Chapter 13: Reality of Fantasy?
"We're still in the wrong memories." Castiel said. "Gabriel wasn't there either."
"Then where the hell could he be?" Dean asked. "We've tried both good memories and bad memories. What the hell is left to try?"
"Maybe the memory Gabriel is in is one that doesn't hold joy or sorrow?" Michael asked. "Maybe they have another emotion?"
"I swear to Chuck if you make me go through some memory that pisses me off anymore then I already am I will deck every archangel here." Dean snapped.
Lucifer sighed. "There was a time when I knew Gabriel better then anyone. So much time apart means that we've both changed. I wish I could more help in finding him."
"He hasn't changed that much." Michael insisted. "He's still our Little Brother and nothing will change that."
"Okay so if it's not a sad memory or a sappy one...Then what should we be looking for?" Dean asked. "Cause I'm out of ideas."
"What if we're going about this the wrong way entirely?" Castiel asked. "What if Gabriel's memories are only the path leading to him?"
"Not following." The eldest hunter snapped.
"What if we are following the wrong person?" Castiel asked.
Lucifer blinked. "How are we doing that? These are Gabriel's memories. How could we not follow him?"
"Oh!" Raphael exclaimed. "Castiel you might be on to something! I didn't even consider that."
"Consider what?" Michael asked.
"That maybe the reason we can't find Gabriel is because where not following the right path. Tell me...out of all those happy memories who appeared in them the most?" The Third Born asked.
"It was me." Sam said softly. "You think I can find Gabriel?"
"Of course! You're his mate Sam. Once an angel takes a mate our mates become our everything." Lucifer said. "You can find Gabriel."
Everything changed around them and it was now a boardwalk. Sam and Gabriel were walking along it, Sam with a frozen yogurt and Gabriel with a huge ice cream. They were walking close enough that they were touching and it was clear to see that Sam was more comfortable then before.
"So then I realized that the whole thing was really cursed and I got out of there." Gabriel said before taking another bite of his ice cream. "I was just thankful that the crew believed me. Everyone got on a lifeboat and asked to start a new life somewhere to escape it. So I set them up in Italy."
"I can't believe that the Mary Celeste was your fault!" Sam said with a smile.
"It wasn't my fault!" Gabriel said with a flush. "I just helped get them out of trouble. I'm not the one who cursed the damn boat."
"Right. Of course you did." Sam said, bending down and giving the angel a quick kiss on the check before running off towards the beach.
Gabriel's hand came up and touched the spot where Sam had kissed him. He had this looked of a shocked happiness before letting out a sigh. "I wish you'd let me show you the joys of being with a guy but I guess this is as close as I'll ever get. If it means keeping you by my side forever then it's time to kiss my sex life goodbye."
"Gabe! You coming?!" Sam called back at him, almost halfway to the beach.
Gabriel gave him a smile. "Yeah! Right behind you Sammich!"
The scene faded and this time the two were laying on the bed in a motel watching an old movie. Sam was curled up next to Gabriel and eating fruit from a small bowl. Gabriel was eating popcorn and both of them were glued to the movie. Sam shifted and his free hand went behind the blonde and slid up into his hair. Gabriel stifled a moan as Sam rubbed at his scalp. It only took a few minutes before Gabriel gave the hunter a tight smile and pulled away.
Sam frowned. "Why do you keep doing that? Every time I start to touch your hair lately you pull away. Why?"
Gabriel flushed and looked away before motioning towards the very visible bulge in his pants. "It's not you. It's me. I...I'm sorry. I should go for tonight." He said setting the popcorn aside and moving from the bed.
Sam caught his wrist. "Why are you running away?"
"I'm trying to respect your wishes Sam." Gabriel said softly, refusing to look at the hunter. "You told me that you didn't want to do anything sexual so I was going to go. You have no idea just how tempting you are."
"So...Every time you leave it's because I'm making you hard?" The hunter asked in disbelief.
