I stand outside Sayori's front door a little longer than I should; I got half-soaked on the way home from school, the cheap umbrella I took with me having done little to keep the rain off me. It had been cloudy on and off all day, yeah, but the only rain had been light and brief, around ten… I definitely hadn't been prepared for this. It's not even rainy season! I was hesitant to show up unannounced, dripping wet, but… I don't think I should put this off, for any reason.

What's kept me lingering on her front porch, then? I have a key to her house, and it's not like anyone but Sayori is going to be home this time of day. Even if her parents were home, I used to come over so frequently when we were younger that they would often just leave the door unlocked- that was why I had the key now.

Why am I so nervous?

That question is answered almost as soon as I unlock the door and push it open. A wave of dread seems to come from inside the house, washing over me with so much force it nearly brings me to my knees. My legs are heavy as I enter the house and close the door behind me before crumpling against it. The closest thing I could compare what just happened to is walking outside on a hot day- just a rush of uncomfortableness, a splash of panic from outside my control. I run a hand through my hair, shake the water off it onto the mat beneath by my feet as if I might literally shake away the feeling, but unsurprisingly, nothing happens. I'm a little less quick to step out of my shoes, and it feels like I'm walking through molasses as I force myself away from the front door and onto the stairs that lead up to Sayori's room.

Standing on the landing, my hand on the doorknob, I'm hit with a second wave of that unplaceable, ominous feeling, and I jerk away like the knob was suddenly blazing-hot. "… Sayori?" I can barely hear myself over the pounding of my own heart in my ears. Deep breath, let it go. Count. I repeat it, until I count up to ten. "Sayori?" My voice is still weak, like I haven't spoken in days, but at least her name comes out somewhat louder this time.

But she doesn't answer this second time, either, and I reach for the knob again. As I slowly open the door, I can't stop my imagination from running wild, conjuring up all manner of terrible visions that I'm sure I'll see again in a nightmare tonight, and maybe on repeat for some indeterminable amount of time to come. Both thankfully, and somewhat disappointingly in a different sense, all I find inside is an empty room. The bed is (almost) neatly made, and the pile of clothes -can't tell if they're clean or dirty… Sayori's such a mess sometimes- has been relegated to one corner of the room instead of the majority of the floor. This is the first time I've been up here in close to a month now, and in a weird way, it's almost reassuring- like she really has been getting better since she started therapy. Used to be the only time her room was ever this clean was when I came over and ended up cleaning it myself.

My heart sinks again, however, as I notice a piece of paper in the middle of the floor, folded in half. It's at an odd angle, as if my opening the door created a wind vortex that pulled it from somewhere else in the room. The feeling from earlier at school, that sense of something-terrible-to-come, comes back for Round Two, compounding the adrenaline-spiking fear I still hadn't fully recovered from as I take the couple steps into the room and pick the note up from the floor. Before I've even straightened back up, my hands are shaking so badly that I can barely hold the piece of paper, let alone get it unfolded and hold it steady enough to read. I try to will them to cooperate, to force them to be still, but I can't, and I end up half-sitting, half-falling onto Sayori's bed; only then, my hands shaking in my lap, the note spread across my legs, am I able to read it.

MC-kun,

I know you'll be the one who reads this. Even if the girls notice, they'll send you, if you don't come on your own. It's always you.

I'm really sorry. I don't still don't know how to deal with these feelings, and I can't keep putting it off on you guys. You all deserve to be happy, and I don't see how that can happen if I'm always there, bringing everyone down. I'm sorry.

It's better this way, okay? I promise, it is. I can't hurt you, and nothing can hurt me.

Maybe we'll meet again, one day.

-S

Minutes pass after I finish reading the note. I read it again, and again. I find myself just staring down at it after the third time, unable to make out the words clearly, and bringing it closer to my face doesn't help, due in no small part to the shakes that have spread down my arms and into my chest.

This is… this is a suicide note…

"Fuck!" It starts small, somewhere between frustration and shock, and at first, I don't realize it's not just in my head (like I meant it to be). But the word gets louder, and louder, and when I realize I've clenched my eyes shut so hard it hurts, the note on my lap is crumpled in one hand and my knuckles are white. My face is burning, the sudden embarrassment of realizing I've been screaming obscenities loud enough for anyone passing by on the street outside ot hear, or from the contents of the note itself… I don't… I don't know...

Before I realize what I'm doing, I'm out of Sayori's room (thinking about it later, I remember stopping several stairs down and charging back up to shut the door to her room, as if protecting her non-existent privacy) and taking the stairs two and three at a time, hurtling, off-balance, barely stopping to step into my shoes. I slam the front door behind me and nearly fall down the three steps down to the path leading to the sidewalk (again doubling back, to lock the door- I am not an animal). I jump the steps the second time, the sting in my side and the burning in my right knee from clumsily landing more motivation than hindrance.

The rain is cold as I run all the way back to school; I left my umbrella on Sayori's porch, but I can't be bothered with that now. Not that it would do me all that much good running as fast as I could, anyways… didn't do much good when I was walking home earlier, for that matter. Like the pains in my side and my leg, the bite of the rain makes me run a little faster… maybe it's a good thing.

The halls are even emptier than when I left as I burst through the front doors. Not used to running like this, I think as I skid around a corner on shoes that splatter little puddles out with each step, they're so waterlogged from charging through puddles and gutters to shave seconds. By the time I reach the classroom we use for Literature Club meetings, I'm far beyond the point of winded, and it must look like I swam here, water dripping off my uniform. My chest is on fire -fuck, everything is on fire- and every time I breath it feels like I'll never get enough air in my lungs. I take a minute, then two, to catch my breath and compose myself before opening the door to the classroom, but two is all I can spare.

