MrsWhovian: Indeed, I bet everyone's proud of her :-)
Scarlett: Same here! I absolutely love it, and adore scenes between them on the show. You'll see that conversation in this chapter.
Lauren: I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. That's a really good idea, thank you, and something that I can definitely see happening. Thanks so much, and I hope you enjoy the chapter.
A/N: The Connie and Alicia chapter was suggested by Lauren, so credits to her! I hope you all enjoy it. Also I don't own Casualty, as you've all probably guessed, and I certainly don't own Alice in Wonderland either. I realised that I've referenced the book quite a bit in this chapter.
On with the story x
Chapter Twenty
Alicia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to focus her eyes on the stack of notes in front of her. It wasn't easy though, she felt close to bursting into tears and her worries over Lily were growing bigger by the second.
It was obvious that Connie was annoyed with her now as well, when all she'd really wanted was someone to talk to. She'd spoken to Ethan about it, but he was just as worried as she was so it didn't seem fair to throw everything on him. He was the one who suggested having a conversation with Connie in the first place. That was what she was there for, and she'd been helping Lily a lot over the past couple of weeks.
"Doctor Munroe," Connie called, as she made her way over to the junior. "You wanted to speak to me. Shall we go somewhere private?"
"No," Alicia whispered, and shook her head. She didn't want Connie to be even more annoyed with her than she already was. "I'm fine now, honestly."
"Doctor Munroe, you asked to have a chat with me and I'm now available," Connie said, half stern and half concerned. "It can't have been that important now, can it?"
"Mrs Beauchamp, I...I'm fine..." Alicia stuttered, small tears stinging her eyes.
"You don't look fine," Connie whispered. "Come with me to the staffroom, please."
"I said I'm okay!" Alicia shouted.
She couldn't hold her emotions in for much longer though. She screamed and burst into floods of tears, throwing the notes to the floor. Connie flinched and everyone who was nearby turned their heads. Elle was in the middle of walking past and she just cautiously crouched down to pick up the notes that Alicia had tossed to one side. The junior doctor gasped and held her hands to her face, embarrassed, and unable to believe what she'd just done. Connie didn't shout though, but just placed a hand on her shoulder and spoke to her in a calm voice.
"Come with me," she said. "Now."
"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Connie asked, as she handed a glass of water to Alicia before taking the seat beside her. "Because this is so not like you, and I think we both know that."
"I'm really sorry, Mrs Beauchamp," Alicia apologised, sniffing and taking a small sip of her drink. "I didn't mean to annoy you and..."
"You haven't annoyed me," Connie said. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier Doctor Munroe, but I was having a private meeting with Lily." Alicia just shrugged her shoulders. "What's going on?" Connie sighed.
"Lily," Alicia whispered.
"What about her?" Connie asked.
"I..." Alicia began crying again. She set her water down on the coffee table, and held her hands to her face. Connie just sat, waiting until her sobs have subsided so that she could talk to her. "I'm sorry!" Alicia cried. "But I just hate the fact that Lily is having to go through something like this."
"Okay, take a deep breath," Connie whispered. "What do you mean?"
"I..." Alicia gasped and wiped away a few of her tears. "It just gets me really upset. Lily's supposed to be my mentor, and I know that we didn't get off to a good start, but I really consider her as my friend. She's going to be scarred by this for the rest of her life, she isn't talking, and I actually don't know what to say to her anymore. I know that it's not her fault, but...It just really upsets me. She doesn't deserve to be going through it, no one does."
"Okay..." Connie went to speak, but Alicia carried on.
"What makes it worse..." She sobbed. "Is that this behaviour is so unlike Lily, like you can tell there's something off with her. It's just so out of character for her, and I'm scared that she'll never be the same again."
"Hey, Lily will get better," Connie said. "It might take a while, but she will. You're not the first one to be affected by this Alicia, and your feelings right now are completely natural."
"It's just, he's walking around out there," Alicia whispered. "Free, and Lily can barely talk to her friends."
"The police are doing all that they can to find him," Connie said. "Lily's going to be put on medication, and she's having speech therapy. Don't let this affect your work, Alicia, or your friendship with Lily for that matter. She needs friends right now."
"I just...Every time I see her or if something happens, I just feel really tight chested," Alicia told her. "And I struggle to breathe, and...I just keep crying."
"Maybe you should go and have a chat with Ben," Connie said. "It's clearly affecting you a lot more than you're letting on."
"But it's stupid," Alicia spat. "I'm not the one who's been raped, and I'm sat here sobbing my eyes out! I'm such a selfish idiot."
"You're not selfish," Connie said. "It's horrible to see someone we care about going through this, and it just shows how much you care about Lily."
Alicia nodded and held a hand to her chest. "I can't breathe," she gasped.
"Have a drink," Connie ordered, picking up Alicia's glass for her.
Alicia nodded and had a sip, small tears continuing to trickle down her cheeks.
"Alright?" Connie asked gently, and Alicia managed another nod. "Come with me for a second."
"Why?" Alicia questioned.
"Just come with me," Connie repeated and stood up from the sofa.
Alicia hesitantly followed her, leaving her empty glass on the coffee table. She followed Connie in silence, through reception and along to her office. Connie typed in the code and opened the door. Alicia saw that Lily was sat on the sofa; she was fiddling away on her mobile, whilst a drink sat on the table in front of her.
"I thought that you could do with some company," Connie said to Lily.
"Mrs Beauchamp, I don't think..." Alicia then realised what was about to come out of her mouth. "I mean, I have work to do."
"I can't have my doctors treating my patients in the state that you've just been in," Connie said, gently but sternly. "Keep Lily company, alright? It can't be much fun for her, stuck in here by herself. You can return to your work when you've calmed down."
Alicia took a nervous breath and nodded, before going to sit down beside her colleague. Lily gave her a small smile, but she didn't say anything. An awkward atmosphere fell over them and Connie picked up a notepad and a pen from her desk.
"Here," she whispered, handing it over to Lily and subtly winking at her. "Just in case."
Connie decided to leave them both to it then, and left the office in silence. Neither Lily nor Alicia spoke at first, but then Lily opened up the notepad and scribbled something down for her.
Are you okay?
"I should be asking you that," Alicia giggled, as she wiped at her eyes again. "I just got a bit upset, that's all."
Lily just faintly nodded, placing the notepad on her lap. She cautiously reached across and gave Alicia's arm a comforting rub. Alicia smiled back and rested her head against Lily's shoulder, more tears filling her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she apologised. "I know we haven't always been close, but I hate that you're going through this." She looked up and added, "And I know that you can't actually talk anyway, but you're a really good listener. I hope you don't think that I'm selfish, it's just horrible to watch you suffer, to watch anyone suffer."
Lily shook her head and picked up the pen again. She wrote something down on her notepad and held it up to show Alicia.
You're not selfish. Stay strong!
"I will," Alicia promised, and a small smile appeared on her face. "You too."
So I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I was going to include the Alicia and Lily scene in another chapter instead, but it made sense to write it into this one.