The blonde nodded. "I'm sorry Sam. Just another week and it'll stop happening. I promise."
Sam suddenly let him go. "Stop happening? Gabriel? What are you doing?"
Gabriel shifted nervously. "I...I don't want to lose you or pressure you. You said that this wasn't going to turn sexual so I...I figured that if...if I made the right potion I could stop getting hard and you wouldn't feel pressured just because you're dating a really horny archangel. It'd just have to take it once every few months and it only takes a week to make. You just need to put up with me for another-SAM!"
"That shut you up didn't it?" Sam asked, his hand down the front of the angel's pants, stroking him through the soft silk of the blonde's boxers.
Gabriel let out a moan and weakly pulled at Sam's wrist even though his hips were bucking into the hunter's gently touches. "Sam...You don't have to do this. I can-oh fuck!-take care of it later. Sam you...you feel so good...You have to stop...That feels soooo good...You shouldn't be doing this Sam..."
"I've been thinking...I'm willing to try. You'll have to go slow and teach me. It might take me a while until I feel more comfortable but I am willing." Sam whispered against Gabriel's ear as his free hand slid back into the angel's golden hair.
The blonde opened his mouth to respond but all that came out was a sharp cry as he came, Sam's words, and touches sending him over the edge. Sam pulled back a bit in shock while Gabriel fought to catch his breath. Sam seemed shocked and in disbelief while Gabriel was flush with embarrassment.
"That was quick." Sam commented, still a bit shocked.
"I haven't been touched like that in a long time Sam." Gabriel said softly. "Since the hotel the night I died."
The brunette blinked. "That was at least three years ago Gabe. You haven't touched anyone in three years?"
"No. I've taken care of it when the problem arises, no pun intended. After you agreed to date me I devoted myself to you." Gabriel said. "Cheating goes against my very nature. I knew what I was getting into. I could have chosen to walk away when you said no sex but I stayed because I care about you. I can live without the sex. Will I miss it? Yeah but you're more important."
Sam pressed up against Gabriel's back, wrapping his arms tight around the angel. "You can be so sweet sometimes. Why don't you go get changed and then we can curl up for tonight?"
Gabriel stiffened. "I...You're letting me stay the night?"
The hunter kissed his cheek. "Yeah. It's been three months. I don't see why not. Would you rather not stay?"
"No!" Gabriel said quickly. "It's just...I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I normally sleep in the nude. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable."
"How do you feel about sleeping in our boxers then?" Sam asked even as he began stripping down.
Gabriel was still for a minute before he snapped and was suddenly dressed in a pair of blood red silk boxers. He nervously glanced at Sam at the hunter crawled into bed before he did the same. Sam turned out the lights and Gabriel started to relax only to tense as Sam curled his tall frame around him. There was a chuckle from behind him and warm fingers slid into his hair.
"Relax Gabe. Tonight is just for us. Okay? No pressure." Sam said softly.
Gabriel let out a low moan as his head was rubbed. His body began to relax and Sam laughed again at the purr that came from the angel. With a content sigh Gabriel bunkered down into the large body behind him and closed his eyes. The world faded to gray once more and Sam let out a frustrated noise.
"This isn't working. These are memories of me but how is this helping?" Sam asked. "This was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now!"
"What if we're at the wrong starting point?" Dean asked. "What if Gabriel is somewhere closer to what happened now?"
"Like a more recent memory?" Sam asked.
"It's possible. Chuck said you and Gabriel were having a serious talk before they saved you guys. What were you talking about?" Dean asked.
Sam blinked. "Um...Us...Our future together. We were talking about starting a family."
"A family?" Lucifer asked a bit shocked. "Gabby said he'd never have another child. Not after losing Razael the way we did. Gabby insisted that-"
"His heart wouldn't be in it. I know." Sam said. "He asked about having a kid with me and he said that he wanted a girl this time. We...I was crying because he told me he was dying and-"
"Describe it Sam." Michael demanded, looking around them as the world began to take focus. "Describe the family your both wanted."