All of the girls are surprised to see me. Both Monika and Yuri jump a little, then stand up as I take an unsteady step into the room. The two of them freeze when they get a better look at me, and after a few seconds, Yuri sits down, followed by Monika. "Are you okay, MC-kun?" Yuri unintentionally repeats the question Monika asked me repeatedly the last time we spoke, and it's not much easier to answer this time.

So… I don't. Instead, I walk over to the cluster of desks they've pulled together and pull Sayori's note out of my pocket, flopping it down on the closest one- which happens to be where Natsuki is sitting. I didn't realize it until now, but at some point, I regained enough sense to somewhat fold the note back up and put it in my pocket, where it stayed mostly dry.

The smallest of the three girls slowly unfolds the crumpled, poorly refolded note, looking from it to me several times, a curious look on her face. Her expression quickly gives way to something else as she begins to read- horror? Panic? Natsuki's eyes go wide, and she immediately stretches out of her seat to hand the note to Monika. No words are passed alongside it, and none come after as Monika puts the note on Yuri's desk- blindly pawing at it, eyes locked on the empty desk where it had just been, like she's not actually seeing anything.

Yuri is the first to speak, surprisingly. "Was she…" Her tone is calm, but there's something off in her voice. She's clearly nervous, but the stammering hasn't started. "Did you find…"

"N-no…" I taste bile, but I'm not sure if that's from running on and off several miles back here and not being in shape for it, or the reminder of what that note means. "S-she… she wasn't there…" One hand unconsciously brushing water out of my hair again, I put the other on top of the desk beside Natsuki, intending to lower myself into the chair attached to it. Midway down I find that I'm nowhere near close enough to manage that, and instead settle for lowering myself to the floor. The panic has gone, adrenaline giving way to burning, aching muscles; my breathing has started to slow, but I'm going to regret that sprint for at least the rest of the week.

Without another word, Monika gets to her feet again, so quickly that she jars the desk and scoots it back across the floor a little. She breezes past the me, past the circle of desks, across the classroom and into the hallway beyond. I share another brief, terrified look with Yuri and Natsuki before I have to look away. Seeing them upset isn't going to help me get my head together, and if we're all panicked, no one's going to be able to calm down.

I don't know how much time passes before Monika comes back; I'm scared that if I look up, at the clock, I might accidentally catch one of the girls' eyes again, and if I do, that I might not be able to hold it together any longer. When our leader returns, I notice she's forced her expression into something neutral; as she helps me up from the floor, though, our eyes meet for a moment before she looks away, and I see a very real fear in hers. Then she forces her mouth into as unexpressionless a line as she can and turns so that she's facing both me and the other two members of the club. "Okay, I called her therapist, and she hasn't heard anything from Sayori, so I called both her parents, and they're just ask clueless. They both said they would report it to the police, though. MC-kun-" She turns her head to look at just me. "You should, too. You found the note they'll want to talk to you- ah, both the police and her parents, too, I mean. It'll be easier if you try to cut them off, I think. You won't have to repe-" She tries to smile, but it's not convincing. "You won't have to go through it twice, if it works out."

She turns back to Natsuki and Yuri, then, but I don't really hear what she's saying. I nod, too late, and I'm not sure if I'm agreeing with what Monika said or just going through motions I don't fully understand. To be honest, I'm not completely sure I even processed what she just said. I heard it, I can kind of remember it, but nothing's working- I can't move. Or maybe I am, just in super slow-motion, like how everything else in the world around me seems to be moving. I'm suddenly aware that I'm fighting back the urge to be sick again, and I close my eyes.

I snap out of it as Monika says "okay?" I hear Natsuki and Yuri agree with her. When I don't, Monika shakes me a little. "MC-kun? Okay? You go to the police station, and we'll go looking for her? Okay?"

I open my eyes, blinking rapidly as if that's somehow going to help. Didn't realize I had zoned out that hard. "Yeah… yeah, okay. God, I'm sorry, it's…" I can't finish the sentence, but I don't think I need to. The four of us know what I'm going to say before I say it, or a close enough approximation to it. Looking up from my feet, I notice that Yuri isn't with us anymore, and about as quickly realize she's gone across the room and is coming back now. Turning, I see that she's retrieved an umbrella from the corner near the door. She holds it out to me, the look of determination on her face just like Monika's- fake-brave, trying. Monika's speech must have really been something else… kinda almost sad I spaced out and missed it, now.

"Here, MC-kun, you're already soaked. Monika's is big enough for us to share."

"Yeah, and she can share mine too, if we need to." It's the first time Natsuki's spoken since I arrived. Out of everyone, she seems the most rattled by the note. "You can't help look for Sayori if you're sick, dummy."

I nod again, taking a deep breath, as well as Yuri's umbrella. "Thank you," is all I can manage right now. I try to smile, at Natsuki first, then the others, but I don't think it's very convincing. I'm not convinced.

With another nod, I lean the umbrella against my shoulder and hurry out of the classroom. My shoes have dried a little, but every other step still squeaks, echoing through the empty halls.

Outside, the rain hasn't let up. I open Yuri's umbrella, still leaning against my shoulder. Natsuki's right… catching a cold won't help us find Sayori. And I'm not in the right kind of shape to run ten miles to the police station. I settle for a brisk walk, cold rain still hitting my legs in sheets.

Something in me hopes we find her before the police have to get involved. I can't explain it, just a half-thought, a feeling, that if we don't find her today, that feeling of something-terrible-to-come might have been premature.