You're right. That's all we can do. If we hurry maybe we can get this finished by tomorrow."

Gabriel watched as the two went back to sculpting his new vessel. It seemed like at the very least Raphael had their Dad, Lucifer and Sam on his side. Once Michael pulled his head out of his ass then maybe his family could be whole once more. All he had to do now was wait.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Sam carefully cleaned the leaves off the memorial they had set up for Gabriel. It wasn't anything special; just a small cross with a pair of wings wrapped around it. He had taken it upon himself to color the wings gold so he had gone out and bought some gold paint and painted them. The gold on the wings paled in comparison to the real thing though. It almost felt like he was insulting his mate's glorious wings with the color.

Happy now that the last leaf had been removed he sat back and stared at the stone. He felt so strange. Suriel had explained to him in great detail that when a mating bond broke that the other party would feel a great deal of pain. So when the time had come he had braced himself against any pain he might have felt but instead he had felt nothing. There was no pain. Not even when Suriel had declared that Gabriel was gone.

The warmth that he had always felt with Gabriel was still there. It wasn't active like before but that warmth hadn't faded away from his mind. He hadn't said anything to anyone about it yet because he didn't want anyone to think he was crazy. The worst part was that sometimes he would feel a warm sensation brush across his arm or his cheek. Or late at night when he was sleeping he could swear that he could feel someone's fingers in his hair. It made him wonder if Gabriel was really gone. And he knew he wasnt the only one with doubts. Raphael and Lucifer seemed to be having them too.

What if Gabriel wasn't really dead? The archangel had become a Trickster for a good reason. Not to mention he was good at faking his death. How many times had he thought they they had killed Gabriel only to have the blonde come back? More times then he could count. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch for him to do it again. What would stop him from doing it one more time? Gabriel had promised him that not even death could keep them apart.

What if his mate wanted him to join in the next life? He shook his head. There was no way that Gabriel would want him to die. Not when the angel loved him so much. Besides he had made a promise to not do anything stupid. Sam frowned as a sudden though occurred to him. Hadn't Dean crossed the line of life and death for him?

What if he could do the same thing for Gabriel? What if he could cross that line and see Gabriel once more? Then he could find out if the blonde was truly gone or not. It was the only way. He had the key to Gabriel's lab. He could easily find what he needed there and make this happen. He'd wait until after dinner. Dean always checked on him after dinner. It would be perfect now he just need to-

"Sam?"

Sam turned to find Michael standing there looking at him, at flame lily in his hand. "Michael? What are you doing here?"

The blonde held up the flower. "Just bringing Gabby his favorite flower. I do it once a week. I wasn't expecting to find you here but I should have known that you'd be here." He said, coming closer and laying the flower in front of the stone.

Sam frowned. "Do you do this often?"

Michael nodded. "Every week without fail. I have four I visit, including this one."

"Four?" The hunter asked.

The First Born took a seat on the log next to Sam. "It's technically six but who's counting?"

"Who do you visit?" Sam asked before turning away. "Never mind. It's none of my business."

Michael chuckled. "It's fine. I don't mind. As you know I visit Gabby but I also visit his son, Razael, out in the Gobi Desert. Then I visit Clare and Monica in Colton, South Dakota at their home where Castiel buried them and then I visit Cheekha Dar in Iraq. It's a mountain."

"I know it's a mountain but who is buried in Iraq?" Sam asked curiously.

Michael gave him a sad smile. "Her name was Amelia. She had long beautiful red hair and the brightest blue eyes you could imagine. I accused her several times of being jealous of the sapphire and stealing away the color. She'd just laugh and accuse me of stealing the blue from the turquoise to make my own."

The human frowned. "Sounds like you cared for her a lot."

"I still love her. I always will. Nothing will ever change that." Michael said softly. "Lucifer understands it, mostly because of what he feels for Gabby."

"That's only five though." Sam pointed out. "You said you visit six. Who is the last one you visit? Or can't you see them?"

"I can see her but I just never named her." Michael said. "Sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. Amelia was my first mate, back before the Fall. She was a Spell Weaver like Lucifer. She wasn't even supposed to be out on the battlefield though. She heard that I had been caught in an ambush and wanted to check on me even though she knew it was risky because I was on the front lines. She...By the time we found her there was nothing that could be done. Not even my Father could save her. I held her in my arms on that mountain top and whispered my goodbyes to her surrounded by the red snow. I probably would have endured her passing a bit better if she hadn't been five months pregnant."

Sam flinched. "Michael I...I'm sorry. That must have been terrible."

The First Born swallowed hard. "It was. It hurt far more then anything I could have imagined. It was like someone had taken my heart, ripped it from my chest and set it on fire before putting it back. I went a little mad after that. It...That was why I went directly after Lucifer. I thought...I thought he had her killed because of our fight. He told later that he ordered her not to be harm and those that killed her he had already taken care of."

"Why are you telling me this?" The hunter asked. "Why share this with me?"

"Because I know what's it's like to lose a mate Sam." Michael said, turning to look at him. "I'll never forget the pain I felt that day. No matter what has happened between the two of us I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk, be it about Gabriel or anything, that I'm here for you. All you have to do is ask okay?"

"When...When she died...did your mating bond fade away or did it stay?" The human hesitantly asked. "I was told they fade."

"Sometimes it takes a bit but it does fade. No more then a few days. A week at most depending on how strong the bond was." Michael said. "It took me a week to lose the one I hade with Amelia. It was a slow and painful thing but nothing was more painful then that first jolt when you lose the source of that connection. I was actually a bit shocked when you didn't make a sound that night."

Sam was quite for a minute before looking up to Michael. "I didn't feel anything. There wasn't any pain Michael. I still feel that warmth. It's not active like it was but it's still there. Is that normal or could it just be a accident?"

"I wish I could say Sam. You and Gabriel were the first ever pairing between an archangel and a human. There is no basis for us to go on with what happens or what you feel. For all we know you might never lose that connection."

"Balthazar said he felt it too. The pain. Crowley said the same. Why am I the only one that didn't feel anything when he died? Was it because I didn't love him enough? Was it because he didn't love me enough or maybe-"

Sam stopped as Michael was suddenly on his knees before him, cupping his face in his hands. "I want you to listen to me Sam okay? The bond that you and Gabriel shared? I have only felt it once before and that is the bond that your brother shares with Castiel. When you Winchesters choose to love someone who don't love in bits and pieces. You give everything you are to that person. Something I didn't even think humans were capable of doing. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that what you and my brother shared was anything other them love in it's purest form. Never doubt that Sam. Never."

Sam struggled to hold back his tears. "I miss him. I just got him back Mike."

"I know you did Sam. It was cruel that he was ripped from you so soon. If I could I would gladly have taken his place. You know this. I was taking his place for a while." Michael reminded him gently. "Now come on. Let's get you inside. I have something I want to give you. It was a weapon forged by Gabriel. I think he'd have wanted you to have it."

Sam nodded and allowed the First Born to pull him to his feet. As they walked away Sam paused and looked back at the stone. Michael let him and watched carefully. Sam slid his hand in his pocket and clutched at the little silver key it held. Turning away from the stone he let the blonde take his arm and lead him back inside. He wouldn't do it tonight but he would do it. He was going to cross the veil and see Gabriel once more.