"We wanted a girl. Gabriel said he wanted her to have my eyes because he always loved my eyes. I told him that it was only fair the that she got his blonde hair. He couldn't decide on a name though because he never thought about them. I picked it out. I said we should call her-"
"Mary Rosie Winchester! It's time to go! Come on!"
"Coming Daddy!"
Everyone blinked to find themselves on a beach. It was a small cove with a beach. A large white two story house with a wrap around porch was behind them a little ways up a set of dunes with a well worn path winding through them. A small blonde girl ran past them and straight into Sam's arms. Sam picked her up and spun her around making her squeal. Sam put her down and they walked over to Gabriel, who was standing there with a toddler on his hip.
Sam leaned in close and kissed him. "Ready to head inside? It's almost dinner time."
Gabriel nodded with a smile. "Yeah. I'm ready. Let get these two cleaned up first. They're both covered in sand."
"Gabby?" Lucifer called out softly.
Gabriel flinched and looked over his eyes going wide, the fake Sam faltering and gave him a strange look. "You look like you need a minute. I'll take Mary and Bobby and get them cleaned up okay?"
Gabriel nodded numbly and waited until the fake Sam had gone before turning on them. "Why? Why does this keep happening? Why do you keep showing up?! Go away you're not real!" He hissed.
"Gabby it's us!" Michael said. "We went into your mind to look for you! You're stuck here and we're trying to help!"
"Bullshit! You are nothing more then another one of Xaphanel's tricks again! That's how he works! He fucks with your mind until you don't know which end is up and nothing makes sense anymore!" Gabriel spat. "I am not falling for it again. I won't let him mind rape me anymore! I'm happy here! I have the life I always wanted! I have a mate who loves me! I have two wonderful children! I have a home and a family! One that doesn't try to kill each other! I'm safe here! No one can touch us! I can live out the rest of my life happy! I don't have to keep running away and hiding who I really am! I can finally be Gabriel again! I won't let some half baked demon illusion ruin this for me! You aren't real! None of you are real! At least I can die happy in a fantasy of my own creation instead of-"
Dean, sick of Gabriel's ranting, had rushed forward and grabbed Gabriel hard. The angel seemed shocked that the hunter had grabbed him. The eldest Winchester wasted no time. He pulled the blonde close, crushing the archangel's smaller frame against his own before he smashed their lips together. Gabriel struggled for a moment before their lips connected before his golden eyes went wide with shock. He was tense but soon he began to relax, almost melting against the hunter, his eyes slowly closing.
The other four angels and Sam were in shock. Michael was watching, looking quite slack jawed at the gall of his vessel. Lucifer's blue eyes were wide and he was watching in stunned disbelief, not too sure of what was happening. Raphael turned beet red and tried not to watch as the hunter kissed his younger brother. Castiel was stating, his head tilted as he watched his mate kiss his brother. Sam began seeing red, he wanted nothing more the to go over there and rip his brother off his mate.
Dean suddenly pulled back and looked down at Gabriel. "Now do you believe we're real?"
Gabriel blinked and stared up at Dean with a dazed look before he shook himself and shoved the hunter away hard, sending him to land on his ass in the sand. "Damn it Dean! What have I told you! You need to stop kissing me!"
Dean could help but laugh, even as he got to his feet. "It worked didn't it?"
"How are you guys even here? What's going on? Why is-" Gabriel paused and stared at Raphael. "What are you doing here?"
"He's the one who found us Gabe. He's the one who freed us from Xaphanel." Sam said.
Gabriel rushed over to Sam and jumped at him, the hunter catching him mid leap, and began placing kisses all over his face. "Sam...I was so worried. I didn't know if you were okay or if he had hurt you-"
Sam returned the kisses. "I'm fine. I was safe. I was so scared I lost you."
"You'll never lose me. I promise." Gabriel said, even as Sam put him down. "So why exactly are you in my head? I mean I can understand that I could use to company but this is a bit much, even for someone like me."
"Gabe you're trapped in your own mind right now." Sam said gently, holding his husband's hand.
The blonde shook his head. "How? Didn't...Didn't Dad save me?"
"He did but you died while still wearing Sigil Cuffs." Lucifer said. "You were also brought back while still wearing them. You know what that means?"
"I...I died with the cuffs on and was brought back the same way. What...What shape is my body in? It if fully healed or is there still damage?" Gabriel asked and it was clear to see that he was in healer mode trying to find a way to fix himself.
"You body was healed but you're on life support now. You're dying. Your body is starting to bruise and you don't heal." Michael said. "Suriel said that you are brain dead."
"It's not that. It's something else..." Gabriel trailed off. "Oh what the hell is it called?!"
"Disconnection." Castiel said.
"That's it!" Gabriel said with a smile. "I knew there was a reason you were my favorite Cassie."
"Do you know how to fix it?" Lucifer asked.
"I...I'm not sure. Disconnection isn't a medical thing." The blonde admitted. "It's more of an emotional thing. Like I couldn't let go of something. It's like an angel form of a ghost. Very rare. Only had a couple cases happen and they were normally seraphs who had lost their mates."
"But you didn't lose me." Sam said. "I lost you. Why would it affect you like that when you're the one that died?"
Gabriel let out a laugh. "You didn't lose me Sammich. I made you a promise didn't I?"
Sam let out a very upset noise. "But I did lose you! I held you in my arms as you died Gabe! You died and there was nothing I could do to stop it from happening."
The Fourth Born pulled his hunter close and held him. "You will never lose me Sam. You know why? Because I love you and nothing will change that."
"Then why are you like this?" Sam asked, fighting back tears. "Why did you Disconnect the way you did? Why was I not enough to keep you here?"
"Not enough?" Gabriel asked, blinking at him. "What makes you think you're not enough?"
"Because you're here and not out there with me." Sam said. "You've trapped yourself in your own mind and left me alone when I needed you the most."
Gabriel sighed. "Tell me something Sam. How did you find me?"
"I...I followed the memories of us. The memories of our times together when we were happy." The hunter admitted. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"What was happening when you found me?" The Trickster asked.
Sam frowned. "Gabe what does this have to do with-"
"Just humor me. Please." The angel begged.
"You...You were here. On a beach with me. Me and..." Sam faltered. "The daughter we talked about...We were a family..."
Gabriel gave him a smile. "Exactly. Out of all the memories you went through the ones that led you here were because of you. If that doesn't tell you anything then nothing else will. Can't you see Sam? You are my world. You are my everything. I came to a place where I was happy. A place with you. A place where we are safe and have a family. I am here because I couldn't bare living in a world without you in it. I died not knowing if you would survive and it killed some part of me so I did what I had to in order to make sure that I still had you. I trapped myself in a world where you were at the center of it all. If that doesn't prove that I would do anything for you then nothing ever will."
Sam let out a sob and grabbed a hold of Gabriel and kissed him hard. Gabriel kissed back just as hard. It took a few second to notice that the blonde was starting to glow. The glow kept getting brighter and brighter until he vanished in a flash. Sam looked around, worry and panic clear on his face.
"Gabe! GABE! GABRIEL!"
The world around them began to crumble. Castiel grabbed Dean and helped steady his mate as the hunter lost his balance. Lucifer fell and Michael was at his side instantly, making sure he was okay. Sam started to fall only to be caught by Raphael, who had rushed to his aid. Everything seemed to be dissolving like a picture made of sand and there was a loud rushing noise.
"What's going on?!" Dean shouted.
"I don't know!" Michael called back.
"I think Gabriel is Reconnecting." Raphael called back.
"What do we do?" Castiel asked, pulling Dean closer.
"Just hold on!" Lucifer shouted.
"GABE!" Sam screamed. "GABRIEL!"